Testing The Live In.

[Dave the Dude]

Especially when in big 'FONTS' cos its like shouting

[ray23]

I have been out od the game a long time Dave happily married, if I could not trust her I would never have married her. But I never tested her, takes a long time to build trust in\a relationship and real love even longer.

I just gave him the answer he wanted to hear, not what I have found to be the truth. From the relationships I have seen bar girl or not bar girl always seems to eb the same some work some don't. But then again I'm an old timer, so my thoughts were not valid anyway. Just having some fun with the whipper snapper

Of course women want security here find me one in the world who doesn't. Money is important here simple because most don't have it and feel obligated to their families, It simple a can be with the family if it's riducules just say no, if it's a real need try to help just like you would in your own family.

Forget about all the Thai Pyschology huge doweries ect, in the real world that isn't played like it was originally. If you want to be a fool with your money they are more then willing to take it. So would I Just say no and let the chips fall where they may. Might be the least expensive thing you have ever done. Finding women here is easy finding a good one is hard, that fits you and you she.

Remeber the iodea in the Dowery was there was goi9ng to be anohte mouth fo he family to feed, a you were expected to move in with her family. It's been rather distorted since it's beginning , by fools and their money. Took me over a year to find the girl I'm married to adn wen trhough a lot, it wa frustrating since I wanted a real marriage. We began no even being able to peak to each othe. But we learned and got through it. These days it was worth every frustrating moment. There will be lots of testing in any realtionship without ever creating one.

But you see the Op really didn't want to hear that, he wanted all his fear justified. So I did it for him

You know the guys down at the bar with there ideas don't live your life, do it your own way. In relationships ther are no guarentees, if there were I wouldn't have been divorced three times before I got here, there were no free rides in those and there won't be here either.

If you make it look like your not going to take care of them why should they take care of you. You want that kind of relationships you make some committments yourself and you just may get some back. My wife stays she will be taken care of the rest of her life, she has some peace of mind abd so do I she has shown me in little ways that I can trust her.

[Chaimai]

Interesting, Ray.

I try to look forwards instead of backwards. It scares me too much, then I fall over.

Dude, take more water, less whisky

[prakhonchai nick]

I paid my wife the equivalent of 7,500,000 Baht over 25 years (+ another 7,500,000 for the house).

I pay my Thai G/F 2,000 Baht a week - I calculate that I have another 72 years to go with my Thai partner.

Anybody seen Garyk since the first [post

Have we really got to put up with you Ray for another 72 years?

[Chaimai]

I paid my wife the equivalent of 7,500,000 Baht over 25 years (+ another 7,500,000 for the house).

I pay my Thai G/F 2,000 Baht a week - I calculate that I have another 72 years to go with my Thai partner.

Anybody seen Garyk since the first [post

Have we really got to put up with you Ray for another 72 years?

Hmmmm ! Pattaya weekends when you are 138

[Dave the Dude]

Have we really got to put up with you Ray for another 72 years?

Hmmmm ! Pattaya weekends when you are 138

Im sure you will fit in well with the locals/tourists then

[ray23]

Man I hope not

PS I'm not a drinker, maybe I should be

Edited March 7, 2010 by ray23

[a99az]

I never try and judge others (hard not to do) but the one thing I never understand is why people pay their girlfriend/wife/partner a monthly 'wage'. Surely you are either in it together or not in it at all?

("in it together") Well put my friend could not put it better. Just wish C/M immigration could see it, went there with joint bank book to do marrage visa but had to have own book very odd way to go.

[DJH77]

I never try and judge others (hard not to do) but the one thing I never understand is why people pay their girlfriend/wife/partner a monthly 'wage'. Surely you are either in it together or not in it at all?

Maybe we're the only Nationality that can keep a woman without paying her a salary to do what should come naturally when you stay together, married or not. hel_l, the first shiela that i live with 45yrs ago bought me a TR4a sports car and we still keep in contact from time to time. I have lived with my lady for 9yrs now and made an honest woman of her 2yrs ago and take very good care of her as she does of me but i have never paid her any salery or bought her 1 speck of gold except for her wedding ring, so they are out there but they don't come from the Bars.

[747man]

I never try and judge others (hard not to do) but the one thing I never understand is why people pay their girlfriend/wife/partner a monthly 'wage'. Surely you are either in it together or not in it at all?

Agreed Mate, I have to admit that I DON'T give my Wife any Living Allowance, BUT The House & Car are both Owned ( No Finance )And in HER Name, But when we are out I Will buy her the odd Top,or Skirt,or Trinket of Jewellry,I Also Pay the ALL Bills,So she does'nt have to go to work........BTW We have been Married now for " Over 17 Years " So I Guess we are in it together for the long term....

Edited March 7, 2010 by 747man

[jazzbo]

So I guess whoever gets himself a great Thai Wife/GF but gives her the least, wins.

On the contrary, similar to J.P. Morgan's famous quote about yachts: "If you have to ask how much (she) costs, you cannot afford (her)."

[ray23]

Ya I know shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My marriage here is no different then any other that I have had in the past. I do get more money for myself. ( no kids Whoppee) But, the wife handles the budget not me. Shes better at it. I never looked at the money I gave my now wife, as a allowance payment ect. It was simple I wasn't sure in those days if she could handle a budget of tens of thousands a month. It looks like a lot more then it really is. Especially if you have been working in some factory for 6K a month.

The reason she had the money was so she had a bit of freedom to buy what she wanted without asking me. In those days I handled the budget and paid everything what a pain. I was happy to let go. To this day we always talk about major purchases, that goes in both directions. The family needs something we talk about it. There are times she says no and sometimes it's me there are times we say yes as well.

In other words we have a marriage. But it took a long time learning each other and building trust.

So I understand the guys money give his girlfriend, what I don't understand is the test. Is romantic love the real gauge of a good partnership? I know it was for me at one time might be why I have had three devoirces. You see at some point it's gets down to the daily grind.

Is money important in a relationship yep sure is, anywhere not just here.

There is a lot of difference from being played for gold, motorcycles, cell phones. Then a long term relationship married or live in.

In the end it's really up to the two of them how they work through it. Just don't get the test.

[rick75]

So a guy that puts nothing in the wifes name but gives Her 5000bht a month spending money is more of a fool than the guy that builds a house gives her a car pays all the bills and still spends money on Her every month, Have I got this right?

Come on I am only a young fella in my thirties but I still understand wether they cost money upfront or in the long run they still cost money.

I think most if not all relationships in Thailand are based on money, you are rich by there standards and she is poor, she looks at you as a means of financial security, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you, but if you were dirt poor and could not provide for her would she still be with you?, would any woman in any country be with you?

[jazzbo]

My marriage here is no different then any other that I have had in the past. A great point of reference for someone who has never been married here or anywhere else... but my brother and sister have 5 marriages between them... I have only lived with TGs who do not speak English and (most likely) have never met a farang...

or as Oscar Wilde wrote a cynic "... knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." (Lady Windermere's Fan)

[malcolminthemiddle]

OP has missed the point. By failing to pay the 5000 Baht he had agreed he was in breech of Contract. Nothing to do with feelings of which he vividly demonstrates he has none.

[ray23]

cynic, interesting have I gotten to that point?

May have as I don't see it.

Actually I think I'm more of a realist. Ok you don't have point of reference to marriage you certainly do towards relationships. So you know they are not easy and require a lot from both people.

Friends I suppose you have experienced that, did they have to prove something to you to be a friend?

You see that why I don't understand the test. Is it a requirement that these non English speaking never met a farrang Thai ladies, required to love you. Or meet your needs?

Who was the test for you or her, What was pass and fail. I just don't get it.

Oh well whatever makes you and her happy is a good thing, Hope that is what is happening in the end.

Good Luck to you and her.

Edited March 7, 2010 by ray23

[jazzbo]

The reference was not to call anyone a cynic... just that I get wound up when someone in LOS implies that proof of love is inversely proportional to how much you give the wife or TG in question... and if you end up giving her a lot of money, that somehow indicates an absence of love; so it is just circumstances...

I enjoy the company of Thai women who became fed up with Thai men but because of language if nothing else never had an outlet... it is not a test, I just enjoy the perspective that I am the only farang they have ever met...

So when someone suggsts I lavish too much, I sometimes suggest a la Wilde that puttting a price on happiness, even if only temporary, is mistaking the price for the value... In some US cities, you could not take a girl out for dinner 2 or three nights a month for 5000 baht... and what would one of your friends back in USA or UK be willing to give for similar circumstances as you have here?

[ray23]

Sorry actually those questions were for the Op.

My believe is if you are good to people in most cases unless they are bad people they are good to you as well.

No you can't put a monetary value on a good relationship.

What works best for the individuals is the best no matter what we think.

It's the test that gets me, obviously very little trust in the other person. I don't see how you can have a relationship without it

[Shotime]

"I Paid and wowowowowo. Everything went back to normal. Cooks for me cleans and takes care of me in everyway."

Thanks for the insight. You ought to do this every few months or when she starts to slack off with the wowowowo.

[Gary A]

Man I hope not

PS I'm not a drinker, maybe I should be

I like to drink and even get drunk. The problem is that my body doesn't like it and punishes me for over-imbibing. Since I don't care to suffer with a two day hangover, I limit myself to a few beers a couple times a week. When I want an extra couple of beers, just thinking about how I will feel in the morning changes my mind.

[ray23]

Man I hope not

PS I'm not a drinker, maybe I should be

I like to drink and even get drunk. The problem is that my body doesn't like it and punishes me for over-imbibing. Since I don't care to suffer with a two day hangover, I limit myself to a few beers a couple times a week. When I want an extra couple of beers, just thinking about how I will feel in the morning changes my mind.

I really enjoy it to. But, the same results

[barryofthailand]

Been living with my gf for 6 years and she gave up work to take care of her son who i accepted as my own.She could go back to work in hotel but when the son is at school we have so much prime time its not worth it for 6-8,000 baht a month.

I dont give her any form of allowance and dont need to send money to her mum,but my wallet is there when she needs something as is the atm card,but i pay for all the bills.This seems to work for us as we go everywhere together and she is very shrewd with money

This is the way it works, although the Thai culture concerning finances is in a lot of ways very much like it is with Hispanic women. Even when Thais are married to Thais, his money is hers, and her money is hers, and she takes care of all the bills. Maybe because lots of Thai men and Hispanic men drink a lot, and the women are afraid they might just waste all the monthly earnings.

I too do not agree with the allowance type of living. Lots of my friends gives their wives an allowance, and also pays for everything.

Barry

[grimleybob]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

Do you really think that paying someone 5000 bht a month buys love and loyalty? What a set of idiots. You only ever get back out of life what you are prepared to put in. Your name is apt if you rearrange the letters slightly

[robbo1]

Man I hope not

PS I'm not a drinker, maybe I should be

I like to drink and even get drunk. The problem is that my body doesn't like it and punishes me for over-imbibing. Since I don't care to suffer with a two day hangover, I limit myself to a few beers a couple times a week. When I want an extra couple of beers, just thinking about how I will feel in the morning changes my mind.

I really enjoy it to. But, the same results

Sometimes I have already had those extra 2 drinks and then forget how I am going to feel the next day

[DreamRider]

I too do not agree with the allowance type of living. Lots of my friends gives their wives an allowance, and also pays for everything.

Barry

Hi Barry, while I respect your arrangement perhaps I could just reiterate my stance on the subject.

I am in a situation where I go offshore to work for 6 weeks to 2 months at a time and then back home for a similar period. An "allowance" given to my wife has worked out to be the most sensible and practical as she can look after her Dad in the village - which is a minimal cost - pay most bills and have a little for herself.

I, personally, would much rather sporadically give her a sum - normally when I am in surplus!! - than have her coming to me cap-in-hand everytime she needs anything.

The "allowance" is put into a joint account from which I rarely withdraw. Seems to work well where she can maintain a bit of dignified independance.

Oh, for sure I will occasionally contribute to other things, with the odd splash of cash for clothes etc. as she does sometimes in buying food, car fuel.

I know this does not apply to you but a couple of my friends give their spouses nothing so they can monitor their expences. Their wives metaphorically walk obsequiously three paces behind and it all appears a tad false.

If I were at home continually then perhaps we would have another arrangement but I doubt it as "if it ain't broke; don't fix it!!"

Regards

[TheWalkingMan]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

Do you really think that paying someone 5000 bht a month buys love and loyalty? What a set of idiots. You only ever get back out of life what you are prepared to put in. Your name is apt if you rearrange the letters slightly

Grimeybob,

Obviously you completely missed the idea of my post. No worries son. Sit down, have a cup of java and I will break it down for you.

The woman has been living with the guy for 18 months with a stipend of 5k/month. One would presume that after 18 months some affection/loyalty should be there. However, once a payment was missed she cop an attitude. It would have been better if she said something like... don't worry, I'll be ok. That is the response I would have expected from someone after 18 months. Not an attitude or anything like that. She chose to stay for 5k. I doubt if she ever said... If you don't pay, then I will give you attitude.

Of course grimeybob could be of the opinion that the more you pay the more love and loyalty you shall receive. So I guess the proper comment, just like that old gag... We know what you are, we are just trying to determine the price.

grimeybob, You're dismissed.

TheWanlkingMan

[cdnvic]

Grimeybob you're also put on notice for flaming. You can disagree all you like but be polite.

[grimleybob]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

Do you really think that paying someone 5000 bht a month buys love and loyalty? What a set of idiots. You only ever get back out of life what you are prepared to put in. Your name is apt if you rearrange the letters slightly

Grimeybob,

Obviously you completely missed the idea of my post. No worries son. Sit down, have a cup of java and I will break it down for you.

The woman has been living with the guy for 18 months with a stipend of 5k/month. One would presume that after 18 months some affection/loyalty should be there. However, once a payment was missed she cop an attitude. It would have been better if she said something like... don't worry, I'll be ok. That is the response I would have expected from someone after 18 months. Not an attitude or anything like that. She chose to stay for 5k. I doubt if she ever said... If you don't pay, then I will give you attitude.

Of course grimeybob could be of the opinion that the more you pay the more love and loyalty you shall receive. So I guess the proper comment, just like that old gag... We know what you are, we are just trying to determine the price.

grimeybob, You're dismissed.

TheWanlkingMan

To set the record straight I don't need an explanation of your post. It was quite clear an succinct. I've been married 5years we BOTH work and all the money goes in the shared pot.When I was ill and hospitalised my wife paid the mortgage. Just like western women there are good and bad, some rip you off and some don't

Maybe I'm lucky. As I said before, you only get out of life what you put in. What goes round comes around

I apologise the suggested name rearangement I think I've spent too much time watching countdown

ATB Bob

[bellagrego]

My two baht worth, based on five years here, four with one gal. You are a little hard core and simplistic on your assessment of your GF. 5000 is a pittance for most of us and she certainly needs control of that tiny stipend to cover her obligations to family, and personal items. Gary was on point with his argument as well. Try this, it works every time. Look in the mirror and assess your potential in the west to have any type relationship with a cute gal half your age. Value ? 5000 baht. Sex, cook, clean, and listen to your warmed over stories. A bargain for sure. Certainly is for me. After four years, I have not built 'The house" to show my appreciation. I do agree with you on maintaining your investments abroad and owning your Truck and motorbike.

[balo]

So what is the age difference between you and the girl ? She used to work in a bar?

You just needed someone to give you sex and cook for you , so you could live on with your easy life?

And now after 18 months you're dissapointed she doesn't love you but your money ?