My Thai Step-Sister Really Hates Me!

[LT3]

For some reason my Thai stepsister has decided for whatever reason she doesnt like me!

I get on fine with step mum and step brother, and the rest of the family.

Me and step-sister work together, me factory manager her office manager. She is 16 and im 28 (I'm from england btw). We all live together in the factory (each with own rooms) with the office staff. I'm fine with everyone else in the company but step-sis has a real problem with me. Everyone says 'good morning' to me apart from her! Everyone always smiles at me apart from her! All i get from her is un-absolute straight face! No smile, no nothing! Just bearly disguised contempt! When I walk into a room and they are all sharing a joke I will ask 'whats the joke?' her face will instantly drop from smile to deadly serious when everyone around her is still smiling! I asked her what it was all about and she said its because I dont listen to her! This doesn't ring true because when we have to make a decision together I always ask her if she has any ideas and make sure she agrees with what we are about to do.

I also feel she only gives me half the informaton as quite often I will make a decision (on information given) and then act on said decision only to find out half way through the job that I cant do this or that because of something or other!! I've told her I can only make a decision with the information that I'm given but the problem still persists! I think she is doing it to make me look bad and 'lose face'. the company cannot survive if we dont get on and if that happens a lot of people will lose jobs!! All because of her being childish!! I'm nearly at the point where I just dont want to talk to her at all!!! But at the same time I dont want to upset my Dad and more importantly I dont want to upset the family!!!! What do i do????

Any help??

[bifftastic]

She's only 16 and she's a manager? Seems like she's letting her childish behaviour (she's only a kid after all) get in the way of her work.

Talk to your dad, and her dad, tell them you will sack her if she doesn't stop.

Even if she doesn't like you she needs to pack it in if she wants to continue being a manager.

She should be respectful to you as you're above her in the work place and older than her too.

You're losing 'face' every day she carries on behaving like that.

[anothertorres]

if you can't deal with a 16 year old, your "factory" is doomed.

[Lammbock]

You are her Boss. Fire her!!!

[rixalex]

Guess you are discovering that nepotism has its drawbacks.

[slapout]

Give her some cloth to make a new dress and buy her a pair of schools and let her go to this weekends dance. Seriously, what is you Dad doing that he is not monitoring the work and results of both of you at the factory? Has he turned it over to the two of you? If not it may be time for a face to face meeting/discussion between the three of you.

[p_brownstone]

if you can't deal with a 16 year old, your "factory" is doomed.

You have a 16 year old "Office Manager" ..............

Sorry, words fail me - who on earth appoints a 16 year old as "Office Manager" and pretends to be running a serious business here (or anywhere else for that matter)???

Patrick

[TheWalkingMan]

16 year-old office manager? Way too young and she should either be at school or on the line working.

Have a sit down with pops and lay it out for him. Give her the boot and get a proper office manager.

TheWalkingMan

[LT3]

Yeah I know 16 and office manager!! But sacking her just is not an option!

1. I dont have the authority to do that

2. Dads away most of the time and left the day to day running up to us!

3. I've never been a manager before (and lets be honest how many 28 year old factory managers are there?) so I'm learning on the fly. I know about the production side of things and how the machines work e.t.c. but the nuances of being a manager are new to me!

4. Social politics of Thailand and social politics of the family makes this a sensitive situation!

Thanks for the advice so far!!:jap:

I really feel its getting to the point of setting the ultamatum!!

But I'm now in the prediciment that I cant go back home because of the pregnant wife!!! So basicly I'm f**ked unless this can get sorted out!!

Would love to say to her to stop being such a petulant child but that will just make the situation worse!!

[LT3]

Just noticed! if I could explain the look I see when she talks to me it would be my avatar!! HA HA HA HA:lol: !

[rixalex]

Yeah I know 16 and office manager!! But sacking her just is not an option!

1. I dont have the authority to do that

Number two begs to differ:

2. Dads away most of the time and left the day to day running up to us!

Us means you surely, as you are her senior. Act like it.

[TheWalkingMan]

Get your dad on the phone and calmly explain the situation. Before you talk to him, make a list of all the problems and how it is affecting the working relationships, as a younger person who is also a subordinate staff, is not showing the proper respect to her elder and company superior. Rehearse your spiel a few times to make sure you have all points covered. And when you call, have a check list to make sure you have not forgotten anything.

Tell him that when he dumps her, he could word it in such a way that he wants her to focus on school and a social life as at 16 years old she not be "chained" to the office. Of course you could dump her instead of pops.

Additionally, you should be writing up a job description for the Office Manager job and posting it on a job board with a new email set-up. Do not put your name within the email and in the advert say something like only short listed candidates will be contacted or whatever is the proper thing to say.

Review the resumes and have a few ready to be included when you talk to pops. This will show him that, as a manager, you are dealing with all the issues and are ready to interview people for the position.

But seriously, 16 year-old office manager?

Welcome to management!

TheWalkingMan

[mark45y]

Buy her a teddy bear today and give it to her. Tell her when you look at a teddy bear you smile.

Tomorrow buy her some chocolates. Tell her when you eat chocolates you are happy.

The next day buy her something she wants. You should know her well enough to figure this out.

Kill her with kindness. Easier to catch flies with honey.

Keep doing nice things for her for 90 days. If after 90 she still does not like you. Post again and I’ll tell you stage two.

[elkangorito]

Buy her a teddy bear today and give it to her. Tell her when you look at a teddy bear you smile.

Tomorrow buy her some chocolates. Tell her when you eat chocolates you are happy.

The next day buy her something she wants. You should know her well enough to figure this out.

Kill her with kindness. Easier to catch flies with honey.

Keep doing nice things for her for 90 days. If after 90 she still does not like you. Post again and I'll tell you stage two.

Is this what you do, Marky?

[onnut]

16 years old!

Is your dad trying to keep the wife happy by giving this child a job?

How many staff are working in the factory and what do you produce?

[mark45y]

Buy her a teddy bear today and give it to her. Tell her when you look at a teddy bear you smile.

Tomorrow buy her some chocolates. Tell her when you eat chocolates you are happy.

The next day buy her something she wants. You should know her well enough to figure this out.

Kill her with kindness. Easier to catch flies with honey.

Keep doing nice things for her for 90 days. If after 90 she still does not like you. Post again and I'll tell you stage two.

Is this what you do, Marky?

No, of course not. I have been managing large groups of women for 40 years. This kid is 28 and with no management experience. You only give someone a task they can reasonably accomplish. No experience, buy a teddy bear may be the best choice.

[Chunky1]

Very strange thread. Do I have this right?

OP is 28 yo farang who has a pregnant Thai wife.

His farang father owns a factory

His wife's 16 yo sister is the manager of the factory.

The father won't sack the 16 yo.

???

[bina]

16 is a bit young to manage things but here also we do have 16 yr olds manage shifts in various work places; however, the real problem as i see it (and i have a 16 yr old daugher, and i had an other that when at 16 we called 'the general' cause she could out manage any manager when she was on duty... anyhow

i have a sneaky feeling that u are feeling very unsecure because u have no experience. 16 yr olds , and she is a she and u are a he, btw, an important point, 16 yr old girls need strong managers. they need to feel that u are in charge. otherwise, they take control and try to control u and see u as a baby. ist sort of a lolita type problem in a way too.

we also have a few 16 yr olds with us, and they are all assertive girls; so i find that we have to pull rank a bit, nicely, firmly, the carrot and stick method. if she is half way intelligent, she will find that it is worth it to please u, unless she is very much daddy's little girl (or she thinks she is. )

we sit with the younger girls, joke with them, but 'keep distance'. also, from the very beginning it is better to be a bit hard, so u have leeway to ease up. it is harder to tighten the reins when uve been soft with them first. (sorry, i ride horses so its a good example i think).

when u walk in to a room,, never never ask 'what is the joke' (it might be about u) . sit down with staff that fits your rank, OR with the 'other guys' but remember, u are a manager. u cannot fit in with floor staff completely. u are not their friend. be courteous , pleasant, drink a beer or three or whatever.

make jokes, dont ask about them.

remember that when she is not with other girls and women, she can be more approachable. treat her as a manager. do not take anything she says or does, personally. girls will say anything to annoy and older man, just to get a reaction. she doesnt hate u. she just found a way to show others that she is in charge and u are the culprit.

your father must make clear demands and responsibilties from each of u and u just have to carry them out. there is always always tension between floor and office (and sales, and engineering for that matter-- been there done all that with kibbutz kids/adults in our factory, me as an american newbie).

i dont think here its a thai/farang thing just and age and expectation thing... and uve fallen in the trap....

the factory is as much yours as father's since u get a paycheck from it... so try any way possible to get things to work out...

and to be honest, on kibbutz anywhere here, there are guys that hve been managers of large work areas whether facotry, agriculutre or maintenance, kitchen or whatever else, from age 17, then after gettingout of army, coming back to manage. age has nothing to do with it. my oldest was a born manager. i had to learn and it took me 25 yrs to figure it out. get some balls (i had to import brass ones seeing as how i am a woman:) ) , hit the internet for 'management hints and work staff troubleshooting/asia and do some homework...

or do the laughing mans' suggestion.

good luck

bina

israel

[kyb789]

It means she likes you. Women psychology 101. A bit young. You may have to wait a few years.

[StreetCowboy]

Why is someone appointing a foreign child of 28 as manager?

SC

[JohnLeech]

Very strange thread. Do I have this right?

OP is 28 yo farang who has a pregnant Thai wife.

His farang father owns a factory

His wife's 16 yo sister is the manager of the factory.

The father won't sack the 16 yo.

???

I couldn't follow it either, but I first thought that he and his step-sister had the same father (farang?) who was on his second marriage (to her mother). Then I realised that that didn't make sense as it would have meant that they would have known each other since his step-sister was born, 16 years ago, which didn't make sense.

Second thought was that his father had married her mother far more recently, and that the step-sister was from a previous marriage (different father) and that LT3's "pregnant Thai wife" was unrelated to any of them (otherwise his step-sister would actually be his sister-in-law in Chunky's scenario).

If that's the case, and its the only one which fits, then the problem isn't one LT3 or his father can sort out between them as its down to the mother/step-mother. She probably wants her daughter to have equal responsibilty, etc, to her step-son, regardless of her age,and that's where the problem lies.

Who actually owned/set up the factory - her mum or your dad? If her mum did, then you're the one interfering in her business and her birthright. If your dad did, but he's away most of the time, then who was running it before and who is now in overall charge? Or do they own it jointly (or your dad has given it to his new wife) and she has made her daughter manager to protect her share from you and your Thai wife?

Either way, if you give a 16 year old Thai girl a teddy bear and some chocolates and you've got a pregnant Thai wfe you're asking for trouble. This isn't something you are in a postion to sort out for yourself, or with your step-sister - its something your dad and her mum have to sort out.

Edited October 1, 2010 by JohnLeech

[IanForbes]

It means she likes you. Women psychology 101. .

That was my initial thought. It could be the old "woman scorned" syndrome. The girl is pissed off because her sister has you and not her.

I agree with others that at 16 she is too young and she is showing it in the same way most 16 year olds show their attempt at independence.

Mark45 probably gives the best advice... silly as it may seem to some. The girl is just a child, and like most children, wants attention. Of course that could possibly cause jealous concern with the pregnant wife who might think there was something "else" going on.

I'm sorry you were put in such a situation and haven't had the experience yourself to deal with it. I'd probably be just like you if it was me at your age. You try to be nice but it just doesn't work. The alternative is being VERY assertive, cold and almost harsh. The young girl HAS to be sorted out for her own good. Too bad, but there really aren't any other options. Your first duties are to your pregnant wife who should come first.

If the scenario is as Chunky surmised, then you are in a pickle and your father won't be able to help you. It's the mother in law that is really running the show.

Edited October 1, 2010 by IanForbes

[gregb]

If that's the case, and its the only one which fits, then the problem isn't one LT3 or his father can sort out between them as its down to the mother/step-mother. She probably wants her daughter to have equal responsibilty, etc, to her step-son, regardless of her age,and that's where the problem lies.

This was my read as well. There is a very definite power struggle going on here between the Thai side of the family and the farang side of the family. It is not something that the OP can resolve himself. It is something that needs to be accepted and lived with for the time being.

The best option when faced with any kind of personal family struggle in the office, is to act completely professional at every opportunity. If the step sister is not actually causing any tangible problems with the factory, then the OP simply needs to suck it up and accept that this is the way things are going to be for now. If the OP can identify problems that her actions are creating, then he needs to start to record them. Keep a journal of the activity and how the factory suffered. And at some point when the factory has suffered extensively by the situation, the OP needs to sit down with Dad and Step Mom and explain in a professional manner how these actions are hurting the factory. Do not accuse though. He needs to ask for their help in resolving them because he wants to make the factory run better.

The OP is 28. She's 16. He may not be able to control the family dynamics, but he has more than a decade on her in terms of maturity. He needs to leverage that advantage. Act mature. Do whatever is in the best interest of the factory and leave the personal issues outside to the maximum extent possible. Being polite, mature and responsible is the only way the situation will improve. And it may take several years.

And I have to agree with kyb789, when a 16 year old acts like that it may very well mean she likes him. And given that the OP has a pregnant wife, that may be a bit upsetting to the girl. No way to know for sure, but the OP should at least keep that in mind when interacting with her. Even if it is an incorrect assumption, it may allow him to keep a proper perspective on her actions.

[Chunky1]

so father and son both have thai wives? it should be a reality show.

[moe666]

Give her a promotion to the company fun and games department, she will be responsible for setting up all parties and awards for employees. If she doesn't do a good job then all of the employees will know who is responsible. Hire a competent replacement to take her job and someone who likes you. This way you donot have to fire her but she is out of the way. Giver a small raise this will salve the wounds of feeling like she has been given a job of less importance.

[bina]

so father and son both have thai wives? it should be a reality show.

dare i add --from a previous post of his:

my stepmum-btw stepmum is from Thailand and some kind of reletive to my GF

and the step sister is from his step mother's side (the thai side, although i havent figured out whether its from his father or from step mother's possible previous connections).

and his factory is some business venture that his father seemed to recently have set up in thailand. he himself is in roi et or close and he is bored stiff there; his wife (girlfriend since he's not sure if he's married or not, or only married by village ceremony)is pregnant and they want to get a visa to england to have the baby...

this is the encapsulated version of his posts so far...

i guess non of u guys are good at watching soap operas in thailand?

bina

[IanForbes]

i guess non of u guys are good at watching soap operas in thailand?

bina

:lol:

Hillarious, bina, thanks. Best line I've read in ages. :jap:

[bifftastic]

It's true, It is Lakorn Farang!

[LT3]

so father and son both have thai wives? it should be a reality show.

:cheesy: !!!!

[LT3]

i guess non of u guys are good at watching soap operas in thailand?

whats life without a bit of drama?? as annoying as it is it certainly makes life intresting!!!