Advice Needed Urgently

[mark45y]

i would actually try a different approach. try sitting down with the kid and getting him to tell you why he feels like doing such things.

keeping him here or sending him back to the u.k. aint going to change anything unless you get to the route of the problem.

ie the mother is back in the u.k. and the father is out here in thailand. so begs the question are they divorced or separated and hes pissed off about it. after all he is 17 and its an age where a lot of teenagers show their rebellious side. or is it that maybe the father is hooked up with some new girl half his age and hes venting his disapproval by showing the father that if its o.k. for him to do something immoral in his eyes then why not do the same. maybe he didnt even want to come to thailand in the first place and has been pushed from pillar to post. so thought fuc_k it! he would show his displeasure. or maybe hes just a spoilt little shit that never had to do a hards day work in his life and has been aloud to get away with most things in his life.

who knows! only the parents and most of all the kid knows why he wants to go such extreme measures. so until you address these issues, you aint never going to solve the problem. yes he is still a boy, young in most of our eyes, but to him, hes not. so before any rash decisions are made on behalf of the boy, i suggest you advise the father to have a chat with his son and talk to him like hes an adult.he might be surprised and find out something he didnt know, he may even get a result.

Conversation with the kid.

Hi kid. What’s your problem.

Yo, pops ain gots no probs.

You must miss your mother?

Ya, right. I got hot chick paying the bills and bonking my brains out 24/7. Ya sure miss momsy a bunch.

Aren’t you concerned that your parents don’t care about you.

Lemme tell you bout things. When I was a kid, 16, living in the slums in London and taking a bus to the movies once a month I was not happy.

Now I got a motoscy, bing here and bing there. Ya ba, coke and a little smack to mellow me out. And the womens. Ohhh ya do I have the womens.

Pops get a clue. There isn’t a kid on the street in the UK who wouldn’t give his left nut to trade places with me.

Pissed? I ain’t pissed. I am happy too mut.

I got a pad, I got jack, and I got Jill’s coming out my butt. Just leave me alone. Forget all about me and get a life.

[stiggy]

My much younger brother arrived to stay at 18.

First night here Bar Girls shouting for you free, Within a month he had been taken care of by lots of non bar girls.

Three months later even the girls at 7-11 where not always charging him.

He turned up on a motorbike loaned to him by one of his ladys, when his money run out suddenly he had a thousand here and there given to him.

He had practically turned into a gigolo for late 20s early 30s Thai women.

He thankfully never went the bar girl route or got into drugs.

He only left to go Australia as he got bored of Thailand...quote from a 19 yr old Its to easy here !

Hes back again now (23), free meals in resturants and more Thai women chasing him it amazes me who he knows (read bonked).

If i told him at 18 you must go home to UK live with mum and dad, he would of simply laughed and left to another Thai City more than likely paid for by one of his Thai women...

Its a hard situation for the OP and the young lad I have only one suggestion, at this age they always look up to someone, find out who that is ! if its a bar girl or similar pull them to one side and pay them off on the condition they get the cash when hes safe somewhere or off the drugs .95% will always go for the money.

Good luck

Edited August 18, 2010 by stiggy

[Lumumba]

Thai women spend on farang if they have the money and if they are really into you, I had the best months of my life in Thailand with all my tabs paid by a Thai woman, not that I had no money, I had everything I needed, including a new car, but she was far richer and insisted on burning her baht, Bangkok banyan tree, Marriott Huahin, every thing was top range, but she had her flaws and had to be left.

About this 17 year old farang, has anyone considered getting the pedophile cops to chase down these girl friends of his for a start?

During the raid by the under age sex cops, they should take a urine sample and if he fails it , send him to some monastry in the sticks to feed the tigers.

The father made a mess of this boys life and now he wants to ship his problem to his wife to sort out.

Why was he not in school in the first place?

[robblok]

i would lock him in a room with his leg chained to something metal for however long it takes for the habit to get kicked. then send him home.

Big words lil man. Why don't you let professionals handle it ?. Just get him in a real rehab facility. I think you don't have much knowledge about addiction its only part physical but also mental. That part wont be helped by tying someone up.

[prometheus]

Here is one fallacy. People (or adults) think that by sending a teenager on drug to another place would make things better. No it wouldn't, not that simple.

The first thing he will do when he gets to England is finding similar group of friends who also do drugs and these things, may be get into a gang or that sort of stuffs. So I would say a no for an advice of sending a kid that age to a new place to get over this sort of problem.

What people don't realise is, the difference between a drug addict and someone who is not one is to do with the activities in which the addict do. Perhaps he is not engaging in any other interesting activities, hobbies and things like that which should be more encouraged and drugs will be more of a luxury than a life.

[mrdome]

In such a situation, the parents often have little influence and or trust. Is there a 'neutral' person the son trusts or would listen to?

I'd try to invite the son to share as much about his life as he wishes (and not threaten), of course you need to start early on this 'approach of openness'.

[Travel2003]

Thank you for the replies, I have told my friend what people have suggested and hope that he will take the advice. His mother wants to send him to rehab in the UK, whilst he is here in the circle of friends he is in there is no way that he wants to help himself get off the drugs. I particularly like Guest House's reply, I think that may work if the British Embassy can not do anything first. His father clearly does not want a damaged relationship with his son and has been soft on him (refusing to believe what is in front of him) for quite a while. He now realises something needs to be done before the situation gets to a point where it is so bad nothing can be done. Hard love seems the only way right now. Thanks again

Is this 17 year old kid a drug addict?

Is that what you say?

If that is the case, the entire scenario about what one can or should do, changes.

[Shotime]

I learned that you can't do very much to affect the choices your children make. Anything you do will only make matters worse, and alienate you from your son.

You want some advice? Simply tell your friend to make sure his son knows he loves him, and will always be there to help and support him. Be a Father, not a friend.

[wintermute]

I recommend the other route. Let him do what he wants and live with whatever decisions he makes. He's 17..he's old enough to decide already. Simply tell him the potential consequences and if he's not smart enough to come around then it's his own fault.

Also a young kid should be able to sow his oats. Most come around when they find a purpose in life.

[lennya12threh]

Where does he hang out? I wouldn't mind taking a bit of his cut and assets.