Never Get A Massage

[westybrook]

Was sitting at a bar with a nice young lady. Was supping my bottle of beer chang when this very fat Thai man came over and started offering all the falang a massage. They all said no. I don't know why but he made me have one. I kept saying no to him and was waving him away with my hand but he just started rubbing my back and neck.

Anyway I thought ok I will have it, I'm not going to mess with this man. I did notice the dirty state of his hands which I wasn't too happy with.

What I'm angry about is he did something which has now left my neck with a constant clicking noise. What he did was crack my neck but I don't think he knew what he was doing and it almost snapped my neck. I wasn't expecting that and actually did a little pooh which is really embarassing to say.

After that I just started crying and some of the bar staff made him leave. I had to pay 50 baht each to the women that made him leave which I wasn't too happy about as it cost me 250 baht to have this awful experience happen to me. The pain is getting worse and I nearly black out because of it. I need to go see a doctor about this because this is so painful.

Please don't have a massage from unprofessional get rich quick scam men.

[DavidOxon]

Goodness

glad I live on a different planet to you!

David

[BigWheelMan]

Very simple:

Mai ow krup

Wouldn`t it had been cheaper just to walk out of the bar, rather than paying people to oust this guy?

[westybrook]

I had just got my beer and the I really wanted to go with the woman in the bar so I didn't want to leave. My problem is I'm a bit of a push over, I admitt that myself. Have been mugged loads of time, and friends who I thought were friends end up doing something really bad to me.

Have had bad luck since school really.

[elkangorito]

Since you are a tourist, go & see a real doctor when you go home, which should be in less than 30 days.

In the meantime, learn to say 'No' properly...even if it means *'sharting' yourself.

* Shart - a situation whereby one intends to 'pass wind' but in actual fact, passes wind & accidentally passes some faeces as well.

[JUDAS]

Since you are a tourist, go & see a real doctor when you go home, which should be in less than 30 days.

In the meantime, learn to say 'No' properly...even if it means *'sharting' yourself.

* Shart - a situation whereby one intends to 'pass wind' but in actual fact, passes wind & accidentally passes some faeces as well.

'Shart' thanks for the laugh

[londonthai]

it's rare for a mobile massage other places than the beach (usually the old ladies or workers from the nearby massage salon send by the owner to work daytime where the tourists are - they wear their company uniforms or at least a badge with a picture and name of the company).

This cracking of the neck is common in thai massage and generally safe, if you don't have an underlying medical condition. You should see a doctor, have an xray or mri

[IanForbes]

This has got to be a troll. NOBODY makes you do ANYTHING unless he's got a gun pointed at you. Why would ANYONE let some stranger put their hands on you, and especially a fat, ugly one?

I shouldn't even have responded.

[NADTATIDA1]

I had just got my beer and the I really wanted to go with the woman in the bar so I didn't want to leave. My problem is I'm a bit of a push over, I admitt that myself. Have been mugged loads of time, and friends who I thought were friends end up doing something really bad to me.

Have had bad luck since school really.

how old are you? mugged loads of times?? you got mugged again by the bar girls! if this is true?...i doubt it though

[westybrook]

Thanks for replying Mr Forbes.

I'm an easy going guy, I will give all people a chance to impress me, this guy didn't and has probably caused me some real damage now. So I started this post just to warn people about this. I have had massages done to me many times, usually with oil rubbed all over me, delicious! I am not against massages or men doing them. I admitt I do love women giving me a massage, but if they don't know what they are doing and don't warn before hand then they should be in prison for doing a bad job.

My neck still hurts

[westybrook]

I'm a middle aged gentleman.

[NADTATIDA1]

What bad luck have you had since leaving school then?

[elkangorito]

This has got to be a troll. NOBODY makes you do ANYTHING unless he's got a gun pointed at you. Why would ANYONE let some stranger put their hands on you, and especially a fat, ugly one?

I shouldn't even have responded.

Sorry to disappoint you Ian but there are literally zillions of people who have no idea of 'responsibility', which could relate to being conditioned to 'western law'. These people ultimately respond to things like 'guilt' & 'ego'...a very sad situation.

[coxhoedave]

This has got to be a troll. NOBODY makes you do ANYTHING unless he's got a gun pointed at you. Why would ANYONE let some stranger put their hands on you, and especially a fat, ugly one?

I shouldn't even have responded.

Maybe you are right Ian but at least he gave us all a bloody good laugh

[NADTATIDA1]

This has got to be a troll. NOBODY makes you do ANYTHING unless he's got a gun pointed at you. Why would ANYONE let some stranger put their hands on you, and especially a fat, ugly one?

I shouldn't even have responded.

Sorry to disappoint you Ian but there are literally zillions of people who have no idea of 'responsibility', which could relate to being conditioned to 'western law'. These people ultimately respond to things like 'guilt' & 'ego'...a very sad situation.

Or it could just be the Pattaya syndrome!

[westybrook]

Where do I start about my bad luck. At school I was always picked on for being weak and frail. I have ginger hair, I wore glasses, now I wear contacts

Never had friends at school or college. Was picked on for being ginger.

Left college with bad grades in my subjec (computer studies)

Never had a real girlfriend I have always needed to give something for love. You know what I mean people, it's paper or metal

Have been mugged in the street in the UK and once here in Thailand, was falsly arrested for something in Udon Thani and spent over 4 and a half months in prison waiting for my day in court. Bad things happened to me in there, and I don't want to talk about that please.

I am lonely and have come to Thailand to find love and make friends.

[sanook2me]

The funniest thing i have read all week..

I did a little pooh and started crying

Sorry for you OP being bullied is not funny if you are on the receiving end of it.....

But your statement is the best ever...

[elkangorito]

Or it could just be the Pattaya syndrome!

AKA the 'I left my brain in another country' syndrome? Is this correct?

[elkangorito]

Bad things happened to me in there, and I don't want to talk about that please.

I am lonely and have come to Thailand to find love and make friends.

It sounds very much like you want to talk about it.

Being a bit serious now, I had 'self esteem' problems until I was about 35. Without going into the details, I took it upon myself to seek professional help, which I did. The 'free' counselor I saw (Australia) listened to me for 2 hours (2 x 1 hour sessions) & simply asked me some questions afterwards. The answers to the questions were not meant for her ears...they were meant for me to answer for myself.

The outcome was that I was a different person...I listened to my answers.

In short, if you believe that you are 'bad luck', not worthy or in any way 'less' than anybody else, you will behave accordingly.

I really think you need some assistance in this matter but please do not PM me.

[NADTATIDA1]

Where do I start about my bad luck. At school I was always picked on for being weak and frail. I have ginger hair, I wore glasses, now I wear contacts

Never had friends at school or college. Was picked on for being ginger.

Left college with bad grades in my subjec (computer studies)

Never had a real girlfriend I have always needed to give something for love. You know what I mean people, it's paper or metal

Have been mugged in the street in the UK and once here in Thailand, was falsly arrested for something in Udon Thani and spent over 4 and a half months in prison waiting for my day in court. Bad things happened to me in there, and I don't want to talk about that please.

I am lonely and have come to Thailand to find love and make friends.

Quality! keep em coming

[westybrook]

Thank you Elk for you warm words. You are a nice person. If I could buy you a beer chang one day I would.

I don't think I'm bad luck, as such, just that bad things happen to some. It's not about luck but more about as you said self esteem.

I thought about taking up some kind of MMA as I want to be able to defend myself.

I was out once with a woman, I wasn't mugged or anything but she was and you know what I did... I ran. I know it's bad, but there were 2 of them and I was scared, but rather than help her and myself I just ran and left her. I just ran back to my room. I was so scared I didn't even go back to see if she was ok. I just thought ok I lost out tonight, I wasted a bar fine and ended up in bed alone that night. I never went back to the bar in case she questions me about why I left her like I did.

[elkangorito]

Thank you Elk for you warm words. You are a nice person. If I could buy you a beer chang one day I would.

I don't think I'm bad luck, as such, just that bad things happen to some. It's not about luck but more about as you said self esteem.

I thought about taking up some kind of MMA as I want to be able to defend myself.

I was out once with a woman, I wasn't mugged or anything but she was and you know what I did... I ran. I know it's bad, but there were 2 of them and I was scared, but rather than help her and myself I just ran and left her. I just ran back to my room. I was so scared I didn't even go back to see if she was ok. I just thought ok I lost out tonight, I wasted a bar fine and ended up in bed alone that night. I never went back to the bar in case she questions me about why I left her like I did.

Firstly, Mods...my post (this post) is now 'off topic'. Please feel free to speak to me if it conflicts with 'things'.

Westy, I empathise with you.

Do not be concerned with 'being a man' as this attitude is nonsense.

I am of the opinion that you would be well advised to speak to someone about your situation but in the meantime, I can only offer the following advice, take it or leave it:

1] Do not be afraid to be 'afraid'.

2] You are NEVER alone. I live by myself & can go for weeks without any 'real' human contact. Of course, I speak to people but sometimes it is not 'the right time' for others to be in my life. I accept this & I am never lonely. Before I cured myself, I was 'lonely' but now, I enjoy & relish my own company when I can get it.

3] Ask yourself this question, "Am I happy?" Make sure that you answer it honestly. Very few people are 'happy'. The bad news is that if you lie to yourself, you will always say that you are happy. If you are 'not happy', you need to look into yourself & find out why.

4] The belief that the world is all 'cause & effect' is misguided. The only thing you need to be concerned with (please note that I didn't say 'worried') is your reaction to situations, none of which can be deemed as 'good' or 'bad'. Quite simply, there is no such thing as 'good & bad' in this universe...everything seems to exist in a strangely balanced way. The only 'good & bad' comes from ones own beliefs (which includes blindly following the 'law').

Good luck...it ain't easy trusting yourself if you've never done it before.

[anothertorres]

Please don't have a massage from unprofessional get rich quick scam men.

haha, that wasn't a get-rich-quick scam. you got manhandled by some dude. shower yourself...

[westybrook]

Did you write that looking for another beer Elk Thanks my friend.

I ran from the two guys because that's what happened to me at school. I would get chased, slapped around and then thrown in the nearest bush or bin. So when any fights break out I just run. I felt so bad that I bar fined her and then left her to get beat up.

I felt alone when I was locked up in Udon. Prison in Thailand is no laughing matter. Conditons are awful.

Before my life in the UK was bad because I felt so alone, I could not get any woman to like me.

Here they LOVE me and I can do things to them I could only dream about, here I AM KING!

[elkangorito]

I have said 'my piece' & I shall say no more except that I positively dislike Chang beer (I refuse to say 'beer Chang'). It rates as one of the worst beers in the entire cosmos.

[Mossfinn]

Please don't have a massage from unprofessional get rich quick scam men.

Pretty good advice there Westy, cheers

[Mossfinn]

Mai ow

I would have thought making little cat noises may well have made the situation worse

[wasabi]

Get rich quick men are not the only risk for this. Nearly all Thai Masseuses believe they are also Chiropractors and know how to adjust one's neck. I always vehemently insist not to do this. You can say in Thai Mai dtong dat kaw krap. Or ya hak kaw krap if you want to be more forceful.

As far as the massage men I stand up say mai ow krap and give them 10 baht so they will get out of my face.

[westybrook]

You don't like beer chang Elk?

I used to brew my own beer once, but it's very difficult here because all you need is one little fly or nat to get in, piss, and then the whole beer has turned to vinegar.

I served it up to some friends of mine, well they're not any more, but when they were it made them all sick including myself. I thought it was funny but not them.

[elkangorito]

Oh look!!! It's very easy! They don't need to paid anything to go away. Just get a bit physical by removing their hands from your body & then say 'My ow'. Ignore any remarks/looks they give you.

Westy, about beer...I prefer lower alcohol content than Chang. It's too strong & tastes like George W's crap. My favourite beer is 'Wheat beer', aka 'Redback'. Not available in Thailand & expensive in Australia but a lovely soft flavour.