3 Children , 20 Years In Thailand And 16 Years Together

[gcrepos]

Well NFS I have read & followed this thread from the beginning, this was some time ago I have returned & read it again.... not every entire comment twice ...... but the meat of the story The 1st reading left me a little emotional for your plight especially when you were in an emotional depressed drinking state...I was very pleased you came back with strength & vigour to continue some kind of relationship I resisted to comment as this was most probably a most delicate time ( I had a tear in my eye as its a love story with an end ) There is no choice for you but to accept the end of this relationship as she is your free spirit that has chosen a different path & your not included in the final journey for her love Your saving grace is you haven't lost 16 years in total as you have your lovely kids of which you seem to of kept your love for intact ......You will now need to learn how to let the ex-misses live her life without you & trust that her love for your children will remain strong,You hold the financial Purse strings to help keep her on the straight & narrow I would think soon as you can see she has a steady partner your financial aid will be reduced to a more suitable level to cater for the children s needs as opposed to actually supporting her at the same time ..........I am sure it is tempting to strangle the finances to try & force her to come scurrying back to YOU I am sure that crosses most minds but I am sure this will only have a negative impact ...........This is not the mapped path you seem to envisage .......but this may well be the final outcome ...........I think mentally you need prepare for this final acceptance..? if you cannot reconcile...! please hang on in there & draw the best conclusion for yourself & the children

I would guess at a later date you will be in a position to pick a new partner that can tolerate your long periods of absence I cannot help but feel... the long periods alone & the lack of attention upon your return is the direct cause of what may well be a permanent split ........in my experience a lot of these Thai ladies crave a lot of attention & they do get it from Farang with relative ease Via the Net Web dating sites I cannot help but think this will prove to be a slippery path frequented often Snail Mail will play less of a part in this form of deception

I am thoroughly impressed with your performance so far ....some small blips of understandable emotion have over taken you at times..... then you have just shown exceptional maturity after a little reflection I think You are a WINNER You have my support I know it doesn't mean much but I think in general there are many rooting for You to get a just outcome sorry about the waffle but I hope it is positive for you

Edited May 31, 2010 by gcrepos

[sarahsbloke]

Sometimes divorce can really change people. I divorced from my wife in the UK over 5 years ago. She got a $1 million house just outside of London and left me with more than 200,000 pounds of debts, (which I have subsequently cleared).

I have 3 young children from that marriage. I never forget to send them presents and photos from Thailand on their birthdays and at Xmas, as well as providing my email and snail mail address to try to keep in contact. My lovely ex-wife returns all my presents and letters to the post office, refusing to accept them

Simon

I'm always amazed how many times I hear variations on this story. When it happened to me I thought I was the only one but now I think this is standard behavior for women, nasty how they use their own children, isn't it? If you want to keep playing the game, address presents to the house next door, or the exs parents. The ex-wife won't want to look bad to those people.

Edited June 1, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[needforspeed]

Forums never fail to amaze me. A 42 yr old person needs to ask for advice about major life-changing issues from total strangers. You've been with the woman for 16 years, drop us 7 lines, and think we can solve your problems.

It's a problem for you to solve, not internet agony aunts. Good luck.

I agree with you "twofortheroad" your topic are much more intresting:

"My favourite shirt" was a good one and very original as well, and the one day before "how German is your helmet" i read this one more than 6 time.

The moment i am going to take you seriously i am going to hang myself,

Enjoy reading it and i just hope for that you never become in the same situation as me wright now, and if so you can get some good advice on this topic as sometime how strong and smart you are , emotions and impulsive actions take over the situation and its good to read and get advice from people who deal with this before.

And as you told yourself you are in a very lucky possition that you can deal with all problems yourself, i asked friends as well but i have only a few good friend and there are hundreds off people on this forum who are willing to spend time and efforts to give good advice, and that what it is all about with this forum.

NFS

[needforspeed]

Some people feel the need to puke out their pain on forums. Nothing wrong with that but IMO, not a fix like getting p*ssed with your mates and putting the world to rights. BUT, maybe the people that post this kind of stuff don't have any mates. Understandable.

Cheers,

Pikey.

Maybe just entertain people like you, who don't like people writting emotions (puke) on forums like this but still reading and writting reply's.

[needforspeed]

Well NFS I have read & followed this thread from the beginning, this was some time ago I have returned & read it again.... not every entire comment twice ...... but the meat of the story The 1st reading left me a little emotional for your plight especially when you were in an emotional depressed drinking state...I was very pleased you came back with strength & vigour to continue some kind of relationship I resisted to comment as this was most probably a most delicate time ( I had a tear in my eye as its a love story with an end ) There is no choice for you but to accept the end of this relationship as she is your free spirit that has chosen a different path & your not included in the final journey for her love Your saving grace is you haven't lost 16 years in total as you have your lovely kids of which you seem to of kept your love for intact ......You will now need to learn how to let the ex-misses live her life without you & trust that her love for your children will remain strong,You hold the financial Purse strings to help keep her on the straight & narrow I would think soon as you can see she has a steady partner your financial aid will be reduced to a more suitable level to cater for the children s needs as opposed to actually supporting her at the same time ..........I am sure it is tempting to strangle the finances to try & force her to come scurrying back to YOU I am sure that crosses most minds but I am sure this will only have a negative impact ...........This is not the mapped path you seem to envisage .......but this may well be the final outcome ...........I think mentally you need prepare for this final acceptance..? if you cannot reconcile...! please hang on in there & draw the best conclusion for yourself & the children

I would guess at a later date you will be in a position to pick a new partner that can tolerate your long periods of absence I cannot help but feel... the long periods alone & the lack of attention upon your return is the direct cause of what may well be a permanent split ........in my experience a lot of these Thai ladies crave a lot of attention & they do get it from Farang with relative ease Via the Net Web dating sites I cannot help but think this will prove to be a slippery path frequented often Snail Mail will play less of a part in this form of deception

I am thoroughly impressed with your performance so far ....some small blips of understandable emotion have over taken you at times..... then you have just shown exceptional maturity after a little reflection I think You are a WINNER You have my support I know it doesn't mean much but I think in general there are many rooting for You to get a just outcome sorry about the waffle but I hope it is positive for you

Gcrepos,

Thanks for your post.

NFS

[Loz]

When I glanced at the title I though this was going to be a happy story. then I saw the subtitle. Sorry for your troubles.

I steer clear of relationships, not just here, but in general. People are not reliable. Buy a Toyota and learn to live with predictable reliablilty. Get married, learn to live with uncertainty, fear, elation(short lived often) and doubt.

Its easy. Toyota wins every time.

[needforspeed]

When I glanced at the title I though this was going to be a happy story. then I saw the subtitle. Sorry for your troubles.

I steer clear of relationships, not just here, but in general. People are not reliable. Buy a Toyota and learn to live with predictable reliablilty. Get married, learn to live with uncertainty, fear, elation(short lived often) and doubt.

Its easy. Toyota wins every time.

My relationship have some "breaking" problems, but your reliable Toyato seems not so reliable to me:

3.4 million cars recalled in the US, losses in court in the us, 1.8 million cars recalled in Europe, worldwide more then 8 million cars. Luxery brand lexus been recalled in Japan in May 2010.And a few hundred claims on the way.

So can you change Toyota into BMW please,

Thanks

Edited June 1, 2010 by needforspeed

[Loz]

BMW? Never trust anything owned by a little old lady who doesn't talk to people or leave her fortified home. Oh, wait, you marriage a thai woman so clearly that concept was lost on you.

Hope it works out for you in the end, chap. Good luck.

[TAWP]

Just an FYI, the manufactured (semi-faked) issue that one guy put together that triggered the huge safety-outcry in the US was later proven to be same on many models by many manufacturers...but i mean, how often do cables jump of and attach themselves backwards on chance to make the car gas automatically...but I digress. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_recall...ion_controversy )

Edited June 2, 2010 by TAWP

[needforspeed]

Before we start discussing the maintaining cost from a car compairing to the maintaining cost of your wife and/or GF i was reading articals on the net about

parent repudiation has been seen as a serious problem where one parent completely ignore the existence of the other parent this to take the children completely out of his or her live.

Many times this start as a act of revenge, the scary part is that it starts with interruption of communication between one parent and her/his children. As the artical is telling many people have to deal with this problem but nothing about what to do in a early stage to prevent this all .

Edited June 2, 2010 by needforspeed

[tmwke]

Before we start discussing the maintaining cost from a car compairing to the maintaining cost of your wife and/or GF i was reading articals on the net about

parent repudiation has been seen as a serious problem where one parent completely ignore the existence of the other parent this to take the children completely out of his or her live.

Many times this start as a act of revenge, the scary part is that it starts with interruption of communication between one parent and her/his children. As the artical is telling many people have to deal with this problem but nothing about what to do in a early stage to prevent this all .

I realy do empathise with you. I hope your God is with you. This is of no help to you, but when i brought my Thai wife to England,she is 29 years younger than me (we have been married 8 yrs) cant get rid of her. I now and believe that Thais after there teenage years are icapable of western (Love) so i never expected it. She gives me everything i want so i am willing to go along with the illusion,but then again we have no children together. That is a prision i do not want,try to stay sain God Bless.

[chuckacinco]

My sympathies with your situation. I also was unexpectedly divorced (it honestly seemed to me to come out of no where) where my biggest fear was the loss of my child (he was 4 at the time).

Life to me isn't like some sort of chess game where you can rationally choose a particular move especially in the fear that you will never see the child you love more than anything ever again. So, despite the wonderful advice to "move on" rather than sit in agony is good but I would guess you might not be ready to move on just yet (but eventually you will.) The question is what do you do now until you get rational?

First realize some fundamental truths. Your relationship with your children will always be there. Sooner or later they will seek you out and the love they have for you can't be taken away. My wife came after me with a knife and she was serious. I don't know what the deal was. I wasn't unfaithful. there was money, I honestly don't know. I took a bag and moved out hoping she would calm down. When I came back the next day everything was gone. Even the coat hangers. Worst of all was I knew my son was gone. What do I do? Why did this happen to me?

Why did I deserve this? I worked, came home and did what I thought the husband/father thing was. Sure, I could have done better in developing "quality" time but given how hard I had to work, I thought what I was doing was good enough. Regardless, my wife took my boy away and disappeared. Then I had to struggle with if I should get a detective or not, what can I legally do, how much will I have to pay and on and on.

What happened is that I just gave up realizing that there really was nothing I could do. Honestly, to fight legally in this corrupt system, or to get a detective or some other scheme just won't work. I gave up and gradually came to accept this is the way that it is without blaming myself.

After 6 months, my then ex-wife dropped off my boy and said I could raise him myself. She tried some shit like stealing him back to extort money but I just didn't fight (I didn't pay). After a year (and for you - in a year things will be very different but resolved one way or the other) things worked out. If they hadn't, I honestly feel my child would have come back to me sooner or later.

So in summary needforspeed, get out and start working towards accepting the situation - not agreeing with it, accepting it. You are in a process. Stop fighting because you won't win against a Thai wife. She will do anything to hurt you and your children are exactly the right tool for doing that.

A short stint with a Western psychologist located in Bangkok to help you deal with your rage and grief could be worth the money.

Good luck to you. It will all work out in the end. You are the father to your children and no one can take away the special relationship you will always have with your children.

chuckacinco

[Syaomin]

Oh my ... this situation must be harsh on you.

I don't know if I can be any help but let see ...

Both of you aren't young anymore and I wouldn't advise at all to simply break up for such a simple letter. What more is you have children...

First, I recommend both of you make up a day, calm down talk to each other about the problems and I strongly advise to have a professional middle man or woman like psychology counselor who is fluent in English and Thai to sought things out. Or if you are bit scare to do it, make up your mind that you go and see a relationship or marriage psychologist first, and see how it helps. Remember to find a reputable one!

Second, now since you say it is very hard to trust your woman anymore, call a private detective to see if she is still has an affair. Here's the website I know;

http://www.thaiprivateeye.com/

The charges might be little expensive (from what I have heard but worth)

[robblok]

Before we start discussing the maintaining cost from a car compairing to the maintaining cost of your wife and/or GF i was reading articals on the net about

parent repudiation has been seen as a serious problem where one parent completely ignore the existence of the other parent this to take the children completely out of his or her live.

Many times this start as a act of revenge, the scary part is that it starts with interruption of communication between one parent and her/his children. As the artical is telling many people have to deal with this problem but nothing about what to do in a early stage to prevent this all .

I realy do empathise with you. I hope your God is with you. This is of no help to you, but when i brought my Thai wife to England,she is 29 years younger than me (we have been married 8 yrs) cant get rid of her. I now and believe that Thais after there teenage years are icapable of western (Love) so i never expected it. She gives me everything i want so i am willing to go along with the illusion,but then again we have no children together. That is a prision i do not want,try to stay sain God Bless.

How can you expect love of a woman who is 29 years younger then you. That is real rare it almost never happens with those kind of age gaps they are only after security (money). Thais are perfectly capable of love you just have to find the right ones but wanting one so much younger then you doesn't help.

[needforspeed]

Before we start discussing the maintaining cost from a car compairing to the maintaining cost of your wife and/or GF i was reading articals on the net about

parent repudiation has been seen as a serious problem where one parent completely ignore the existence of the other parent this to take the children completely out of his or her live.

Many times this start as a act of revenge, the scary part is that it starts with interruption of communication between one parent and her/his children. As the artical is telling many people have to deal with this problem but nothing about what to do in a early stage to prevent this all .

I realy do empathise with you. I hope your God is with you. This is of no help to you, but when i brought my Thai wife to England,she is 29 years younger than me (we have been married 8 yrs) cant get rid of her. I now and believe that Thais after there teenage years are icapable of western (Love) so i never expected it. She gives me everything i want so i am willing to go along with the illusion,but then again we have no children together. That is a prision i do not want,try to stay sain God Bless.

How can you expect love of a woman who is 29 years younger then you. That is real rare it almost never happens with those kind of age gaps they are only after security (money). Thais are perfectly capable of love you just have to find the right ones but wanting one so much younger then you doesn't help.

Rob,

I don't expect love from a woman 29 years younger than me as we are both 42, you confused with another topic.

See page one on this topic.

NFS

[robblok]

Rob,

I don't expect love from a woman 29 years younger than me as we are both 42, you confused with another topic.

See page one on this topic.

NFS

I did not mean you.. i meant the other guy. I know you and her are of a similar age.

[needforspeed]

Rob,

I don't expect love from a woman 29 years younger than me as we are both 42, you confused with another topic.

See page one on this topic.

NFS

I did not mean you.. i meant the other guy. I know you and her are of a similar age.

Ok understand.

Sometimes it works out but many times you just buy it and accept as so.

[sarahsbloke]

The age argument is irrelevant in Thai society.

I do wish everyone would stop judging Thai behaviour using Christian protestant morals and ethics.

Marriage in Thailand is not based on the premise of a union of two equals, and is unlikely to ever be so.

In Thailand the man vows to love and protect his wife, the woman vows to serve the husband.

Under this set of rules the age of the man does not matter.

I'm convinced the high failure rate in Thai/western marriages is the western mans complete failure to understand their relative duties and responsibilities. You must let your lady serve you and admonish her when she fails in her duty.

Edited June 6, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[needforspeed]

The age argument is irrelevant in Thai society.

I do wish everyone would stop judging Thai behaviour using Christian protestant morals and ethics.

Marriage in Thailand is not based on the premise of a union of two equals, and is unlikely to ever be so.

In Thailand the man vows to love and protect his wife, the woman vows to serve the husband.

Under this set of rules the age of the man does not matter.

In Thailand irrelevant but we aren't talking here about a Thai-Thai relationship but Thai- foreign one, most foreigners who are starting a relationship with a thai woman have not any idea about this and will judge there

relationship on Western idea's, what causes many times issues between Western and Thai.

[sarahsbloke]

You are totally right, foreigners expect relationships to have the same set of expectations as if they were still in the western world. They then treat their Thai wife in an inappropriate way and the result is quickly disaster.

Edited June 6, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[needforspeed]

You are totally right, foreigners expect relationships to have the same set of expectations as if they were still in the western world. They then treat their Thai wife in an inappropriate way and the result is quickly disaster.

I don't think that this was the point/issue in my relationship.

[needforspeed]

Hello !

I am also a new member. Would a newcomer be warmly welcome here? Good day you guy !

Watch Free Movies Online

First you don't need to explain your a Newbie and 2 post, so your new or banned before.

Second , who told you to type your welcome message under this topic, before you start typing around read it first.

Thank you

[needforspeed]

Just a small update for some of the TV members given me good advice during the bad times:

Already a long time ago and time is healing the wounds.

My life when as the water in the Chao Praya river, fast, unpredictable and crossing barriers the only difference is that I came into quite waters before mayor damage was done.

We still live together with the children as this was our priority..

We stay every day home, not sleep at other places. My GF taken care the children when I am at work, this work by the way I almost lost because this situation.

Life is as normal besides that there is no sex involved anymore and I have to say that we don’t have any difficulties with this as for this needs I just pay for it, I made a mistake in this to get a Girlfriend for a few months but that did not work out.

She did not believe that there wasn’t any sexual relationship going on between my Children’s Mother and me, and I was very clear from day one about my Children’s mother, children and restrictions in the new relationship. Still it causes many arguments between her and me and unpleasant times with her and pleasant times where the only reason I stayed with her in the first place.

So I quite this relationship based for 85% on sexual needs. 3 days later she send me a message that she wanted money (50 k) if not she would go to see my children’s mother (she thought is was my wife).

I told my children’s mother the story and she wasn’t interesting or angry at all, she only said “I know no problem”, what wasn’t believable for me. The next day the ex pleasure Girlfriend was standing next to my condo talking with my Girlfriend for about 15 minutes without any shouting or loud talking.

What they discuss is still a unanswered question, I asked the mother of my children and she don’t give me the answer my so called pleasure Girlfriend did not called me anymore.

Second I went into abuse my liver and brains for period of time by consuming enormous amounts of alcohol, as that was a way to forget and got a good night rest. I have a good mood when I am drunk and never got drunk if my children could see me. Got so far in a small period of time that my liver start hurting, I making excuses for my behaviour and started lying about my alcohol consumption.

My children’s mother talked with me a few times about my alcohol abuse but i told her no problem all under control , it wasn’t at all.

I even postpone going to work one time.

After going to work for 6 weeks I came back fresh and strong . My Girlfriend (Children’s mother)went with me to a monk we know for a while. He also helped me a lot by just talking about the problems i dealing with. nI did not stop drinking at all but i stopped my alcohol abuse, change quantity into quality drinks. And ignore some alcohol brain-dead addicts who in that period became “so called” friends.

So after almost 22 years in LOS a lesson been learned for me, and I took a big risk here seems that I lost the priority for a moment out of my mind and following desire and sexual needs.

After this period I invested a lot in doing a better job for my Children’s mother.

Also went to Europe for few weeks, planned a holiday to Hongkong Disneyland this December all seems normal for the outside world and children.

I even went last month for the first time in a long period out with my children’s mother alone, we went bowling had a diner together and listening in a bar to live music and both had a very good evening. And continuing doing so.

NFS

[josephinebloggs]

You are totally right, foreigners expect relationships to have the same set of expectations as if they were still in the western world. They then treat their Thai wife in an inappropriate way and the result is quickly disaster.

I realize that this isn't relevant to the OP but this is bang on the money..

Only problem being that a large % of Men in Western/Thai relationships aren't quite sure of how they'd conduct a Western/Western relationship without bringing in the added nightmare of Thai Culture for them, as they would have rarely experienced them successfully.

[Beetlejuice]

What amazes me, is the fact that someone feels the need to air such personal details regarding their private life on an open forum, which is actually Thailand themed and has absolutely nothing to do with peoples personal, emotional, financial and sexual problems.

Taking into account how lifestyles of some people seem so complicated, I do feel sympathy for them, but what makes this double sad is that they do not appear to have anyone nearest and dearest who they can confide for support with life’s traumas and share a problem with. So there is no outlet for them for the relief of anxiety held inside them.

I truly believe that these people are in need of professional help, such as counselling in order to sort out their lives, as it serves no purpose and is in no way beneficial to them putting the details on an open forum.

Unfortunately to many people, it`s a friend in need is to be avoided, so they are often left alone to deal with these problems without any support.

Very sad indeed.

[needforspeed]

What amazes me, is the fact that someone feels the need to air such personal details regarding their private life on an open forum, which is actually Thailand themed and has absolutely nothing to do with peoples personal, emotional, financial and sexual problems.

Taking into account how lifestyles of some people seem so complicated, I do feel sympathy for them, but what makes this double sad is that they do not appear to have anyone nearest and dearest who they can confide for support with life's traumas and share a problem with. So there is no outlet for them for the relief of anxiety held inside them.

I truly believe that these people are in need of professional help, such as counseling in order to sort out their lives, as it serves no purpose and is in no way beneficial to them putting the details on an open forum.

Unfortunately to many people, it`s a friend in need is to be avoided, so they are often left alone to deal with these problems without any support.

Very sad indeed.

Maybe you right and I need or more needed professional help.

Other than that it is Thai related, i have not much but a few goods friends and they supported me as much as possible.

My few friends never been in this situation, some TV members are.

More change to get any advice from people from people who went true this or sort of a situation already on TV then from my friends, nothing wrong or sad with that.

I am not a sad desperate person to unfolded my story on TV, if i get only one good advice it was worth it. And if it helping someone much better.

I will have my thoughts on getting professional advice/ help, thank for that.

NFS

Edited October 23, 2011 by needforspeed

[Beetlejuice]

What amazes me, is the fact that someone feels the need to air such personal details regarding their private life on an open forum, which is actually Thailand themed and has absolutely nothing to do with peoples personal, emotional, financial and sexual problems.

Taking into account how lifestyles of some people seem so complicated, I do feel sympathy for them, but what makes this double sad is that they do not appear to have anyone nearest and dearest who they can confide for support with life's traumas and share a problem with. So there is no outlet for them for the relief of anxiety held inside them.

I truly believe that these people are in need of professional help, such as counseling in order to sort out their lives, as it serves no purpose and is in no way beneficial to them putting the details on an open forum.

Unfortunately to many people, it`s a friend in need is to be avoided, so they are often left alone to deal with these problems without any support.

Very sad indeed.

Maybe you right and I need or more needed professional help.

Other than that it is Thai related, i have not much but a few goods friends and they supported me as much as possible.

My few friends never been in this situation, some TV members are.

More change to get any advice from people from people who went true this or sort of a situation already on TV then from my friends, nothing wrong or sad with that.

I am not a sad desperate person to unfolded my story on TV, if i get only one good advice it was worth it. And if it helping someone much better.

I will have my thoughts on getting professional advice/ help, thank for that.

NFS

What I have said to you, I say with sincerely and with good intentions, this is not a put down, which is certainly not my intention.

In this jungle we need to have strength, face problems as they arise and pull ourselves out the crap and into the bed of roses, because no one else will.

No one can really give you advice because everyone’s situation is different and others have their own methods of dealing with things. What works for them, maybe wont work for you and vice versa?

If a person is in emotional despair then counselling is a good place to start. Back in the USA I worked for the Samaritans over several years and do have some understanding and if my colleagues and I were not able to help, then we would recommend them to a professional, that I am doing in your case. And this is my professional advice.

If others know better and are able to give you good advice, then that`s all the better, but at the end of the day, it`s you in the drivers seat and should know what is best for you.

[letitbe]

well the good news is

You know about this, & she does not.

U are technically not married

there are thousands of women that pray for her situation and would be very thank ful you gave them this oppertunity

Now the bad news is.... I don't want to scare u, but u may want to get your self "checked" out and make shure she has not passed anything on to u. Then u should also resist her physically until all of this is sorted out.

crazy world we live in

problem is your kids although your emotional turmoil is also very understandable. Sadly when guy goes abroad to work it hardly ever works out. Also after 15 years or so things change and she probably feels she has not got a lot of time left while shes still youngish. Whatever happens it is extremely rare that when this happens the relationship can continue except on a superficial level. My ex wife after about 20 years had an affair and I know was really sorry and regrets it more than anything. I was totally devastated and even now more than 20 years later have not got totally over the feeling of betrayal. Although I told her forgave her I also knew things could never be same between us again and told her that. I guess it was a mixture of still having 3 minor children and probably fear that made me stay another 10 years or so but during that time I guess to start with out of revenge I also had other relationships although im 100% sure she never did again. She new about these since I made no pretence but I guess felt I was justified which to be honest I think I was. Once our children had grown up I more and more wanted to get divorced although I still cared for her and still do. She totally refused saying she still loved me more than anything and I was only man that could ever be in her life. I never thought id love anyone again or want to be in a another marriage but then I met my current wife here in Thailand and I know no one will believe this she was not a bar girl but was about 35 years younger than me. For first few years it was just fun and neither of us expected it to last due to age gap cultural differences and since she had also suffered greatly from an errant partner neither of us was ready again to enter into a proper full relationship although I was then totally faithful and believe she was. For first few years we lived together I was still away a lot on business but after a few years to both our surprises we found we loved each other deeply and got married. We had 2 children when I was already quite old having discussed weather it was wise given age difference and chance I would not survive them until they fully grew up. So weve been together now over 15 years and I consider myself really lucky although of course like any marriages weve had our serious problems but we both know and understand that however great the temtation or bad times were going through if either of us ever had an affair our relationship would be finished except on a level for kids sake. Im getting to old for any of that anyway and actually never strayed in my first marriage or this one even when tempted (I am human).

So unless your one of very very few who can totally forget and forgive and dont kid yourself on that one then you have to accept your relationship is basically over and it will only be a matter of time before you part. As far as sexual relations go lust is lust and that may continue for a long time but I think you need to consider carefully your children's future. Think very carefully but you will have to at one time discuss it with her. She may actually love you dearly and cry and say so but thats not enough for most men (99%) they need loyalty and someone they can trust and thats gone for ever. So when youve made your plans tell her what arrangements youve made for kids and her since she will still whatever be their mother and bear most of duty of caring for them. Id tell her the absolute 100% truth how you feel and if your not one of 1% who can just live with it happily which by your post your not tell her if she wants your support she has to stop all affairs totally but also tell her you no longer feel 100% bound to her. She will probably scream and make a huge drams and thne id simply walk out leaving her a note saying when shes calm you will discuss hleping the kids and her but if she really does not want any help youve done your best. If she does not accept this sadly probably only option is to walk away. Best of luck it will probably take you many years to even start getting over it and probably never will but you must not under any circumstances just accept it.

[thequietman]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

.

Edited October 23, 2011 by thequietman

[transam]

she just want more than i been able to give.

and that makes me very sad

I feel your pain. It is difficult to get the answers you want as sometimes it is incomprehensible.

A farrang neighbour is in the same situation as you. He has a well paid job, built 2 houses for her (one for her dad) bought lots of ground with teak trees for their retirement, a car, a pickup and the list goes on. The moment he leaves, she has a Thai man in his home shagging her. This guy has no money and is far from handsome. It beggers belief. Her husband is a tall,strong handsome fellow. Sometimes its best just to assume its in them. You can take the girl from the country but ....... springs to mind.

Maybe, the letters are old and she just keeps them around. Maybe she is a little insecure and wants to know she could get another man if she wanted one. Maybe its just an outlet for her, similar when you would have an on line 'friend' but would never think of actually meeting up with her.

As other posters have said, get your ducks in a row first and plan an exit strategy as regards bank accounts etc and then just ask her.

You are gonna want to know the reasons anyway. Otherwise you wont be able to move on.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out well for you no matter what answes you get. :jap:

Sadly near every farang l have known is being treated in the same way as your story. For some unknown reason the ladies like to boast to other women of their antics and my mrs tells me what's going on. I have a list of stories that beggar belief.

My pal that died here, his wife had a Thai guy driving her around in her husbands motor the next day, turned out she was shagging this bloke and feeding him cash for years. Told by village folk. She brought him to our house as if it was OK. and accepted.