At 60+ yrs old and having been with many different [Thai and falang] women over the years [not bragging], one would think that I would know a fair share of do's and don'ts when my woman is experiencing her monthly......but the only thing that I know is to give her a wide berth and to avoid any serious or sensitive subjects.

From a man's perspective......we get totally confused when women go through the [hormonal]changes......one minute affectionate and the next biting my head off, never knowing what to expect.

This is not a troll post.....I'm seriously still trying to learn and thought that the 'ladies' on TV could enlighten me.

Thanks in advance for your input on do's and don'ts during that 'sensitive' time of the month........

Its a fair enough question Jaideeguy and one that some men would probably do better in asking.

One thing you might consider, is asking your lady what makes her feel better when she has PMS, but be sure to ask her when she is not having it!

My husband learned to not react to stuff that seemed irrational, buy me chocolate and tell me how much he loves me when I look in the mirror and get the irrational "god I look awful" PMS stuff. I've always been fortunate in that mine has never been too bad, and that I learned to recognize the symptoms and not let them control my life.

But, chocolate, at least for me, always helps. And a non-judgmental and loving attitude on the part of my husband goes far.

Ahhh you want someone to explain all there is to know about women . Won't happen & certainly don't trust these lasses around here to help you out.....they're all part of the evil club

And all along I thought PMS stood for Principles, Morals and Scruples!

And here I thought the OP was asking for women's advice in the ladies forum

Yes, seriously asking for input from women....but i've been on thaivisa long enough to expect the 'jerks' to comment early before the serious dialog starts.

Thanks SBK for your input....but my wife doesn't appreciate chocolate or sweets.......like I do.

'not reacting' seems like the first 'don't', as it seems that some women try to 'bait' the man into reacting and i've learned [most times] to not react.....or wait till later to react.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial if you were to mention what specific behaviours your wife engages in when she has PMT?

PMT?? never heard it called that.

My wife's 'symptoms' are not always the same every month, as all women are not the same either. She is approaching 40yrs and the cramps [bloating] seem to be getting more intense. last

night, she had terrible [what she described as bloating] cramps and I suggested bicarbonate of soda and it seemed to help.......love easy fixes.

Normally she's quite regular and you could set your calendar by her cycles [28days]. gets a couple of pimples a day or 2 before as a warning, then when the flow starts is when she gets the cramps and 'irritability', when nothing I can co is right. That's the hardest time for all of us.

At 4oyrs, she thinks she may be entering menopause......could that be??

she could be whats called perimenopausal but she would be pretty early -- some women do, my sister has early onsoet perimenopausal symptoms but they didn't start until she was in her 40s.

If she feels like her periods are getting worse ie worse cramping etc then she might want to see a gyno about it. Otherwise, if she does experience bloating she needs to cut out the salty foods (I know I know) as it will help. She also might consider downing more soy milk as the estrogen in the soy is supposed to help.

What you can do to help is be kind, understanding without patronizing and realize that if she had a choice she certainly wouldn't choose to feel this way every month.

I don't get many of the supposed symptoms, which is maybe because I am pretty active. Bloating seems to come along with lack of exercise; never had cramps but they might be cured by exercise too.

Yoga is great:

Yoga & PMS

There is one yoga exercise that I got from a book years ago where you exhale completely and contract and extend your stomach. I think it massages your intestines and everything down there. But it has sorted me out for any digestive cramps some of which were probably to do with PMS many times.

Sorry can't remember the name but it is a posture you do standing up with hands resting on thighs.

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by cmsally

Well as stated I guess everyone is different, but one can get irritable just having someone under foot, and I used to get double annoyed when he was trying to be extra nice, so maybe it's best to stay well clear. Normal everyday things that he does perfectly became issues that one can find fault with when suffering PMT. It's like theres a monster inside of you just waiting to pounce, you know you are like this but it's hard to control.

Help is at hand of course, no woman has to go through this, a natural product like a vitamin B6 can help a lot with the symptoms and a talk to a doctor will yield other suggestions, no need to suffer when you can do something about it. Once I got on to B6 most of the symptoms vanished within a month or so.

Funnily enough I never realised that I was in a bad mood at that time of the month - even though I was v aware of the pain, cramping etc. - until my husband responded to something I'd said with "its that time of the month is it"!

Needless to say I FORCEFULLY ( ) denied it - but thought about it later and realised he may have a point. After that I paid more attention to my mood and had to agree that I was best avoided during PMS..... Once I realised, I also tried V hard not to be so bad-tempered (not always successfully ...)

If (like me), your wife doesn't realise how difficult she becomes, it might be worth mentioning it ONCE. It will make her think and realise its her - not you.

Other than that, every woman is different - some will appreciate choccies etc., others prefer to be left alone - in which case try not to do anything to annoy her, and don't let an argument develop.

Obviously its not fair on the man who has to suffer this, but its only for a short time each month.

Incidentally CMSally, its got little to do with how fit you are. I used to cycle to work every day and walk the dogs twice a day - I was pretty fit. The pain though was (almost) unbearable every month.

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by F1fanatic

From a man's perspective.......it's a fine line between 'not being patronising' and 'not being extra nice. I've noticed that neither work and 'just staying well clear' is the best defense.

FYI....do you women know about the 'sympathetic PMS' that us men go thru sometimes when we are close to a woman....then you have two nuclear armed people and have to be extra careful not to pull the trigger or provoke the other one.

Will suggest the vit B6 to the wife. She tried evening primrose for a bout 6 months, but no help with that.

Teach me more.....or does that cover it all??

You can also look forward to her menopause.

"Obviously its not fair on the man who has to suffer this, but its only for a short time each month."

Thanks F1 for the acknowlegement that we men suffer........

"Incidentally CMSally, its got little to do with how fit you are. I used to cycle to work every day and walk the dogs twice a day - I was pretty fit. The pain though was (almost) unbearable every month. "

True, my wife is quite physically fit and it still hits her hard every month. She will warn me by saying that she has a pimple comming, which always precedes her menstration by a couple of days.

And, not to be insulting to women, but I notice some similarities between women on PMS and my 91 yr old father I'm caregiving, who has a form of dementia.....mood swings, irritability etc..

Just my observation.....

I'd forgotten that one! Yes, I used to come out in spots too, even though far too old for adolescent spots.

Can't agree though that there is any similarity between PMS and dementia - dementia patients are not capable of sustaining a SENSIBLE argument - PMS sufferers are more than capable..... They don't forget anything either....

The thing I don't get, is the need to make others miserable when one is feeling bad. Feeling bad seems a poor excuse for justifying bad behavior. No matter how bad you feel you can still choose to be civil, if not polite. Having seen my share of PMS and dementia, I have to agree that they share some ugly similarities.

similarites you see are superficial at best.

And the honest reason most women make others miserable when they have it is because they aren't always aware they are doing it. I am like F1. I made a conscious effort to pinpoint what was going on. In recognizing it, for me at least, it became easier to control. Realizing I was behaving irrationally gave me the power to stop it.

Good for you.

Jaideeguy, you seem lovely!

For her cramps may i suggest buscapan (I believe thats how you spell it), it helps calm down stomach cramps (good, i should add, for cramps when you have an upset stomach too). Easy to get at any pharmacy. I believe its mainly concentrated peppermint..but im not very clued up on it, just know it helps me when i have bad cramps.

However, what has really helped has been to go back on the pill. Once i found a pill that sits will with me (which was a challenge in itself!), i have experienced less pms (btw pmt stands for pre-menstrual tension.) Is your wife on the bcp (pill)? If not, maybe it will help her. If so, maybe a different brand would help her.

But, one thing i definitely do recommend, is not to take anything crabby she does or says to heart or personally. Also sbk says, its good for a woman to be aware if her moods and temper at this time are extreme and causing upset to those around her. PMS is not great, and allowances should be given, but it still not ok to be a raving banshee!

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by eek

The thing I don't get, is the need to make others miserable when one is feeling bad. Feeling bad seems a poor excuse for justifying bad behavior. No matter how bad you feel you can still choose to be civil, if not polite. Having seen my share of PMS and dementia, I have to agree that they share some ugly similarities.

Reply

It;s not a need to make others feel bad, we can't choose to be civil, you would have to be a woman to understand I guess, it's like you become a totally different person, and most of us don't even like ourselves when we are like this, let alone anybody else, I don't believe it's anything like dementia, believe me when I say we see and remember everything when we are like this, nothing is missed. I guess it's a lot to ask of some guys but please be patient and try and get some help for the lady.

The thing I don't get, is the need to make others miserable when one is feeling bad. Feeling bad seems a poor excuse for justifying bad behavior. No matter how bad you feel you can still choose to be civil, if not polite. Having seen my share of PMS and dementia, I have to agree that they share some ugly similarities.

Reply

It;s not a need to make others feel bad, we can't choose to be civil, you would have to be a woman to understand I guess, it's like you become a totally different person, and most of us don't even like ourselves when we are like this, let alone anybody else, I don't believe it's anything like dementia, believe me when I say we see and remember everything when we are like this, nothing is missed. I guess it's a lot to ask of some guys but please be patient and try and get some help for the lady.

Dementia patients are often irrational and delusional. That part is similar. Some women seem to wear their PMS like a shield or get out of jail free card. That isn't fair.

Fortunately I married someone, who with my help, as been able to at least control her actions, if not her feelings. Being a raving banshee is not acceptable behavior from anyone.

"Dementia patients are often irrational and delusional. That part is similar. Some women seem to wear their PMS like a shield or get out of jail free card. That isn't fair."

I have to agree with villagefarang on that one. life is just not fair!!

sbk "And the honest reason most women make others miserable when they have it is because they aren't always aware they are doing it."

Ha, sounds more like dementia to me and I find myself 'dancing' between my Dxed depressed/demented father and my wife that shares some of the same traits for a few days out of every month. Pop, unfortunately has to live with it for the rest of his life unless this Zoloft that I just started him on kicks in.

please make LIFE FAIR!!

Edited March 27, 201016 yr by jaideeguy

Well, guys if it makes you feel better comparing PMS to senile dementia then I guess go right ahead. But again, before you start down that track please do recall that its offensive to women and patently incorrect. Superficialities are there but that is all they are and if you can't see past that, then please don't try to convince others (who know far better than you ever can possibly understand) what PMS is like. Just accept our explanations for something you do not experience as being what it is. cheers.

I do [have to] accept both PMS and dementia/depression [in my 91 yr old Pop]....in fact I have to accept a lot of unpleasant things in life, but at the same time, I try to understand, making life's chalenges a little easier to bare.

Both PMS and dementia are chalenging to understand.....to put it mildly and I only pointed out 'similarities' in the symptoms of both. Not meaning any insult, as I know that they are two different conditions and honestly admitting that all women are not samesame, but different.

I treat my Pop's dementia/depression flare-ups pretty much the same as I treat my wife's monthly PMS.....give them both a wide berth and don't provoke either. Getting it from both sides is kinda like walking a tightrope over a pool with hungry sharks and sometimes my balance gets thrown off.

Anyway.....I still love women and will endure the few days a month that are a little tense. Pop, I have to endure til the end and It won't get much better.

I find myself often saying to the wife "yes dear".

Thanks ladies for your input....

Sorry if that came out harsh, it certainly wasn't meant to be personal. It stems from a frustration with some men on this forum who insist on informing us women what we think and feel when, lets be honest, they can only guess. I don't even begin to pretend to understand how most guys think although I may guess correctly sometimes- but thats what it is, a guess.

Some of us were not telling women what they feel or think. Rather, we were telling you how it affects us, as innocent bystanders and collateral damage. Hopefully sympathy can be shared on both sides. We are not responsible for the hormonal imbalance but often bear the brunt. You don't have to experience PMS to have a valid response to its affect on others.

One issue that I implied in an earlier post was that sometimes it seems [to us men] that when on PMS some women seem to 'bait' us into arguements. that is one of the hardest things about being around you women on PMS. I have learned to dance around those situations and avoid confrontation.....but sometimes it's impossible, or I actually get in bad moods. Not a good combination.

Are you [honest] women aware of that???

Some of us were not telling women what they feel or think. Rather, we were telling you how it affects us, as innocent bystanders and collateral damage. Hopefully sympathy can be shared on both sides. We are not responsible for the hormonal imbalance but often bear the brunt. You don't have to experience PMS to have a valid response to its affect on others.

Agree on this one. PMS is not an accuse to be nasty to others. But you can ask others to be a bit more sympathetic during that time as you're not your usual self.

I doubt its baiting in the way you look at it. What you may think sounds perfectly innocent could be something that sounds accusatory to her. Thing is, I can only stress this again, as Neinke has done, have some sympathy. The women I know who have PMS don't like themselves much that way, so its appreciated if you realize its just a temporary thing and not who she really is.