Thai Marriage

[ttthailand]

I have a friend who has a new Thai girlfriend. After two months together she told him that she got married to a Thai man about a year ago. There was no legal paper work but had the village get together and money paid to family etc. The marriage only lasted two month. She threw him out for being lazy and staying out drinking with friends and who knows what else. Is this marriage over in Thai minds ? Can she marry again ? What problems can he have ?

[HYENA]

The marriage is over if they're not living together and it's known he was a dud. Having said that, he may be a normal thai guy (or she wouldn't have married him) doing what all the rest do and she's got higher aspirations (via marriage) for herself.

I can say by experience to be careful of these types. My wife threw her husband out for "being lazy" and she's super-super lazy (they're from the same genepool, who was I fooling)!!!

Many Thai marriages aren't on paper and any farang setting foot is a status raiser for the family (and regardless of what she says, they WILL expect money to be sent and money will get "lost"; I hear too many stories of families bilking farang for as much as possible). Farang failure to send money is also a reason for divorce so regardless of what's said, the husband is supposed to send her mom money all the time.

Tell him if they ever marry (don't be stupid, listen to me) draw up a prenupital agreement. If you're too late, do a post nuptual then you'll know how real the intentions are. I did a post nupital ;-) For me, my wife and extended family have no problem with lying; it's in their culture. It's when the lying becomes about important things that I start thinking about how we can get 1 round trip and one 1-way ticket to Thailand for a "vacation." I'm currently planning that vacation soon.

My wife's got a good heart when times are good but as their culture (it's well written) dictates, friends are fair weather friends and certain wives are fair weather wives. She's got a great work ethic (if it came down to starvation); otherwise she can't be bothered to learn all the written words in the house (on the stove, wash machine; simple stuff I told her last year she needed to learn). She's wholly unmotivated and lacks the ability to work hard (study) -this seems to be ingrained because every few months she'll ask for an easy way out (like paying someone off-that doesn't work here).

Yes, I read warnings and went through so now I'm on the other side providing warnings to others who will make the same mistakes others and me have made.

Finally, if you don't listen to anything else (I'm now a firm believer of this): Poor people make poor decisions. There's choices passed up through the generations and they worked hard to get where they are. Intelligence and work ethic will be reflected in their living status.

[ttthailand]

The marriage is over if they're not living together and it's known he was a dud. Having said that, he may be a normal thai guy (or she wouldn't have married him) doing what all the rest do and she's got higher aspirations (via marriage) for herself.

I can say by experience to be careful of these types. My wife threw her husband out for "being lazy" and she's super-super lazy (they're from the same genepool, who was I fooling)!!!

Many Thai marriages aren't on paper and any farang setting foot is a status raiser for the family (and regardless of what she says, they WILL expect money to be sent and money will get "lost"; I hear too many stories of families bilking farang for as much as possible). Farang failure to send money is also a reason for divorce so regardless of what's said, the husband is supposed to send her mom money all the time.

Tell him if they ever marry (don't be stupid, listen to me) draw up a prenupital agreement. If you're too late, do a post nuptual then you'll know how real the intentions are. I did a post nupital ;-) For me, my wife and extended family have no problem with lying; it's in their culture. It's when the lying becomes about important things that I start thinking about how we can get 1 round trip and one 1-way ticket to Thailand for a "vacation." I'm currently planning that vacation soon.

My wife's got a good heart when times are good but as their culture (it's well written) dictates, friends are fair weather friends and certain wives are fair weather wives. She's got a great work ethic (if it came down to starvation); otherwise she can't be bothered to learn all the written words in the house (on the stove, wash machine; simple stuff I told her last year she needed to learn). She's wholly unmotivated and lacks the ability to work hard (study) -this seems to be ingrained because every few months she'll ask for an easy way out (like paying someone off-that doesn't work here).

Yes, I read warnings and went through so now I'm on the other side providing warnings to others who will make the same mistakes others and me have made.

Finally, if you don't listen to anything else (I'm now a firm believer of this): Poor people make poor decisions. There's choices passed up through the generations and they worked hard to get where they are. Intelligence and work ethic will be reflected in their living status.

Thanks for the advise. He will be reading all offered. I don't think this one is lazy. She is a smart girl and I think the Thai man just didn't offer what she wanted. Or perhaps she is lying .... perhaps she is still married and happy and playing my friend ??? Who really knows for sure. any other advise or suggestions are welcomed.

Comments please !

[TAWP]

Just be careful if she later wants her...brother to move in with her.

[ttthailand]

Just be careful if she later wants her...brother to move in with her.

It's funny you say that as she just told him she needs to go to the village today because of problem with her brother . Something about bedroom ....really.

[astral]

Legally the marriage was never binding.

Check her id card, if it says she is Nang Sao then she had never been married legally.

The ceremony with the monks, is just that, ceremony.

However the family may see it differently, also the "ex-husband"........

The new boyfriend will need to watch his back.

[ttthailand]

Thai will refer to a good lady friend as a sister. Do they also refer to a good man friend ( or perhaps old husband) as a brother ? This bedroom comment may be of concern...reading between the lines that is....

[TAWP]

The new boyfriend will need to watch his back.

Funny story...once had a thai girl call me while I was work, being rude, screaming things in Thai and hanging up. I sent an SMS to him asking what his problem was etc. After some exchanges he called back again and in broken English said that I had destroyed his life etc. After I asked him some questions to figure out why, what, who, it turns out that he had found some pictures on his (ex)girlfriends phone and my phone-number in her call list. Yes, I had gone out with her one time, cinema and wine bar (she brought a chaparone while she herself got waaay too drunk for me to do anything, put them both in a taxi and sent them off at 2am) some two months back. But I wasn't the boy she was talking online to every day now, that was another boy that lived in Europe. In the end he appologized a lot etc.

Ps. Some months later I did hook up with her again as she visited Bangkok and we ended up in a hotel. But that is another story. Ds.

[ttthailand]

Thai will refer to a good lady friend as a sister. Do they also refer to a good man friend ( or perhaps old husband) as a brother ? This bedroom comment may be of concern...reading between the lines that is....

Exactly. AND, who's doing his translating for him. Please don't tell me she speaks English.

Her English is ok but not great. She is young and worked at front door of bar waving customers in, reception I guess she would call it. She quit the bar about a month ago and he takes care of her. He has had many problems with old customers calling and sms her. Then he finds out she was married. He is very confused and asks me questions all the time. He just left for some work out of country she is on edge. not good !!!!

[kikoman]

A legal Thai marriage is registered at the Amphur office, A legal Thai Divorce is divorced and registered at the Amphur office, you are legally married until you get a divorce. At Which time yours and your ex-wife's copy of your original marriage certificate is turn over to the Amphur staff and two original certificate of divorce are issued.

For knowing so much as you claim of (Thai Culture and Values) you are not knowledgeable about Thai Law. You seem like a very bitter person who married a bar girl and then went back to your home country and sends your money to Thailand, One is born every minute.

You can have a marriage ceremony at the village and give the Sin Sod but if your marriage was not registered at the Amphur office you are not married ! PERIOD.

You just gave your money away, but look at the positive side you are not married and free to give your money to another bar girl.

Cheers:

[slapout]

Reception may not be the best choice of term/description as to her former job. "Old customers", is probably a good term for those still contacting her. Returning, and satisfied also come to mind. Forthcoming train-wreck comes to mind from what has been presented.

[Thakkar]

Multiple red flags—worked at a bar, still gets sms from old customers, didn't ditch her old work phone number, didn't think it important to mention a prior marriage—should be enough to make your friend seriously reconsider this relationship.

[buddy]

Multiple red flags—worked at a bar, still gets sms from old customers, didn't ditch her old work phone number, didn't think it important to mention a prior marriage—should be enough to make your friend seriously reconsider this relationship.

Concur, he needs to drop her like a hot rock.

[sharking]

Multiple red flags—worked at a bar, still gets sms from old customers, didn't ditch her old work phone number, didn't think it important to mention a prior marriage—should be enough to make your friend seriously reconsider this relationship.

Sound advice i think

swimming away into the sunset

sharking

[khundon]

The new boyfriend will need to watch his back.

Funny story...once had a thai girl call me while I was work, being rude, screaming things in Thai and hanging up. I sent an SMS to him asking what his problem was etc. After some exchanges he called back again and in broken English said that I had destroyed his life etc. After I asked him some questions to figure out why, what, who, it turns out that he had found some pictures on his (ex)girlfriends phone and my phone-number in her call list. Yes, I had gone out with her one time, cinema and wine bar (she brought a chaparone while she herself got waaay too drunk for me to do anything, put them both in a taxi and sent them off at 2am) some two months back. But I wasn't the boy she was talking online to every day now, that was another boy that lived in Europe. In the end he appologized a lot etc.

Ps. Some months later I did hook up with her again as she visited Bangkok and we ended up in a hotel. But that is another story. Ds.

Confused, did she have the op between the phone call to you and his call back after your text to him ?????

[TAWP]

Supposed to say 'Thai guy'.

I could not edit it when I saw the error, sorry, the dam_n edit timeout here is annoying...

And '2 months back' was at the time of the phonecall. This is over a year ago now.

[Dakhar]

A legal Thai marriage is registered at the Amphur office, A legal Thai Divorce is divorced and registered at the Amphur office, you are legally married until you get a divorce. At Which time yours and your ex-wife's copy of your original marriage certificate is turn over to the Amphur staff and two original certificate of divorce are issued.

For knowing so much as you claim of (Thai Culture and Values) you are not knowledgeable about Thai Law. You seem like a very bitter person who married a bar girl and then went back to your home country and sends your money to Thailand, One is born every minute.

You can have a marriage ceremony at the village and give the Sin Sod but if your marriage was not registered at the Amphur office you are not married ! PERIOD.

You just gave your money away, but look at the positive side you are not married and free to give your money to another bar girl.

Cheers:

and to add, any child born under a "village" marriage (ie. un-registered marriage) the father has ZERO legal claim to the children.

I once told a girl that was complaining about her failed village marriage to a Thai guy and she was really taking it to heart. I told her she was not married and never was married, and all they had was some photos and a dinner.... that does not constitute a "marriage." More like a "pretend marriage." (or practice run)

She didn't like what I said, but then again, she doesn't have to return a single thing he gave her either.... and their is no burden of shared debt etc when a relationship goes belly up, so there may be some lessons to learn about these "village marriages."

[NanLaew]

Yup, she's a trapper.

[slapout]

The term " going to run my traps " does not refer to one gender only.

[sarahsbloke]

Check her id card, if it says she is Nang Sao then she had never been married legally.

Sorry Astral, that's wrong, I got married at the Amphur office, my wife changed her ID card to my surname, she still has NongSow as her title on it, the office said she could choose her title and she thought NS made her sound younger.Only the Amphur office computer knows the marital status of a Thai.

[ttthailand]

Multiple red flags—worked at a bar, still gets sms from old customers, didn't ditch her old work phone number, didn't think it important to mention a prior marriage—should be enough to make your friend seriously reconsider this relationship.

ok Working at a bar, what does that mean.

sms from old customers ( maybe because she did not change her phone) not100% sure it she returned sms

Marriage ..maybe she afraid new boyfriend not like so want to hide as long as possible.

[rgs2001uk]

This has to be a troll, no one can be so naive.

Next you will be telling us, she only work bar 3 month, she never go with farang.

Every bar girl tells the same story, Thai man no good, funny how most of them still have Thai husbands or boyfriends.

Sounds like a keeper, pay the 3 million baht sin sot and get married straight away, build a 10 million baht mansion in Issan, dont forget to buy her a brand new fortuner.

If she is real sweet an allowance of at least 100,000 baht per month should suffice, dont forget to take care of mom and her family, dont forget her "brother" or sometimes referred to as "loong".

Grab her quick, the good ones get snapped up straight away.

[ttthailand]

This has to be a troll, no one can be so naive.

Next you will be telling us, she only work bar 3 month, she never go with farang.

Every bar girl tells the same story, Thai man no good, funny how most of them still have Thai husbands or boyfriends.

Sounds like a keeper, pay the 3 million baht sin sot and get married straight away, build a 10 million baht mansion in Issan, dont forget to buy her a brand new fortuner.

If she is real sweet an allowance of at least 100,000 baht per month should suffice, dont forget to take care of mom and her family, dont forget her "brother" or sometimes referred to as "loong".

Grab her quick, the good ones get snapped up straight away.

Not a troll...for sure ! I only say that being a bar girl for a few months don't make you automatically no good, does it ?

The sms thing is not good but she is young and I am sure don't want to change her number. Also,only two months into it perhaps she is covering her bases.

The marriage issue is what prompted this post in the first place. Everyone may be correct in saying that it is best to move on but sometimes the heart takes over and the brain shuts down. Love is a powerful thing. I am sure there are many sweet moments that they hav etogether that tell another story. Love is a powerful thing !

[TAWP]

I know one girl in BKK, her dad is a teacher, her mom a professor in the uni - I guess that would be counted as middle class - that said she didn't like Thai boys after two boyfriends had broken her heart (cheated on her). Her most recent relationship was a semi-gik deal with a french guy.

I wouldn't say that all girls that say they avoid Thai guys are lieing...I know several that has histories that make me fully understand why they would feel that way.

[Thakkar]

Not a troll...for sure ! I only say that being a bar girl for a few months don't make you automatically no good, does it ?

The sms thing is not good but she is young and I am sure don't want to change her number. Also,only two months into it perhaps she is covering her bases.

The marriage issue is what prompted this post in the first place. Everyone may be correct in saying that it is best to move on but sometimes the heart takes over and the brain shuts down. Love is a powerful thing. I am sure there are many sweet moments that they hav etogether that tell another story. Love is a powerful thing !

Are you sure it's the heart that's taking over and not another organ?

Horniness can feel like love too.

[ttthailand]

Not a troll...for sure ! I only say that being a bar girl for a few months don't make you automatically no good, does it ?

The sms thing is not good but she is young and I am sure don't want to change her number. Also,only two months into it perhaps she is covering her bases.

The marriage issue is what prompted this post in the first place. Everyone may be correct in saying that it is best to move on but sometimes the heart takes over and the brain shuts down. Love is a powerful thing. I am sure there are many sweet moments that they hav etogether that tell another story. Love is a powerful thing !

Are you sure it's the heart that's taking over and not another organ?

Horniness can feel like love too.

I am sure that's part of it. Making love locks the deal in and holds you.

[travellife]

Many Thai marriages aren't on paper and any farang setting foot is a status raiser for the family (and regardless of what she says, they WILL expect money to be sent and money will get "lost"; I hear too many stories of families bilking farang for as much as possible). Farang failure to send money is also a reason for divorce so regardless of what's said, the husband is supposed to send her mom money all the time.

So does that mean that most Thai marriages are not really marriages? Its just for show?

[Thakkar]

Not a troll...for sure ! I only say that being a bar girl for a few months don't make you automatically no good, does it ?

The sms thing is not good but she is young and I am sure don't want to change her number. Also,only two months into it perhaps she is covering her bases.

The marriage issue is what prompted this post in the first place. Everyone may be correct in saying that it is best to move on but sometimes the heart takes over and the brain shuts down. Love is a powerful thing. I am sure there are many sweet moments that they hav etogether that tell another story. Love is a powerful thing !

Are you sure it's the heart that's taking over and not another organ?

Horniness can feel like love too.

I am sure that's part of it. Making love locks the deal in and holds you.

like a dog after copulation.

[ttthailand]

Many Thai marriages aren't on paper and any farang setting foot is a status raiser for the family (and regardless of what she says, they WILL expect money to be sent and money will get "lost"; I hear too many stories of families bilking farang for as much as possible). Farang failure to send money is also a reason for divorce so regardless of what's said, the husband is supposed to send her mom money all the time.

So does that mean that most Thai marriages are not really marriages? Its just for show?

That's a good question. Most people I know, falang, get married with all the legal work but the Thais do not. Perhaps the visa is part of the falang marriage deal.

[NanLaew]

Not a troll...for sure ! I only say that being a bar girl for a few months don't make you automatically no good, does it ?

The sms thing is not good but she is young and I am sure don't want to change her number. Also,only two months into it perhaps she is covering her bases.

The marriage issue is what prompted this post in the first place. Everyone may be correct in saying that it is best to move on but sometimes the heart takes over and the brain shuts down. Love is a powerful thing. I am sure there are many sweet moments that they hav etogether that tell another story. Love is a powerful thing !

Are you sure it's the heart that's taking over and not another organ?

Horniness can feel like love too.

I am sure that's part of it. Making love locks the deal in and holds you.

like a dog after copulation.

No, no, not at all like two dogs f*cking. That 'bond' is due to the physical characteristics of a dogs penis which is totally different from a human one which you would know if you had been watching the movie closely.

The OP is talking about emotional ties and even animal psychologists have a hard job believing that dogs have emotions when they are shagging.