Marriage put off as sinsod not available

[Simbo]

My wife's nephew was going to marry a local girl (Sisaket) and a Bt50K dowry was agreed between the families. However, the money was not available so the marriage was postponed. The girl is now expecting his baby - perhaps the price should come down now?

It would be interesting to see the outcome here. Will the baby be born out of wedlock for the sake of the sinsod ?

[Simbo]

I would not turn around and advise any foreigner to say to his 'mom' "I dont believe in paying any dowry". When you marry a Thai, you marry into a family - you dont need to make yourself disliked even before you are married.

On the other hand, do you need to make it clear to the family that you are a sucker?

A happy cash cow

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A sucker?

If you had read the post more clearly you would have read that there are often advantages to be had when paying a dowry of some kind. You have to get a deeper insight into Thai culture and traditions before you can be one-sided.

A happy cash cow??

Well, that obviously depends what kind of Thai family you plan or are married into.

I wouldn't generalize.

Dont you me, ' more advantages to BEING had' ?

[Heng]

It sucks to see to many people on this site moan about Thai traditions yet they want to get married with a Thai? It just doesn't make sense. If you don't want to accept any Thai tradition or something you may have to do because you chose to have a relationship with a Thai, well then you need to wake up and move on.

To be fair to the moaners, I think it's important to remember that many people 'can't' move on and are stuck in their situations.

Many Thais that farangs have the misfortune of shacking up with also try to hit farangs (and other foreigners) with requests that they try to pass off as "tradition." The two most common being: 1) there is no tradition where you have to/should pay a dowry to a current or former prostitute 2) there is no tradition where you have to/should pay a dowry to a woman who has been married at least once, sometimes multiple times and has children from previous marriages. Knowing someone who has done so (even if it's all 50 farangs or Thais in a 50 mile radius) doesn't make it the norm or tradition. For those in those types of situations, I can understand why they are bitter and call it a scam.

[BambinA]

oh Bambina do i get you for free then??? hehe

Oh yes..free for sure (just sinsod)

But

I have a flock of buffalo , 42 siblings ,112 relatives

Be my guest. xoxo

[markuk]

oh Bambina do i get you for free then??? hehe

Oh yes..free for sure (just sinsod)

But

I have a flock of buffalo , 42 siblings ,112 relatives

Be my guest. xoxo

thats ok then with your buffalos and all those workers i can put my feet up and retire.

[chanchao]

> thats ok then with your buffalos and all those workers i can put my feet up and retire.

Hehehehehehe..

Anyway:

> It would be interesting to see the outcome here. Will the baby be

> born out of wedlock for the sake of the sinsod ?

Hardly matters. Not a whole lot of marriages are officially (and immediately) registered anyway. And you can always register a marriage later, there's really no rush, or no effects to the status of the baby. Birth certificate will have mum & dad's name, nothing special going on there either.

Personally I firmly believe that the (any) government has no business registering relationships. However in Thailand at least they seem to promote doing so by offering tax benefits. Of course this only applies to people with a steady, taxable income, i.e. at least middle class people, who indeed register their marriage a lot more than poorer people. As the sin sod was just 50K, my guess is that taxable income is not a consideration for either of them.

(Heck, they could perhaps even REGISTER the marriage at the district office if there was a compelling legal reason for them to do so, which would then still have no bearing on actually having 'a wedding' with sin sod being due. Marriage at the district office is an administrative thing, not so much of a main event worth marking/celebrating. The opinion of the family/village about marital status is quite a separate thing from whatever the records at the amphur show.)

Edited March 14, 2007 by chanchao

[chanchao]

> I refused to pay sinsod, I said that we didn't buy wives in the uK Her mother wanted her to

> go home with her directly, but my girl stuck with me. Then the face thing came out about showing

> the money to everyone. I suggested a cheque for any amount she wanted, but said it would

> bounce if they tried to cash it,

I didn't / wouldn't even do that. Indeed a 'face' thing: I wouldn't want to have to explain to any of my visiting friends or relatives that I'm not 'buying' a wife.

[wolfmanjack]

I read from TH forum , well..many TH girls broke up with Farang BFs , coz "Sin Sod" problem ,..obviously girls don't want it , but sometime thier faimilies just stuck with that tradition much ..and no compromise enough... i have no idea ..and it's hard to explain Farang BFs understand about this Dowry stuff

pity on them indeed ..sob sob ..

Bambi (sigh)

A dowry (also known as trousseau) is a gift of money or valuables given by the bride's family to the groom's at the time of their marriage.[1] It has been regarded as contribution of her family to the married household's expenses.

My mother in law felt it was more important for us to use the money for our life together instead of giving her sin sod. I did pay for a 3 day drunk for every one in the vilage though. The family got a little flack from the village people saying she married a poor falang. Shortly after that I bought land in Chiang Mai and built a factory. I hired around 10 peope from her village to work at the factory. Now my wife says that she is tired of them treating her like she is a khun Yai when we go to the village. I think she is lying though. She really enjoys it and only complains to me to try and seem modest.

[wolfmanjack]

oh Bambina do i get you for free then??? hehe

Oh yes..free for sure (just sinsod)

But

I have a flock of buffalo , 42 siblings ,112 relatives

Be my guest. xoxo

thats ok then with your buffalos and all those workers i can put my feet up and retire.

I think he is saying that his 42 siblings and 112 relatives are the buffalo. By the way a sibling is a relative so did you cout them twice?

[danone]

i said from the beginning i wont pay sinsod and didnt have to pay sinsod and could marry my beautiful wife. by the way: her family never asked for sinsod.

be aware of any trap you may get into.

once you pay, always you pay.

Edited March 14, 2007 by danone

[LoveDaBlues]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your right Brit, I havent been asked for a bean. Howver I will give a small bung their way as I am a good hearted fellow! lol

I buying land, house and a viehicle are sufficient proof of my intentions, however nice tobe nice!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Good luck with the house and land. If you ever split up, you can kiss it good-by, because foreigners can not own land in Thailand.

True, foreigners cannot own land in Thailand. However, with some simple legal steps you can insure that you live in the home the rest of your life and also have use of the land if the relationship goes bad. Talk to a decent Thai lawyer.

[LoveDaBlues]

It sucks to see to many people on this site moan about Thai traditions yet they want to get married with a Thai? It just doesn't make sense. If you don't want to accept any Thai tradition or something you may have to do because you chose to have a relationship with a Thai, well then you need to wake up and move on.

To be fair to the moaners, I think it's important to remember that many people 'can't' move on and are stuck in their situations.

Many Thais that farangs have the misfortune of shacking up with also try to hit farangs (and other foreigners) with requests that they try to pass off as "tradition." The two most common being: 1) there is no tradition where you have to/should pay a dowry to a current or former prostitute 2) there is no tradition where you have to/should pay a dowry to a woman who has been married at least once, sometimes multiple times and has children from previous marriages. Knowing someone who has done so (even if it's all 50 farangs or Thais in a 50 mile radius) doesn't make it the norm or tradition. For those in those types of situations, I can understand why they are bitter and call it a scam.

Finally, someone who posts and actually knows &lt;deleted&gt; he's (Heng) talking about. Numbers 1 & 2 above are CORRECT. Only pay sinsod for a virgin; end of discussion.

My wife was married once before (to a Thai). She is a very proper Thai lady non-BG. Sinsod of 100K baht was paid along with gold. Her idiot husband left after only 30 days because the family would not support him and give him money! As she was no longer virgin sinsod was never even discussed when I came into the picture.

Had she been virgin when I first met her.....yes of course I would have paid sinsod. NOT because of virginity but because of Thai tradition.

[a2396]

Americans & some others may be familiar with the idom 'take a flying fxxck on a rolling doughnut". That would be my reply to requestors of sin sod extorsion money.

[ozzydom]

I am sure that the translation of Sin Sod must be Bar Fine,, From reading this thread the old No Money No Honey line seems to apply.

[chanchao]

No, a bar fine is a time-limited sin-sod.

For people preferring to rent, rather than own.