Hi ... im a foreigner with a thai boyfriend, we stayed together for 5 years already (4 yrs in my home country and 1 yr here in LOS). i was happy and contented before i came here, now im having headache and not metioning having second thoughts...to make the long story short IM HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE IN LAWS!!! #1 they are bunch of hypocrites. example they are nice when theres other people (friends, other relatives) around, and they are super nice when their son (my boyfriend) is around also, but when nobody's around they treat me like a ghost.

#2 they don't treat me like im one of the family but they expect me to act like one. example they expect me to go to family burials (which i dont like) and go for a joy ride with them and other relatives (about 2 to 3 hrs traveling time by car, when they arrived in their destination they just going stay for 45 mins they go home again!)

#3 they are not nice to my dogs!

Am i just being paranoid?

Have you tried fitting in? Helping around the house? Women's roles in this country are more traditional than back home, perhaps they think you are being lazy? I go to weddings and funerals with my husband, it helps them accept you as part of the family if you show respect for their traditions.

As for being mean to your dogs, that is normal here, explain to your partner that you don't like it when they kick your dog etc. It took me some time to get into my brother-in-laws head that he had to be nice to my animals but he finally gets it, and a little back up from your partner would help. If they see he supports your feelings about your dogs then they will be more likely to fall into line.

Fitting in as a woman is very difficult here, esp as a farang woman as we are raised to be more independent and more questioning of authority in the West. The key to any relationship is compromise, perhaps if you discuss this with your boyfriend you can work out some arrangement. Good luck, the first year is always the hardest!!!

thanks for the advice. i really dont understand them! since arrive here i tried everything just to fit in, i even washes our own clothes (mine and bf) even though we have a housemaid to do it. about my dogs i have done nothing but to compromise to what ever they want. the first 6 months were fine, my dogs stayed with me inside my room, and they have stayed with us(me and bf) like this for the first 4 yrs of their lives (i bought them here with me when i came to LOS). and suddenly one night when i came home from work i saw them all running outside, and one of them even got poisoned by a toad, fortunately i was able to rush her to the vet just in time.when i asked the maid who told her to bring and leave the dogs outside she said that its the in laws, they doesnt even have the decency to tell me that they want to bring the dogs out they just keep on doing things behind my back!

after that i agreed to put them (my dogs) inside their cage at the back of the house. i clean them every morning before going to work and every night after i came home. and then yesterday a new issue came up again, my boyfriend get a new big cage for them so when the cage was delivered the in laws told the maid not to bring the cage at the back of the house like they're suppose to, they said that my dogs can stay there inside the cage and outside of the house premises the old cage was already broken and since the new cage is really heavy i have no choice but to put them there, when my bf came home and got mad why his "kids" were staying "outside" of the house, i told him that they (the in laws) refused to bring the cage "inside" the house . and when he confronted them they told him that im the one who put them (the dogs) outside.

im really sorry if i sounded really boring ... but its really very frustrating and i just have to get it out of my chest !!!

anyway we (the whole family, me,bf and the dogs) plan to move to our own home so hopefully everything will turn out fine.

Jeez, my MIL is a dream compared to these people, I wouldn't put up with it & think that moving out is the best choice for you & your b/f.

My husband and I lived with his parents for a grand total of 6 months. I went by the idea that it is her (mother in law)house, her rules. But then, she never did anything sneaky to me and my father-in-law is a gem.

That said, the 6 months were plenty and I made sure we moved several km away from her.

Move as soon as you can is my best advice. It is their house and while you live in it you have to put up with their ways. Just beware if they try to make trouble between you and your partner!

yes .. i will do just that move soon as i can and far far away from them as much as possible ....

Perhaps part of the problem is that your "in-laws'" son is actually your boyfriend rather than your official husband. This might make a big difference in some households.

I think a lot of the stuff that you think your in-laws are doing behind your back is just their way of doing things without causing an immediate confrontation with you. We think of this as rather sneaky, but Thais consider avoiding confrontation the right thing to do.

But I agree with the others - you need to get out of their house ASAP.

At least your boyfriend is trying to be supportive in a difficult situation. I knew one woman who had a happy marriage to a Thai overseas but when they came to live in Thailand he reverted to the stereotypical selfish-Thai-male mode.

well, my inlaws tried to kill my wife tonight in Isaan...wait till i go there again.................

well, my inlaws tried to kill my wife tonight in Isaan...wait till i go there again.................

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My wife told me a story about her cousins... that once drugged an nearly elderly farang that was going to marry some chick in their villiage. They put somthing inside a bottle of mekong that supposedly made the guy go crazy. But, for life...?

LOL

I meet 'um when we went to go visit her Grandma that lives under a tree on a table with a matress. Lovely lady.

The cousins didn't seem that bad to me, just the typical in-laws that you hear about in every village visit story. I'm glad they aren't part of the immediate family. The wife doesn't like them at all, and their Mother.

Perhaps part of the problem is that your "in-laws'" son is actually your boyfriend rather than your official husband. This might make a big difference in some households.

I think a lot of the stuff that you think your in-laws are doing behind your back is just their way of doing things without causing an immediate confrontation with you. We think of this as rather sneaky, but Thais consider avoiding confrontation the right thing to do.

But I agree with the others - you need to get out of their house ASAP.

At least your boyfriend is trying to be supportive in a difficult situation. I knew one woman who had a happy marriage to a Thai overseas but when they came to live in Thailand he reverted to the stereotypical selfish-Thai-male mode.

I am not sure about Bangkok but where I live, if you are living together you are considered married. A license isn't necessary and the ceremony isn't always either. Esp after living together for 5 years I am pretty sure the family does consider her his wife.

As for the sneaky stuff, well, yes, they do consider avoiding confrontation to be important but that doesn't necessarily make every situation not "sneaky". My sister-in-law delights in reporting things to my inlaws --this is certainly not avoiding confrontation as none of it has anything to do with her, but it is definitely sneaky stirring on her part.

Best thing to do in this situation is grin and bear it, like I said, it is their house, their rules. Best to leave when you get the chance.

i do agree to that their house their rules no questions ask, so now im house hunting. as for their not considering me as their "official daughter-in-law" well "chan mai son cha-i" i have my job, my bf and my dogs ... i think that all that matters ... and what i have to do now is SMILE and SMILE and SMILE

Learn a litle Thai it will help !!!

Learn a litle Thai it will help !!!

I must have missed the part where she said she didn't speak any Thai