Thai Girlfriend Schitzo In Another Country

[eagles]

Hi,

I'm posting here as I've been walking around the city all day trying to get some professional advice. No-one will listen so as a last resort, before I do something crazy, I'm hoping someone here may have been in my situation and could advise me.

I am Irish and am in a Western country with my Thai girlfriend who I have known for 3 years. I'm 28 and she's 29. Ever since I've known her, she's had some psychological problems. At first, I thought it was just that she can't handle alcohol (like a lot of people) but I now know it is something more serious. Most of the time, we seem completely happy, laughing together and never arguing. We're very close and know each other very well. She can go for weeks without alcohol so she's not an alcoholic. But every few weeks or so, something triggers her into a tantrum. She looses it and wherever we're living, we have to leave. She breaks everything in sight and yells the most hurtful abuse at me (only at me). I leave her or call the police because I can't cope. She then goes to a pub, gets drunk and cries to everyone how I left her. She cries a lot. And then I go back and we change towns. This sequence has happened maybe a dozen times - we've been kicked out of where we've been staying and everything has been broken. It's never an argument, it's her being angry at me. She is uneductaed and although she vehemently denies it, her family enticed her into 'higher?' prostitute when she was younger. She would steal from mens' rooms. And I'm pretty sure she's cheated on me many times during her 'fits'. But every time so far I have returned and we've been blissfully happy again. It's difficult to believe that the happy her is the same as the cheating, hysterical, violent her.

It's difficult for us to get visas and we had 3 months left here and she had just got a work visa for that time. I thought that we would save up money, return to Thailand and be able to do something good for next time. The first week working together (on a farm) was perfect. But in her 2nd week working, she started treating me badly, shouting at me, claiming I had done terrible things to her (give her a work visa so she could pay for her own ticket back home etc!! Make her working on farm!). This went on for 3 days and I couldn't go to work one day as I was scraed she'd shout at me in front of everyone. The night before last, she went to a pub, probably met a man and went to his place, eventually came back to me and completely drunk, started screaming, running outside naked and screaming, breaking things, throwing things. I can't control her when she's like that so I called the cops. They basically laughed at me and told me to 'cut Thais' with her. And I did, I packed my stuff in the car and drove off. At first, she left messages on my phone saying '###### you man, cannot leave me like that' and then it changed to: I love you, please come back. Today she got her first weeks wages and she is now in a pub getting drunk crying to everyone about how I left her. If I go back, sure we'll be happy for a while and then this'll happen again and again like it already has happened again and again. If anyone else has been in my situation, please tell me what to do. Go back to the nightmare, abandon her to god knows what or is it possible for her to be cured/tamed? What is wrong with her? She isn't capable of living alone or working alone and she's already been told she can't stay in the place we were staying after Sunday. She'll spend her money on alcohol and then either someone will help her, she'll get deported or maybe she'll realise she has to work to live. What do I do? Please someone help!

[350torana]

Sorry, to hear about your situation, mate. Yeah, it would be easy to walk away . But maybe your heart can't do this. She sounds like a disturbed young lady.

First thing I would do is take her to the hospital and get her proffesional help .

Good luck

[the scouser]

If you're in a western country, then it can't be Europe or North America, as it's too early in the day for the bars to be open. I must surmise that you're therefore either in Australia/New Zealand or a troll. Either way, this has little to do with visas, hence the topic being moved to the general forum.

Scouse.

[eagles]

I'm not a troll and it's not important where I am. I don't care what forum as I just need advice. She's even lost her passport. Is she a bitch or is she in need of help? And who can help. Other people must have experienced stuff like this

[pedro01]

For heaven's sake man - either grow a spine or get rid of her...

[Dragonman]

Had a girlfriend,farang, some time ago exactly the same mate. Despite psychiatric help she always reverted during times of depression. The best day was when I left her and moved to Thailand

[coldcrush]

What a sad man. Get a life will you... you sound like a puppy in headlights.

Slam the door on her and you go to the bar and get pished instead of her!

Edited August 5, 2005 by lopburiguy

[The_Moog]

6 of 1 = half a dozen of the other.

You liked her because she was edgy and mercurial - not realizing that leopards don't change their spots, and borderline behaviour doesn't go down as well in domestic settings as they do on the first night of passion.

Now you've brought her to a life which she finds drudge.

She doesn't need a hospital or psychiatric treatment or Prozac, and people here who suggest she does are fools. She needs to go home.

She thought she was going to go shopping every day and have a nice life, but finds she's working on a farm (well once anyway). She might find you a bit boring and feel she doesn't have anything in common with you, and misses Thai life.

Part gracefully, and don't get another Thai girlfriend, because you probably aren't multi-cultural enough to adapt to their quirks. Find a nice Western girlfriend instead.

Edited August 5, 2005 by The_Moog

[dereklev]

For heaven's sake man - either grow a spine or get rid of her...

That just about sums it up! !

But don't you think that having taken her overseas, it is your responsibility to get her back to Thailand? ?

Then you can dump her, she sounds a right 'mare! !

[chuchok]

Sorry, to hear about your situation, mate. Yeah, it would be easy to walk away . But maybe your heart can't do this. She sounds like a disturbed young lady.

  First thing I would do is take her to the hospital and get her proffesional help .

  Good luck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Best advice.Either do above or slip a xanax in her rum and coke and go out for a beer with the boys while she sleeps it off.

[eagles]

Thanks for that. Just to say: she was like that in Thailand already but since we always reverted back to bliss, we forgot about the 'dark' times and went abroad. And if I went back to her, she would never agree to go back to Thailand alone. She would want to be with me. And if I went back to Thailand with her and then left her, she would still drink and drink. Only difference is that here there are people who would care about her, try to help her and actually she has a working visa here. So if I returned to her now just to take her home, she would be in a much, much worse state. But if I go back to her, I'm not sure I could take another fit!

Edited August 5, 2005 by eagles

[snoophound]

Had one like that once

Send her home

Plenty more fish in the sea.

Sounds harsh but thats life.

Thanks for that. Just to say: she was like that in Thailand already but since we always reverted back to bliss, we forgot about the 'dark' times and went abroad. And if I went back to her, she would never agree to go back to Thailand alone. She would want to be with me. And if I went back to Thailand with her and then left her, she would still drink and drink. Only difference is that here there are people who would care about her, try to help her and actually she has a working visa here. So if I returned to her now just to take her home, she would be in a much, much worse state. But if I go back to her, I'm not sure I could take another fit!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Eric Davis]

She can go for weeks without alcohol so she's not an alcoholic.

[chuchok]

If what you say is true, it is not just a farang related problem (although some will argue that it is woman specific )

Girl needs pro help.Simple as that. If you can get help for her and she will not help herself, then you have done all that you can.

[Thaipwriter]

sound like manic depression to me, get her back to Thailand find her a bottle of Lithium and scarper. You sound like a decent guy who does not need the bother.

You say you have had to move house 12 times!!!! thats ridiculous. maybe you can talk to the folks at one of the consulate in the UK, see if they have any idea's???

[suprnogo]

Lived with a farang girl similar to your's for 2 years, so I understand the reluctance to leave her.

Mate, think about your own well-being. You owe it to yourself.

Give that charitable, kind heart to someone more deserving.

[vasan_blr]

Hi,

I am Irish and am in a Western country with my Thai girlfriend who I have known for 3 years. I'm 28 and she's 29. Ever since I've known her, she's had some psychological problems.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You better take her to a Psycatrist and confirm that she is having problem. Get a written note from the doctor. Contact Thai Embassy and tell the situation and deport her to Thailand as soon as possible before she does some thing bad for herself or for you.

She may be having hysteric diseases because worked in Sex industry before and she might be abused by some one (may be a foreigner). Probably her inner mind is wrongly reacting after seeing lot of foreigners there.

She might be happy back or can be normal after coming back to Thailand. A Thai doctor can council her and treat better. In general Psyco problem can be treated and live normal.

Sounds the case is serious.

[Insight]

It's truely amazing what some people will put up with. Are the weeks of bliss worth it for these tantrums (and the fact she's shagging around)?

Can't see the wood for the trees...

[chuchok]

It's truely amazing what some people will put up with. Are the weeks of bliss worth it for these tantrums (and the fact she's shagging around)?

Can't see the wood for the trees...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What's the diff between having a crook head or a crook liver.Both can be helped...maybe some diseases are easier to fix than others.I've known three people that had problems similar to this.A bit of treatment and time sorted them out.All depends on how much you understand the problems.

[TheFiend]

What a sad man.  Get a life will you... you sound like a puppy in headlights.

Slam the door on her and you go to the bar and get pished instead of her!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

@lopburiguy - You haven't a clue about real life have you? It is you who is the real sad man here!

The woman has got serious physciatric/physcological problems... probably caused by events earlier in her life.

What she needs is the right help. What you and her don't need is advice from pr*cks like this.

She needs to acknowledge she has a problem, and then seek the right treatment, be it counseling or medication or a combination of the 2. Now is the time to show her how much of a friend as well as a partner you realy are. If you realy care about her that is.

I have been through similar things with my relationships in the past, I always seem to get involved with gilfriends with similar problems. My last girlfriend had serious issues from her past to do with sexual abuse as a kid and domestic violence from her ex-husband..... In the end I had to sacrifice our relationship for her to get the physcological help she needed, as it was effecting my physcological state of mind as well.

Do what your heart tells you, if you realy care for the woman.

[autonomous_unit]

I agree w/ those saying she needs professional attention. I wouldn't recommend trying to diagnose people, but steering them to someone who can do so is a good start. That sure as heck doesn't sound like rational/normal behavior to me. There are organizations to support the mentally ill and their families, which might be able to provide much better information about things you can do in your area, both to get her help as well as to get yourself a little help. It is hard for anyone to recommend specifics if you cannot reveal where you are... but the phone book or local search engines are a good start.

I also doubt you can "cure" or "tame" her, if she is ill. The kind of experiences she had can certainly damage a person. At best, medicines and therapy can smooth some of the bumps and help her cope with life. But it is pathologically optimistic to think it will ever go away completely. There are always new triggers, and always a ticking clock. As to whether you should stick around or not, nobody can judge that for you. How much do you care about her well being? Will you live with permanent guilt if you walk? Will you resent a lifetime of this and shift from caretaker to punisher? Sometimes a relationship will become more stable as she learns to manage herself and you learn to take it in stride, but some others always seem to escalate to some worse end...

Do an internet search and read about "codependency" if you are not already familiar with the concept. Measure twice, cut once, etc.

[rainman]

She breaks everything in sight and yells the most hurtful abuse at me (only at me).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that's your problem right there. you're the problem (from her point of view). for whatever reason she's angry at you, or you're the only one around to get engry at, etc. i suggest you both go back to Thailand for a while (if you can do that) and see how things go there.

[baht&sold]

Bottom line, instead of moving again, drive her to the local hospital TODAY. They'll make an initial analysis then likely refer her to a specialist. Make her know you're there for her, as a friend (she'll be pissed regardless but that's just a mask for sheer fear of other things). Let her know, you can't and won't live like this any longer and she must get help (be absolutely firm on this). Your present and former relationship is over and was doomed from the start whether you see it or not.

Quit moving, draw the line and act, now. Good luck.

[seonai]

Eagles, Sorry about your problem. She does need proper help but Thai's aren't good with modern psychiarty. Please take her to the nearst temple and get her to talk to a senior monk. Better still you talk to the monk first.

www.watbuddhapadipa.com

That's the Thai temple in London.

Speak to Phra Kru Lom, tell him I suggested you contact him. He'll help.

Seonai

[TizMe]

Is she a bitch or is she in need of help?

Both, run like he11 and don't look back.

Life is too short to have to put up with crap like that.

[seonai]

there sure are some f*****ers posting on this site. Just for fun, I bet most of you are expats who live with Thai women??????????

There's are reason for my guess.

Poor Eagles only wants some real help.

[seonai]

Eagles you are limiting you help options by not divulging what country you are in. More help might come forth if you tell.

[ThaiPauly]

I am sorry to say I was in a similar position to you with my last wife. She did not drink for the first 2 years of our marriage, I knew she was a recovering alcoholic, but thought she was over it. when she hit the bottle, BANG, everything we had worked so hard to acheive went out of the window. She did not drink off and on just on and on.

I put her in the Priory Clinic in London for a month at 1m baht, but within 2 days of getting out she was at it again.!

I stayed with her another 5 months after that trying to help (after all I was MARRIED to this woman,) but in the end I HAD to go for my sanity and Safety as she was starting to get very violent, and not being the sort of guy that hits a gal I had to walk away, cost me a packet. Four months later I met the girl of ny dreams here who does not drink smoke, or do anythinthing else that even borders on illegal

To sum up, dont put up with it like I had to as she was my Wife- LEAVE NOW, get her some help if you can, but it aint the same here as back in Farangland. You gotta look after number ONE

I know it HURTS LIKE H#LL- BUT YOU GOTTA DO IT

I really wish you good luck

TP

[rainman]

there sure are some f*****ers posting on this site. Just for fun, I bet most of you are expats who live with Thai women??????????

There's are reason for my guess.

Poor Eagles only wants some real help.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well then i doubt he's going to get 'real help' on an internet forum.

[Thomas_Merton]

If you are really serious and not a troll AND in Scandinavia- PM me.

I know a Danish doctor - she had just completed a study of Thai women and their psychological problems when living in Europe.

She told me she had about 40 patients in Copenhagen alone, ranging from mild neuroses through to full blown schizophrenia.