Off The Wall Humor

[Popeyethesailorman]

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Power outage at a department store yesterday, Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. What's another word for Thesaurus? I have a friend named Denis. Both of his parents were midgets, but he isn't a midget. He's a midget-dwarf. He's three inches tall. He's the one who poses for trophies. I like to skate on the other side of the ice ... I like to reminisce with people I don't know ...... And when I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, `Well, what do you need?' I lost a button hole today. I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually..... Some people think George is weird, because he has sideburns behind his ears... I think George is weird, because he has false teeth... with braces on them. George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.. Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo... He got pretty good... He could go under a rug... All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... with a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store..." Last year we drove across the country... We switched on the driving... every half mile... We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip........... I don't remember what it was...