Where Do I Come From, Dad?

[Thomas_Merton]

Has anyone been confronted by he questioning of a six-year old: the incessant wheres and whys? Our six year old asked the other day, where do I come from?

What surprised me most, was not the question, but my own reaction and the clumsy way in which I replied. Of course theoretically, I was prepared to discuss the nature of life, sexual intercourse, the nurture of children, the nature of two cultures, the wonders of bridging these cultures etc. etc.

But what come out was a sort of mamby, pamby “From Suwankolok with mummy and daddy to go to school in England (being careful not to mention procreation or traditions and cultures)".

Martin was sort of satisfied with my answer, but gave me a bit of a sideways glance, as though he was expecting a little more. Fortunately our new black Labrador pup caused a distraction and the matter appears to be forgotten, for the time being.

But not on Dad’s side. I still think I could have answered differently.

Has anyone been in a similar situation (or has thought a lot about how to tackle this questioning when it comes) and could contribute with some ideas about how they engaged in these discussions (which I am sure will be ongoing)?

[Soi Mongrel]

I think six is a little young for all the gory details. Just tell him he came out of his Mum's tummy-tum.

[Nickerelastic]

First things first, don't lie. Don't make a big deal out of it. If possible get some books..I used a book about pregnancy. Obviously it had pic's showing the developing foetus which my son found far more interesting than the explanation of the mechanics of sex.

Tell your son the truth, use all the correct anatomical words. Then use every playground word he may have picked up. I always found using the playground lingo tended to shut my kids up Mummies aren't supposed to know those words

Above all just be matter of fact

Then take it way over his head and talk about condoms "stranger danger", AIDS, STD's. he'll get bored and probably won't ask again.

Ah! the joys

BTW, I've also got a black lab

[ozzydom]

First things first, don't lie. Don't make a big deal out of it.  If possible get some books..I used a book about pregnancy. Obviously it had pic's showing the developing foetus which my son found far more interesting than the explanation of the mechanics of sex.

Tell your son the truth, use all the correct anatomical words. Then use every playground word he may have picked up. I always found using the playground lingo tended to shut my kids up Mummies aren't supposed to know those words

Above all just be matter of fact

Then take it way over his head and talk about condoms "stranger danger", AIDS, STD's. he'll get bored and probably won't ask again.

Ah! the joys 

BTW, I've also got a black lab

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You mean to say that the stork doesnt leave em in the cabbage patch.

[chownah]

I disagree with the poster that says that 6 is too young for all the details. They are never too young for the details. In fact if you wait until they're 6 you've missed the chance to make it a none issue. I started telling my son all the details when he was 4. I start slipping it into the conversation and explaining all of it to him. I did this regularly and by the time he was old enough that I might have felt inhibited in telling him he already knew and the 'awkward moment' never came. Strange but true!!!! I also told him about drugs when he was really young. I told him all about all the problems...addiction, bad driving, health problems...etc. I even told him that some people thought it was fun to take drugs. I never told him he should not take drugs...I let him decide for himself. When he got old enough to get drugs he really wasn't interested that much. When he tried marijuana he told me and I asked him if he liked it. He didn't especially and never developed the habit or any other drug habit except for the very worst one...cigarettes. So...I'm a failure as a parent...oh well.

[Nickerelastic]

I disagree with the poster that says that 6 is too young for all the details.  They are never too young for the details.  In fact if you wait until they're 6 you've missed the chance to make it a none issue.  I started telling my son all the details when he was 4.  I start slipping it into the conversation and explaining all of it to him.  I did this regularly and by the time he was old enough that I might have felt inhibited in telling him he already knew and the 'awkward moment' never came.  Strange but true!!!!  I also told him about drugs when he was really young.  I told him all about all the problems...addiction, bad driving, health problems...etc. I even told him that some people thought it was fun to take drugs.  I never told him he should not take drugs...I let him decide for himself.  When he got old enough to get drugs he really wasn't interested that much.  When he tried marijuana he told me and I asked him if he liked it.  He didn't especially and never developed the habit or any other drug habit except for the very worst one...cigarettes.  So...I'm a failure as a parent...oh well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Chownah, I agree wholeheartedly with you, my son was probably about 4 his sister 2 when I started telling them about "where babies came from" likewise there were no embarrasing moments. Except when I bought my son his first razor, gawd how he blushed!

Re' drugs I never said don't, for the short period of time my two smoked "Blaw" I allowed them to do so at home.....The novelty soon wore off! The only stipulation I made was, if I even suspected they were using hard drugs I would involve the police.

Thankfully that issue never arose.

[Thomas_Merton]

I disagree with the poster that says that 6 is too young for all the details.  They are never too young for the details.  In fact if you wait until they're 6 you've missed the chance to make it a none issue.  I started telling my son all the details when he was 4.  I start slipping it into the conversation and explaining all of it to him.  I did this regularly and by the time he was old enough that I might have felt inhibited in telling him he already knew and the 'awkward moment' never came.  Strange but true!!!!  I also told him about drugs when he was really young.  I told him all about all the problems...addiction, bad driving, health problems...etc. I even told him that some people thought it was fun to take drugs.  I never told him he should not take drugs...I let him decide for himself.  When he got old enough to get drugs he really wasn't interested that much.  When he tried marijuana he told me and I asked him if he liked it.  He didn't especially and never developed the habit or any other drug habit except for the very worst one...cigarettes.  So...I'm a failure as a parent...oh well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Chownah, I agree wholeheartedly with you, my son was probably about 4 his sister 2 when I started telling them about "where babies came from" likewise there were no embarrasing moments. Except when I bought my son his first razor, gawd how he blushed!

Re' drugs I never said don't, for the short period of time my two smoked "Blaw" I allowed them to do so at home.....The novelty soon wore off! The only stipulation I made was, if I even suspected they were using hard drugs I would involve the police.

Thankfully that issue never arose.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I guess I need to qualify what I wrote:

The sexual thing has never been a problem - we have a farm and animals - both in the UK and Thailand, so birth, death and reproduction are daily natural occurrences to us all and have never been a big deal. Martin, when he was 3 years of age assisted in the birth of half a dozen kids in our goat flock.

What I was alluding to (perhaps I ought not to have included sexual reproduction in my list) was the difficulty in explaining (or even mentioning - I am unsure myself how important this is) the fact that Martin is half English and half Thai.

On a purely racial basis, I cannot see how this mixture should have any significance. I certainly do not believe that it should.

The cultural aspects are also very difficult to put in their place. Martin becomes more and more an Englishman everyday, yet his mother is Thai as is his family in Thailand.

How much do I explain to him the importance of these relationships and the responsibility we (Mum, Dad and Martin) have for encouraging an interest in the cultural (language etc.) of Thailand?

[PeaceBlondie]

Tell them at least as much as they're ready to know, which might be more than you were ready to tell them. Better to tell far too much than a little bit not enough.

I raised six kids. They had an appalling tendency to lose their virginity before age 16 and make enough babies to prove it, but at least they knew what they were doing. When my twin girls were about 14, I told them I was gay and they nonchalantly replied, "Oh, all our friends are bi!"

[Rags]

What I was alluding to (perhaps I ought not to have included sexual reproduction in my list) was the difficulty in explaining (or even mentioning - I am unsure myself how important this is) the fact that Martin is half English and half Thai.

On a purely racial basis, I cannot see how this mixture should have any significance. I certainly do not believe that it should.

The cultural aspects are also very difficult to put in their place. Martin becomes more and more an Englishman everyday, yet his mother is Thai as is his family in Thailand.

How much do I explain to him the importance of these relationships and the responsibility we (Mum, Dad and Martin) have for encouraging an interest in the cultural (language etc.) of Thailand?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would have thought that speaking the two languages is a useful key.

My son is just over two and a half years old and speaks both Thai and English, and he knows the names for both. e.g. if he is watching a DVD with a Thai soundtrack, he will sometimes ask us to switch the setting to English.

I am hoping that his understanding of the differences in language used by Mum & Dad, will provide him with an awareness and an interest in the two different sides of our family. This together with exposure to both Thai and Western cultures (albeit an expat Western culture), should make any questions about where he comes from quite easy to deal with......hopefully.....

Rags

[duke69]

The problem is that if you tell him the truth + lesson on HIV/AIDS and all related stuff, then expect him to ask you to come with you to Nana or SoyCowboy and have a demostration with a BG!!!

Just give him some Viagra and he will be ready and stiff also 6 yrs old!

[TizMe]

If the kids old enough to ask the question, then they are old enough to hear the answer.

[meadish_sweetball]

I disagree with the poster that says that 6 is too young for all the details.  They are never too young for the details.  In fact if you wait until they're 6 you've missed the chance to make it a none issue.  I started telling my son all the details when he was 4.  I start slipping it into the conversation and explaining all of it to him.  I did this regularly and by the time he was old enough that I might have felt inhibited in telling him he already knew and the 'awkward moment' never came.  Strange but true!!!!  I also told him about drugs when he was really young.  I told him all about all the problems...addiction, bad driving, health problems...etc. I even told him that some people thought it was fun to take drugs.  I never told him he should not take drugs...I let him decide for himself.  When he got old enough to get drugs he really wasn't interested that much.  When he tried marijuana he told me and I asked him if he liked it.  He didn't especially and never developed the habit or any other drug habit except for the very worst one...cigarettes.  So...I'm a failure as a parent...oh well.

Chownah, I agree wholeheartedly with you, my son was probably about 4 his sister 2 when I started telling them about "where babies came from" likewise there were no embarrasing moments. Except when I bought my son his first razor, gawd how he blushed!

Re' drugs I never said don't, for the short period of time my two smoked "Blaw" I allowed them to do so at home.....The novelty soon wore off! The only stipulation I made was, if I even suspected they were using hard drugs I would involve the police.

Thankfully that issue never arose.

I guess I need to qualify what I wrote:

The sexual thing has never been a problem - we have a farm and animals - both in the UK and Thailand, so birth, death and reproduction are daily natural occurrences to us all and have never been a big deal. Martin, when he was 3 years of age assisted in the birth of half a dozen kids in our goat flock.

What I was alluding to (perhaps I ought not to have included sexual reproduction in my list) was the difficulty in explaining (or even mentioning - I am unsure myself how important this is) the fact that Martin is half English and half Thai.

On a purely racial basis, I cannot see how this mixture should have any significance. I certainly do not believe that it should.

The cultural aspects are also very difficult to put in their place. Martin becomes more and more an Englishman everyday, yet his mother is Thai as is his family in Thailand.

How much do I explain to him the importance of these relationships and the responsibility we (Mum, Dad and Martin) have for encouraging an interest in the cultural (language etc.) of Thailand?

The best way would have been if your wife spoke Thai and nothing but Thai to him from day one. That way he would have got the language without effort.

As for now, as parents, I suppose you need to show that Thailand and Thai culture are important to you. Concrete action is the key. Do as you want him to do - what you say is a lot less important. But you know this already.

[Nickerelastic]

Two of my nephews have a brazillian mother, at home here in the uk all the family speak portuguese when indoors.

One of the boys planned to become a plastic surgeon go back to Brazil and earn fortune He's now training to be a paediatrician and planning and go back to Brazil and and give something back to the country he was born in.

My sons last g/f whom he met in Switzerland was Russian/Finnish she had been brought up with both cultures, as well as speaking her parents languages she speaks english and german and now a good bit of scots dialect.

The world is getting smaller if a child has parents from different cultures the child can only benefit enormously from being taught at home about those cultures.

That's my tuppence worth

[paulbkk]

maybe im missing the point but if a 6 year old asks where he comes from, say yr moms tummy, time will tell him the rest. 6 year olds are gengerally tripping out at that age, they can figure it all out themselves, its the year 2005, by the time hes 10 he'll know enough

Edited June 8, 2005 by paulbkk

[custard]

Tell him your wife had a massive massive &lt;deleted&gt; and he's the remainder of it.