Lack Of Emotion

[pardsie]

Hello all,

I am new to this forum so please bear with me. I have a question or two. My son just brought his Thai girlfriend to the US and got married here last year. She has been showered with gifts since coming here. From small inconsequential things like slippers etc. all the way up to a new car my son bought her. Her response to all these gifts is always the same ....a simple smile and a thank you. No matter how costly the gift it does not elicit any different response. Is this normal and customary for a buddhist or is this the beginning of a larger problem?

[jdinasia]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

[pardsie]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

[pardsie]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

Easy JD...are you trying to indicate that a western girl showing an emotion like jumping up and down is a bad thing? My post was just to gain some insight as to what, if any emotion, should be expected. She has no problem at all showing her affection for my son in public by hugging and holding hands etc. I am just trying to understand the culture from folks who have lived it.

[Brucenkhamen]

Easy JD...are you trying to indicate that a western girl showing an emotion like jumping up and down is a bad thing? My post was just to gain some insight as to what, if any emotion, should be expected. She has no problem at all showing her affection for my son in public by hugging and holding hands etc. I am just trying to understand the culture from folks who have lived it.

It's not normal for Thais to show much emotion in public, this would be the same whether she was Buddhist or not.

A lot of western cultures don't show a lot of the gushiness that is common in the US either. I recall reading a website for US expats in my country a few years ago that warned people not to be concerned about the lack of gushiness.

[ScubaBuddha]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

I think it is more a personal trait of the girl than a cultural one. Likely a mix of both. She may be embarrassed and trying to hide it. Thinking back to times I have gifted to the GF of the month, and other instances where I was just a witness, Thai girls are known to jump up and down screaming like a school girl, especially the school girls.

[pardsie]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

I think it is more a personal trait of the girl than a cultural one. Likely a mix of both. She may be embarrassed and trying to hide it. Thinking back to times I have gifted to the GF of the month, and other instances where I was just a witness, Thai girls are known to jump up and down screaming like a school girl, especially the school girls.

Thanks Scuba I think it is some of both culture and personality . She feels very comfortable when around my wife and I therefore there is really no fear of embarrassment. I'm not one to give unconditionally until it is earned. There are many differences in our cultures and it is a learning process. I only have one son and would take it very personal if his generosity were to become a problem for him and the Thai family culture.

[phetaroi]

I find, that in general, there is a different reaction to a gift in Thailand. It is more likely (though not necessarily) to be opened in private, later. There is less of a reaction than we see in the States.

[Nio]

Did you expect she would move to the USA, get married and get nothing?

Showered with gifts?

Slippers?

A car?

Or is this basic necessities that most Americans take for granted and already have?

Just because she is Thai, you make it sound like everyone is doing her a favor?

Would you buy her the same things if she was Caucasion and then come on an American forum and ask them the same question?

Any person that would even mention buying something as insignificant as slippers has a problem.

I dam_n sure would not get to excited or emotional if someone spent $5 on a pair of slippers for me

Your son married a woman and whether she is Thai or Buddhist has nothing to do with this.

You seem to be fishing and pointing towards she should be more grateful to have these basic necessities?

Any wife in America, regardless of Nationality would have these things and even more.

And PS?

If you want to learn about the culture?

Get on an airplane and come to Thailand and learn.

You won't learn anything here on the internet forum about culture.

You should be thankful your son gained a wife and not concerned about giving gifts.

[pardsie]

Thanks for the kind words NIO....after reading your response I believe I will stay here where regardless of people's nationalities we have slippers cars and even more. I think i'll leave Thailand to you and those who think like you. Sorry all for the inconvenience my thread may have caused.

[IMA_FARANG]

In Thailand public displays of emotion are not the norm. However, believe me, Thais do feel gratitude...but showing it outside of the immeadiate family is not good form. A thank you and a polite smile may be all that you should expect. Also, give her time to grow into feeling a part of the family...she probably is somewhat awed and overpowered by being part of the (foriegn) family. It is, after all, a foriegn land and strange customs for her. She may not yet be able to "work out" her "place" in the family.As she gains confidence, I think she will begin to show more emotion among family members.

[jdinasia]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

I think it is more a personal trait of the girl than a cultural one. Likely a mix of both. She may be embarrassed and trying to hide it. Thinking back to times I have gifted to the GF of the month, and other instances where I was just a witness, Thai girls are known to jump up and down screaming like a school girl, especially the school girls.

hmmmm

while obviously individuals differ ..... I'd say it was more culture or background/upbringing. I have had someone actually cry when given a gift, but we were in private/alone at the time. The OP seems to think that a courteous response isn't enough. display of gratitude.

To the OP ...

where did I say that there was something wrong with Western schoolgirls? I said your expectations are screwed up ... not your daughter-in-law's response to gifts.

Maybe she can see through you and see the "I think I'll leave Thailand to you and those who think like you". Perhaps....

[Svenn]

Thanks for the kind words NIO....after reading your response I believe I will stay here where regardless of people's nationalities we have slippers cars and even more. I think i'll leave Thailand to you and those who think like you. Sorry all for the inconvenience my thread may have caused.

Thaivisa, actually all internet forums, are full of bitter people like that pardsie, who i'm convinced are either 1. teenagers, or 2. pitiful old men with the mental equivalent of a teenager trolling the internet. Why anyone would gain satisfaction of tearing others down on an anonymous forum is beyond me. Just ignore them pardsie, and welcome to thaivisa

Regarding your post, I don't think it has much to do with being Thai actually, and there's no reason for anyone here to defend a random girl they don't know just because she's Thai. I've had a couple girlfriends before that similarly barely reacted when I got them gifts, or actually to anything much at all... and it never turned out well...it usually means they're self-absorbed. Expressing graditute is a universal show of respect, no matter what culture.

[sanook2me]

Maybe the slippers and car were not covered in Hello Kitty...she was probably disappointed then IMHO..

[IanForbes]

In Thailand public displays of emotion are not the norm. However, believe me, Thais do feel gratitude...but showing it outside of the immeadiate family is not good form. A thank you and a polite smile may be all that you should expect. Also, give her time to grow into feeling a part of the family...she probably is somewhat awed and overpowered by being part of the (foriegn) family. It is, after all, a foriegn land and strange customs for her. She may not yet be able to "work out" her "place" in the family.As she gains confidence, I think she will begin to show more emotion among family members.

I would have to agree with this post. Having traveled around Thailand for the past 13 years I think this is a fairly good assessment. There are exceptions of course, but Thai women tend to be more demure than westerners. Bar girls are not always the same because they've been hardened by a lot of crazy situations a normal Thai girl would not have happen to her.

The main thing is how she treats your son in private. Possesions don't mean tiddly squat if the girl/woman isn't truly caring for her partner. Even many of the bar girls, who are so called prostitutes, often have a very sweet side to themselves that is nowhere similar to any of the North American working girls. Unless you've experienced it then you can't understand.

[MJP]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

Easy JD...are you trying to indicate that a western girl showing an emotion like jumping up and down is a bad thing? My post was just to gain some insight as to what, if any emotion, should be expected. She has no problem at all showing her affection for my son in public by hugging and holding hands etc. I am just trying to understand the culture from folks who have lived it.

This actually sounds like a lovely story. Perhaps true love.

Maybe she doesn't want your boy to spend on stuff she doesn't really need. Some of these lasses are actually very keen on saving and economic stability and not just for themselves.

Doesn't sound all bad to be honest. Are they a similar age?

[GuestHouse]

Stop doling out the gifts and see if there is an emotional response.

[MJP]

Stop doling out the gifts and see if there is an emotional response.

Good advice.

[basjke]

Doesn't sound all bad to be honest. Are they a similar age?

That's a tricky one yeah.

[MJP]

Doesn't sound all bad to be honest. Are they a similar age?

That's a tricky one yeah.

O come now, I'm trying not to be cynical tonight. There has to be some good things going on in the world. Got to be happy hour some place, no?

[sokal]

Huh?

She smiled and said thank you ... are you expecting her to jump up and down and scream like a schoolgirl? (Western schoolgirl).

Strong emotions are rarely shown in public by Thais (and many other asians) though in private it may well be different (depends on the person), I don't see this as a Buddhism thing at all. (assuming she is a practicing Buddhist)

I think it is more a personal trait of the girl than a cultural one. Likely a mix of both. She may be embarrassed and trying to hide it. Thinking back to times I have gifted to the GF of the month, and other instances where I was just a witness, Thai girls are known to jump up and down screaming like a school girl, especially the school girls.

No they are not. I find Thai girls to be quiet and pleasant to be around

[BigWheelMan]

With some Thai women it`s a give and take relationship, he gives and she takes.

[sokal]

With some Thai women it`s a give and take relationship, he gives and she takes.

they usually put out though

[Charma]

Thanks for the kind words NIO....after reading your response I believe I will stay here where regardless of people's nationalities we have slippers cars and even more. I think i'll leave Thailand to you and those who think like you. Sorry all for the inconvenience my thread may have caused.

Thaivisa, actually all internet forums, are full of bitter people like that pardsie, who i'm convinced are either 1. teenagers, or 2. pitiful old men with the mental equivalent of a teenager trolling the internet. Why anyone would gain satisfaction of tearing others down on an anonymous forum is beyond me. Just ignore them pardsie, and welcome to thaivisa

Regarding your post, I don't think it has much to do with being Thai actually, and there's no reason for anyone here to defend a random girl they don't know just because she's Thai. I've had a couple girlfriends before that similarly barely reacted when I got them gifts, or actually to anything much at all... and it never turned out well...it usually means they're self-absorbed. Expressing graditute is a universal show of respect, no matter what culture.

Have to agree with Svenn here. Don't allow the rather sad individuals that you will find here to put you off the site. Some just seem to see any post as an opportunity to vent their spitefulness. I also think that there is some cultural element to emotional displays. I notice it most when arriving or departing at family get togethers. In the west these are generally all hugs and kisses and bouts of excitment, but find in Thailand that they are are much more muted affairs. It is natural for your son to want to buy gifts for his new wife and I would not be overly concerned about the polite and muted response. As others have said, it is much more important to consider how she treats and respects your son.

Welcome to TV!

[a2396]

Did you expect she would move to the USA, get married and get nothing?

Showered with gifts?

Slippers?

A car?

Or is this basic necessities that most Americans take for granted and already have?

Just because she is Thai, you make it sound like everyone is doing her a favor?

Would you buy her the same things if she was Caucasion and then come on an American forum and ask them the same question?

Any person that would even mention buying something as insignificant as slippers has a problem.

I dam_n sure would not get to excited or emotional if someone spent $5 on a pair of slippers for me

Your son married a woman and whether she is Thai or Buddhist has nothing to do with this.

You seem to be fishing and pointing towards she should be more grateful to have these basic necessities?

Any wife in America, regardless of Nationality would have these things and even more.

And PS?

If you want to learn about the culture?

Get on an airplane and come to Thailand and learn.

You won't learn anything here on the internet forum about culture.

You should be thankful your son gained a wife and not concerned about giving gifts.

Slippers yes. Cars? Some yes, some no. Not every wife in America has her own car, purchased by the husband. Some couples have to make do with one car, unless you have not seen how people live on the other side of the tracks. Living in America is not one continuous "Gravy Train". He should be satisfied he got a thank you.

[Bedrockguesthouse]

In Thailand public displays of emotion are not the norm. However, believe me, Thais do feel gratitude...but showing it outside of the immeadiate family is not good form. A thank you and a polite smile may be all that you should expect. Also, give her time to grow into feeling a part of the family...she probably is somewhat awed and overpowered by being part of the (foriegn) family. It is, after all, a foriegn land and strange customs for her. She may not yet be able to "work out" her "place" in the family.As she gains confidence, I think she will begin to show more emotion among family members.

I think the above response is excellent and correct.

[neverdie]

I don't think paradise wants to 'play' with you guys anymore, some of you havent been nice .....which of course is so internet

[pardsie]

I don't think paradise wants to 'play' with you guys anymore, some of you havent been nice .....which of course is so internet

You are correct!! I no longer want to play.

To clarify for some it is my son who did all the purchases with the exception of a few. The original first response I found to be quite rude and to say what did I expect her to do jump up and down like a schoolgirl ( a western schoolgirl) I must admit for a $13,000 brand new 2009 Rio sedan ya I expected more than a thank you. I don't care what your culture is that must have taken quite a bit of control to not jump up and down.

I am too polite to ask my son what kind of thank you he got in private. Some of the responses were kind and informative. Others were juvenile and rude and if I were ever to visit Thailand I would gladly meet those few and discuss it one on one.

It is my hope she is what she appears to be. However the fact my son has also purchased some expensive gifts for her family and now they want him to buy them a house is a concern. Hopefully she has fallen far from the tree. We shall see.

For those kind enough to provide kind words and some guidance thank you. For those of you who chose to be defensive in misreading my original post. You do a disservice to this and any forum you choose to lurk in.

[Briggsy]

What was her job in Thailand?

[Loz]

What is her Job in the US?