Funny Memories From Thailand

[bilags]

In this tread i will post some funny short stories from my trips to Thailand. English in not my first language, so there will be some flaws.

What is funny? Not easy to agree on that. If this is boring, just tell me

[bilags]

A VISIT TO THE IMMIGRATION

A visa for stay in Thailand is looked upon of the Thailand Authority as a privilege for the tourist

, not a right or a service.

Bearing this in mind, I went to the Pattaya Immigration in Soi 5, Jomtien.

Last time I was there, after waiting in line for some hours , the office closed after a power outage.

I guess there is no need for buying a generator, the customers will come back the next day anyway?

There are always some signs in advance when things are about to go wrong, but u have to see them.

I did not. The clue of the day was a Mercedes S65 V12biturbo parked outside the Immigration office.

I looked at the car and thought, this must be a very expensive car, what is it doing here? But then I just went inside.

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Inside I was meet with big posters telling me to fill out forms, get some photos and copies of passports before standing in line for processing. I managed to find the right form, but there was no pencils in sight. I looked everywhere, and finally I found a pink one beside a nice native lady. I asked if I could take it, but got an angry reply in thai. I started a slow retreat to a safer place. Then a western man approach me and told me that the lady had just bought the pencil for 10 baht next door. Oki I finally got the picture, go next door and buy a pencil. I did just that because I had to take a picture and copies of passport anyway.

Later , after standing in queue in the copyshop, and buing my 10 baht pencil, I started my trip back

to immigration Office. When I reached the first step leading too the door , all hel... broke loose.

The door opened and I was suddenly surrounded by 20 men from the army or police.

. I did not dare to move. They had three different types of uniforms, marked with parachute medals, narcothics and so on. Whatever happened, this was high racked and big, a kind of joint strike force. Standing there, frozen, waiting to be handcuffed any second, nothing happened.

But a TV-team and photographs came out of nowhere, and I started to realize that this might not be about my overstay at all. In spite of my fear, I managed to get my self inside the building again, moving close to the walls, and trying not to rise any attention.

I filled out the form, holding on to by newly acquired 10 baht pen, that I in respect of local customs

did to pass on. The next challenge was to find out how to get a numbered ticket for the queue. I did not a ticket-machine anywhere. There was a western-looking man there, who looked like he worked there, I asked him.

He got me a ticket from under the counter. Why? He told me ; no point in having people messing up the system for all kind of reasons, better under the counter. I asked him what was going on inside,

He did not know. Later I found out that it was the opening of Chon-Buri Transnational Crime Center

And it was placed in the second floor of the Immigration building.

Nice to have a opening, but my problems was far from over. After waiting for over an hour, it was finally my turn, or so I believed. The western-looking employee took a step forward, and informed everybody that due to the opening they would close the hole office down for an hour or so , and he recommended we left and bought a coffee next door. I did not. I just sat down looking at 20 employees doing absolutely nothing for a very long time. After 45 minutes I was approached by a very high ranking officer. I could se that from his uniform. He asked me to move from the waiting area an take a seat with the immigration officer to get my forms processed. I told him as politely as I could that my destiny was to wait for hours because of the opening, but he said " I will fix".

I did as I was told, but my forms got nowhere. What happened was that a TV crew came to tape some "action" in the closed down office. Now I was on television, but still had no visa.

Nothing got fixed, I had to wait until opening, and finally my passport got stamped.

I left the building thinking highly of countries giving longtime visas to serious people wanting to spend money in the country and a lot of other thoughts not worth mentioning due to forum restrictions.

To be continued some day

Edited August 26, 2010 by bilags

[pault17]

Thanks for the story. I liked it. Was expecting to see the Mercedes in the picture though.

[bilags]

Thanks for the story. I liked it. Was expecting to see the Mercedes in the picture though.

Good point, I actually thoguht about taking one at the time, but it was parked so close to a fence, that i did not get a good shoot of the back of the car.

The actual picture is taken when i left the place, when all the action was over. I feel its difficult to take pictures in Thailand. i have read in a book that Thai-people dont like

to be taken pictures of, and that you have to ask in advance. i dont remember if there was a guard placed with the car, or if the driver was sitting in the car. I dont

yet know "how far I can go" to take pictures. I realy wanted to take a pictures inside too, but I did not dare.

Edited August 27, 2010 by bilags

[bilags]

MADAME FAA

My wife takes massage on a regular basis. I do not, I hate it.

One day my wife told me to come along, she had found the perfect massage for me.

The place was not far away from where we lived, and for some reason I agreed to come along.

I had only been taken massage two times before, and that was foot-massage. My wife wanted me to take a oil-massage, but I did not even know what an oil-massage was. She was into traditional thai-massage, but told me that would be to rough for me. I have to admit I was skeptical.

We arrived and three young, beautiful girls where sitting outside waiting for us. Hm… was this going to be ok after all? I took of my footwear and was followed inside. Once inside, my wife introduced me to Madame Faa. The pronuniciation of her name was Faa, but I guess its written otherwise .

Madame Faa was a lady around around 40, she was not fat, but heavy build. I was starting to get nervous, looking slightly over my shoulder to get a glimse of the the young and beautiful girls outside. Well, what was I thinking? My wife had picked me a lady, and the lady was gonna be Madame Faa.

The story of Madame Faa is a sad one. She once had a husband and 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. The husband died early, and she had to sell of pieces of the farm to get the boys education. Now she had sold the rest of the farm, and traveled south to try to find a way to make money for the education of her last child, the girl.

I was taken to a room with a shower, and told to shower. I did so and get dressed again. Madame Faa

took me to an other room and told me to undress again. Oki, I had got this wrong. After the shower I was supposed to just wear underwear and the towel. I placed my belongings in eyesight, afraid of being robbed. Madame Faa told me to relax, everything was safe with her, "no mafia" she told me. I was not relaxed. I was placed on a bench, and she started the oil-massage. It was pure hel_l.

Her fingers was kind of scratchy after working the fields for decades, and she was raw power.

I was not getting a soft touch of sensual hands, I was taking a seriously beating by a Madame I become more and more afraid of. This lasted for nearly an hour and it turned out that my legs was hard as rock, so was my back. She did her best to work the muscles while I did my best not to scream out load. I tried to relax, but it was not easy.

When finished, she told me to comeback often. I needed massage she told me, and she could fix my muscles. I believed her, and actually went to her two more times, before I gave up.

After the massage there was time for a cup of tea , and she sat very, very close to me and peeled an orange and gave me, a nice moment.

The final humiliation came when I got up and tried to get my footwear on. My body was so beaten up that I did not manage. Madame kneeled and took my shoes on. This was in front of the three young girls, and they started to giggle. Then I wandered out in the warm night, one experience richer.

Afterword:

Today I have started to do streaching on a regular basis to try to get some more flexibility to my muscles. If I get some results , I might dare to visit Madame Faa once more?

To be continued some day

Edited August 30, 2010 by bilags

[bilags]

All kinds of +/- Feedback are welcome

[bilags]

BLUE TOE NAILS

It was 1 pm and I took a bath-bus on second-road downtown Pattaya. I was the first passenger on the Izusu. The sun was shining and life was good. Then Young girls started to enter the bath-bus, poping up from everywhere. Suddenly we where 5 people, me and four young girls. They where so good looking. Tell me, what is happening downtown Pattaya at 1.pm and ordinary day?. The car drove on and my problem was where to look, how to behave. The girls where just stunning, slim well dressed and perfect hair, perfect everything. I was kind of close to blushing, so I did what many people do, I lower my look. Then I found myself looking at the most stunning toe-nails. To be accurate, 40 manicured toes, some red, some blue, some green. On some feet the color could vary , for example Green and blue on the same foot. Also there where patterns, stars and stripes and so on. In a moment of great courage, let my look move up the ankles, then to the thighs, and then suddenly I could see…..Central Festival mall in the background , I had reached my destination and I got of the bath-bus. Later I often thought, what was so important at the Central Festival mall, why didn't I continue the ride?

To be continued some day

Edited September 15, 2010 by bilags

[Peterbigeyes]

Very interesting posts so far. I'm enjoying every bit

[bilags]

COSMIC SURGERY

It was time to visit a food-court. Its fun going to food-courts. The food is low priced and

Most customers are thais. You feel you get a good deal when eat where thai-people eats.

I went to the basement of the new mall downtown Pattaya, the Central Festival.

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It was a different experience from most foodcourts I have been to. The share of westerners where

much higher that I am used to. I sat there whith my meal eating and just looking at people passing by.

When in Thailand You see a lot of pairs, western man/thai lady. Its very common, but today it was different. The ladys looked so much better that usual. One stunning beauty after an other passed by with their falang. I started looking for explanations and I think upscale ladys go to upscale malls, and that upscale ladys look good. That my 5 baht of philosophy regarding that subject.

I guess if u need a foodcourt with a "nice view", this is the one.

Ater some time, i moved up the fllors, hunting for cafe late and a piece of choclate cake.

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I noticed a couple standing outside something that to me looked like a sales-office for cosmic surgery. The lady, a local long-legged beauty, went inside and was quickly taken care of by sales staff. The western man was standing outside in the hallway , and I could smell tension growing. I sat down on a bench nearby, to observe . Then man was patient indeed, but after 5 minutes he went inside. He stood besides her for a minute, listening in on the clerk efforts to land the sale. I could se his hand moving up to his girlfriends upper arm, slightly trying to release her from her intense conversation. He was good. He managed to get her out of the sales-office in a very nice way, I guess he had experience.

But as they got out in the hallway and passed me , he said with a kind of resigned voice,

"we have talked about this before"

I was having troubles not laughting out load, It made my day.

Edited September 22, 2010 by bilags

[Peterbigeyes]

Nice update : ) Love the part about the guy and his girlfriend!