Disrespect And Prejudice Towards My Thai Wife In The Uk

[NALAK]

I recall sitting in the Dentist in the UK in the waiting room one late afternoon. The room was quite full with only a few chairs left for the patients waiting to be called. As you know these type of waiting rooms are always deathly quiet and sometimes embarrassingly quiet for some reason, that i could never understand why.

Anyway in pops a couple, hes 40 something shes 20 something and Thai and pregnant. They both sat down waiting to be called in but had some time to wait due to the people waiting in front.

I was also at the back of the que and could see what was going on in the waiting room quite clearly. Everyone was just staring at the couple like they were freaks, when one of the couple caught someones eye who was staring they instantly looked away, i myself was looking as it was clear something was not right with everyone in the room.

I was waiting for the man to stand up and shout <deleted> you all staring at? but he didn't, he kept cool and had to respect him for that.

Its how people are unfortunately, personally i would never live in the UK with a Thai lady it would eat me away every time situations like the above occurred. No matter how strong you are, how much you think you can ignore it, it will eventually get to you and probably ruin the relationship. Whatever background she was from it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference, the writing is already on the wall.

There is a stigma attached to these relationships, like it or not, that's how it is.

i really love it when this happens works every time, just stare them straight in the eyes back, make a joke about them in thai and laugh. they soon stop looking, lets face it anybody hates it when they ar being talked about in a difernt language and laughed at. dont be ashamed be proud of how your wife looks and how you get taken care of. if in pubs at home and mates wifes are being there usual seleves my missus goes up to the bar to get around of drinks, does there heads in, the missus just says why not.

we have been together 9 years and it really dont think about it now as i dont see it notice it. the women staring are usualy about 5 stone over weight i just give them head to toe look slowly pull a face look at my wife headto toe and smile.

[ronz28]

I would avoid the family if they are mistreating you and your wife. No big deal. Not everyone gets along with everyone else for whatever reason. Its your choice/ up to you.... but I would only put up with a little crap with a family member for a short time and if they won't stop then I would just be busy anytime a get together is suggested. You and your wife might never be happy if you force yourself to put up with them.

I have a control freak sister that I hope to never see again and make every effort to ignore. That's my choice ...my family is my wife and kids now.

[Berkshire]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

This is a pretty ignorant statement. Fact is, Thai women are generally not discriminated against overseas. It's Thai women with farang men that are viewed with contempt (i.e., ex-bargirl, mail-order-bride, etc.). Thai women with Thai men are viewed the same as any other Asian couple.

[Bagwan]

An extract from the C of E Marriage service. You may not have married under the C of E banner but the sentiments expressed in this passage you would surely have acceded to at the time.

Nosmo King, will you take Natteralot to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?

Although I married the lady who is the very delight of my life at the local Amphur, this was very indicative of my thoughts and part of my commitment to her.

We all have different takes on life and our own versions of reality, and mine ordained that I cut my close relatives out of my life 41 years ago for personal reasons not dissimilar to those of the OP. When my parents died I terminated all ties. I would add that if I do not have contact with them for another 41 years that will suit me just fine. In retrospect I am sure that I made the right decision - for me. The OP should seriously consider making a similar decision. There is nothing logical in the premise that you should like or want a close relationship with anybody just because you share the same parentage. The adage that blood is thicker than water is IMO pure romantic hogwash.

There is no gainsaying that women are attracted by a greater or lesser degree to powerful men. My take is that many (most?) Thai ladies seek a man who will give her protection and guidance in her life and this is evident in their advertisements for a husband. The Oriental notion that age is not a paramount factor in choosing a partner supports this. I feel that the OP should ask himself whether he is affording his wife the degree of protection that she may rightly expect from him and if not so, how will this affect their relationship? My thoughts are that unless he addresses this situation and brings it to a permanent cessation then her kreng jai will rapidly disappear, never to return.

[jayboy]

There is no gainsaying that women are attracted by a greater or lesser degree to powerful men. My take is that many (most?) Thai ladies seek a man who will give her protection and guidance in her life and this is evident in their advertisements for a husband. The Oriental notion that age is not a paramount factor in choosing a partner supports this. I feel that the OP should ask himself whether he is affording his wife the degree of protection that she may rightly expect from him and if not so, how will this affect their relationship?

I love the comical naivety of "this is evident in their advertisements for husbands" !

How some foreigners in Thailand deceive themselves.As though most educated eligible young Thai women prefer fat old foreigners who give them "protection".What of course motivates them is poverty, to the point that even (how to put it politely) unions with unattractive middle aged foreign losers becomes an attractive proposition.As Thailand becomes more prosperous these tragicomic foreigners will need to look elsewhere.

I don't think there's any anti-Thai prejudice in the UK to speak of.I think there's a certain amount of innocent merriment at the pairing of a young Thai girl and a lardy English escort, particularly as it's fairly obvious where the vast majority of them met.

[eurasianthai]

Don't worry about it. The mind set in the UK is that all Thai women are hookers,

The mindset in the UK is that whoever is not Brit can't be as good as they are (were)...

[elkangorito]

I have done my best to protect her/myself/the relationship from the viperous, hurtful barbs - but from Family? How the fXXk are you supposed to deal with that.

Simply ignore them...unless of course you want this trouble/attention.

Edited March 6, 2010 by elkangorito

[bkksteviejai]

Sorry to hear this OP.

My family and friends just adore my wife. Never had any nasty words come my way. Even my old man said in his speech at our wedding that: "This is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Don't mess it up!"

Her family are also very sweet people. Never had any nasty comments from them either. Then again, my Thai is not that good, but from what I see and from what I hear all is good.

You have small minded people everywhere.

ukme, I hope you don't have to cut off contact with your family. They are your family after all.

If you would not consider it too private, what have they said? Is there anyway you can change their mind?

What kind of background does your family have?

Pikeys ? They hate if one of their own marryies outside the clan .

Gyyyyyypo

[bkksteviejai]

I recall sitting in the Dentist in the UK in the waiting room one late afternoon. The room was quite full with only a few chairs left for the patients waiting to be called. As you know these type of waiting rooms are always deathly quiet and sometimes embarrassingly quiet for some reason, that i could never understand why.

Anyway in pops a couple, hes 40 something shes 20 something and Thai and pregnant. They both sat down waiting to be called in but had some time to wait due to the people waiting in front.

I was also at the back of the que and could see what was going on in the waiting room quite clearly. Everyone was just staring at the couple like they were freaks, when one of the couple caught someones eye who was staring they instantly looked away, i myself was looking as it was clear something was not right with everyone in the room.

I was waiting for the man to stand up and shout <deleted> you all staring at? but he didn't, he kept cool and had to respect him for that.

Its how people are unfortunately, personally i would never live in the UK with a Thai lady it would eat me away every time situations like the above occurred. No matter how strong you are, how much you think you can ignore it, it will eventually get to you and probably ruin the relationship. Whatever background she was from it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference, the writing is already on the wall.

There is a stigma attached to these relationships, like it or not, that's how it is.

i really love it when this happens works every time, just stare them straight in the eyes back, make a joke about them in thai and laugh. they soon stop looking, lets face it anybody hates it when they ar being talked about in a difernt language and laughed at. dont be ashamed be proud of how your wife looks and how you get taken care of. if in pubs at home and mates wifes are being there usual seleves my missus goes up to the bar to get around of drinks, does there heads in, the missus just says why not.

we have been together 9 years and it really dont think about it now as i dont see it notice it. the women staring are usualy about 5 stone over weight i just give them head to toe look slowly pull a face look at my wife headto toe and smile.

Spot on.....being obviously spoken about and possibly ridiculed in a different language is not nice - puts them on the spot.....watch them sqirm a little. It's no different to anywhere else, it really isn't.

Back to the topic.......................I'm kind of thinking perhaps there is a bit more to this........families being families and all

[kikoman]

You have a problem and need to be diplomatic in your efforts to deal with it. You will be living most every minute of your life with your wife. I would sit down with my family and explain to them that I love my wife and will not allowed her to be disrespected.

That I choose not to lessen ties with my family members but if they continue the disrespect my wife them I will not be attending family functions and only have a close relationship with family member that accept the fact that she is MY wife, not theirs.

If you are made to choose between your wife and your family members, then you are the one that will be forced to make that choice, by the people you love.

Good Luck!

Cheers:

[seri thai]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

Exactly, what goes round comes round. If they can't take they shouldn't give it !

Careful with that avatar Esprit, people have got years in chokey for far less. We live in interesting times!

[Patsycat]

Invite your family to visit Thailand to meet your wife's family and lie on a beach for a week. (better get the factor 50)

Then they may see what real hospitality and kindness and acceptance is. I presume your wife's family accepted yoù?

Edited March 7, 2010 by Patsycat

[IanForbes]

You can choose your friends, but you CAN'T choose your relatives. I have 3 siblings and I'm only slightly close to one. Discrimination is rampant everywhere. You just have to live with it. I wouldn't cut all ties with your family, but I'd certainly give them a miss most of the time. They are obviously too prejudiced to be close to. Very often it's just plain old jealousy when family members make snide remarks of their siblings success. My guess is your new Thai wife is young and attractive. That wouldn't sit very well with a frumpy sister. And, your mother might have racial problems that you didn't even realize she had.

[mrtoad]

Don't worry about it. The mind set in the UK is that all Thai women are hookers,

The mindset in the UK is that whoever is not Brit can't be as good as they are (were)...

Might be the case if you hang around with the trash, but never been a big problem form my experiences back in the UK when I have taken MrsT back there - in fact quite the opposite.

[mrbojangles]

Don't worry about it. The mind set in the UK is that all Thai women are hookers,

The mindset in the UK is that whoever is not Brit can't be as good as they are (were)...

Might be the case if you hang around with the trash, but never been a big problem form my experiences back in the UK when I have taken MrsT back there - in fact quite the opposite.

Yep. Ditto that Toady

Regards Mrs BoJ of course, as I've never taken Mrs T back

[PST]

What did you think would happen? The UK is an Island, with an Island mentality, (small minded) I'm English and proud to be so, however, there are way to many people in the UK that have never been any where…. Done anything or been anyone, who works all week, or not! And go on about the (not in any particular order) wars we have won, football and how they would run the England team, how to pull a bird, and be happy to tell you how much they know about everything. If you need to know anything in the UK, go to a pub on a Fri night, find the biggest bar fly and ask him…. Anything! Everything in the UK is dumbed down for the bone heads that now live there. Anything you say that doesn't fit their view or what they've seen on TV…. And you're a liar. Sorry to hear your family seems to be cast from the same stone. Time to move on, you've out grown them mate. The world is a big place, life a journey, not a destination. Good luck!

Obviously Mr Mae Tang you have been in an English Pub to much, I am proud to be English one of the most cosmopolitan races on the planet, My wife who is Thai has always been teated with respect from neighbors and friends , those who insult her, which i do not know of any, are not friends anyway,

I am English also,and have lived in Thailand for seven years.Have to agree totally with the first post,every time i return to the UK,which is normally once a year i notice more and more of the small town mentality way of thinking,the majority of people haven't travelled,and are very narrow minded in their views on subjects outside the town they are living in,as the above poster put so well,'Anything you say that dosen't fit their view etc'.

This way of thinking also seems common amongst some expat communitys here in Thailand.

PST

[Richb2004v2]

Is there a huge age difference between you and your Thai wife? Are you a pot bellied old man and she a beautiful young girl? Does she look like she just stepped away from a silver pole? In short is there any reason for your relatives to think the relationship is built purely on your cash?

Look at it from their perspective.

[Bedrockguesthouse]

You married your wife which was your choice. You didnt marry your family but you do have a choice. Break from them its that simple. Have a happy life with your partner....

Edited March 7, 2010 by Bedrockguesthouse

[carmine]

What did you think would happen? The UK is an Island, with an Island mentality, (small minded) I'm English and proud to be so, however, there are way to many people in the UK that have never been any where…. Done anything or been anyone, who works all week, or not! And go on about the (not in any particular order) wars we have won, football and how they would run the England team, how to pull a bird, and be happy to tell you how much they know about everything. If you need to know anything in the UK, go to a pub on a Fri night, find the biggest bar fly and ask him…. Anything! Everything in the UK is dumbed down for the bone heads that now live there. Anything you say that doesn't fit their view or what they've seen on TV…. And you're a liar. Sorry to hear your family seems to be cast from the same stone. Time to move on, you've out grown them mate. The world is a big place, life a journey, not a destination. Good luck!

Obviously Mr Mae Tang you have been in an English Pub to much, I am proud to be English one of the most cosmopolitan races on the planet, My wife who is Thai has always been teated with respect from neighbors and friends , those who insult her, which i do not know of any, are not friends anyway,

I am English also,and have lived in Thailand for seven years.Have to agree totally with the first post,every time i return to the UK,which is normally once a year i notice more and more of the small town mentality way of thinking,the majority of people haven't travelled,and are very narrow minded in their views on subjects outside the town they are living in,as the above poster put so well,'Anything you say that dosen't fit their view etc'.

This way of thinking also seems common amongst some expat communitys here in Thailand.

PST

Oh, and the Thais arn't narrow minded with a small town mentality

[voracious]

If you have a good wife & love her, stand by her. After all, you chose her to be the woman of your life.

I remember similar letters to Dear Abby in the local paper back in the day, though they had nothing to do with race.

Her answers were fairly uniform.

Politely distance yourself from the family and if they miss you and your wife, they can open up the can of worms. You can let them know that if they want to remain close, that they should respect the choice you've made and show some civility to your wife.

If you don't stand by your wife now, you are sending a clear message to her and it will affect your relationship permanently.

Best wishes & good luck with your problem.

[PST]

What did you think would happen? The UK is an Island, with an Island mentality, (small minded) I'm English and proud to be so, however, there are way to many people in the UK that have never been any where…. Done anything or been anyone, who works all week, or not! And go on about the (not in any particular order) wars we have won, football and how they would run the England team, how to pull a bird, and be happy to tell you how much they know about everything. If you need to know anything in the UK, go to a pub on a Fri night, find the biggest bar fly and ask him…. Anything! Everything in the UK is dumbed down for the bone heads that now live there. Anything you say that doesn't fit their view or what they've seen on TV…. And you're a liar. Sorry to hear your family seems to be cast from the same stone. Time to move on, you've out grown them mate. The world is a big place, life a journey, not a destination. Good luck!

Obviously Mr Mae Tang you have been in an English Pub to much, I am proud to be English one of the most cosmopolitan races on the planet, My wife who is Thai has always been teated with respect from neighbors and friends , those who insult her, which i do not know of any, are not friends anyway,

I am English also,and have lived in Thailand for seven years.Have to agree totally with the first post,every time i return to the UK,which is normally once a year i notice more and more of the small town mentality way of thinking,the majority of people haven't travelled,and are very narrow minded in their views on subjects outside the town they are living in,as the above poster put so well,'Anything you say that dosen't fit their view etc'.

This way of thinking also seems common amongst some expat communitys here in Thailand.

PST

Oh, and the Thais arn't narrow minded with a small town mentality

Aren't they?,i would say they are.

PST.

[StreetCowboy]

Oh, and the Thais arn't narrow minded with a small town mentality

Aren't they?,i would say they are.

PST.

Sarcasm is stating the opposite to what you mean, generally in an insulting manner. It is one of the lowest forms of wit, but wit nevertheless.

Imagine if carmine had meant their comment sarcastically....

Aimlessly wandering back on topic:

A close friend of mine married a Thai lady that he met while working overseas, and from time to time I wondered about the detail of how they met.

But I should not think any less of her regardless, and therefore better not to ask, for fear of subconscious prejudices.

SC

[carmine]

Oh, and the Thais arn't narrow minded with a small town mentality

Aren't they?,i would say they are.

PST.

Sarcasm is stating the opposite to what you mean, generally in an insulting manner. It is one of the lowest forms of wit, but wit nevertheless.

Imagine if carmine had meant their comment sarcastically....

Aimlessly wandering back on topic:

A close friend of mine married a Thai lady that he met while working overseas, and from time to time I wondered about the detail of how they met.

But I should not think any less of her regardless, and therefore better not to ask, for fear of subconscious prejudices.

SC

[NALAK]

Is there a huge age difference between you and your Thai wife? Are you a pot bellied old man and she a beautiful young girl? Does she look like she just stepped away from a silver pole? In short is there any reason for your relatives to think the relationship is built purely on your cash?

Look at it from their perspective.

how does somebody look who just walked away from a silver pole, even if all of the above is true its nobody elses business. if he is happy they should be to.

Edited March 7, 2010 by NALAK

[Finlaco]

Before I could comment, need some additional info. Is ur wife a well educated Thai , financially independent or .....

[7by7]

Not long ago I was sitting in a local pub with a beautiful (I'm biased, but it's true!) 19 year old Thai girl. A couple sat down at the next table and kept looking at us and muttering; so I asked them if there was a problem. They told me that the girl looked young enough to be my daughter and I should be ashamed of myself. I replied that she indeed was young enough to be my daughter, and that I was very proud of her.

Just then my wife came back from the toilets and I said "and this is her mother; my wife." The couple did actually have the grace to look embarrassed and apologise.

There are ignorant bigots everywhere, as some of the posts in this thread unfortunately show!

To the OP, I'm sorry that your family have put you in this position. When my wife and step-daughter first arrived in the UK my family were very welcoming. They accepted my wife as the woman I loved and (as I always have) her daughter as my daughter.

Indeed, just before he died my father confided to my wife that she was his favourite daughter-in-law!

Maybe we were lucky and an exception? From the experiences of our Thai friends, I don't think so.

How long have you and your wife been in the UK? If not long, then perhaps you should give your family time to cool off and accept her.

But at the end of the day, if you love your wife you have no option other than to tell your family that they either accept her, or they don't see you; that if they force you to choose between them and her, they wont like your choice.

[scorecard]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

Don't listen to any of the above post.

[peter48]

Interesting post - my Thai wife lived in England for 9 years nearly. Family generally OK especially my mum and elder brother's family. My younger sister in Law - supposedly a Catholic has not really gone out of her way to be welcoming and I was suprised by that but then she's a snob. Other people are generally good - but you do have to be careful a lot of Thai women come to UK for the money/status, many end up playing cards or gambling or doing things on the side possibly for money.

I have several English friends married to Thai women most are happy but a constant topic of conversation is stories about Thai women and the inevitable big increase in spending/credit/ pulling thec wool over their elderly husbands- especially as they ALL want a property back in Thailand & they all dream of going back rich and wealthy.

I have only one piece of advice : do not marry a Thai woman. Have a common law marriage - just live as partners and then if she does turn out bad ditch her quickly. Do not stay with a Thai woman who rows, is moody, is jealous - if their personality is unstable get out of the relationship. Do not have Kids too quick - take your time when making commitments. Too many see the Farang as a money box after all why else leave a warm , open society to come to a cold, indifferent society which is work driven and terribly money driven too.

[Richb2004v2]

Is there a huge age difference between you and your Thai wife? Are you a pot bellied old man and she a beautiful young girl? Does she look like she just stepped away from a silver pole? In short is there any reason for your relatives to think the relationship is built purely on your cash?

Look at it from their perspective.

how does somebody look who just walked away from a silver pole, even if all of the above is true its nobody elses business. if he is happy they should be to.

I think that it is natural for his family to be concerned for him. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. With some Thai girls abroad it is obvious that they have just left the bar scene, and look frankly ridiculous with their geriatric sugar-daddy. It would be strange for a persons family to simply accept this, in my opinion. I'm not saying this is the case for the OP, but if it is something like this then you can not blame his family for their reaction.

[Finlaco]

Well reading between the lines and assuming that one would get to understand Thai culture before getting married/serious, the omission of any reference to education and employment, perhaps explains all that needs to be explained. Ur family I assume loves u and are concerned not with ur friend being Thai but the quality of the girl, given the reputation of Thai girls overseas.