Im going through a rough time right now so maybe I'm totally out of my mind and get sad for stupid reasons... i.e. EMO

I really hate myself sometimes, I am trying to change my personality but its so tough, hard to change my bad traits that are so ingrained in me. Today an older falang woman smiled at me on the BTS, it was crowded and I casually looked around to see her looking at me and when we made eye contact she gave me a friendly smile which I took to be a friendly "oh another falang in Thailand, hi there" smile. But I instantly looked away, I dont even know why. I have always been shy, but I've been told I have this "wall" around me, and I desperately want to get rid of it. I just felt so bad today that I couldnt just give a small friendly smile back instead of my instincts kicking in and making me look away instantly. I know this doesnt seem like a big deal, but to me, right now, it is. And I feel sad.

I dont even know why Im posting this, maybe I hope that woman reads here and I can let her know that I meant to smile back....

Don't worry about it - it happens v often!

I'm sure all of us have smiled at another farang (of either sex), only to be blanked. Depending on out mood, it annoys us or we assume they're having a bad day (or somewhere inbetween).

We just learn from the experience and try not to do it to someone else.

Why are you feeling sad? Are you just having a bad day or is it something more?

If its something more you really need to get to a doctor.

Thats sweet Laughing man, but dont sweat it. Certainly dont let it get you down. Sometimes i give a smile and its not reciprocated but i dont have expectations of having the smile returned, so its no big deal if im ignored. If I were ever to be scowled at ..which ive come close to lol (some guys really do have a large chip on their shoulders lol)..then yeh, thats a bit more of an "ow", but its soon forgotten.

Really, what you did was no big deal, dont be down on yourself.

Hows about this one.. Recently I was struggling to get my scooter out of a tight parking spot. Bikes to my side and my back. My geometry is awful so i find it hard to know where to swivel my bike to get out. A 20 something western guy just stood watching me getting impatient to get his bike out. I moved forward and he went past me to the back to get his bike..then sat waiting and staring and looking annoyed as i struggled more. A Thai man (probably around 50's) saw me and came to help by grabbing the back of my bike and swiveling it around to make it easy for me to get out. Now that i was more out of the way, my friend who was waiting for me told the fed up and annoyed looking young farang to go ahead as he could pass now. He just nodded and drove past. This was a young guy, a young fit guy, and he let a woman struggle whilst he sat on his bum doing the whole annoyed act whilst a much older Thai man came to help. Honestly..now THATS what you call inconsiderate behaviour, not what you did. Some people just have no manners at all.

Oh and as F1 said, if things are getting you down and you would like to talk about it, please do. Otherwise, if you are feeling very depressed, as also suggested, best to have a talk with a doctor, or find a councilor.

Take care x

I find it hard to relate because a long time ago I TAUGHT myself to be thankful for every little thing in life. I can always find the bright side of anything... even an accident where I might have gotten hurt. It DOES take some concentration though, and a good deal of thought. I now smile at everyone and don't let it worry me if people don't smile back. Just continually think of positive things in life and eventually it will become a habit. Walk around like you own the joint and stand tall. It helps to clear the soul. And, it WILL breed confidence. Confidence is the key to an enjoyable life.

I also know that life runs in cycles and you'll have both down times and up times. There will be a series of both good luck and bad luck. Ride out the bad times and count on the good times to come.

Eek, I am in the USA right now and politeness has gone down the drain here. People are constantly rude and thoughtless to others. I was in Wal-Mart the other day and the lady in front of me had a large bag of dog food in her cart, at least 25 lbs. When I offered to put it on the counter for her she was shocked that I offered and she did thank me though. It really amazes me that, at least to me, that little acts of politeness are now considered shocking. Admittedly, I was raised by conservative European parents, so maybe I am not your typical American. I dated a girl for three years and never called her parents by their first names as they never formally gave me permission to do so, although I knew it would be no problem, while my gf's brothers gf started calling them by their first names after a dating the brother for a month.

Ian, you are so right about finding the bright side and self visualization. Quite a few years ago, I was "in a slump" and couldn't get a date, no matter how hard I tried. I was bemoaning this fact to a good friend of mine and she said, "Try this, when you walk into a room, picture yourself as the best looking, smartest and best conversationalist in the room and believe it!" It worked.

LaughingMan, cheer up, we all have bad days and even though you are going through hard times, things will get better. Be positive about your self image, the fact that you can feel sad about not being polite to a stranger, says to me that you are probably a decent person. I am sure there are quite a few really good things in your life, but when we are depressed it is very easy to overlook the positives in our lives.

LaughingMan, cheer up, we all have bad days and even though you are going through hard times, things will get better. Be positive about your self image, the fact that you can feel sad about not being polite to a stranger, says to me that you are probably a decent person. I am sure there are quite a few really good things in your life, but when we are depressed it is very easy to overlook the positives in our lives.

So true, and remember, its just for now, nothing is permanent including your sadness. I have been blanked by people and don't take offence but as eek said, outright rudeness is another thing. Maybe she saw you looking sad and thought she'd make you feel a little better. Consider it one of those pass it on kind of things. So next time you see a farang, or thai looking kind of sad, give them a smile even if you don't feel like it. You will certainly feel better for having spread a little kindness around.

try to live or spend time outside the city for awhile than im sure u will have lot of chances to smile to ppl and things around you

living in the city can make ppl misrable

try to live or spend time outside the city for awhile than im sure u will have lot of chances to smile to ppl and things around you

living in the city can make ppl misrable

Smart move,they are a waste of time.

Start down a new path right away and forget about the past. I have a great time with doing a little act of kindness as the opportunity arises. As an example next time in a restaurant look around and try to guess who needs a little boost and tell the waiter that you want to pay for their meal, but that you do not want them to know who did it.

Example I look for people that are down on life by default like the little old man picking up bottles or trash to sell. Stop and give him some baht no questions asked or comment needed. Walk away feeling much taller.

We made a regular trip to Phong Khon and more often than not we would see an older couple with a push cart and bicycle and you know they were doing everything they could to keep themselves together. First time we just stopped on the highway and gave each of them 100 baht, and did the same for the next few times we saw them. Then on the final time we saw them decided to give each 500 baht and simply dirve on about our business. We have not seen them since and only hope that the difference made let them change how they dealt with life and for sure hope that it was for the better.

The main point of this is to get thinking about how you can help someone and not make a big deal out of it. Feels really good inside I can promise you and who knows may let you find a new way of life that lets you change the way you want to Mr. TheLaughingMan. I wish you good luck and my hope is that a few others will also get into the habit of Random Acts of Kindness.

Sure she wasn't looking at the hunk behind you?

Some years ago I was visiting the UK and walked into a video rental store to get a few tapes. Seeing a woman behind the counter roughly my own age (i.e. not that young) I gave her my best Thai smile... and she glared back at me like I was a pervert!

Reverse culture shock, I guess. But it reminded me of why I love Thailand.

Start down a new path right away and forget about the past. I have a great time with doing a little act of kindness as the opportunity arises. As an example next time in a restaurant look around and try to guess who needs a little boost and tell the waiter that you want to pay for their meal, but that you do not want them to know who did it.

Example I look for people that are down on life by default like the little old man picking up bottles or trash to sell. Stop and give him some baht no questions asked or comment needed. Walk away feeling much taller.

We made a regular trip to Phong Khon and more often than not we would see an older couple with a push cart and bicycle and you know they were doing everything they could to keep themselves together. First time we just stopped on the highway and gave each of them 100 baht, and did the same for the next few times we saw them. Then on the final time we saw them decided to give each 500 baht and simply dirve on about our business. We have not seen them since and only hope that the difference made let them change how they dealt with life and for sure hope that it was for the better.

The main point of this is to get thinking about how you can help someone and not make a big deal out of it. Feels really good inside I can promise you and who knows may let you find a new way of life that lets you change the way you want to Mr. TheLaughingMan. I wish you good luck and my hope is that a few others will also get into the habit of Random Acts of Kindness.

We think exactly alike on that matter, Wash. I've done that many times, and giving without expecting anything in return brings joy to the soul. It has certainly turned my life around 180 degrees. I used to be a penny pincher, but there was a reason for it. My ex was a spender with no idea of how to budget. As a single man I can budget all my expenses and I know exactly how much I have to give away.

I think the longer you live in Thailand the more giving-and-receiving-smiles-with-no-strings-attached rubs off on you.

Despite nearly 10 years in Thailand I had a somewhat similar experience and failed miserably, automatically reverting back to my cold North American culture. When I jump off my motorcycle and pull off my helmet, my mop on top looks like I've just been electrocuted (hair straight up). So, by habit, I quickly pull out a comb, take a peek in my motorbike mirror, and give a couple of discrete comb-downs, and I'm on my way.

The other day, I did this across the street from a restaurant, and as I was opening the door, I heard from a table just outside the door, a genuinely friendly, non-sarcastic, American accent directed my way: "You look good!"

I turned, slightly embarrassed, to see who had been observing my "quick primp" It was a somewhat rough-looking westerner in his early 30's, stubble for a beard, but beaming a friendly no-strings-attached smile. The cute Thai girl friend hanging on his arm somewhat assured me this wasn't a gay pick up.

It's not unusual for Thai strangers, male and female, to do something like this; but to have a western stranger smile and make a friendly comment like this, to me, another westerner, really caught me off guard. So, instinct took over: I gave him a completely neutral look (no smile), wordlessly turned my head back to the open door and marched in.

Even a slightly "Hey! Thanks! You're not too ugly yourself!" accompanied by a friendly smile would have certainly been an appropriate response. He was just probably just exuding some of the culture he had been (more successfully) soaking in. Well, trying it on another westerner was certainly a stretch, and I hope I didn't cause any sort of cultural regression on his part.

Hard to kick old habits.

Maybe she was smiling to make herself happy. I think there is some truth to the mind-body connection theory about smiling. Works for me. Hope things turn around for you.

i think ur suffering from depression mate, low self esteem, same happens with me time and again. dont really know what to say to you as it is very hard to snap out of it, anyway goodluck.

I was in Gatwick Airport yesterday on my way home from Scotland and I went out to the "Designated Smoking Area" for a quick cig. I smiled and said hello to the other people there - None of them smiled back, they all looked at me as if I was strange. One man sort of grunted.

I found it a bit sad. It doesn't cost a penny to be polite and say hello. Here in Swissland we always say Bonjour as we walk to get the papers or bread or whatever to complete strangers that we meet on the street. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

OP, i hope things are ok with you.

---

Here's one for you OP to show a flip side. Something that I did just this evening. I was at the gym with my friend. Shes very sociable and easygoing, im relatively shy with people i dont know. There was a group of guys working out bodybuilding and they were in a circle together chatting etc. My friend and I had to walk through them in order to get to another section. I walked through with my eyes down, but i heard "sawadii krap!", so looked up, and saw my friend with a big broad smile on her face and the guys all looking happy and smiley too. She had flashed them a nice big smile (as she always does) as she walked past, rather than did the eyes down thing that i automatically did. I felt ashamed of myself for not having confidence like her just to smile away and not think anything of it. Fact is that i find groups of men like that VERY intimidating. Sad thing is that they may mistake my response for being arrogance or unfriendliness.

OP, i hope things are ok with you.

---

Here's one for you OP to show a flip side. Something that I did just this evening. I was at the gym with my friend. Shes very sociable and easygoing, im relatively shy with people i dont know. There was a group of guys working out bodybuilding and they were in a circle together chatting etc. My friend and I had to walk through them in order to get to another section. I walked through with my eyes down, but i heard "sawadii krap!", so looked up, and saw my friend with a big broad smile on her face and the guys all looking happy and smiley too. She had flashed them a nice big smile (as she always does) as she walked past, rather than did the eyes down thing that i automatically did. I felt ashamed of myself for not having confidence like her just to smile away and not think anything of it. Fact is that i find groups of men like that VERY intimidating. Sad thing is that they may mistake my response for being arrogance or unfriendliness.

Yes this is standard for me. I find groups of women intimidating too. Which is bizarre because I'm not a social moron, one on one I'm fine, better than fine. But the instant I have to squeeze past groups of women that are all looking at me.... I dont make eye contact and hide in my own little world. If they say something to me I always flash a smile and look at them as I'm passing but I do just keep on passing. Kind of explains why I have no dates when I can't even stop to talk to women that are trying to get my attention. I'm talking about normal people here, bar girls I do not even acknowledge. I dont judge them, but I want nothing to do with them and dont feel the need to be polite when they hoot and holler at any fat bastard that walks by (no offence to any fat bastards reading this).

I was sad about the older falang woman because of my shy personality that is unable to reciprocate friendliness and also because I have a bad attitude about falang women and have started ignoring them. I don't mean I dislike falang women, au contraire, I'm desperately curious about them. But having lived in Bangkok for 6 years I have often felt judged and looked down upon by falang women and have started to block them out. Much the way Im sure many of you have felt about falang men judging and looking down on you. The whole thing is lame and it makes me feel cut off from the world. Especially since I have no real friends to begin with and have recently broken up with the only person that was close to me, my girlfriend thats been with me since I moved here. I've always felt alone in this country but my girlfriend filled that whole and kept me happy, now I feel like Im stuck in the loneliest place on earth. I know I'll feel better in time, but it's been rough the past 5 months and little things are getting to me more than they should. Shit its pretty pathetic that I have only you strange people to talk to, just feeling sorry for myself.

No, its not pathetic at all, and I have to tell you that some of my closest friends are people I have met on this forum.

Sorry to hear you sound sad, life can be very lonely in this country especially if you are shy. If you feel up for it, I know that some TV regulars meet at the Cross bar (somewhere on suk i think) and would probably more than welcome you so long as you are willing to listen to them natter on about the footie

-snip- But having lived in Bangkok for 6 years I have often felt judged and looked down upon by falang women and have started to block them out. -snip-

Im sorry you felt that way, but would be worth considering that sometimes you might feel they are looking down on you, and judging you, but those thoughts are not in their heads at all. You may be projecting negative thoughts you have about yourself onto others. Even if some of the ladies did really feel that way about you, they are just random strangers, so dont let them affect you. I was once wisely told we are only victims of ourselves. We are responsible for our own feelings and how we let things affect us. So, its important to have faith in yourself and not rely on others for your self-esteem. Learn to feel good in yourself. Please do remember that is likely people are not thinking negative things about you, just that you think they are. It could also possibly be that some women in Bangkok are not treated well by western men (im talking about general good manners and courtesy), so are wary and standoffish(I dont know though as have not spent any great deal of time in Bangkok). As i said before, I am quite shy with people i dont know, and particularly with groups of men, avoid eye contact. Sad that it could be misinterpreted as my being snooty or unfriendly, rather than them thinking i probably just feel intimidated.

Try not to let these things get to you too much. Enjoy life, its too short. Anyone who really does look down on you for any reason, doesnt deserve your time of day anyway.

No, its not pathetic at all, and I have to tell you that some of my closest friends are people I have met on this forum.

Sorry to hear you sound sad, life can be very lonely in this country especially if you are shy. If you feel up for it, I know that some TV regulars meet at the Cross bar (somewhere on suk i think) and would probably more than welcome you so long as you are willing to listen to them natter on about the footie

We don't natter - we discuss.

Right now my self esteem is completely destroyed, thanks to my ex girlfriend. If she hadnt been my best and only friend as well as my girlfriend maybe she wouldnt have done so much damage. Im recovering slowly, but I understand what you mean about projecting. Before this happened though I was confident, shy, but never felt bad about myself like I do now.

Yes when you are being shy it is being interpretted as "snooty or unfriendly", I know because thats exactly what people often thought of me. I seem very unapproachable, especially if I'm alone. This is something Im working on fixing now.

At this time I'm not too worried about friends and enjoying life, I am focusing on work, which is very important to me, my whole life has been heading towards this big project I'm working on now and it is all that matters. However I can't help feeling the sting when I go to movies and dinner alone, something I really enjoy sharing with others.

Edited February 12, 201016 yr by TheLaughingMan

However I can't help feeling the sting when I go to movies and dinner alone,

Some of us have to do that even though we have a girlfriend. Stay away from workaholic women!

Is it time for a Ladies Forum big group hug for TheLaughingMan?

I'm in... with arms outstretched... C'mon - I'm getting a cramp in my shoulders...

Is it time for a Ladies Forum big group hug for TheLaughingMan?

I'm in... with arms outstretched... C'mon - I'm getting a cramp in my shoulders...

I'll restrict myself to a clap on the shoulder, if you don't mind

SC

Is it time for a Ladies Forum big group hug for TheLaughingMan?

I'm in... with arms outstretched... C'mon - I'm getting a cramp in my shoulders...

I did say I was very shy of groups of women didnt I?! How on earth do you expect me to accept a group hug!

Well, chin up ol mate...

One thing i can say for sure is you definately arent the only one. I would hazard a guess that all of us single farang blokes have felt the same way from our relative lives of isolation in BK.

Actually all of what you've said sounds strangely familiar to me and im starting to wonder if theres a certain common profile in all of us single guys who are drawn to life in BK for whatever reason.

I must say i am constantly going through those same thoughts and stages while in BK.

Somehow or other i find myself eventually turning a whole circle and will wind up nuetral again,if that makes any sense..or maybe better described as becoming dull to all the things that once bothered me enough for a shard of happiness to shine through. And i reckon thats a lot more than i would be able to achieve at home.

No doubt you're finding it all the more hard with the breakup at the moment, but in time i reckon you will either find that inner peace in your own company again and realize how lucky you are to be single, and free of certain hassles, OR life will throw something back at your feet to keep you interested for a bit longer. It always happens that way.

One thing is for sure, a fellas gotta be pretty tough in the first place to have left all whats familiar for an existance where you're always gonna be an outsider, BUT at the same time its these very feelings that can make you feel proud to be an individual AND above all, proud to be a survivor. I think theres a certain amount of pride and satisfaction to be had just in that alone.

Anyway im sure others would agree that you've prooved yourself to be an intelligent poster in the past, even if we dont always agree, and there are those who read your posts occasionally to brighten up there own dark days.Me same same.

If its any consellation to you, im In Aus at the moment and feeling pretty dam_n miserable about it, and as for being lonely in LOS id be glad to round up a few guys and meet you for a lager in a few months when im back that way...

but by then im suspecting you'll be back to normal and have got the mongrel back in you and most probably tell me to get nick€d...

Edited February 15, 201016 yr by ozzieovaseas

Is it time for a Ladies Forum big group hug for TheLaughingMan?

I'm in... with arms outstretched... C'mon - I'm getting a cramp in my shoulders...

I did say I was very shy of groups of women didnt I?! How on earth do you expect me to accept a group hug!

Sweets, don't worry. I'm in Switzerland. Group hugs do involve men as well. Big bear ones.

Edited February 15, 201016 yr by Patsycat

Yikes?