Trust In A Relationship

[lannarebirth]

Anyway, I am due to surprise her on Monday with a visit ...

I am going to go to her old place of work to find out her parents' address and knock on her door.

If you go to her place of work there won't be any surprise. If she's not still working there they will certainly call her and tell her you've inquired about her. You've been given some good advice here by most posters. I hope you take some of it to heart. Good Luck either way.

[colino]

I am not stupid, builder or not, if I train as a teacher then I am a teacher. That's how it works.

I have sold my firm and I'm going to let out my house. All paid for.

So 45k is good enough for me. We can't all be high flyers working on ex-pat wages!!

And what do you mean 45k won't get a work permit? Of course it will.

Hi stopdarot

Over here being a teacher with a TEFL or any other certificate does not make you equel to a teacher that has spent years at Uni and holds a degree

You have sold your firm thats good but dont blow your cash here and end up with nothing (like so many before you).

You will not earn 45k that is for sure, just look on ajarn.com to see the real wages.

Also you would be very very lucky to get a work permit and a Non B visa. I am not on expat money or anything like it, I have a TEFL diploma and I am ex Merchant Navy and also I have done these jobs in Private and Government schools, and I know what I am talking about.

In my last school I was teaching Math, Science, Art and PE in a English program and I was only earning 37k a month and had to be at school from 07,45 till PM also we had to do gate duty twice a week and a morning talk to the whole school once a week, my paid hours were 22 hours a week.

But you can add on another 10 hours for all those little extra things they want you to do.

Think it through mate and do your home work ....colino

[tigerfish]

qoute "nok has been very good with the little money that i have sent her, shes never asked for more!"

beleive me i am not trying to rain on your parade and i wish you the best of luck, but i have one question.

did she ask you to send her that amount of money or did you suggest it?

you also stated that she has not worked since november if i remember wrightly from your post. it may not be a lot to some expats out here living la vida locca, but 23,000 odd baht is more than most average thais dream of earning in a month. just watch your back and tread very carefully especially when flashing the cash about is concerned. some not all thai girls, once they get a sniff of an open wallet, its downhill from there on.

[patong]

you can survive on 30,000 baht a month, but that's all it is survival.

[stopdarot]

Hey... Just talked to my girl. I really miss her.

Thanks for all the tips guys. I am going to be careful, take my time and just chill. We want to do a bit of travelling before I start work. And just enjoy each others company.

My mate has told me he can get me a job over there, I guess it's all about who you know sometimes.

I am going to give it a while then I will buy a house or flat there, and before you start I know I have to start/buy a company and put the property in that name.

I appreciate the advice, both good and bad. Cheers

[britmaveric]

Do you normally pay your girlfriends a salary for dating you? I think this is where things will go pear shape mate. However at the end of the day it's your dosh, but keep in mind paying someone doesn't buy loyalty if that is your thinking.

[stopdarot]

Do you normally pay your girlfriends a salary for dating you? I think this is where things will go pear shape mate. However at the end of the day it's your dosh, but keep in mind paying someone doesn't buy loyalty if that is your thinking.

I paid her a salary because I like her. Wouldn't you give your girlfriend some money to live on?

[britmaveric]

^Well some of us do have gf's that have their own job and therefore their own dosh. Would you do the same for a western bird?

[JetsetBkk]

Nobody mentioned the "T" word yet?

[stopdarot]

^Well some of us do have gf's that have their own job and therefore their own dosh. Would you do the same for a western bird?

She had a job, and the pay was crap. To be honest I didn't like the idea of her working on that road. I didn't want her being ruined as many of the girls mentioned on this site are.

I see nothing wrong with investing in something you desire. It happens all over the world in many walks of life.

Does the footballer let his gf continue to work in John Lewis, or the Director let her work in an office?

No, we invest in our relationships, we attempt to make them our equals. How many of you guys on here have gf/wives working for a low salary? None I'd guess, but if you do you need to look at why..

Edited March 25, 2010 by stopdarot

[stopdarot]

Nobody mentioned the "T" word yet?

?

[473geo]

I know people are giving heartfelt advice, but in my view, you will have a income from renting out your house, you will also retain your house as an asset.

So if you have some time on your hands, cash in your pocket, go play. I wish you luck, just keep your head srewed on and don't give out too much too early in the relationship, and, don't get married for a couple of years at least. If she will not move in with you, play it by ear for a while see how that plays out.

I think you sound sensible.......enjoy.

[Oldvisitor]

A few advices and " tips " for Stopdarot ( No hard feelings ):

- You have fallen in the old trick that she needs money support and you agreed to pay her 500 pound, which like said is ALOT according to Thai standards. Al girls ask for additional salary from stupid farang first time

- You haven't been long enough to Thailand to understand her behaviour ( like warned by many here ), many have fallen into the " love trap " before you. Thai woman are masters in playing game, she could have 5 more boyfriends paying her.

- Spend more time with her first, at least 1 year more, don't do anything weird.

- Rent a house or condo, and stay there for at least 1 year with her, try to get a teaching job to see what it's like.

- ALWAYS keep a UK bankacc with " back up " money, in case things might get nasty...

- While spending a year with her, you will find out the " true " her, only if you don't pay her money, make her get her OWN JOB, just offer her a stay in your rented house/condo.

- Learn from above...

You will have to learn from real life anyhow, I also say just do it, go to Thailand, but be carefull, don't go stupid....!!!

[smokie36]

Hi stopdarot

Over here being a teacher with a TEFL or any other certificate does not make you equel to a teacher that has spent years at Uni and holds a degree

You have sold your firm thats good but dont blow your cash here and end up with nothing (like so many before you).

You will not earn 45k that is for sure, just look on ajarn.com to see the real wages.

Also you would be very very lucky to get a work permit and a Non B visa. I am not on expat money or anything like it, I have a TEFL diploma and I am ex Merchant Navy and also I have done these jobs in Private and Government schools, and I know what I am talking about.

In my last school I was teaching Math, Science, Art and PE in a English program and I was only earning 37k a month and had to be at school from 07,45 till PM also we had to do gate duty twice a week and a morning talk to the whole school once a week, my paid hours were 22 hours a week.

But you can add on another 10 hours for all those little extra things they want you to do.

Think it through mate and do your home work ....colino

Good post colino. Just to add I have a mate here in Samui earning around 45k a month but he does extra teaching evenings and weekends to make that much. Also the preparation time for lessons eats into his spare time heavily. Teaching is no easy ride anywhere OP.

The TEFL course is no picnic either . You'll need to work hard just to get over that hurdle. And jobs are fairly scarce.

As said before keep most of your cash safely at home and proceed with caution....And good luck with things I hope it works out for you.

[stopdarot]

Cheers guys.. But can I add that I've not fallen for any old tricks.. I wanted to give this girl money, for what ever reason it feels like the right thing to do and she has never asked for it nor suggested how much I should give. I know she has saved some of the money I have given her, she has also bought clothes a computer and no doubt given her parents some too. And this pleases me.

I am a young fit guy, if you think that this girl is with me only for my money then you are wrong. I know this girl, you don't. She is an honest and sweet girl.

I will keep my property in the UK, and I will keep my head screwed on. I'm not going to just drag the girl away from her culture, family and friends. I'm going to do what I think is right and go to her.

I will continue to give her money as I would if I had a western gf in a <deleted> job. She will be my partner, my lover, my equal as she would be where ever she was from.

She does not drink or smoke, and she hasn't got a clutch of children living with Grandparents up north.

Life is good..

[givenall]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

One thing always puzzles me is that why a Thai girl stops working after they receive money from a Farang. What do they do with all that free time?

If you she goes to school then I feel better but is foes nothing then she is doing a lot of bad thing and I worry and wonder that some things are up

[whistleblower]

Think this one through before you come.

If he had done that, he wouldnt be in the mess he is now!!!

[whistleblower]

Cheers guys.. But can I add that I've not fallen for any old tricks.. I wanted to give this girl money, for what ever reason it feels like the right thing to do and she has never asked for it nor suggested how much I should give. I know she has saved some of the money I have given her, she has also bought clothes a computer and no doubt given her parents some too. And this pleases me.

I am a young fit guy, if you think that this girl is with me only for my money then you are wrong. I know this girl, you don't. She is an honest and sweet girl.

I will keep my property in the UK, and I will keep my head screwed on. I'm not going to just drag the girl away from her culture, family and friends. I'm going to do what I think is right and go to her.

I will continue to give her money as I would if I had a western gf in a <deleted> job. She will be my partner, my lover, my equal as she would be where ever she was from.

She does not drink or smoke, and she hasn't got a clutch of children living with Grandparents up north.

Life is good..

Lamb to the slaughter!!!

He asks for advice, doesnt like what he hears and has now become an expert on thailand. (in 2 pages)

But i do agree with you mate, shes not with you for the money, its obviously your good looks!!!!

[whistleblower]

'I know this girl, you don't'

Working in Nana? dont be to sure of that!!!!!

[TheLaughingMan]

Cheers Ding, I'm not rushing anything.

Just because my girl worked on Soi 4 doesn't make her bad. Far from it, I never met such a quiet, sweet and coy girl in my life.

Ya and you learned all that in only 8 weeks! Are you trying to be funny? Who thinks marriage in 8 weeks and even imagines that they have the slightest idea who that person really is. Give me a break.

[TheLaughingMan]

Do you normally pay your girlfriends a salary for dating you? I think this is where things will go pear shape mate. However at the end of the day it's your dosh, but keep in mind paying someone doesn't buy loyalty if that is your thinking.

I paid her a salary because I like her. Wouldn't you give your girlfriend some money to live on?

Thats called a whore. Prostitutes get paid money to be your "friend", normal people DO NOT.

[britmaveric]

BTW being young/fit has nought to do with this scenario, so not sure why you volunteered this info? I know I know your lady is different.

Oh well another lad bites the dust....... (just wonder how long it will take before sh*te hits the fan???? )

[smokie36]

Do you normally pay your girlfriends a salary for dating you? I think this is where things will go pear shape mate. However at the end of the day it's your dosh, but keep in mind paying someone doesn't buy loyalty if that is your thinking.

I paid her a salary because I like her. Wouldn't you give your girlfriend some money to live on?

Thats called a whore. Prostitutes get paid money to be your "friend", normal people DO NOT.

Same same the world over....

[Petesear]

When I first read your title ''Trust in a relationship'' I thought I was going to read about trust within a relationship, now I can see you you mean a relationship you can trust.

Good to see some positive thoughts in a forum which can sometimes be very negative and damning especially towards the fairer sex.

All the best..

[MAJIC]

30,000 baht is the going rate for an experienced Teacher,maybe more in Bangkok if you are lucky.

0 is the going rate for a first meeting with Mamma and Papa,

Listen to the alarm bells!

[smokie36]

Learn from others mistakes OP. Sack your leech now and find a girl who pays her own way.

Otherwise your funds will run out and you'll get pissed off with her sitting in front of the TV all day while you're out working...empty beer cans all over the place....a <deleted> you attitude and thats what you will develop too after a while....it will all end in tears no matter how cute she is. Been there done it etc.....Tell her to get a <deleted> job and live her own life <deleted>!

[britmaveric]

Now I wouldnt go as far as laughingman description of said lady. However I do find it bizarre that lads like to pay for their gf(s) to be with them and especially for someone they barely know. Yes, 8weeks is barely know. I find no matter how much advice you can give to the OP he has already made up his mind and he knows better than the vast experience of TV membership. This is not an uncommon situation and I've heard the same story too many times to count.

Edited March 25, 2010 by britmaveric

[ThailandTommy]

How long have you actually stayed with her ( i mean was it just 2 weeks each time or what)

remember most of thai girls are kind and sweet when you first meet them but once they get their claws in they change - not all do so hope you found good one but asking her to marry you already??? are you mad???

p.s - I can live on koh samui for 500quid a month and party (including paying 100quid rent a month) so maybe you need think hard mate!!! - thats around 26,000 baht month now!!

Also a good one is call her around 10-11pm thai time, if she is on the game you will hear music, giggling etc... if she at home even in bkk will not be so noisy!!!

chok dee

Hi, I have spent a good 8 weeks 24/7 with her.

I can ask her to marry me now but I'm not going to marry for a while. She might not have me!!

I speak to her at 5.30 my time everyday, not far off that now, and it is always quiet. I have no reason to think she is 'on the game' as you put it. Why would I? Not all Thai girls are you know.

She did work in Nana hotel, but not the big one, in the little one at the other end, I don't think it has anything to do with big one.

26k a month doesn't seem a lot. I hope to earn a lot more then that!!

26k has got to be double what she was earning whilst working in a hotel! and as a ex brickie turned teacher you can expect to earn around 30k a month.

As for sending her 500 quid a month you want your brains tested and the money for the parents is a NO NO because if you are serious about marying her they will 'hit' you with the sin sod give em the 5k for that (if you want).

Remember in Thailand money is number 1, you dont mention anything about her education or if she speaks good english and where she learnt to speak, has she got any tattoo's does she smoke or drink?

[elliss]

man.. you're in for a life of misery if you want to be a teacher with a family..

teachers are for isaaners or guys who never want a family

give her parents a money gift ,,,,,,????? no way

teaching ,, no thank you ..

there,s a lot more important issues in a relationship ,

than love ..

you are a young man , and you will probably do what

your heart desires .. regardlesss..

best of luck

[stopdarot]

She was well educated at a Catholic girls school in Bangkok.

As I mentioned before she does not drink or smoke and she does not have tattoos.

It was my suggestion that she stopped working as a receptionist in that hotel on Soi 4.

I made the offer of money.

We have known each other for 8 months, but have only spent 8 weeks together 24/7.

We talk everyday on the phone and the tinternet.

I am financially secure after selling the family business.

I am not going to Thailand to drink my life away on a barstool and dream of what might have been.

I am not so old and ugly that I need to buy the affections of young girls.

Cheers for all the comments and i hope to meet some of you at a Thaivisa do someday.