Little Drama Exploded Today... Need Advice

[geriatrickid]

It's over. Cut your losses and work on an exit plan or you will lose everything you have now. Start protecting whatever assets you have. Avoid confrontation until assets have been secured. Then agree to the divorce. Be amicable and get out of it asap.

[BillR]

It's over. Cut your losses and work on an exit plan

yep. Like Telling her your going to get a pack of smokes and flying back to your home country.

Edited September 14, 2010 by BillR

[jdinasia]

Golly, that's quite the little conundrum you have there especially coming to us with 2 posts to your name and all.

My wife and friends knows my handle here. Just trying to keep some privacy using this account... :/

Well you wouldnt be the only member here using two accounts (or more) but you do realise that its against the forum rules:-

26) Not to create multiple accounts. Any member found to have more than one account on the ThaiVisa Forum will be suspended. Suspended or banned members found creating additional accounts will be banned immediately.

anyway kudos to you for being honest, unlike others

This thread .... and "My Maid has Ocular Herpes" ....... something sure does smell .....

[flowerman134]

This girl sounds like a real keeper.

[DP25]

Welcome to TIT.......The main purpose of a computer for a 12 yr old [and 25yr olds] is to play games. Surely you didn't expect them to learn anything....that's anti Thai culture, to seek knowledge.

That's the main purpose of computers EVERYWHERE. That's not even remotely a "Thai" trait. They drop over dead from playing too long in Korea and China, and America isn't far behind.

[DP25]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

He's rich enough to invest $15,000 per month for over a year, and still expects his wife to pay part of her 10,000 baht per month salary that he pays her back to him. Seems perfectly normal and not remotely troll like.

[evanson]

A friend of mine, a graphic artist, bought his new wife's 3 kids a laptop each, and then got pissed off that they were only interested in banging the keys (youngest) or computer games (eldest). I ask you. Take a look around! This 12 year old Thai kid wouldn't be looking up The Times Literary Supplement Online:blink: And the idea of getting all bent out of shape over a miserly 3k or so a month to your Love's mum and her not forking out at least a third of it is, frankly, ludicrous.

The more of these type of 'stupid farang' ie, not a whit about how most Thais interact here, expecting them to have the same levels of intellectual interests as you do, the more I think ... Go the fck back home. The fact she's learned that pulling the 'want a divorce' card trips your trigger must surely tell you something about yourself. Not Same Value Systems. Geddit?

[sarahsbloke]

A friend of mine, a graphic artist, bought his new wife's 3 kids a laptop each, and then got pissed off that they were only interested in banging the keys (youngest) or computer games (eldest). I ask you. Take a look around! This 12 year old Thai kid wouldn't be looking up The Times Literary Supplement Online:blink: And the idea of getting all bent out of shape over a miserly 3k or so a month to your Love's mum and her not forking out at least a third of it is, frankly, ludicrous.

The more of these type of 'stupid farang' ie, not a whit about how most Thais interact here, expecting them to have the same levels of intellectual interests as you do, the more I think ... Go the fck back home. The fact she's learned that pulling the 'want a divorce' card trips your trigger must surely tell you something about yourself. Not Same Value Systems. Geddit?

He's right you know!

[evanson]

[quote

My guess is that she doesn't want to pay for it. Then it falls on my wife to pay for it and she probably doesn't want to. They're trying to avoid discussing about it and just want the computer and hope that I would just forget about the Internet. It's silly because I especially picked a laptop with a integrated webcam so I could do video Skype call with his brother and help him out with the screen sharing to install apps and show him cool stuff on the computer (they live 5 hours away).

[uNQUOTE]

Ah I get it. You're a geek and expect some spawn of swamp duck to be jus' like you

Edited September 14, 2010 by evanson

[IMA_FARANG]

Do you really want to do all that (divorce and such) just for 600 Baht a month? I understand what you mean about needing every penny. Probably your wife doesn't, I agree. Maybe you will make her understand eventually, or maybe she won't. But you have to decide what is most important for YOU not her anyhow. When you get that sorted out, make your decision on what YOU feel about the situation. Otherwise, you will spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for making a decision that wasn't what YOU really wanted.

However, here is something that you (and apparently many people on this forum don't understand or apparently think about), that Thai women know firsthand all the stories and examples of Thai men who just walk out on a wife, leaving her with litterly nothing, not even food for the kids. It happens all the time...and it's hard for the woman to get the law to do anything about it. And there is d_mn litle they can do about it, especially if they are poor and lack a good education. You need to understand also that in Thailand, especially for the lower classes (i/e. the farmers and the low paid factory workers) there is no social structure to take care of them. When they get old, their children must provide for them...because at least until a decade or so ago...nobody else would or cared about the old. So the need to provide for your parents as they get older has been established in Thai culture for many generations. Yes, it's changing slowly, but the tradition is still there, and ingrained in Thai society's values.

You come from a western society, and children are expected to break away from their parents and go out on their own. That is a new idea in Thai society, a generation ago it was considered new and daring. It still hasn't really taken complete hold in Thai culture.

My Thai partner has been somewhat trained by her exposure to western fanilies (her mother worked as a cook for a Farang family, and she spent a lot of time with that family as she grew up). So I guess I was lucky in that respect as she absorbed some "western" Farang ideas. So she is more independent of her family than other Thai women are. Even so, I know she loves me, but I realise that her 3 children (by her first marriage) are her prime concern...and I'm second in that respect. Flesh of her flesh, I guess you would say, being their mother.

Anyhow, what I wanted to make sure you understand was this...for every story you've heard about a Thai woman who left a Farang and took all his money...your Thai wife has probably heard a story about some Farang who married a Thai woman, left her with a kid or two, and ran off with some other woman leaving the Thai wife broke and with kids to bring up on her own.

Think about that, and the effect of all those stories her friends and relatives have told her on her attitude. When you say you can't give her money, she is scared and remembers all the horror stories she has been told. Don't trust a Farang, they all will cheat on you and leave you. That's what she's heard from her friends.

Maybe it doesn't seem logical and reasonable to you, but I'll bet she's afraid she will lose you, because you're her only security, and she knows it.

So think about what you really want to do, what is best for YOU and then for her...if you care about her enough to consider her opinions.

Don't let anger make you a fool, and do something you'll regret later. (I know of what I speak in that regard).

Edited September 14, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[flowerman134]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

He's rich enough to invest $15,000 per month for over a year, and still expects his wife to pay part of her 10,000 baht per month salary that he pays her back to him. Seems perfectly normal and not remotely troll like.

the business is probably a failure so far. most start ups lose money. news flash.

[spolsky]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

He's rich enough to invest $15,000 per month for over a year, and still expects his wife to pay part of her 10,000 baht per month salary that he pays her back to him. Seems perfectly normal and not remotely troll like.

I'm losing $15k per month and my savings are coming dry fast. I think her helping a little or just saving a bit of her money would go a long way to show that she cares. It's the principle. I'm risking my money and working my ass off to provide us with a lifestyle and she's not making no sacrifice or effort. She's helping her mom instead. If she would be saving 2-3k baht a month and help pay for one plane ticket per year (when we fly to my home country) would be helpful and fair.

[spolsky]

Seems like a pretty weird setup you've got going on over there? "You" own a company and your wife works for your company on a salary??

I wonder what would happen if i suggested that my wife start taking a 10,000 baht salary from our business and i keep all the profits (to spend as i see fit).... i can imagine the scene that would follow may involve a frying pan and my head.

He's rich enough to invest $15,000 per month for over a year, and still expects his wife to pay part of her 10,000 baht per month salary that he pays her back to him. Seems perfectly normal and not remotely troll like.

the business is probably a failure so far. most start ups lose money. news flash.

Not a failure so far as we're still in the building phase, but very true that most startups fail.

[spolsky]

Do you really want to do all that (divorce and such) just for 600 Baht a month? I understand what you mean about needing every penny. Probably your wife doesn't, I agree. Maybe you will make her understand eventually, or maybe she won't. But you have to decide what is most important for YOU not her anyhow. When you get that sorted out, make your decision on what YOU feel about the situation. Otherwise, you will spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for making a decision that wasn't what YOU really wanted.

However, here is something that you (and apparently many people on this forum don't understand or apparently think about), that Thai women know firsthand all the stories and examples of Thai men who just walk out on a wife, leaving her with litterly nothing, not even food for the kids. It happens all the time...and it's hard for the woman to get the law to do anything about it. And there is d_mn litle they can do about it, especially if they are poor and lack a good education. You need to understand also that in Thailand, especially for the lower classes (i/e. the farmers and the low paid factory workers) there is no social structure to take care of them. When they get old, their children must provide for them...because at least until a decade or so ago...nobody else would or cared about the old. So the need to provide for your parents as they get older has been established in Thai culture for many generations. Yes, it's changing slowly, but the tradition is still there, and ingrained in Thai society's values.

You come from a western society, and children are expected to break away from their parents and go out on their own. That is a new idea in Thai society, a generation ago it was considered new and daring. It still hasn't really taken complete hold in Thai culture.

My Thai partner has been somewhat trained by her exposure to western fanilies (her mother worked as a cook for a Farang family, and she spent a lot of time with that family as she grew up). So I guess I was lucky in that respect as she absorbed some "western" Farang ideas. So she is more independent of her family than other Thai women are. Even so, I know she loves me, but I realise that her 3 children (by her first marriage) are her prime concern...and I'm second in that respect. Flesh of her flesh, I guess you would say, being their mother.

Anyhow, what I wanted to make sure you understand was this...for every story you've heard about a Thai woman who left a Farang and took all his money...your Thai wife has probably heard a story about some Farang who married a Thai woman, left her with a kid or two, and ran off with some other woman leaving the Thai wife broke and with kids to bring up on her own.

Think about that, and the effect of all those stories her friends and relatives have told her on her attitude. When you say you can't give her money, she is scared and remembers all the horror stories she has been told. Don't trust a Farang, they all will cheat on you and leave you. That's what she's heard from her friends.

Maybe it doesn't seem logical and reasonable to you, but I'll bet she's afraid she will lose you, because you're her only security, and she knows it.

So think about what you really want to do, what is best for YOU and then for her...if you care about her enough to consider her opinions.

Don't let anger make you a fool, and do something you'll regret later. (I know of what I speak in that regard).

Thanks for the thoughtful post. I appreciate it very much and will reflect on this...

[richard_smith237]

I'm losing $15k per month and my savings are coming dry fast. I think her helping a little or just saving a bit of her money would go a long way to show that she cares. It's the principle. I'm risking my money and working my ass off to provide us with a lifestyle and she's not making no sacrifice or effort. She's helping her mom instead. If she would be saving 2-3k baht a month and help pay for one plane ticket per year (when we fly to my home country) would be helpful and fair.

Perhaps the point is, she doesn't care. In fact suggesting divorce so often suggests she simply has a 'take it or leave it' attitude.

[spolsky]

To everyone who is asking why lose your wife for 590 baht / month? I mean my problem is more with the divorce threats that stems from squabble. I frankly can't take it anymore. Too often I will endure her non-sense by fear that arguing will result with her acting like a child and I just don't want to spoil my evening.

[neverdie]

To everyone who is asking why lose your wife for 590 baht / month? I mean my problem is more with the divorce threats that stems from squabble. I frankly can't take it anymore. Too often I will endure her non-sense by fear that arguing will result with her acting like a child and I just don't want to spoil my evening.

Ditch her dude and go solo. What do you want people to say to you? Seriously, lifes too short.

[spolsky]

To everyone who is asking why lose your wife for 590 baht / month? I mean my problem is more with the divorce threats that stems from squabble. I frankly can't take it anymore. Too often I will endure her non-sense by fear that arguing will result with her acting like a child and I just don't want to spoil my evening.

Ditch her dude and go solo. What do you want people to say to you? Seriously, lifes too short.

I don't know, I guess hearing people with similar stories kind of comforts me. It's dumb, I know, but that's how I feel right now. I guess I just need to grow some and go through with it. While I can take lots of risks and make changes and decisions all the time in my professional career... this for some reasons is hard... even if I know that the relationship is bad for me.

[GuestHouse]

Sell the Lap-Top.

You need the money, your wife and her family are clearly in no hurry to get it hooked up - So remove the problem and get some cash out of it at the same time.

[spud1]

To everyone who is asking why lose your wife for 590 baht / month? I mean my problem is more with the divorce threats that stems from squabble. I frankly can't take it anymore. Too often I will endure her non-sense by fear that arguing will result with her acting like a child and I just don't want to spoil my evening.

Ditch her dude and go solo. What do you want people to say to you? Seriously, lifes too short.

I don't know, I guess hearing people with similar stories kind of comforts me. It's dumb, I know, but that's how I feel right now. I guess I just need to grow some and go through with it. While I can take lots of risks and make changes and decisions all the time in my professional career... this for some reasons is hard... even if I know that the relationship is bad for me.

I seriously wouldn't opt for a divorce based on posters comments on TV.You may come to regret it.

[kenk3z]

The mother has thought this through and decided she doesn't want to pay the 590 Baht per month for the Internet. That's her decision to make.

You had good intentions, but that kid pretty much has to find his own way. You being five hours away will have no influence on him, computer/Internet or not. Meaning, if he's a good kid he will do OK, if not, the computer isn't going to help.

Sell the laptop and say nothing more about it. The laptop simply disappears from existence and memory and discussions.

[Kwasaki]

I am really surprised to hear this is happening in Thailand, I would never of believed it.

[spawn]

sell the computer and pay for your lawyer,

chok dee

[jhabiolar]

lumumba, your a great guy, good advice, i lost that song, love it when i listen to it at raggae club chiangmai

Sorry, even my ex wife still marvels about about my new taste in women.

But thank god for my looks and my sense of humor.

Send her home, give the laptop and some more beers and listen to No woman No cry by R N Marley.

[Thakkar]

why not date an educated thai woman who makes 100k+/month like I do?

Heck, a woman that earns 100k a month should be comfortably able to keep two men. I now understand the numbers in your handle: '1,3,4' —you're up Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, am I right?

[Thakkar]

It's not the internet connection fee that the old woman can't afford. It's all the extra tissue the boy will need once he discovers free porn!

But seriously, it's not an Asian or Thai thing at all. Once you promise someone a gift and actually go ahead and buy said gift, then you should hand it over forthwith and graciously with no strings attached. You are not his father and have no string-attaching rights. You never promised the ADSL so you're not on hook for that. Why concern yourself with what happens after you hand over your promised gift?

As to your marriage, if she's constantly threatening divorce, call her bluff and be prepared to let her go. There's clearly more wrong with your marriage than merely this minor ADSL saga.

[bifftastic]

Maybe mum doesn't want 35 teenagers pissing about on internet games every day after school in her house?

I know what you mean about the 'i want a divorce' thing. That's the real issue isn't it?

I would let this particular issue die down, give the kid the laptop, let him deal with the internet issue.

Then you need to talk with your wife about the recurring threats of divorce.

You may not be aware of what mum is saying to her, the pressure from her family etc.

Pick your moment or moments, chip away at the main issue without it turning into another argument.

Don't let the stress of your new business leak into your marriage.

When she's angry she threatens divorce, it's a habit she has, that's the problem, not the laptop or the internet.

Good luck with everything.

[lannarebirth]

Sell the Lap-Top.

You need the money, your wife and her family are clearly in no hurry to get it hooked up - So remove the problem and get some cash out of it at the same time.

Correct.

[lannarebirth]

It's not the internet connection fee that the old woman can't afford. It's all the extra tissue the boy will need once he discovers free porn!

But seriously, it's not an Asian or Thai thing at all. Once you promise someone a gift and actually go ahead and buy said gift, then you should hand it over forthwith and graciously with no strings attached. You are not his father and have no string-attaching rights. You never promised the ADSL so you're not on hook for that. Why concern yourself with what happens after you hand over your promised gift?

As to your marriage, if she's constantly threatening divorce, call her bluff and be prepared to let her go. There's clearly more wrong with your marriage than merely this minor ADSL saga.

The kid could probably trade it for a nice used motorbike for grandma to ride.

[Peterbigeyes]

I'll understand if you love her and don't want to go through with the divorce. I suggest you take her off the business and start managing it yourself, tell her that the funds are nearly dry and you need to cut expenses. Accept the fact that you have made a loss here or rather paid a heavy price to know that she is better off being a housewife.