Lack Of Emotion

[wintermute]

Heh threads like this crack me up. So your fabulous family bought a fresh immigrant girl a cheap hoopty and a bunch of baubles and expected her to be overflowing with gratefulness? I think it would take her a couple months to look around and realize what a superficial and awkward gesture it was especially when she sees other immigrants working to make a living and doing well without handouts.

[ukrules]

It is my hope she is what she appears to be. However the fact my son has also purchased some expensive gifts for her family and now they want him to buy them a house is a concern. Hopefully she has fallen far from the tree. We shall see.

You are correct to worry here, the fact that her family want you to buy them a house suggests that they are a bunch of greedy gits.

I can understand helping your own son to build or buy a house for him and his family to live in but for the parents to ask for one suggests to me that they are treating you as a 'mark' and are trying to extract as much money out of the current windfall situation that they find themselves in while it lasts. Cut them off.

[MJP]

It is my hope she is what she appears to be. However the fact my son has also purchased some expensive gifts for her family and now they want him to buy them a house is a concern. Hopefully she has fallen far from the tree. We shall see.

You are correct to worry here, the fact that her family want you to buy them a house suggests that they are a bunch of greedy gits.

I can understand helping your own son to build or buy a house for him and his family to live in but for the parents to ask for one suggests to me that they are treating you as a 'mark' and are trying to extract as much money out of the current windfall situation that they find themselves in while it lasts. Cut them off.

It's very difficult for Westerners to understand. It's actually no different in their own countries, houses and all manner of things are extracted from them through their taxes to give to others. Back in the US or Europe, we all kick up about people that say they're 'entitled', i.e., to a free life off the state (when I say state, that's you and me by the way). It's very rare in the West that anyone would have the cheek to directly demand another person/family buys them a house, pick-up truck etc. . . . This leaves us confused, unaware and we don't protect ourselves from such vultures.

Just like to add, it's not necessarily the young lady at fault, she is often just in need of a normal life, yet she is often controlled by others and this is very difficult situation for her.

Edited February 16, 2010 by MJP

[bangon04]

I don't think paradise wants to 'play' with you guys anymore, some of you havent been nice .....which of course is so internet

It is my hope she is what she appears to be. However the fact my son has also purchased some expensive gifts for her family and now they want him to buy them a house is a concern. Hopefully she has fallen far from the tree. We shall see.

You and your son are living in a dreamworld for sure. She may have not wanted a car in the first place. Did her family ask for the expensive gifts ? Maybe she wanted your son not to waste his money. You have a preconcieved view of what Thai women are like abroad, that they are only interested in material wealth.

Its not always the case.

Also strange how the *house* suddenly appears from nowhere.........why not in your first post ...........

You must also consider that for many Thai girls, Family (ie her parents and to a lesser extent siblings) come first second and third in her priorities.

Therefore buying presents and even a car may simply be seen by her as wasteful. A much much better use for the same money would be to give it to her parents in cash. This may explain why she is less than impressed with the choice of gift. She is perhaps thinking to herself - why not give me the money instead.

Of course this might just reinforce your doubts about her suitability as a daughter-in-law.

[MangoMungo]

Well mush, no one ever gave me anything past the age of 16. You ungrateful . . . .

Are you really Thai?

Yes. Born and raised.

I'm sorry, but if you guys gave your Caucasian wife, girlfriend, ex-wife, etc. a 13K Kia sedan do you really expect them to grovel at your feet?

Or is it because she's Thai and the OP's son "rescued" her from a poor village and they expect that she should better appreciate what they've done for her.

Slippers and a sedan. Lucky Thai girl has it made.

*edit* After reading the thread again, I agree with Nio's post.

Edited February 17, 2010 by MangoMungo

[Birdman]

pardsie's worries are understandable from his point of view, puzzled about a totally strange culture.

FYI: That short thank you is normal. Here people don't show some emotions like in the West. If she is sincere, she will thank you in one way or other in the future. However, it could be, that she expected more. In this case she would react the same, but she will start to complain about this and that.

Here in T cars are huge status symbols and almost every new car costs more than 13K. More than a few Farang husbands buy their spouses cars for 3 times of that amount.

Bad sign too, that her parents ask for a house. Later it will be a pick up and so.

Take care and good luck

[dttk0009]

I don't think paradise wants to 'play' with you guys anymore, some of you havent been nice .....which of course is so internet

You are correct!! I no longer want to play.

To clarify for some it is my son who did all the purchases with the exception of a few. The original first response I found to be quite rude and to say what did I expect her to do jump up and down like a schoolgirl ( a western schoolgirl) I must admit for a $13,000 brand new 2009 Rio sedan ya I expected more than a thank you. I don't care what your culture is that must have taken quite a bit of control to not jump up and down.

I am too polite to ask my son what kind of thank you he got in private. Some of the responses were kind and informative. Others were juvenile and rude and if I were ever to visit Thailand I would gladly meet those few and discuss it one on one.

It is my hope she is what she appears to be. However the fact my son has also purchased some expensive gifts for her family and now they want him to buy them a house is a concern. Hopefully she has fallen far from the tree. We shall see.

For those kind enough to provide kind words and some guidance thank you. For those of you who chose to be defensive in misreading my original post. You do a disservice to this and any forum you choose to lurk in.

Not to be pessimistic, but the general consensus in Thailand by Thais is that foreigners are loaded to the brim with money, and that purchases such as cars and houses have as much value to us (foreigners) as a meal on the street has to them (Thais). It's possible she thought 'Oh, a car, so what, they can buy 30'. A lot of the time foreigners are charged extra here, and after further inquiry as to why you always get the 'foreigners have so much money' argument.

As someone put it earlier, she'd probably show more emotional response if there was a lack of gifts. Her ideas and perceptions of what life in the west is like are completely skewed and wrong. That's something that I can guarantee.

[senshusband]

It is a little difficult to know exactly the girl wants/needs. Mango is absolutely correct in that a Thai wife is not a novelty that you can just feel good about because you "saved" them. There are plenty of people in Thailand that get by just fine without "falang money". Don't treat her as she was an adopted refugee and treat her as the wonderful lady that the son loves. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man taking care of his in-laws. My wife and I take care of her mother by giving about 9-10,000 baht a month, when we have it. If it is not feasible for us, then the brothers and sisters have to help out. There is one possibility that I think is the reason for the house issue. Americans are not used to haggling. You go to Wal-Mart and pay what the sticker says. In other countries, you can negotiate a price. This may be what the wife is trying to discuss with her husband. She starts high (new house) and he starts low (remodel, fix this or that) and they discuss and come to an agreement. My in-laws wanted a new roof for their house. There was some damage and rust to a section of the roof so I agreed that I would help replace that section. Roof is good, everybody happy. I also paid off my in-laws mortgage (B100,000, and my idea) before my wife left to stay with my mother in the U.S. No big deal, its the same thing I did for my mother. In regards to the new car, I am wondering whose idea it was to purchase this? Did she say "oh, that's a nice car. Will you buy it for me?" with her just saying that in a spoken thought. My wife drives me nuts when she sees a mini-cooper. All I hear is "I want that!" or "Oh, mini-cooper! So lovely!" but her and I both know that she isn't demanding me to buy it, it's just a spoken thought. I have almost stopped buying things for my wife because when I do buy something I think she will like, she isn't that thrilled about it. But I have learned that just because she says she likes it or wants it, doesn't really mean that she really likes it THAT much or she wants it THAT much. Anyway, thats my thought.

Edited February 17, 2010 by senshusband

[MJP]

Well mush, no one ever gave me anything past the age of 16. You ungrateful . . . .

Are you really Thai?

Yes. Born and raised.

I'm sorry, but if you guys gave your Caucasian wife, girlfriend, ex-wife, etc. a 13K Kia sedan do you really expect them to grovel at your feet?

Or is it because she's Thai and the OP's son "rescued" her from a poor village and they expect that she should better appreciate what they've done for her.

Slippers and a sedan. Lucky Thai girl has it made.

*edit* After reading the thread again, I agree with Nio's post.

Sorry dude, don't link the two questions there please. I was just surprised a Thai fella would post on here listening to all this crap.

I'm not good at receiving gifts myself. Hate it. Find it very difficult. Rather they didn't do it. Also I've never spent more than about 50,000 Baht (£1000) on a car back home and $13,000 sounds like a fortune. (I hate cars, see no point in spending a fortune on them. But then the UK market is completely different).

You make a valid point. But 'slippers and sedan, lucky anybody has made it' was really my point. Nothing to do with race, creed, culture etc.

Also, I too would be ecstatic (but again would find it very difficult to express the emotions others expected publicly) if someone gave me a Ducati. Actually I'd be at risk of a heart attack. An MV Agusta F4 would certainly cause instant death. Couldn't care less about Audi's, had company cars which were Audi's . . . just another car in my opinion.

[sanook2me]

My wife drives me nuts when she sees a mini-cooper. All I hear is "I want that!" or "Oh, mini-cooper! So lovely!"

Its amazing..my wife, mates and office staff are also in awe of the mineee cooopperrrrrrr.....

BMW have captured the hi-so market here perfectly.... well done to them.... why is it that it appears to be around for ever in the UK but brand new in Thailand ?

lack of emotion OP... said it before...you got to miss kitty the steering wheel and seat covers..no wonder she wasn't impressed..

[MJP]

My wife drives me nuts when she sees a mini-cooper. All I hear is "I want that!" or "Oh, mini-cooper! So lovely!"

Its amazing..my wife, mates and office staff are also in awe of the mineee cooopperrrrrrr.....

BMW have captured the hi-so market here perfectly.... well done to them.... why is it that it appears to be around for ever in the UK but brand new in Thailand ?

lack of emotion OP... said it before...you got to miss kitty the steering wheel and seat covers..no wonder she wasn't impressed..

Import duty. 235% is it? Then 35% VAT on passenger cars?

Takes the price to a whopping £60,000 or so I think.

Hi-So or not, that's a fortune for a fancy shopping trolley.

[Birdman]

Sorry dude, don't link the two questions there please. I was just surprised a Thai fella would post on here listening to all this crap.

I'm not good at receiving gifts myself. Hate it. Find it very difficult. Rather they didn't do it. Also I've never spent more than about 50,000 Baht (£1000) on a car back home and $13,000 sounds like a fortune. (I hate cars, see no point in spending a fortune on them. But then the UK market is completely different).

You make a valid point. But 'slippers and sedan, lucky anybody has made it' was really my point. Nothing to do with race, creed, culture etc.

Also, I too would be ecstatic (but again would find it very difficult to express the emotions others expected publicly) if someone gave me a Ducati. Actually I'd be at risk of a heart attack. An MV Agusta F4 would certainly cause instant death. Couldn't care less about Audi's, had company cars which were Audi's . . . just another car in my opinion.

What's his ?valid point? A show of arrogance. I would say that the majority of people also in the West work many months to save 13K US$ to buy a new car as a presence.

Edited February 17, 2010 by Birdman

[MJP]

What's his ?valid point? A show of arrogance. I would say that the majority of people also in the West work many months to save 13K US$ to buy a new car as a presence.

Right now it might take me years to save that amount. Times have changed.

I think the crux of this thing is not the emotions about a car. It's about the OP understanding the pressures this girl is under by others from a different culture and economy. The 'build us a house' demand is an obvious one to many of us here.

It's not the young lady's fault she's in this situation but she will be torn between the two worlds. I really don't envy her.

[blazes]

An earlier poster was of the opinion that his reward for the $13k car (is this some cheap little Yankee GM bankrupt car.?...sorry, know nothing about cars) would be that she would shag plentifully in the aftermath of the gift-giving.

No one took him up on that. The greatest power a woman has (in any culture) is to deny sex to her man. I wonder what moral force a $13k car has in the shag department. "Hey, sweetheart, I just bought you a car...why aren't you putting out tonight?"

Can we change the focus of this thread without having to create a new one? that is, what is the anecdotal experience of poochai farang/Thai about marriage and sex?

Or to put it another way (and more crudely): do Thai women like sex more than farang women?

Sorry to skew this discussion so violently.

[MrHammer]

I remember reading in some Thai culture book (by a Thai), that Thai's often don't respond with wild enthusiasm when receiving gifts for fear of being seen as greedy. It's the same as saying no a few times when offered something (outside of the entertainment zones).

Generally though, why does this bother you? Is it because perhaps you are feeling insecure about the intentions of the wife of your son?

I would honestly be more worried if she was jumping up and down with joy.

Edited February 18, 2010 by MrHammer

[Briggsy]

What was her job or financial status, if you prefer, when she was in Thailand?

Did she bring any capital with her to the US?

Is she working now in the US? If so, what are her monthly earnings including tips?

[MangoMungo]

Sorry dude, don't link the two questions there please. I was just surprised a Thai fella would post on here listening to all this crap.

I apologise.

As for the forum thing, my wife was the one who got me into it.

She was always complaining that there was no Thai male presence on the forum.

[MangoMungo]

What's his ?valid point? A show of arrogance. I would say that the majority of people also in the West work many months to save 13K US$ to buy a new car as a presence.

People save money in the US to buy things? I thought they were all credit happy and lived beyond their means.

[Birdman]

So you are saying, that op should have borrowed more...

btw, Western countries = USA

[ivowatson]

its ok, i cant park or back up either. i leave that to my thai husband w/o licsence. he does it much better. comes from driving pickups in country areas, more experience...

then again, my son does it better then me also.

maybe parking and backing up are just women driving things and not thai.?

I think I'm starting to like you but don't tell your thai husband, please. I don't mind if you tell your other husband though.

[sokal]

An earlier poster was of the opinion that his reward for the $13k car (is this some cheap little Yankee GM bankrupt car.?...sorry, know nothing about cars) would be that she would shag plentifully in the aftermath of the gift-giving.

No one took him up on that. The greatest power a woman has (in any culture) is to deny sex to her man. I wonder what moral force a $13k car has in the shag department. "Hey, sweetheart, I just bought you a car...why aren't you putting out tonight?"

Can we change the focus of this thread without having to create a new one? that is, what is the anecdotal experience of poochai farang/Thai about marriage and sex?

Or to put it another way (and more crudely): do Thai women like sex more than farang women?

Sorry to skew this discussion so violently.

That is what it all boils down to but women will never admit it, especially the western type and it would not surprise me to see this thread closed soon.

[seanocasey]

i'm very confused . bought pressies for wife o'k but what about the future what about kid's education bought car no response oik my husband is wealthy.

what a foo*

trool.

[mizzi39]

What's his ?valid point? A show of arrogance. I would say that the majority of people also in the West work many months to save 13K US$ to buy a new car as a presence.

People save money in the US to buy things? I thought they were all credit happy and lived beyond their means.

Yes, contrary to popular belief we (people in the States) do save money to buy things. The whole world has become "credit happy" living way above their means, including Thailand with their 'sufficiency economic "theory", but maybe this debate is best saved for another thread.

To the OP. After reading 4 pages of opinion, and going back your your original post all I could gather is that your son "brought" his Thai wife to the US. How long did your son live in Thailand? If he lived here for any length of time then he could have put your concerns at ease by explaining the culture to you.

As many posters already stated, Thais rarely show emotion when receiving a gift in public (my wife included) This should not be confused with a lack of appreciation. Not wanting to be "greedy", or make others envious, which leads to jealousy and bad feelings.

My mother (who has visited here twice) sends my wife (and our son) gifts from the States, whether it is perfume or a gift card, so my wife can get herself something special. This gesture is always followed up with a phone call or (email) from my wife with a simple "thank you mom" and this is enough for my mother. There is no jumping up and down.

When i buy my wife something special i will get a big smile and a "thank you teerak" which is enough for me. i may ask my wife "do you like it?", and here response will be "very much" or "I love it". When i give here a gift it is always done in private.

it is really your sons responsibility to give you clarity about his wife's, (your daughter in laws) culture. If he is unclear about his wife's culture, then this would be a whole separate issue.

Edited February 18, 2010 by mizzi39

[neverdie]

its ok, i cant park or back up either. i leave that to my thai husband w/o licsence. he does it much better. comes from driving pickups in country areas, more experience...

then again, my son does it better then me also.

maybe parking and backing up are just women driving things and not thai.?

Its a FEMALE thing. Ohh and don't worry about it bina

[neverdie]

Paradise, SHAME ON YOUR SON, for buying her such a crappy car. Anyway, I only say that in jest, its not like he's driving around in something 3 or 4 times the price, is he?

As for buying the family a house.......it certainly sounds like he is onto a winner here, I hope he keeps his money on a very tight rein, something that seems likely, since he bought a Kia Rio

[spongeman]

Paradise, SHAME ON YOUR SON, for buying her such a crappy car. Anyway, I only say that in jest, its not like he's driving around in something 3 or 4 times the price, is he?

As for buying the family a house.......it certainly sounds like he is onto a winner here, I hope he keeps his money on a very tight rein, something that seems likely, since he bought a Kia Rio

[F1fanatic]

An earlier poster was of the opinion that his reward for the $13k car (is this some cheap little Yankee GM bankrupt car.?...sorry, know nothing about cars) would be that she would shag plentifully in the aftermath of the gift-giving.

No one took him up on that. The greatest power a woman has (in any culture) is to deny sex to her man. I wonder what moral force a $13k car has in the shag department. "Hey, sweetheart, I just bought you a car...why aren't you putting out tonight?"

Can we change the focus of this thread without having to create a new one? that is, what is the anecdotal experience of poochai farang/Thai about marriage and sex?

Or to put it another way (and more crudely): do Thai women like sex more than farang women?

Sorry to skew this discussion so violently.

That is what it all boils down to but women will never admit it, especially the western type and it would not surprise me to see this thread closed soon.

Of course, Western women would receive a car as a gift and look totally unimpressed.

Thais look totally unimpressed not cos they're expecting more, but because of their culture.....

What world are you living in????

ANYONE who is gifted a car would look happy, they may not shout in the American TV gameshow way, but they'll show their appreciation!

If they don't - the man is not doing what they expect in other ways i.e. paying enough to parents etc.

The father-in-law is right to be worried for his son - his wife will be fine. She obviously is not 'grateful' for her vastly improved life, but is looking out for money - and I've no doubt she'll get it.

[bina]

ivo? huh? one thai husband at a time is enough for me...

sokal, u are soooooo correct,but not for your reasons, the thread has just lost its point and gotten silly....

and blazes: no u cannot. and i wouldnt start a thread with your subject in mind either. take it up by PM...

sooooo.... the subject: the OP is worried aobut his son's new bride not getting excited about gifts and thinking its a buddhist thing. we have all said its probably a thai thing but could be a personality problem thing...

i think the thread has run its course but will wait and see... one more chance... or closure.

bina

israel

btw, if anyone has a car to donate to me, id be happy to receive one, but it must be one that u can put goats in the back of it, or transport five thai workers and some chickens in the back, and it must be white... but i dont jump up and down either from excitement. im very jai yen ...