Here's one of the versions of the FB tale I referred to above. My kind of humour. Posted by a site oddly called Obituaries. After I retired, my wife insisted that I join her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like many men, I found shopping tedious and preferred to get in and out quickly. On the other hand, my wife enjoys taking her time to browse. Yesterday, she received the following letter from the store manager: Dear Mrs. Johnson, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a disruption in our store. We can no longer tolerate this behavior and have regrettably banned both of you from shopping here. Below are the documented incidents involving your husband, Mr. Johnson, captured by our surveillance cameras: June 15: He placed 24 boxes of condoms into random people's carts when they weren't looking. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals. July 7: Created a trail of tomato juice leading to the women's restroom. July 19: Approached an employee and said in a serious tone, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.' This caused the employee to abandon her post, resulting in a reprimand from her supervisor, and eventually a union grievance that wasted company time and resources. There is no Code 3. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and attempted to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told children he would invite them in if they brought pillows and blankets from the bedding section. Twenty children obliged. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and yelled, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. September 4: Looked directly into the security camera and used it as a mirror to pick his nose. September 10: While examining guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. October 3: Moved suspiciously around the store while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna Look' using various sizes of funnels. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' whenever someone browsed. October 22: Upon hearing an announcement over the loudspeaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' Took a box of condoms to the cashier and asked where the fitting room was. And finally: October 23: Entered a fitting room, closed the door, waited a few minutes, then shouted loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' One of our clerks fainted. Respectfully,
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