Dating In Singapore – Or How To Fail Where Others Have Succeeded

[churchill]

From --http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/7258352/D...-succeeded.html

Let me preface this with a few important considerations. Firstly, I am no George Clooney. Admittedly, I tend to look down at the ground when I smile and I look better in suits than shorts, but I don’t stop traffic. Not unless I decide to cross without the guidance of the green man, a crime against humanity here in Singapore.

Secondly, I am inexperienced. My past is littered with examples of unrequited love, pointless pining and disastrous misjudgments. My success rate is slightly more impressive than Gordon Brown’s attempts at smiling, and just as pretty. I am more Clouseau than Casanova. Though finding a woman here has been far easier than in the UK, keeping or understanding them has been a whole new ball game.

Under orders from a family that feared my disappearance into oblivion and with a driven sense of mission and newly discovered optimism, I signed up on a dating website on arrival here in 2008. I quickly discovered the most pleasing and liberating aspect of dating in this part of the world: you don’t have to prove you’re not an axe-murderer. People are very trusting here and I was pleasantly surprised to get viewed and contacted by women who barely knew me, offering telephone numbers (HPs – I did think they were brandishing bottles of brown sauce until I realised that stood for ‘hand phones’, mobiles) email addresses and suggested meeting places. And they’d seen my picture!

And so it began. I thought I’d hit the jackpot almost straight away as I started exchanging emails with a very nice, open and entertaining girl about my age (34) who liked my jokes. Ah, the Holy Grail – I made her laugh. She seemed attractive enough, although her photo did suggest that she had a lampshade attached to her cheek. However, she looked human and smiled nicely, so my rigorous selection procedure ushered her through and we met up and had dinner. It was lovely. I was charming, even if I do say so myself and the setting was great – Rochester Park. It’s a collection of colonial buildings that have been refurbished as restaurants and dressed with palm trees and tropical plants. They even have mosquito spray on hand to ensure that you are not eaten before you eat.

And so it continued. A few nice meals, trips to the movies, some shopping and ice cream, we’ve all been there. I would entertain, pay and generally be the archetypal gentleman, and I loved every minute of it. Then, inexplicably, about two months in, she decided she wasn’t looking for a relationship. "Don’t know what you’re thinking..." she pondered. No hints or clues. But she did still want to go on dates, though. Huh?

And so I came to realise a couple of things about people in Singapore. They often stop dead right in the middle of something and change direction, rather inconvenient when you are behind or alongside them. They also appear to have different ideas about what "dating" means. You see, I had been assuming, in my Western, driven, "I’m on a mission"-way, that we were going out. She had been wandering, doing a little light shopping, not really been thinking much at all. "Dates" are just meetings when people do things together, perhaps as acquaintances. We were, it seemed, friends.

It all turned out nicely for her though, as she met someone in Bali soon after and decided she wanted to marry him after three days. I was even more cheerful when I discovered that he was a 55-year-old German who bore a rather striking resemblance to me (with wrinkles). They are now married and living in Basel. Was there a lesson in all of this? If so, Freud may find it before I do. And that’s the problem here – I haven’t got a clue what is going on.

My next date (or whatever you want to call it) was a disaster. She hadn’t put a photo on her profile and it was obvious why. That wouldn’t have been such a problem if her personality had compensated for it. Unfortunately, it didn’t. I took her to a hotel restaurant – The Swissotel by Clarke Quay has a quaint poolside place that makes its own brand of crisps as well as rather nice food. She stared at me in horror as the word "hotel" headed through her ears. You see, people may be very trusting here but there is an underlying assumption held by some that most Westerners are just here for the sex. Being rather naive and inhibited, I felt a little downcast that she would think that of me and more than a little frightened at the prospect of it with her.

My next two dead-ends became my friends, which is nice. One, from Malaysia, really did like me but was worried that I wouldn’t be able to handle her powerful personality. She was right. We have remained good pals, although she also married (recently and quickly) – I met the lucky Irish sailor at a dinner we’d arranged to celebrate last month. It’s amazing to see who people choose over you. Apart from calling her "babe" and kissing her mid-way through sentences, he did prove that he could read, nicking my newspaper and reading it all the way through the meal, before returning it, beer-stained to me.

The other is Japanese. On our first date she intrigued me by waiting on the wrong side of the river to meet and then making a strange, "mooing" sound to indicate surprise at even the tiniest of things. We dated for a while but decided that friendship was best. “I like to have friend who no want the sex,” she said. I’m not quite sure how to take that, but she is kind and good hearted and has remained one of the few people I trust in the dark world of dating.

And what of the others? Too many to fully document, but here is a sample.

The girl from Shanghai with a voice like Tweetie Pie – four foot something and convinced the world was full of stalkers. Two dates.

The Westerner, tall and pretty – a great French meal and a few failed attempts to follow up. She moved to the UK to study.

The great Singaporean hope – I took her to the toy museum and she loved it. Dinners and relentless emails while I was in England at Christmas but on New Year’s Eve and the days that followed, it became clear that she was bored (an unfortunate, recurring theme in all the Singaporean women I have met) didn’t even want to be friends anymore – even after I took her to see Cinderella!

My Filipino date seemed to be entranced by me (a rather new experience) and we enjoyed the Theatre – Romeo and Juliet at Raffles – and art exhibitions, nice dinners and the cinema. But I realised that things weren’t right and we had little in common, so that soon ended in tears.

Last year I spent Valentine’s night with a married woman, a fact I only discerned just before the event. She was someone unsure of what to do and uninterested in the consequences of her actions – she happily toyed with me as her marriage crumbled and now dawdles through life, occasionally contacting me to remind me to be miserable.

On my birthday last year, I decided that the girl I liked from work had to be told, so we began what seemed a very successful partnership with some coffee and cake. She was, admittedly, out of my league but she seemed to like something about me. The problem was, I couldn’t figure out what, so I was unable to capitalise. I got tired of being kept at a respectable distance and allowed her to float away, quietly hoping she’d row back. She didn’t and ended up in Hong Kong.

Now? As you may have guessed, I am a little more cautious and I email only after a strict vetting process. In a nation of shoppers, where people come and go and choice is bountiful, it’s hard to snag a decent catch. It would be a lot easier if I were rich or spoke the language of big business whilst waving my BlackBerry. I considered becoming shallow as a tactic but realised that my integrity is worth a few more dinners for one. Besides, I am now emailing a nice girl from Hawaii – she’s been here for eight years. It’s been nearly three months and she hasn’t dropped me. Worth a try?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/7258352/D...-succeeded.html

Edited February 19, 2010 by churchill

[IMA_FARANG]

I once went to Singapore from Bangkok to have a job interview. I was tempted, the salary was good. But what really made me initially jump at the prospect was the offer I received from the pretty young Singaporean receptionist at the office where I had the interview. She casually mentioned that since rates for apartments in Singapore were expensive, a lot of people shared apartments...and would I like to move in with her in her apartment. I thought that was a wonderful offer...maybe something in my quick affirmative response made her realise I had the wrong idea about the "moving in" offer...so she quickly replied that the offer was only to share the costs of the apartment...a two bedroom apartment...and nothing else was implied or offered.

Anyhow, I never did take that job, I had a better salary offer in Saudi Arabia.

And that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Edited February 19, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[Soutpeel]

and that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Never had any of these problems in Singapore, must be looking in the wrong place....but then again I do frequent 4 floors....

[britmaveric]

^orchard...

[somluck]

and that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Never had any of these problems in Singapore, must be looking in the wrong place....but then again I do frequent 4 floors....

In SIngapore, those who frequent 4 floors are newbies.....the locals go to GL (Geylang)

[mrtoad]

and that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Never had any of these problems in Singapore, must be looking in the wrong place....but then again I do frequent 4 floors....

In SIngapore, those who frequent 4 floors are newbies.....the locals go to GL (Geylang)

That's nonsense.

[Soutpeel]

and that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Never had any of these problems in Singapore, must be looking in the wrong place....but then again I do frequent 4 floors....

In SIngapore, those who frequent 4 floors are newbies.....the locals go to GL (Geylang)

That's nonsense.

Correct.....

[mrtoad]

^^

I guess you must be on the same thinking as me , but probably those that come up with the nonsensical statement that Somluck has are probably those that have been there a couple of times and are trying to be the expert on all things S'pore.

[TPI]

and that's the sad story of my Singaporean love life.

Never had any of these problems in Singapore, must be looking in the wrong place....but then again I do frequent 4 floors....

4 floors....isn't that the place where the Thai "ladies" throw darts at each other if they're p-ssed off with the target?? And, a bottle of watered whisky costs a couple of hundred dollars Sing??

S'pore would have to be the worst place in asia to find a "real" person, male or female, I lived there off and on for 20 years...the pits.

[mrdome]

Loved the article, nicely written. As an average looking Westerner of average means in small and majorly Chinese Singapore, the options are in fact limited for serious dating that is not measured (and paid for) by the hour. On the other hand, I keep hearing that Singaporeans have no time for sex or are too tired... so, why would you even want to pick a local bride?

[somluck]

^^

I guess you must be on the same thinking as me , but probably those that come up with the nonsensical statement that Somluck has are probably those that have been there a couple of times and are trying to be the expert on all things S'pore.

I dun think you can find any locals customers or ladies of the night in Orchard Tower am i right?

Why not? Because for the quality on display there can be had for 30% in many other places, the most famous of all being GL

[somluck]

Loved the article, nicely written. As an average looking Westerner of average means in small and majorly Chinese Singapore, the options are in fact limited for serious dating that is not measured (and paid for) by the hour. On the other hand, I keep hearing that Singaporeans have no time for sex or are too tired... so, why would you even want to pick a local bride?

Looking for a wife might be tough but for an average westerner there are alot of good time girls (local term SPGs) to pick up for free in the discos and pubs

[mrtoad]

^^

I guess you must be on the same thinking as me , but probably those that come up with the nonsensical statement that Somluck has are probably those that have been there a couple of times and are trying to be the expert on all things S'pore.

I dun think you can find any locals customers or ladies of the night in Orchard Tower am i right?

Why not? Because for the quality on display there can be had for 30% in many other places, the most famous of all being GL

Yes, there are plenty of other places to go, and Geylang is of course a popular one - but really if you are suggesting that locals and long term expats do not go to OT then you are sorely mistaken. As for places to actually find dates though, these are really not the places.

[somluck]

^^

I guess you must be on the same thinking as me , but probably those that come up with the nonsensical statement that Somluck has are probably those that have been there a couple of times and are trying to be the expert on all things S'pore.

I dun think you can find any locals customers or ladies of the night in Orchard Tower am i right?

Why not? Because for the quality on display there can be had for 30% in many other places, the most famous of all being GL

Yes, there are plenty of other places to go, and Geylang is of course a popular one - but really if you are suggesting that locals and long term expats do not go to OT then you are sorely mistaken. As for places to actually find dates though, these are really not the places.

Locals do frequent the place but only to 'window shop' and not to do any pickup.

The ladies of the night do not like to solicit locals too as they are afraid they are undercover anti-vice cops.

Long term expats I cannot be sure, but if they are really 'long term' enough they would have found out the prices there are highly inflated.

I have many expat friends who hang out at Muddy Murphy's and Molly Malone's around the area but that doesn't count does it?

[mrtoad]

Locals do frequent the place but only to 'window shop' and not to do any pickup.

The ladies of the night do not like to solicit locals too as they are afraid they are undercover anti-vice cops.

Long term expats I cannot be sure, but if they are really 'long term' enough they would have found out the prices there are highly inflated.

I have many expat friends who hang out at Muddy Murphy's and Molly Malone's around the area but that doesn't count does it?

I think you will find that most know that the price is highly inflated in OT - but it was always a place for a bit of a laugh and a few beers when I was working there, and when I go back - which is regular - often for beers with my mates - both local and expat. However, I do know of a number of "locals" who have picked up in there over the years, of course though there are better places to go.

As for Muddy Murphys, I reckon it don't count

[sokal]

Loved the article, nicely written. As an average looking Westerner of average means in small and majorly Chinese Singapore, the options are in fact limited for serious dating that is not measured (and paid for) by the hour. On the other hand, I keep hearing that Singaporeans have no time for sex or are too tired... so, why would you even want to pick a local bride?

Looking for a wife might be tough but for an average westerner there are alot of good time girls (local term SPGs) to pick up for free in the discos and pubs

I thought everyone said that discos and pubs are a bad place to meet women in Asia ?

[Ijustwannateach]

They are excellent places to find men, though...