A Parent's Lament

A PARENT'S LAMENT

For those who already have children past this age , this is Hilarious

For those who have children at this age , this is Not Funny

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a Warning

For those who have not yet had children , this is a Birth Control

Things I've learnt from my children ( Honest and no Kidding )

1. A king - size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house four inches deep.

2 If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies ( the fluffy bits under your furniture) and run over them with roller blade, they ignite.

3. A three year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underpants and a Superman cape. But it is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can. to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 X 20 room.

5. You should not throw baesballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw up a few times before you can get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

8. Playdoh and microwaves should not be in the same sentence

9. Super Glue is forever

10. Garage bags do not make good parachutes

11. Marbles in the fuel tank makes lots of noise when driving along the road

12. The Fire Department have a five minute response time

13. Hearing the toilet flush followed by the words 'Uh, oh' means it is too late.

14. The spin cycle on a washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

15. It will , however. make cats dizzy.

16. Cats throw up four times their body weight when dizzy

17. The mind of a six year old is wonderful ...First Grade True Story

One day the first grade teacher was reading to her class the story of the Three Little Pigs . She came to the part where the first pig was trying to accumulte the building materials for his house. she reads.." and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ' Pardon me sir, but may I have some straw to build my house?" the teacher pausedthen , and asked the class. "And what do you think that the man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, " I think he said : " Holy Shit! A talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes..

18. Sixty per cent of men who read this will try mixing the Bleach and Brake Fluid.