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My 4yr Old Daugher Asks, Why Teacher Hurt My Heart.


ThaiBrat

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"fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school.

I bet that you were not "fatty", or you would not take it so lightly. :)

No, not a fatty, but I do have sticking out ears (not a problem in Thailand, they all do!!!) and I was ribbed relentlessly over it. Let's see......."dumbo" (of course), "open taxi doors", indeed, any opportunity they could find. Did it affect me? Heck no, it made me stronger, helped me develop my own line in cutting responses. On growing up I could have easily got them fixed but I did not, because they are me, that's just the way I am. Just as a "na farang" or a "farang dam" should be proud of the fact that they're not just one of the herd, they're different and special. That's the message that they should be given, not to react by getting litigious over trivial and benign remarks.

I still maintain that "Na farang" is in fact complimentary. The OP needs to see it as such. In fact, I wouldn't mind betting the teacher will claim that. What next, calling a kid "handsome' or "beautiful" becoming a crime? Give me a break.

Another one missing the point.....THE CHILD WAS UPSET.......not the op!!!!.......That is what he required advice on.........so tell me why did the child get upset at a remark that you feel is complimentary.....WHY.....a 4 year old child......well can you explain that???.........then perhaps you will get a break!!!!

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My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

maybe so in an ideal world, but we all know that the world we live in is far from ideal.

just suppose in the posters case, the little girl comes home and tells mummy and daddy this going on, and they choose to handle it in the way that you suggest. the little girl goes back to school on monday and the problem escalates and becomes worse. the small child is then stuck in two minds and gets confused and upset. cant go to mummy and daddy because they dont understand, cant go to the teacher because she the one instigating this behavior in the first place, cant go to the head because she probably is of the same mind set as my teacher and i defineatly cant cry in the corner because all the other children will make fun of me.

luckily she is of such an age that hopefully this can be nipped in the butt. the offenders will get a good ticking off and it wont happen again.

but just think of some of the things that happened to children of an older age in the same kind of situations at school. self abbuse, drug addiction, eating disorders and so on.

words, actions, views, affect different people in different ways.

just ask the kid at school who used to be called fatty.

Sorry got to run. A considered response will follow.

Apologies for the delay, not in Thailand at the moment and a pint was calling me!

Not sure how to answer this one. The problem I have is that you have painted an extreme scenario that is unlikely to occur, both from the point of view of escalation and of the resulting consequences. Indeed, we could get into a deep discussion regarding "self abbuse (sic), drug addiction, eating disorders and so on" as a consequence but I don't want to go there. You are obviously of the school which takes the view that these things can be traced back to childhood events, which might well be true. I am not so sure and I am even less sure that being called "fatty", "dumbo" or "na farang" is the kind of event will lead to such extreme disorders. Actually, I'm certain they won't, except in the world where hyperbole rules.

Neither of us is going to change our view on that so best let it rest.

I firmly hold the view that the world has been overtaken by political correctness and hyper sensitivity to just about everything. We can't even have a genuine laugh these days at your colour, your religious beliefs, your racial origins, your sexual tendancies or whatever. The world has gone barmy. Mostly because people want somebody else to look after them and cannot think for themselves. We're all in danger of becoming Victor Meldrew (for the Brits) or "Indignant of Kansas City". Life is not fair. It never has been, it never will be, so just suck it up and get on with it.

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This topic should just end on this:

WHY would you send your kid to a cheap thai school when you have the chance to send a third worlder to a good school in a good country and come back to his own country where she will be able to make a ton of money or educate her people?

If you cant afford it, you shouldnt of had children in the first place.. Poor kids get made fun of their whole life unless they goto a really crappy school. and if people tease her her whole life she will end up troubled. and this is all your fault

&lt;deleted&gt;.....my family was poor but respected......and going to a paid for, high profile school I was respected.......it did make me realise how many of these people wander around with their heads so far up their own anus they view the world from behind their own teeth...

gvallee2 doesn't have kids.

And is never likely to have any!

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"fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school.

I bet that you were not "fatty", or you would not take it so lightly. :)

No, not a fatty, but I do have sticking out ears (not a problem in Thailand, they all do!!!) and I was ribbed relentlessly over it. Let's see......."dumbo" (of course), "open taxi doors", indeed, any opportunity they could find. Did it affect me? Heck no, it made me stronger, helped me develop my own line in cutting responses. On growing up I could have easily got them fixed but I did not, because they are me, that's just the way I am. Just as a "na farang" or a "farang dam" should be proud of the fact that they're not just one of the herd, they're different and special. That's the message that they should be given, not to react by getting litigious over trivial and benign remarks.

I still maintain that "Na farang" is in fact complimentary. The OP needs to see it as such. In fact, I wouldn't mind betting the teacher will claim that. What next, calling a kid "handsome' or "beautiful" becoming a crime? Give me a break.

Another one missing the point.....THE CHILD WAS UPSET.......not the op!!!!.......That is what he required advice on.........so tell me why did the child get upset at a remark that you feel is complimentary.....WHY.....a 4 year old child......well can you explain that???.........then perhaps you will get a break!!!!

Yes, the child was upset because she didn't understand. I am not too sure just how upset though, and I suspect that the reaction of the OP might have made her worse. The OP is upset too. By carrying on the way they are the parents will reinforce this sensitivity to the extent the child will continue to get upset and the most trivial thing and it will then really affect her life. By telling her it is nothing and is indeed a compliment they can toughen her up if, and it is a big if, any genuine abuse occurs in the future. My dear old mum always used to tell me "stick and stones............(you all know the rest)". That little saying is as old as the hills because, surprise surprise, name calling is as old as the hills. The sooner this kid learns to ignore it, or in this case embrace it as a compliment, the better. I hope that one point we can all agree on is that name calling quickly loses its appeal if the victim does not react. Once people realised that having a go at my lugholes did not get to me they gave up. In fact, one technique I used was to laugh at myself. Still do, in fact.

What does give me a chuckle is that I'm prepared to venture that the little girl in question is very pretty and has absolutely nothing to worry about. She just needs to be taught to stick up for herself. Don't do it for her, because then she'll never learn.

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Ok sorry to hear that ur lil gal got upset as a teacher (i was) but people still calling me teacher i'd say ur lil gal's teacher being silly she shouldnt behave like that ...that makes other kids follow wot she does and think its nothing wrong with that.

I live in this country i can say that many many thais seem to pay attention to looks so much look back in the past i was ...wot people called me ugly dark skin and fat kid so i never had a chance to join events teacher's day or show on the stage that made me think something's wrong with me its that horrible? from kindergarten, primary school and elementary school...so yes only good looking kids got a chance to be on the show but yes i was a kid its normal to get upset over that stuff i was too young to know but now i understand JUST THE WAY IT IS in this country so i got bad impression about schools recently i got nightmares u know wot its all about? haha yes about me went back to schools back...like time machine and i cried as hel_l.

For example me i'm a thai and abit overweight but not that bad just because i'm bigger than them and they call me fat they aint afraid to call me fat but make fun with my figure too even they dont know me before especially thai men being friendly at first place then start making fun with my figure ask about my weight they dont know me well enuff so i just ignored them well i avoid to talk to them too i mostly talk to female wot i think their parents dont teach them good about manner i tell u wot my neighbour he's german married with thai lady he got 1 son 11 yo well mannered i was impressed many kids in village dirty mouth but not this half thai-german boy he talks nice to me very polite when i was talking to his dad he never disturb he doesnt make fun with other people being ugly or poor etc. and i think this teacher when he/she was a kid ...haha sorry i dont know him or her but i think u know wot i mean.

I wish u and ur family all the best and cheer up lil gal dont be sad :)

Kit

Is it just me or is there something not quite kosher about this post?

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Ok sorry to hear that ur lil gal got upset as a teacher (i was) but people still calling me teacher i'd say ur lil gal's teacher being silly she shouldnt behave like that ...that makes other kids follow wot she does and think its nothing wrong with that.

I live in this country i can say that many many thais seem to pay attention to looks so much look back in the past i was ...wot people called me ugly dark skin and fat kid so i never had a chance to join events teacher's day or show on the stage that made me think something's wrong with me its that horrible? from kindergarten, primary school and elementary school...so yes only good looking kids got a chance to be on the show but yes i was a kid its normal to get upset over that stuff i was too young to know but now i understand JUST THE WAY IT IS in this country so i got bad impression about schools recently i got nightmares u know wot its all about? haha yes about me went back to schools back...like time machine and i cried as hel_l.

For example me i'm a thai and abit overweight but not that bad just because i'm bigger than them and they call me fat they aint afraid to call me fat but make fun with my figure too even they dont know me before especially thai men being friendly at first place then start making fun with my figure ask about my weight they dont know me well enuff so i just ignored them well i avoid to talk to them too i mostly talk to female wot i think their parents dont teach them good about manner i tell u wot my neighbour he's german married with thai lady he got 1 son 11 yo well mannered i was impressed many kids in village dirty mouth but not this half thai-german boy he talks nice to me very polite when i was talking to his dad he never disturb he doesnt make fun with other people being ugly or poor etc. and i think this teacher when he/she was a kid ...haha sorry i dont know him or her but i think u know wot i mean.

I wish u and ur family all the best and cheer up lil gal dont be sad :)

Kit

Is it just me or is there something not quite kosher about this post?

it's clearly a thai adult that is still extremely immature and was made fun all her life for being fat and is now completely confused about life itself.

i should of simply said that.

"She just needs to be taught to stick up for herself."

Only "baby kittens" have trouble in school, as long as you are cool and confident everything goes smooth. Even if you're deformed or whatever.

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So now we have...stick up for herself...............against a compliment....why?

We have ignore it (don't react) and it will go away.......and stick up for yourself (react)......in the same post!!

The ignore it advice is ok to a point........ unless she is being singled out surrounded and called names, the whole whole situation depends on whether the tone is menacing or aggressive......if this was the case I would certainly not want any child of mine going through that experience......

If you guys choose to let your child suffer ridicule and abuse on the basis that she does not understand.....and will be stronger for this experience, good luck to you........mine will learn to defend, and stick up for themselves when they can fight and articulate........until then I will try to have limited inconspicuous influence on their welfare.

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So now we have...stick up for herself...............against a compliment....why?

We have ignore it (don't react) and it will go away.......and stick up for yourself (react)......in the same post!!

The ignore it advice is ok to a point........ unless she is being singled out surrounded and called names, the whole whole situation depends on whether the tone is menacing or aggressive......if this was the case I would certainly not want any child of mine going through that experience......

If you guys choose to let your child suffer ridicule and abuse on the basis that she does not understand.....and will be stronger for this experience, good luck to you........mine will learn to defend, and stick up for themselves when they can fight and articulate........until then I will try to have limited inconspicuous influence on their welfare.

Geo this discussion cannot go anywhere if you seemingly do not read and comprehend other people's posts. Best if we just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

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So now we have...stick up for herself...............against a compliment....why?

We have ignore it (don't react) and it will go away.......and stick up for yourself (react)......in the same post!!

The ignore it advice is ok to a point........ unless she is being singled out surrounded and called names, the whole whole situation depends on whether the tone is menacing or aggressive......if this was the case I would certainly not want any child of mine going through that experience......

If you guys choose to let your child suffer ridicule and abuse on the basis that she does not understand.....and will be stronger for this experience, good luck to you........mine will learn to defend, and stick up for themselves when they can fight and articulate........until then I will try to have limited inconspicuous influence on their welfare.

Geo this discussion cannot go anywhere if you seemingly do not read and comprehend other people's posts. Best if we just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Why not...don't want to buck the trend.....I think you already said that to tigerfish above..... :)

Best wishes

Geo

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Hey, it's all cultural right. It may seem that the teacher is an ignorant dumb &lt;deleted&gt; to you and me but other TV members will just tell you it's all harmless Thai fun, or some such. I'm afraid I have no actual helpfull advice. My kids aren't of school age yet, but before thay are I plan I on leaving Thailand. Hopefully you can fix the situation with help from your wife. Good luck.

nope, this one gets filed under blatant ignorance. I would have the bitch's head on a platter.

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.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you
Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

agreed, I thought it odd that you said your child is not English speAking at the age of 4.

Anyways I commiserate, I would not let this go without a formal reprimand for the teacher at the very least.

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Many people think that if you just ignore name calling it just stops. Sometimes this does work. However, you will find that it will not stop, if a teacher, or a group reinforces each other when making these sorts of verbalizations. Then the mere fact of the vicitm not responding never makes it stop. This verbal behavior can in fact be very damaging to a child.

Edited by philliphn
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Children will always call each other nasty names that's perfectly normal.

But a teacher purposely making your daughter to be the odd one out in class is not the right thing to do at all.

A teacher should be completely neutral in her feelings, all the children should be treated equally the same.

I have encountered Thais who basically hate foreigners, and are very quick to show it as well. Some of you may want to brush the insults aside, or just laugh but some Thais really do hate and despise you. Therefore, it is not a joking matter at all.

there are a few farang out there that uttely despise me also.

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Children will always call each other nasty names that's perfectly normal.

But a teacher purposely making your daughter to be the odd one out in class is not the right thing to do at all.

A teacher should be completely neutral in her feelings, all the children should be treated equally the same.

I have encountered Thais who basically hate foreigners, and are very quick to show it as well. Some of you may want to brush the insults aside, or just laugh but some Thais really do hate and despise you. Therefore, it is not a joking matter at all.

there are a few farang out there that uttely despise me also.

And why do you think that?

:)

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My daughter has farang features but is very dark skinned, much darker than her mother. When we go to the village (or even the folks we know in the local soi) call her "farang dam". Not a big deal, I don't think. You can pass your sensitivity on to your kids; if you treat it as nothing, which it surely is, they will too. No matter where you are in the world name calling will take place. Cast your mind back; who was the nominated poof in your school when you were about 13? I bet there was some unfortunate who got stuck with that or some other kind of label with no justification. Or "fatty" for example. I bet you all had a "Fatty <insert last name>" in your school. It's just life. Treat it for what it is. Nothing. Don't get sucked into the current fad for being politically correct over every darned thing. Be proud of what you are. Just get on with it. Most big deals are self generated.

Anyway, they call her "Na farang" because they're jealous. It's a compliment.

Rich, I think there's a big difference between saying something to/about an adult (who ought to be able to handle things). and a little child. A teacher is supposed to be professional, and the one described in the original post isn't and needs to be corrected.

I think it's very hard for people to remember that they have been just as inconsiderate as anyone else...with rare exceptions. I'm a pretty nice guy (if I do say so myself), but when I was a kid I did all the things kids do (after all, the kids on Johnson street didn't really have cooties!).

I spoke about this situation with an official of the Education Ministry last evening. Very interesting perspective. He said of course "farang" has a negative connotation and that over time it is a word that will probably die out...and is. He agreed that some of it depends on socioeconomic level. Said the teacher was absolutely wrong and needs to be corrected...and a hot Thai mother is just the person to do it.

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Was that in Bethesda? I went to Walt Whitman h.s. there, and had all the VIP sorts you mention above. We were also the #2 high school in the whole country for drug abuse (#1 was in Malibu). I didn't graduate because my English teacher didn't like me (thought I was a smart alec) - I got A's on all the tests, but didn't do homework. Since then I've written 7 books including an idioms dictionary.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww...Montgomery County!!!!! No, no...Fairfax County, VA! :-) McLean neighborhood.

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.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

I disagree with your response and I've had the opportunity to work in Thai schools, bilingual, and now International schools in Thailand. The ENORMOUS differences between public schools in Thailand and western countries could fill entire books, so please don't respond negatively without the actual experience to offer a positive solution. Also, to the OP....You might want to have a serious heart to heart with the misses about the idea of marching down to the school and immediately going for the throat. This could lead to some drawn out negative feelings/actions towards your daughter from the teacher. If the teacher is in fact a 'good' teacher making a bad choice, then consider appealing to her good nature. Calmly explain that comments 'na farang' are hurting your daughter's feelings, and she is starting to become shy of coming to school. However, if the teacher still remains to be a problem then you might want to think about upgrading the quality of your daughter's education a bit here. International schools in Thailand, almost exclusively, offer the same level of education as a "public" school back in the west. In my opinion, the lack of resources, training, and quality in Thai schools is at the heart of a lot of problems the country currently suffers.

You're off base with your criticism of my response. All I'm saying is that not, "every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes."

I actually agree with your second point. Going in with guns blazing is not the way I would handle it...at least initially.

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there are a few farang out there that uttely despise me also.

True, but you go out of your way to be an antagonistic contrarian tit on the forums a lot of the time, so if that's any indication then I'm guessing you sort of expect it and maybe even welcome the attention.

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gvallee2 - I bet you were the playground bully!!! You want a four year old to make insulting remarks about her classmates - really helpful! This is what causes the problems in the first place. I hope I never come across you or anyone that treats people the way you obviously still do.

I completely agree with your assessment of gvallee2's comments. While adults should not intervene in every situation, a pattern of bullying can ONLY be solved by adults.

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Ok sorry to hear that ur lil gal got upset as a teacher (i was) but people still calling me teacher i'd say ur lil gal's teacher being silly she shouldnt behave like that ...that makes other kids follow wot she does and think its nothing wrong with that.

I live in this country i can say that many many thais seem to pay attention to looks so much look back in the past i was ...wot people called me ugly dark skin and fat kid so i never had a chance to join events teacher's day or show on the stage that made me think something's wrong with me its that horrible? from kindergarten, primary school and elementary school...so yes only good looking kids got a chance to be on the show but yes i was a kid its normal to get upset over that stuff i was too young to know but now i understand JUST THE WAY IT IS in this country so i got bad impression about schools recently i got nightmares u know wot its all about? haha yes about me went back to schools back...like time machine and i cried as hel_l.

For example me i'm a thai and abit overweight but not that bad just because i'm bigger than them and they call me fat they aint afraid to call me fat but make fun with my figure too even they dont know me before especially thai men being friendly at first place then start making fun with my figure ask about my weight they dont know me well enuff so i just ignored them well i avoid to talk to them too i mostly talk to female wot i think their parents dont teach them good about manner i tell u wot my neighbour he's german married with thai lady he got 1 son 11 yo well mannered i was impressed many kids in village dirty mouth but not this half thai-german boy he talks nice to me very polite when i was talking to his dad he never disturb he doesnt make fun with other people being ugly or poor etc. and i think this teacher when he/she was a kid ...haha sorry i dont know him or her but i think u know wot i mean.

I wish u and ur family all the best and cheer up lil gal dont be sad :)

Kit

Is it just me or is there something not quite kosher about this post?

it's clearly a thai adult that is still extremely immature and was made fun all her life for being fat and is now completely confused about life itself.

i should of simply said that.

"She just needs to be taught to stick up for herself."

Only "baby kittens" have trouble in school, as long as you are cool and confident everything goes smooth. Even if you're deformed or whatever.

Hey u keep going huh? u dont know me at all wot is ur problem? i'm fine ok? was just telling about my story wot i've been thru thats all...dont u understand? u said "it's clearly a thai adult that is still extremely immature " wot? being racist! where are u from hey? go listen to that song i linked again alot of people liked it ok? and as i said go get a life instead of givin ur shi t opinions here... it makes u feel good after insulting someone here? oh poor boy go get a life haha!

Edited by kitiya1980
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Is it just me or is there something not quite kosher about this post?

I can assure you, as someone who knows her personally, that the post is completely genuine

it's clearly a thai adult that is still extremely immature and was made fun all her life for being fat and is now completely confused about life itself.

i should of simply said that.

"She just needs to be taught to stick up for herself."

Only "baby kittens" have trouble in school, as long as you are cool and confident everything goes smooth. Even if you're deformed or whatever.

You couldn't be more wrong if you tried.

Extremely immature? What do you base that assumption on? Perhaps on the basis that her English is not always totally grammatically correct, or that the feelings are not necessarily expressed in a completely organised way? I'm going to suggest you stop jumping to conclusions about people based on some arbitrary personal rule and actually try to understand what it is they are trying to express in their posts.

Kit is a very self confident person, she doesn't need anyone to stick up for her, in fact I'd say that her early life experiences have made her a far stronger person now. However this doesn't mean that the memory of those early experiences still don't hurt, and I'd guess this is what prompted her to reply to this topic in such a way, and why she empathises with the plight of the OP's child.

It's pretty clear to me you never had to suffer that sort of humiliation at school, or you would understand this.

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I would use the KISS method ( KISS Keep it simple stupid ).

Start with the school, in a calm manner and see what eventuates. The teacher in question might be genuinely suprised to find that this is upsetting your child, it could be quite innocent. Of course children will follow the teachers lead, so this needs to be nipped in the bud.

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.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

I agree with that - you get what you pay for, and also stop speaking Pidgin English to her. Never say things like

Daddy tell you
Say, "I told you already".

Do you want her speaking like a bar girl when she grows up?

Very good point, I was going to mention this if you hadn't.

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My heart cries for this little girl, this needs to be dealt with immediately and strongly, totally unacceptable behaviour on the part of the teacher and being in Thailand as a mixed race child is no excuse. Give her some extra love and attention at 4 years old she is both vulnerable and impressionable.

agree 100%. The teacher should be disciplined sternly.

.....like every goverment school in the world they usually cater to the lower classes so send her to a international or bi-lingual school where they will be a good mix of students so will be more open-minded.

What rubbish. Let's see...in the States I was principal of a PUBLIC school where we ambassadorial families, the children of several United States senators and members of the House of Representatives, one Vice President, a couple of international sports stars...other rich kids...and yes, middle class and some poor kids. We catered to all the kids who lived within our boundaries just outside Washington, D.C.

Get over yourself.

Was that in Bethesda? I went to Walt Whitman h.s. there, and had all the VIP sorts you mention above. We were also the #2 high school in the whole country for drug abuse (#1 was in Malibu). I didn't graduate because my English teacher didn't like me (thought I was a smart alec) - I got A's on all the tests, but didn't do homework. Since then I've written 7 books including an idioms dictionary.

Writing books does not trump the requirement for order and discipline. Much less the essential need to conform to authority.

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As she is only 4 years young it's actually way too early to send to school, a bad habit here to send this littles ones to school, they should stay near the mother and family and spend time on playing and socializing with friends, not on learning. Wait with school until she is 7 if you want her to be mantally stable when she is grown up.

If he does that in a Thai school she will be waaaaaay behind all the other kids, I kind of agree with you that they should wait but if the kid is in the Thai School System they should probably start with the other kids especially in light of the complexity of the language.

Speaking to the child in pigeon English will do far more damage than being called a na farang.

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So I ask, do any parents of Luk Krueng have any experiance of bullying of your kids at school.

Same same but different.

Some kids in my child's class are not luk kreung and the luk kreungs discriminate against them.

My Luk Krueng daughter, now 31, was jokingly called beige and as a nickname beigefoot. She is perfectly adjusted but I do wonder if the slight had anything to do with her liking to drink too much wine.

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