Just Found Out My Ex-boyfriend Has Spent All His Money On Ice.

[buripuk]

I had a Thai boyfriend who I met when I was backbacking over Asia and over 5 years made repeated trips back and forth to spend time with him and spent over a year last year living with him.

He was at college when I met him on a night out and was always a very good boy, studied up to an alright level and always did some kind of work to earn a living, wether that be working in his sister's restuarant as a very good Thai chef or working back home in Isan. When he was working in Isan he usually bought and sold rice and the pig food they make out of it or reared pigs and sold them.

I spent some time living in Isan with him and his family and loved it and got on great with all his family. I've met his sisters numerous times over the years and it was great to go and spend a couple of months in Isan to meet his Dad and see his family home and just live and chill out with them.

In all the time I've none him he was always anti-drugs and it was always me that was the wild one (even though I never did hard drugs in Thailand) but we did always like a little drink or 3, but usually it was always me instigating this.

The reason I'm going on about all this is to emphasis that I know he has and came from a good family and was a decent clean living man.

His sister in Germany sent him a load of money (about 200,000 baht) he also had a load himself to set up some kind of business. We're still in touch but no longer a couple but I still love hime dearly and care for him a great deal as we had such a loving time together.

To cut to the chase he opened a bar in Krabi (and I knew this wasn't a good idea as he has no experiance and can be a little naive and I know what kind of people these places can attrct). He bought the lease of a 'friend' and has learnt that the land will be redeveloped in a few months and will loose most of this money.

I haven't spoke to him in nearly 2 months and spoke to him today and he's told me he's wasted all his money and been on Ice for the last 3 months. He sounds really bad and just to hear him saying he'd been taking Ice I'm in complete shock. I have taken drugs in my past and he just couldn't understand it all. He's been lending money to all sorts of scum that have gravitated to him and bled him dry. He's now getting calls all day long from drug dealers wanting to sell him drugs and is completely broke. I've sent him money today which he's going to use to go home to Isan. We bought a dog together when I lived with him and she's back in Isan with his family, she was the nicest dog in the world so he's got her to go back to and look after.

I've been back in the UK for about a year now but still like to look at Thai Visa and still fell like Thailand is a little bit like home. I don't know why I'm writing this here only to get it off my chest and to say how deeply sad and upset I feel for somebody I'll always love and hold dearly to me. I also have nobody I feel I want to share this with.

[Ijustwannateach]

I'm sorry to hear of your friend's decline. Drugs are an equal-opportunity dysfunction- doesn't matter if your background is 'good' or not- I've seen plenty of rich students fall prey to them.

I would be very careful of further contact with this person, however. You can't really help him; only he can help himself. You can offer advice and friendship, but avoid financial involvement and- sadly- given the risk of legal entanglement, I would avoid him on your future visits to Thailand unless you are sure he has gotten help and is clean.

It's another example of how money isn't really enough to help some people with their problems; they need a combination of education, nurturing, and luck. Not much chance in Thailand of getting all of these.

[buripuk]

I kind of feel that because we had 5 years together and loved each other even though I no longer love him in that way he'll always be a part of my life. I don't think and I don't want to just forget him. I've read a bit about ice and seen alot about it on tv about how people age decades in a matter of years. I saw this one programme on BBC about a whole town in the US they said was addicted to it and it's just a real worry.

[Scott]

My thoughts are with you buripuk, your in a difficult situation. It is devastating to watch people you care deeply about get destroyed. This in combination with the feeling of helplessness that the distance between you, makes it feel all the worse. You can rest assured that if you were here, there is little that you could do until he gets himself cleaned up and that is a horrendous task.

Try to be his friend and confident, although do it by phone. As mentioned, direct contact could cause the long arm of the law to implicate you. You don't want to be in the same taxi or bus with him if he gets busted with a small amount.

Remember it takes time for the healing process to begin and it starts with getting off and staying off the stuff.

Finally, take care of yourself and find friends you can share with. There are a lot of people who feel the intense loneliness that a situation like this can bring about.

[dvdcm]

It sounds cold, but my only sad caution is about trying to be a confidant. One of the hardest moments of my life was walking away from my best friend. After helping with two rehabs and experiencing an unending supply of excuses, lies, and betrayal, I faced the painful truth that the personality who'd been closest to me had simply been replaced by heroin. I didn't see him for almost 15 years and assumed for most of them that he was in fact dead. The only power I had was to be ready to be a friend again if the real person I knew ever turned up again. Which, to my amazement, he did, after all that time. There wasn't any magic program involved in his reconstruction. He simply hit the bottom and somehow found the will to get back up. I hope your friend does. Not many of these stories have happy endings.