How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

[dumball]

Two good answers t.s. , so many posters respond when they have not understood the gist of a thread , Ianforbs seemed to be the only one who had an understanding of posts I have made on this thread and responded with what he had done in like manner , thanks for the back up Ian .

[Valdezugar]

Have any of you tried? Go up to a woman in London, and tell her you want to pay for her entire life, and her family, and see what happens. Tell her you just want to spend a few weeks a year with her, while you go work on an oil rig, or in Iraq, or whatever, and that you will pay for her to go to university, pay for a house in the country, buy her a car, etc, I think you will have more success then you might expect. And I doubt those ladies will be stealing cash out of your wallet, and coming up with sick buffalo stories. And they probably won't already have 3 children "living in the village" with Yai while they whore around BKK.

Yep, I tried that

She took 600,000 UKP off me in the divorce, she was 50 and we didn't even have sex very often.

No sick buffalo stories in the UK but plenty of domestic violence stories ........ same same!

Plenty of farang got cleaned out by the western wife; might as well enjoy some benefits if chances are it's just about the money.

If you did that in my country you'd end up with more than one wife!

[atyclb]

A person should "marry into a family"

Not "Buy into it"

Find a woman with comparable demographic profile. Hint: her family does not need money, is self sufficient and non-parasitic, nor in the "daughter find a farang get his money for us" mode.

[atyclb]

A person should "marry into a family"

Not "Buy into it"

Find a woman with comparable demographic profile. Hint: her family does not need money, is self sufficient and non-parasitic, nor in the "daughter find a farang get his money for us" mode

Edited November 13, 2010 by atyclb

[afarang]

i asked the thai girlfriend and she said up to me what i pay to the MIL, i do not have to pay anything. if i do not pay, she will pay something every month - but that is up to her.

and you are all correct when you say, what the WG pays is his arrangement. the WG said i would have to pay 500,000 sin sod. i did a little research, and found out i would have to pay nothing. my thai girlfriend asked her mum what i should pay for sin sod, and the MIL said as long as i look after her daughter i do not have to pay anything. maybe a token gesture which will be returned. so the WG was wrong.

good idea - stranger in paradise - i will ask the MiL what she is ''wants'' every month. i will claim poverty. i think there is some history within the family between the mother / father and my thai girlfriend, ( well, according to the WG there is ) - if i left it up to her to pay, the family thinks she wont pay.

the WG also said the children are the parents pension plan. so the children have to support the parents. both parents do not work. i think the father fights cockerals

He is into rooster fighting? That is where the money is needed for. BIG money, if he can get it. To gamble. Have you ever seen how much is wagered?

[afarang]

How much to pay?

Most people who don't know what they are talking about will say that all Thai families take advantage of a farang husband, those who know say that some do it. I have been married twice in Thailand and neither family ever asked for a single bath, I helped them a bit anyway because I respect them, of course.

How about the family? Do they deserve respect? If they do then you should help them, if they do not deserve any respect, then don't or pay very little. If you don't pay anything then it is likely that the wife will help out anyway. If that happens, quietly estimate how much she is helping them with and if it is reasonable then respect your wife for finding a middle-way solution that includes respecting you. If it's too much, then let her know that. It is normal for Thai men to help and support the wife's family a bit, perhaps the wife should think that she deserves someone better than the farang husband she has if her family is good and the man still won't accept to help then them a bit. It's all about respect. A few / couple of thousand bath per month is not unusual and it is well invested money I think, if the family is good.

Your case I think 3,000 to 4,000 bath per month should be the correct amount. The one who is an idiot is the first husband who pays WAY too much. That is not your problem though, you respect your way, what he does is his problem. I would recommend the other guy to half what he pays today

Never think that paying the family a couple of thousand bath per month is the family taking advantage of you, that's rubbish. Everything is of course up to where the family lives, how old they are, ability to work, money, all of that. Family members of working age stopping to work because you pay them are not showing you respect. Good sign that less should be paid of course. If the 60 year old father of your wife is still working as a construction worker then perhaps you could respect him more if he's good. It's of course all depending on your money situation too, if you're short on money, then the wife should respect that you, your wife and your child is the most important thing and pay as little as ever possible, if you're making good money, then pay more. Many westerners are plain stupid and pay way too much, that's why this is a problem in the first place.

Nicely discuss with the wife - 2 way communication please - what is her and her parents expectations? Tell her your expectations. Settle for 3,000 to 4,000 thousand per month

You have a spoilt family because of the stupidity of the other farang, that could be a difficult situation.

And thell the other stupid farang that you recommend him paying half of what he does today...

Good Luck

I am not surprised they did not ask you for a single BATH. What on earth would they do with a BATH?

[afarang]

I must be the tightest nastiest guy in Thailand. My inlaws get jack all from me. I have lent them money previously & they have paid me back or should I say, are in the process of paying me back. There might be Thai ideas and Thai customs but guess what, I'm not Thai.

Anyway, when they get really old I might knock up a couple of huts at the back of my land (if I get stupid enuf to buy some) somewhere and take care of them, perhaps put them to work dehusking rice or something.

There is no free lunch at my place.

I lent money ,many times. Sometimes they paid some back,sometimes not. If they borrowed from Thais, they would have to pay back + "dok bia". Interest .With me ,they paid back ,about 60%.No interest.Not concerned about monies given. A learning experience. In a word- DON"T

[afarang]

OP what you have got to ask yourself,,if you fell on hard times,had jack shit,would they the MIL +FIL take care of you.(food ,somewhere to stay etc)Only you will no the answer to this.If YES then why

not bung them something per month,look at it this way, it keeps the misses happy,and is kind of an insurance policy at the same time .

Some years ago i had everything and lost most of it,now the people i took care of, WERE there to pick me up,dust me off and get me back on track .

You were lucky. I was by myself ,got very sick .My family walked past my front door,which was open , many times every day. NOT 1 cared to enquire about my health. Totally ignored. Were not backward ,in coming forward when they needed money to pay for repairs ,when they "rolled The Rot Thai",Though

[afarang]

I wonder what the percentage of men donating funds to the family are truely happy with this arrangement.Paying them to little or to much will not buy respect.

It certainly does not. The demands only get bigger. The more you give, they understand the more fool you are

[afarang]

Many stories like that are happen everywhere in Thailand. My best friend form Germany has the same problem with his Mother in Law. He got married with my Wifes Cousin.

And they were thinking he will do same as i did, buid a House with pool etc........He didn't and he couldn't but he pay 4000 baht a month to her Mother.

I seam to lucky as my Wifes Mother gave me Money , once even 30000Baht and she said i maybe need it as i spend a lot of money to build our House. Unfortunatly she passed away a couple of weeks ago.

But in Thailand it's many times like that when they see a Farang a lot of Thais they imagine we are all rich.:jap:

You are correct but unfortunately for many farangs the whole love and marriage thing is purely financial. My wife is asked all the time if l have a friend they can marry and most of these ladies are already married to Thais or have kids from a husband thats deserted.

NO!!!!. That surely cannot be true. I mean.

[afarang]

Many stories like that are happen everywhere in Thailand. My best friend form Germany has the same problem with his Mother in Law. He got married with my Wifes Cousin.

And they were thinking he will do same as i did, buid a House with pool etc........He didn't and he couldn't but he pay 4000 baht a month to her Mother.

I seam to lucky as my Wifes Mother gave me Money , once even 30000Baht and she said i maybe need it as i spend a lot of money to build our House. Unfortunatly she passed away a couple of weeks ago.

But in Thailand it's many times like that when they see a Farang a lot of Thais they imagine we are all rich.:jap:

You are correct but unfortunately for many farangs the whole love and marriage thing is purely financial. My wife is asked all the time if l have a friend they can marry and most of these ladies are already married to Thais or have kids from a husband thats deserted.

NO!!!!. That surely cannot be true. I mean.

eeeeeeeeer, sorry , yes.

( Blimey, your a bit behind with your reading )

Apprec

Appreciate that someone has a sense of humour ,Sometimes somewhat lacking here.

[Kwasaki]

My Thai muma gives me 200 bath from her monthly 500 bath she receives from the government so l can get a couple of beers.

[afarang]

My Thai muma gives me 200 bath from her monthly 500 bath she receives from the government so l can get a couple of beers.

You get 200 bath- s? You need 200 bath to buy beer?How do you carry them? How much does one bath weigh? Better you than me, Gunga Din.

[travelmann]

Tell him to F*** Off and that way you dont ever have to speak to him again or the family as they will probably just treat you like sh!t and bleed you dry.

It worked for me..well that and both her parents were dead which helped but we dont speak to any of her family they just want money.

[PoorSucker]

Tell the other guy you have no money.

He's family now so he should pay you 30.000 baht for your life style.

[saraburioz]

I'd feel like I was buying my wife if I had to pay a monthly wage to the MIL - what a heap of <deleted>.

Do you guys that pay have no self-pride, esteem?

If I couldn't find a woman who didn't want me for money, I'd become a monk.

[inthepink]

It amazes me how many Western men seem to have married into very poor families in Thailand. Where exactly do you meet these girls? I'm not really a snob but I wouldn't fancy marrying an unemployed layabout's daughter in the UK, who had little education and constantly asked me for money, and I wouldn't do it here either.

Edited November 13, 2010 by inthepink

[cdnvic]

One post deleted that was rather insulting.

[IanForbes]

It amazes me how many Western men seem to have married into very poor families in Thailand. Where exactly do you meet these girls? I'm not really a snob but I wouldn't fancy marrying an unemployed layabout's daughter in the UK, who had little education and constantly asked me for money, and I wouldn't do it here either.

The thing is that if the unemployed layabout's daughter is a 20 year old hottie then there will be guys lining up to marry her. Of course they forget that in 10 or 15 years time she will be 40 pounds over weight and STILL think she's a hottie.

There is an old truism that goes... A fool and his money are soon parted.

Smart, educated Thai girls from good families know their own value. They aren't going to sell themselves off to some old farang with only a modest income. Unless the farang can speak the Thai language in a fluent manner the chances of meeting an educated Thai woman who is also a beauty are slim and none. That leaves the bar girls and the women who work for hotels or jobs in the tourist areas. Those gals know the score, and the average farang on his first trip to Thailand is like fresh meat to be toyed with. Some poor bloke in his 50s or 60s who hasn't a chance at an attractive woman back home is now surrounded by lovely gals a third his age. Considering that most men's brains go mushy at the first sign of a lovely lady paying him attention, it is understandable that he can be talked into anything.

Nothing wrong with paying the mother in law a bit to keep her on your side, but just don't over do it. Everything in life is a trade off. Yah gotta give a little to get a little. Keep everyone happy and things run smoother.

[inthepink]

It amazes me how many Western men seem to have married into very poor families in Thailand. Where exactly do you meet these girls? I'm not really a snob but I wouldn't fancy marrying an unemployed layabout's daughter in the UK, who had little education and constantly asked me for money, and I wouldn't do it here either.

The thing is that if the unemployed layabout's daughter is a 20 year old hottie then there will be guys lining up to marry her. Of course they forget that in 10 or 15 years time she will be 40 pounds over weight and STILL think she's a hottie.

There is an old truism that goes... A fool and his money are soon parted.

Smart, educated Thai girls from good families know their own value. They aren't going to sell themselves off to some old farang with only a modest income. Unless the farang can speak the Thai language in a fluent manner the chances of meeting an educated Thai woman who is also a beauty are slim and none. That leaves the bar girls and the women who work for hotels or jobs in the tourist areas. Those gals know the score, and the average farang on his first trip to Thailand is like fresh meat to be toyed with. Some poor bloke in his 50s or 60s who hasn't a chance at an attractive woman back home is now surrounded by lovely gals a third his age. Considering that most men's brains go mushy at the first sign of a lovely lady paying him attention, it is understandable that he can be talked into anything.

Nothing wrong with paying the mother in law a bit to keep her on your side, but just don't over do it. Everything in life is a trade off. Yah gotta give a little to get a little. Keep everyone happy and things run smoother.

Hmmm...I don't think that all smart, educated Thai girls see marriage as a financial transaction although of course I only have my own limited experience to draw on. I'm 42 and although I can see the obvious attraction of marrying a 20 year-old hottie (from a poor family), I wouldn't want to live with someone half my age. Cultural + class + age differences would be a recipe for disaster in my opinion. Most of the relationships of this nature that I have witnessed went South pretty quickly.

[sirineou]

How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

You dont have to pay anything. How much do you want to contribute?

It all depends on your financial situation,and your relationship to your Wifes Family.

If you make 6,000 bth a day in the west and you love and appreciate your wifes family, then I dont think it would be unreasonable to send then 1/160 of your wages to make their lives easier.If you are a compassionate man.

You also must conciser your wifes feelings, you realy cant expect her to live in Luxury, while her beloved mother sleeps on the floor?Put your self in your wifes place, how would you feel if it was your mother?

So the question is , How much do you love your wife?

All these, are questions that can only be answered by you. The answer is in your heart.

Good Luck.

[RasiMike]

The only suggestion I have is not to pay any money , buy them the MEANS to make money for themselves IF they work , as has been mentioned , how did they manage before ? That is what I set up for my extended family and it has worked well for them , on occassions when funds get low , my wife helps out from her monthly budget , the onus is on her to stretch the budget , this is better for all concerned over the long haul , it is called 'Self sufficiency' .

IMO this is right on the money. We approached it the same way when we left our Thai home to come to back to OZ. My wife and I gave the in-laws the option of continuing our business and improving their lot... themselves. We trained up my SIL (youngest daughter) who now successfully manages our shop along with my MIL/FIL. They pay their own way and have improved their situation in too many ways to number. We benefit in that they all combine their efforts to look after our home and garden until we return. Before we married, my wife and I sat down and explained the farang idea of looking after their own children first...not their parents. We've loaned money to them that was always paid back and only on two occassions have I personally given any money to them without condition. Both were for serious medical emergencys that would have meant death if urgent attention wasn't sought. I always paid any family member that WORKS for or with me on renos/landscaping or building and they have given us rice, ducks and meat when we helped them do work.

I'm guessing that long before some westerner started paying for their daughters' company, these families all worked to get by.

[mca]

Amazingly there are financially independent women on good salaries with equally financially independent families who have no want nor need for your money. The stark brutal truth is in the majority of cases these women are not to be found wearing Chang Beer mini dresses serving ale at an outside bar, selling you a packet of ciggies behind the counter at 7-11 or as sales girls at the local mall hovering round the Pierre Cardin 50% off racks. Not even taking into account the girls who are experts in different types of hotel bathrooms and ceiling designs.

[JurgenG]

I don't usually get involved with discussions like this but I would like to clarify something. Traditionally, the parents are taken care financially by the son(s) of the family. If the family doesn't have a son, normally the daughter(s) would have to take care of them instead. In many case, the duty falls to the oldest of the offspring alone. That's one of the reasons why the oldest often get the biggest share of the inheritance. Anyway, the obligation is their alone, not yours. You may help your wife in supporting her aging parents voluntarily. There is nothing wrong with that. Many people do it but it's not a duty or compulsory for you. You have already paid that by paying SidSod. They should not demand this support from you.

Best regards,

Roy

I'm happy to see someone who can see a bit further than the usual "taking advantage of farangs" thing.

Both my gf and her siblings pay some allowance to their parents since they started to work. Why ? Because it's the right thing to do. There is no retirement scheme in Thailand . Parents pay for their kids then kids pay for their parent. For some it's more symbolic, for others it's more needed.

But some time people get too greedy, it's up to you to set up the limit you're comfortable with.

Edited November 14, 2010 by JurgenG

[bdenner]

How much monthly allowance did you pay your western, ex MiL (assuming your a divorced expat)?

Pay the new one exactly the same amount, just to be fair.

[bangkokburning]

mcplumeria

impressive effort. you know thailand, indeed asia well indeed.

could not have stated it better.

[IanForbes]

Smart, educated Thai girls from good families know their own value. They aren't going to sell themselves off to some old farang with only a modest income. Unless the farang can speak the Thai language in a fluent manner the chances of meeting an educated Thai woman who is also a beauty are slim and none. That leaves the bar girls and the women who work for hotels or jobs in the tourist areas. Those gals know the score, and the average farang on his first trip to Thailand is like fresh meat to be toyed with. Some poor bloke in his 50s or 60s who hasn't a chance at an attractive woman back home is now surrounded by lovely gals a third his age. Considering that most men's brains go mushy at the first sign of a lovely lady paying him attention, it is understandable that he can be talked into anything.

....................................................................................................................................................

Hmmm...I don't think that all smart, educated Thai girls see marriage as a financial transaction although of course I only have my own limited experience to draw on. I'm 42 and although I can see the obvious attraction of marrying a 20 year-old hottie (from a poor family), I wouldn't want to live with someone half my age. Cultural + class + age differences would be a recipe for disaster in my opinion. Most of the relationships of this nature that I have witnessed went South pretty quickly.

Exactly the point I was making. Unless a couple are on the same wave length (culturally, sexually, and mentally) it just adds another possible problem for the future of ANY relationship. But again, we are only talking in generalities here. I've seen all sorts of relationships working very well despite all the obvious differences. When you get into specifics of relationships it is where we get all the disagreement on these forums. People try to compare generalities with specifics and it just doesn't work.

[dannyman]

Don't be a CHEAP CHARLIE ! baht-UP

[JurgenG]

Smart, educated Thai girls from good families know their own value. They aren't going to sell themselves off to some old farang with only a modest income. Unless the farang can speak the Thai language in a fluent manner the chances of meeting an educated Thai woman who is also a beauty are slim and none.

You forget girls educated abroad and who find themselves at odds with the traditional Thai values especially regarding the role of women in society. And you don't have to speak Thai, they're usually fluent in English

[gregb]

My personal take on this, as someone who has to pay the in laws because nobody else in the family does, is that it is really rude to refuse to pay your fair share. You know the score when marrying one of these ladies. You should know the monthly support rate before getting involved. If you think it is too high, find a different girl/family. Once you have made your selection, it is your responsibility to assume a percentage of support proportional to those with means. If there are 3 farangs in the family, each should pay one third. If there are 2, each should pay one half. If you choose a girl from a family already infected with the farang virus, then you simply have to accept the consequences of your selection.

The OP's original story struck me as being exceedingly unreasonable, despite a very practical and well meaning suggestion from the other farang in the family. Personally, if I was that other farang, I would do everything I could to poison the relationship between the sister in law and the incoming cheap charlie. I would constantly be making up stories about him and telling the sister in law what a good for nothing useless POS he truly was, and how many prostitutes I saw him taking from the bar the other night.

I am quite certain it would eventually end in divorce, and I would help the SIL with good lawyers to soak him for everything she could get, as well as free advice during the marriage on how to maximize her take.

What the OP is doing is just plain rude, not to mention stupid. Carry your own weight or get lost. Those are your options. If you don't like the existing arrangement, find a new girl/family that is currently unencumbered where you can make your own dynamic. It isn't like there aren't thousands to choose from.