Thai Partner!

[PeaceBlondie]

My eldest daughter has never discussed my living arrangements closely with me, but she knew I had a live-in partner (a man slightly younger than herself, 25 years younger than me). She teaches school in Texas, and one day in the staffroom, another teacher said, "Oh, my father just got a girlfriend 20 years younger than him." My daughter said, "Oh, that's nothing!"

Other than some educated Texans confusing Thailand with Taiwan, my friends live among so many Asian immigrants that imtermarriage is pretty common. The gay men in Texas just envy me.

[autonomous_unit]

One thing I noticed was that being with my wife made me more aware of general biases in society than I was before. There are many different shades of bias from overt racism (particularly the mixed race taboo), classism (the assumption your wife is a bargirl), and just plain sexism and objectifcation (the jokes about Thailand). A little more gets directed at you in the West with a Thai wife, but a lot more that was already present might also start to bother you more. It has made me think more about the junk that "non-white-males" have to deal with every day.

Also, it is not true that this problem does not exist here in Thailand. My wife periodically feels the stares and random rude treatment here from other Thais and it definitely seems worse than anything we ever felt in Los Angeles where there is much more racial if not cultural blending. We definitely feel more accepted and "invisible" in urban and suburban California than we do here.

Aside from the naive gawking you can get in parts of Thailand, the most overt racism I have felt due to being with my wife has been in Western Europe. In the Netherlands we met some nice people but got some very evil stares from shopkeepers, and after careful reflection I still think it was because of our races rather than our American clothing. My German isn't very good, but in Munich I am pretty sure someone yelled "how much did you pay?" out a car window at us. We've never traveled together to the UK so I cannot compare that.

I have found it useful to ask my wife questions to help me figure out when we are getting treated the way she, as an Asian, would be by herself and when we are getting treated better or worse because we are together. It is an enlightening look at our societies, but as the other posters have said I wouldn't let it get you down...

[greg67]

My coworkers were puzzled when I told them that my wife has no desire to live in the US. They became suspicious of me after learning that I don't want to reside in the US either... For some silly reason they still think that the only reason foreigners marry americans is to get the "green card"

[meadish_sweetball]

If they had seen more of the world and opened their minds and hearts to other people, they would not assume such things. But there are insular souls everywhere, who do not understand why others venture out to look for something different.

[Sunburn]

After hearing the same 'jokes' about my Thai fiancee over and over, I tend to get in first now with -

No I don't pay by the hour.

Yes, she's always been a woman.

No, I didn't get her off the internet,

and she lives in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, what the ###### would we want to live in the UK for?!

That shuts them up BEFORE they start!

[Neeranam]

When I told my friends and guys in the pub back home, they mostly said nothing. There were a couple who said a few things about prostitution and ladyboys. It bothered me for a while but then I realised that a few years previous to this, I thought the same.

Sometimes when I walk around with my wife in Thailand we get strange looks, it isn't just when abroad. The price I pay for having a beatiful wife in her 20's , 12 years younger than myself. Strange thing is that when we bring my little daughter along with us the reaction is totally different.

I was thinking the other day if I could find such an attractive girl(in her 20's) in the Uk. The answer is definately NO.

So, when these guys think, "oh yeah, I know why you are in Thailand" because of the beautiful girls that you couldn't get here, they are not totally wrong.

[planemad]

Reading quite quickly through the replies, it seems that most of the negative responses to the announcement of a Thai partner/spouse come from Brits. I'm a Brit and equally as proud of my Thai wife as the other posters so clearly are.

Maybe the endless outpourings of sensationalist journalism from the UK "Box", surrounded by so many mindless soaps has destroyed peoples ability to sort fact from fiction. Those who are so quick to scoff and make inane jokes are probably those who would like to come to Thailand, expecting it to be a non-stop bout of booze and birds. That thought never passed my mind when I was planning my first trip , however, to anyone who has an ounce (sorry, metrication...milligram) of soul, one can soon becomes bored with this sort of activity, and the discovery of the real Thailand (which these people have never heard about), starts.

In short, the potentially hurtful comments that might be made simply demonstrate peoples ignorance. It is sad, but there are times when I feel that some Brits really aren’t interested in anything outside of the UK. Comments like "Spain, yeah mate, Great, pish beer like! but the fish and chips were OK". and headlines such as "Fog in the English Channel - Europe cut off" simply seem to epitomise a nationalistic suspicion of anywhere outside the UK.

As for how other people deal with my situation, well, it doesn’t bother me, I don't work in the UK and only visit infrequently. When we do, my wifes charm, character and intelligence soon makes all of those who matter to us forget her origin and concentrate on her as a person, anyone unable to manage that can simply "Go Bolix"

[dog]

... "Oh, she's Thai? How do you like living in Taiwan?"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My old bos' was always' saying ,"when are you going back to see your bird in Taiwan then".

And i would say it's not f**king Taiwan "it's Thailand"."Oh Thaiwanland he would reply".

[Pink Mist]

The best way to educate the soap dodgers would be to introduce a Thai Bride to the cast of Neighbours

[RDN]

The best way to educate the soap dodgers would be to introduce a Thai Bride to the cast of Neighbours       

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oi! Whaddya mean? We only found out where we dumped the transportees because of Neighbours

[Pink Mist]

Coro st had a Thai episode involving Len Fairclough I believe

[BIG SPUDS]

So glad to see i am not on my own!!

So there are no little voices in my head.

[billd766]

I was a little more fortunate than most pollsters as I had been out of the UK for a few years and only went back 3 times a year for holidays. When i divorced my UK wife a few of my friends had negative comments but when I said I was marrying my Thai wife 2 of my friends wives gave me a very hard time on the phone for 15 minutes or so until I managed to say that I was merely informing them as a friend and not asking their permission.

My good friend and her family met my wife as we were staying with them and got married from her house and they loved my wife from the start as did most of the people she met in the UK.

As for the rest I couldn't really give a rats a**e for them.

We married each other and no one else and it is our life to live plus now we have a son.

So love and listen to your lady and bo***x to the rest.

Cheers and good life to both of you.

[Lawnmower]

When we have visited the UK it was as if we were invisible. Walking down the streets or in bars no-one even looked twice. Inter-racial relationships are so common and we are both of the same age that there was nothing to make us stand out. We feel we get far more funny looks in Thailand.

All my family and friends accept us completely, any questions and comments have been purely out of interest. Most of them have visited us in thailand over the last few years. My mum should be an agent for TAT the amount she talks about here !

Edited May 17, 2005 by Lawnmower

[markt]

Thailand does have the reputation. My missus went out with some of her Thai mates and, as you would expect, other men were all over them. Then when they found out they were from Thailand, its' - "How much then, darlin'?"

And we've had the obligatory shout from white-van drivers, and i'm the same age as my wife!

[Rolo]

Recently, my thai girlfriend, came to visit me in the UK,

Now being in my early twenties, i feel i am fairly mature, as mature as a twenty year old can be. However i was alot less certain of how receptive my less traveled mates down te pub would be to a my thai girl. They'd all heard of her, none could get their head round it and i was a litte worried for my girl, considering they done pull to many punches and it would be her first time outside thailand.

Now i have to say i was very pleasantly surprised by the genral courtesy she was shown and time that each one of them took to get to know her, listening to her imperfect english. Prior to her visit i got the obvious, shes in it for the money, bla bla stuff which i obvious brush under the carpet considering the people telling me this have never been to thailand let alone meet the girl in question. Of course they were blown away, by the thai girl ettiquette, the non-swearing, quietly smiling girl who had all the other girls dreaming of having that body!

What im saying is yes there is a huge amount of stigma for a thai girl coming to Farangland, but normally this all goes flying out the window as soon as people see that actually, they are just normal people like everyone else.

Rolo

[A. BOOZER]

...

As for the rest I couldn't really give a rats a**e for them.

We married each other and no one else and it is our life to live plus now we have a son.

So love and listen to your lady and bo***x to the rest.

Cheers and good life to both of you.   

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Now that is what I call common sense! I totally agree.

[markt]

The following is a piece from a letter on stickman's.

"I've noticed the loyalties of Thai women living abroad follow this pattern: first, money, next, their Thai girlfriends living nearby, their family in Thailand, their Thai children, the King and Queen, the family dog back home, the Thai lottery, and lastly, their farang husband and family. It's a shame to say, but 90% of the girls I've seen overseas apparently left their "Thainess" at Don Muang before boarding the plane. So one word of advice to anyone thinking of bringing the "girl of his dreams" back to Farangland - DON'T! And if you do, don't be surprised if she turns into the "girl of your nightmares".

I've met a few just like that.

Edited May 17, 2005 by markt

[The_Moog]

Coro st had a Thai episode involving Len Fairclough I believe

Really...what was that in Corrie?

Peter Adamson died about 15 years ago.

[Totster]

I had quite sniggers from old mates in the UK and other comments when I married her were "she's so lucky - she'll be able to get a British passport now!" They just couldn't get their head around the fact that we would never want to live in UK.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When people first find out that I married a Thai lady, the question is always "when is she coming to the UK then..?"

I reply that "she doesn't want to come here, maybe she will come in the future for a holiday, but not to live", and that's the truth as she has told me, she has no interest in living in the UK. I kind of get the impression that they think the only reason we actually married is so that she can come to the UK, pnustedt is right, people just cannot get their head round the fact that she doesn't want to live in the UK....

Maybe they should visit Thailand, I'm sure they'd have a better idea then...

Coro st had a Thai episode involving Len Fairclough I believe

Really...what was that in Corrie?

Peter Adamson died about 15 years ago.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It was Fred the Butcher..... He replyed to a mail order bride ad and eventually got stung for a large sum of money.... turns out she was english etc..... blah blah

totster

[dee_jai_maak_maak]

Recently, my thai girlfriend, came to visit me in the UK,

Now being in my early twenties, i feel i am fairly mature, as mature as a twenty year old can be. However i was alot less certain of how receptive my less traveled mates down te pub would be to a my thai girl. They'd all heard of her, none could get their head round it and i was a litte worried for my girl, considering they done pull to many punches and it would be her first time outside thailand.

Now i have to say i was very pleasantly surprised by the genral courtesy she was shown and time that each one of them took to get to know her, listening to her imperfect english. Prior to her visit i got the obvious, shes in it for the money, bla bla stuff which i obvious brush under the carpet considering the people telling me this have never been to thailand let alone meet the girl in question. Of course they were blown away, by the thai girl ettiquette, the non-swearing, quietly smiling girl who had all the other girls dreaming of having that body!

What im saying is yes there is a huge amount of stigma for a thai girl coming to Farangland, but normally this all goes flying out the window as soon as people see that actually, they are just normal people like everyone else.

Rolo

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would agree with most of this.

My gf recently came to the UK for a visit and was generally well-received. Many of my female work colleagues were dying to meet her. They seem intrigued that I have an "exotic" girlfriend. Most of my mates just wanted to see her because they thought I was full of s**T and didn't have a gf at all!

As has been pointed out, there are saddoes who like to make insinuations, but you've got be confident and face then down.

Generally I was also happily surprised by the reception we got in Blighty. Interracial relationships are hardly a novelty here and the area I live in London has a high proprtion of first generation immigrants, so she didn't feel too uncomfortable.

A couple of mates had genuine concerns that I was being scammed. This was expressed not out of malice, but genuine concern. I was happy to reassure them.

And it was great fun taking her out because she does look a babe!

djmm

[OxfordWill]

Recently, my thai girlfriend, came to visit me in the UK,

Now being in my early twenties, i feel i am fairly mature, as mature as a twenty year old can be. However i was alot less certain of how receptive my less traveled mates down te pub would be to a my thai girl. They'd all heard of her, none could get their head round it and i was a litte worried for my girl, considering they done pull to many punches and it would be her first time outside thailand.

Now i have to say i was very pleasantly surprised by the genral courtesy she was shown and time that each one of them took to get to know her, listening to her imperfect english. Prior to her visit i got the obvious, shes in it for the money, bla bla stuff which i obvious brush under the carpet considering the people telling me this have never been to thailand let alone meet the girl in question. Of course they were blown away, by the thai girl ettiquette, the non-swearing, quietly smiling girl who had all the other girls dreaming of having that body!

What im saying is yes there is a huge amount of stigma for a thai girl coming to Farangland, but normally this all goes flying out the window as soon as people see that actually, they are just normal people like everyone else.

Rolo

Hi Rolo, I really liked your post and can relate to what you're saying.

It's amazing how other British guys who haven't had the fortune of travelling much outside our fair lands are bowled over by even the smallest glimpse of what I would call 'real femininity' (the type so often exhibited by thais among others). What a shame that your average British girl sees female qualities as negative points and tries so hard to emulate 'the lads'.

I was lucky in that I met my girlfriend in England after having visited Thailand. 99% of the time, the people who ask me about her are taken aback when they learn she actually lives in the UK at present. It's as if the prospect of possibly meeting someone makes them all the more real and therefore the jokes just don't happen.

I can count the number of British girls I know who are demure, polite, typically 'female' and not ashamed of it etc on the fingers of one hand, but that's another topic. Really happy your friends warmed to her, Im sure it made you feel good.

[dereklev]

I had quite sniggers from old mates in the UK and other comments when I married her were "she's so lucky - she'll be able to get a British passport now!" They just couldn't get their head around the fact that we would never want to live in UK.

When people first find out that I married a Thai lady, the question is always "when is she coming to the UK then..?"

I reply that "she doesn't want to come here, maybe she will come in the future for a holiday, but not to live", and that's the truth as she has told me, she has no interest in living in the UK. I kind of get the impression that they think the only reason we actually married is so that she can come to the UK, pnustedt is right, people just cannot get their head round the fact that she doesn't want to live in the UK....

Maybe they should visit Thailand, I'm sure they'd have a better idea then...

This is so true! People are gobsmacked that a "Thai" would not want to live in the UK. Including the ECOs at the British Embassy BKK.

My wife was adamant before we married that she did not want to live in England.

She got no arguments from me, as neither did I!!!

[falangaman]

Ive not had time to read through all the posts here but from my experience with my fiancee people can have hugely different reactions.

My friends, at first, joked about lady boys etc but when I explained the situation and our relationship to them as well as returning to Thailand they soon accepted my judgement as sound.

She is still in Thailand and I am in the UK but she is coming over later in the year.

The funniest thing I find is when people ask "so where did you meet her?"

If thats not an around about way of asking is she a hooker then what is???

If its someone I dont know then sometimes I turn around bold as brass and say "Oh we met in a go go bar, she is a prostitute!"

The look of shock on their faces is fantastic! Then I laugh and tell them the real story and they curl up and want to leave. Serves them right the uneducated pratts!!!

[Neeranam]

If its someone I dont know then sometimes I turn around bold as brass and say "Oh we met in a go go bar, she is a prostitute!"

She's a bar-girl then , not a prostitute!

[falangaman]

Actually shes neither, but thats my point, people who ask obviously dont believe that there are actually girls in Thailand who arent bar girls, prostitutes, dancers etc.

We all pay in the end though !!!

[gerrryuk]

So glad to see i am not on my own!!

So there are no little voices in my head.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Spuds, as you know I never usually write on this forum, because although many members are OK there are some very cynical and pessimistic members on it as well, who seem intent in only damning whatever positive members do. Commonly known as &lt;deleted&gt; .......

I have a Thai wife, who is gorgeous considerate, careful with our money and very loving. In essence she is a dream. :D

Perhaps it is within the circle of friends or work associates you are in, but from my experience, nothing but kindness and friendliness has been shown to us. Sure there are the jealous, the curious and the downright inquisitive one's but thats OK.

I am very protective to my wife, as she is to me, she is in her mid thirties and I'm a lot older, but we both have good jobs and earn at least 3 times the national averages, me in England, she in Thailand where she associates with "the higher Class" I suppose really we are both snobs in our parculiar field. But as I say, I genuinely feel it is the class you associate with.

There is another thing however, I immediately verbally (never ever physically) attack anyone who dares say a word out of place about our relationship

[patricktan]

if you really love her, you do ot care what people say. Beauty is the eyes of the beholder. Love is blind.

[johnh101]

I have a Thai wife, who is gorgeous considerate, careful with our money and very loving. In essence she is a dream.

Luckily I have the same.

We are now living in the Emirates and when my wife first came over I was quite shocked by the reactions of (mainly) the western expatriate women. Whilst the majority took to her immediately there were some who ignored her, avoided her and were even obviously talking about her in our company.

Nowadays these same women have noticed that they are in the minority and are missing out on the BBQ's, nights out, etc. that we don't invite them to and are trying to get back into our favour.

My wife's attitude..."If they did not want to know me then...why should I want to know them now.

Som Nam Na ! !

Edited May 19, 2005 by johnh101

[mnoorsapl]

Just be yourself man, you got $$$, you are welcome.