The women I know who have PMS don't like themselves much that way, so its appreciated if you realize its just a temporary thing and not who she really is.

My wife says that is pretty much the same excuse that Thai men use in the village, when they treat their wives badly. I don't know, that is just what she said.

I think I prefer Nienke's approach of asking others to be a bit more sympathetic, to the adversarial approach of saying that women remember everything that we say or do during that time. That sounds like a threat of getting even.

The point was that people with senile dementia do not remember what they say or do whereas women with PMS do. No idea where you got the threat thing from. Might I suggest that you stop twisting people's words to suit your opinions? It won't get you very far here.

I can only speak for myself as that is what I really know. Before, during or just after my menses (it's always a surprise ) my moods can swing between hyper-happy, very sharp and quickly irritated or having the feeling that heaven can drop on my head at any moment and the world around me is going to collapse. Not exactly nice. Vitamin B helps a bit, but not all.

Now with the hyper-happy part people around me usually don't have a problem, but when I feel the other two moods are kicking in I often will tell the people around me my menses is playing party-time again and bothering me and/or withdraw in myself and hardly say a word, as most words that will come out during these periods are primarily doom and gloom or extremely sharp. The doom and gloom part is mainly whining which may bore the heck out of people but I don't believe it's doing much harm. However, IMHO menses can not be used as an excuse for unfair sharp words or actions. For that I think it's more than fair to ask the men to be sympathetic and the women to keep a hold on themselves.

I wasn't twisting anything. Just relating how that kind of talk is received by the opposite sex. We can't be expected to ignore our feelings and guess at what people really mean.

Perhaps if you could listen to honest feedback without getting all huffy, communication between the sexes would be a little easier. My intention is not to 'get far', but to simply provide honest feedback. That is what communication is all about. There are always at least two sides to everything.

I feel sorry for those who are unable to broker any divergence from their own view. I am certainly not breaking any rules. Nienke sounds a lot more like the voice of moderation on this topic.

Edited March 30, 201016 yr by villagefarang

Whenever there are issues in a relationship that affect all parties, they need to be addressed in a non-combative, unemotional, and rational manner.

It can't be put forth as the sole responsibility of one party. It also helps if both parties acknowledge that there is a problem. It is more difficult to be supportive and sympathetic toward someone who tries to justify their bad behavior, leaving it to the other to just deal with it.

This subject is beginning to have the ring of a new entry on my blog.

Sorry, but you did twist it completely out of context. Nobody said anything even remotely like a threat. A poster said that its like dementia and someone said that wasn't true because dementia patients do not remember what they do and women with PMS do. If that seems like a threat or something to you then that is your issue. Certainly not me getting "huffy" lord.

Lord is not necessary, VF will do nicely. When we said that it was like dementia, we were not talking about memory, we were talking about the irrational behavior. We made that very clear so bringing up the memory issue was twisting things and not dealing with what we said. The logic of changing the subject to memory was not clear and sounded ominous. (We will not forget or forgive.)

Edited March 30, 201016 yr by villagefarang

It always comes down to "huffy women"

Men im get pms too but luckily for them they don't have a label for it, only that they are in a bad mood. IMO too many blame pms when women are just pissed off for whatever reason & they can be just pissed off even when it is that time of the month. My pms in the past was a total red rage, I had a hormone imbalance due to the pill injection & had no control over my temper. After 3 years off the injection & any form of pill I balanced out & realised just how terrible my rages were, I didn't know it at the time & had zero control over my own mind or body at those times. Now I can recognise my general pms irritability & try to keep my mouth shut & away from people but sometimes I am just pissed off with someone & will let them know. Not pms, just being human. Men also get pms type irritablity but hw lucky for them that they aren't just dismissed as "having pms" & get to actually have a bone fide problem

PMS in some women is nothing more than a mild annoyance at something pointless, in others it can be totally overpowering & uncontrollable & then there are all the other women in vary degrees in between. In the worst cases (I had) to say that the women "needs to behave herself & not take it out on other people" is, from my experience, totally impossible & pointless to suggest. There is no control what so ever.

The OP was asking for WOMEN'S advice on a forum for WOMEN. So why are we bickering with men about this on the WOMEN'S forum??

PMT sufferers are not irrational and I never intended to imply that women bore a grudge about anything the husband may have said during the few days when she was in a bad mood. I was merely pointing out that dementia sufferers have memory problems, PMT women don't AT ANY TIME IN THE MONTH. Hope that's a bit clearer.

As for the comment that issues in a relationship need to be addressed in a non-combative, unemotional and rational manner...... Please try to listen, the minority of women who suffer from PMT are prone to being combative and emotional - THEY ARE IN A BAD MOOD and will take things the wrong way for a few days every month.

Its not remotely similar to men who treat their wives badly at any time of the month (mainly when they're pissed).

If the OP prefers to listen to VF rather than women, that is up to him - but why bother posting here in the first place? Next time just ask your friends.

FYI......My mention of the 'similarity' to symptoms of dementia were only refering to the irritability and mood swings.....never once mentioned forgetfullness or memory lapses. [read back if you don't believe me]. I hope that I've made myself CLEAR on that one.....

I didn't intend my OP to develope into a debate or another battle between the sexes......just to share info on both men's and women's perspective of the effects of PMS and how to lessen the impact on both sexes. Yes, both sexes suffer from PMS......it's irritability and bad moods are contageous.

Another symptom that i notice as a man with my woman and [other women that I've known] is the swings between extreme affection and total isolation/irritability/ don't touch me. Just another manifestation of mood swings??........ Curious and confusing to us men.

I've followed all this thread without making any comments... for good reason. However, it IS the right forum to discuss this problem because this is the forum where most of the women are. And, it IS a relationship question. And, for the most part, women will give a serious reply to a serious question. On the general forum it all goes sideways with too much joking.

I dealt with PMS all my life because I saw how it affected my parents... and us kids. And, it WASN'T nice. My mother WAS irrational, but my father didn't know how to deal with it other than backing away. And, they DID stay married for over 60 years... just not that friendly with each other.

I have 2 good friends here in Thailand that are presently dealing with menopausal women. Neither man wants a divorce, and neither goes bar hopping to get away, but I can sure see their problems at home. My first ex-wife was going through that when we split up, but that was because of her affair with another man, and not the irrational behaviour.

There is much more information today about the whole problem and the wise people try to do something about it. I choose to stay single so I DON'T have to deal with it. Some things I miss about a steady relationship and others I don't. One thing I have learned is no two women are alike in this problem. I've learned that by frank discussions with my adult daughter and my lady friends in Thailand.

I've followed all this thread without making any comments... for good reason.

We have so much in common and so many shared interests it seems natural that we should pull together and not apart.

Good men are often frightened away from this forum, thus denying the opportunity for growth and understanding for all. We shouldn't have to take a self-deprecating posture and prostrate ourselves before you to be heard on shared concerns.

Most of us are responsible partners and very deserving of the love our partners bestow upon us. We understand that things are not always easy for western women in Thailand but being dismissive and cutting yourselves off from men who are trying to be helpful and clearly not misogynists, seems counterproductive to say the least.

Lets all try to get along and not bicker.

I've followed all this thread without making any comments... for good reason.

We have so much in common and so many shared interests it seems natural that we should pull together and not apart.

Good men are often frightened away from this forum, thus denying the opportunity for growth and understanding for all. We shouldn't have to take a self-deprecating posture and prostrate ourselves before you to be heard on shared concerns.

Most of us are responsible partners and very deserving of the love our partners bestow upon us. We understand that things are not always easy for western women in Thailand but being dismissive and cutting yourselves off from men who are trying to be helpful and clearly not misogynists, seems counterproductive to say the least.

Lets all try to get along and not bicker.

I couldn't agree more and apologise if my last post was a touch aggressive, but it seemed to me (and reading back, still seems) as if women tried to explain why women suffering PMS behave the way they do. The explanations were met with, and I quote "The thing I don't get, is the need to make others miserable when one is feeling bad." - I'd tried to point out previously that the women involved often don't even realise they are bad tempered!

Another quote "Some women seem to wear their PMS like a shield or get out of jail free card. That isn't fair." - Again, they don't realise they're doing it - its not being used as an excuse. Its also not fair that some women have to go through this every month and, once they realise, hate themselves for it.

Last quote "My wife says that is pretty much the same excuse that Thai men use in the village, when they treat their wives badly." - see comment on previous quote. This is just offensive.

To summarise, we've tried to explain that women suffering from PMS are over-emotional, bad tempered and will take things the wrong way. Its not an excuse - they can't help it (its hormonal), but once they realise will be embarrassed and ashamed and try to modify their behaviour. Because its 'not them' its the hormones talking, they will often fail, but good relationships will survive these few days and understand what is going on.

To summarise, we've tried to explain that women suffering from PMS are over-emotional, bad tempered and will take things the wrong way. Its not an excuse - they can't help it (its hormonal), but once they realise will be embarrassed and ashamed and try to modify their behaviour. Because its 'not them' its the hormones talking, they will often fail, but good relationships will survive these few days and understand what is going on.

i fully agree with what you said but as a former suffering husband i praise and thank all existing Gods that it's over!

As a peace offering I will refrain from playing the itemized rebuttal game. It never seems to lead anywhere good.

You win and I for one will refrain from any further attempts to shed light on the male perspective. We are obviously not entitled to express how PMS affects us. It is apparently only about the woman.

Oh dear

Shopping and spicy food helps me. But then sometimes i feel like i have "dementia" every day of the month. Probably why i have no friends. And the few that i do have just shrug and mumble about my monthlys amongst themselves. Which makes me paranoid that they are laughing at my choice of odd things I bought that day, which makes me lash out in a very unlady like manner culminating in great heaving sobs and hiding under the duvet. This lasts for weeks and weeks. I also suffer from SAD and have a slight OCD as well. doomed really.

And my nose is long like Pinocchio's....