Wai-ing Others

[sadman]

I've been in LOS on and off for 4 years, and during that time I've been given so many conflicting pieces of advice on when it is appropriate to wai someone, from wai-ing everyone to be polite, to wai-ing only someone you really respect, monks and elders.

These pieces of advice all come from Thais who I could never describe as ignorant or unhelpful; quite the reverse, in fact.

I appreciate that manners are often subjective, but every time I think I've got the hang of it, I get corrected again. Could somebody PLEASE give me a few rules of thumb.

[siamsam]

Don't initiate the wai, only wai when you're wai'ed to.

[BambinA]

WAI:

monks, old people and your social superiors. Do not wai servants, labourers and children. The lower the head, the more respect is shown. The inferior individual initiates the wai. Whatever the wai received, reply with a lesser one.

[britmaveric]

Elder Thai(s) would be a good rule of thumb.

Edited August 16, 2005 by britmaveric

[Davey]

WAI:

monks, old people and your social superiors. Do not wai servants, labourers and children. The lower the head, the more respect is shown. The inferior individual initiates the wai. Whatever the wai received, reply with a lesser one.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What happens if you're younger, although hold a higher social status than the person you are meeting, who would initiate the wai?

[sadman]

WAI:

monks, old people and your social superiors. Do not wai servants, labourers and children. The lower the head, the more respect is shown. The inferior individual initiates the wai. Whatever the wai received, reply with a lesser one.

Thanks, BambinA. My spoken Thai is not good enough yet and what you say makes me better understand some of what I've been told in Thai. However, when it comes to social superiors - who decides? And how do I know?

[lopburi3]

I would initiate the wai to

someone you really respect (or are expected to respect), monks and elders

Answer the wai to others except service people or children where I would acknowledged with a head dip and/or kup. If hands free a return wai would always be appreciated (and certainly not something you can't do).

We will make mistakes but so be it. They know we don't know so no big deal (except when the wife notices).

[tuky]

I myself wai anyone older than me whom is a part of my family's broad social circle. Then only depending on social status, eg my wifes aunty's husband is an abusive drunk, I do not wai him even after he wais me, I just nod my head. But I wai his wife as I respect her.

Kids and strangers I only ever nod my head and reply with a greeting, unless a wai is obviously needed.

I have never had a complaint or anybody try to correct me.

I agree with lop here

I would initiate the wai to

someone you really respect (or are expected to respect), monks and elders

But I think if you show that you are respectful with a nod, in most cases you are safe. Except of course regarding the above quote.

[BambinA]

What happens if you're younger, although hold a higher social status than the person you are meeting, who would initiate the wai?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well u mean im younger , or older? (if im younger for sure i start to wai)

well if i met someone who is younger than me(not much) , but if he has more seniority in other stuff i might start to Wai them (but they'd not have too much differnt age from me)

Thanks, BambinA. My spoken Thai is not good enough yet and what you say makes me better understand some of what I've been told in Thai. However, when it comes to social superiors - who decides? And how do I know?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well ..who decide??.. it must be me who decided ..and if someone is younger than me , i might not Wai..i just say ..sawassdee ka

[tuky]

I am only a "Stupid Farang", but I do believe Bambi summed it up well.

well ..who decide??.. it must be me who decided ..and if someone is younger than me , i might not Wai..i just say ..sawassdee ka

[Tornado]

When I enter the room

[Nam Kao]

I am the richest guy in my village. everyone should wai me???

Does $$$ = status???

[BambinA]

I am only a "Stupid Farang", but I do believe Bambi summed it up well.

well ..who decide??.. it must be me who decided ..and if someone is younger than me , i might not Wai..i just say ..sawassdee ka

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

nahh you are narak daddy ... u re not stupid ..and actaully we can decide who we'd respect or not

well .. just WAI ..sometime it make us have more advantage (if we do the right way) other will adore us na ja

PS .. congrats again Tuky , i envy u already i wish i could be a mum lol

[sriracha john]

Try not to mimic some of the hi-so who return a wai with the palms together just above the waist and with a disdainful look on their face. Politicians are reknown for this half-hearted and snobbish wai return.

[Davey]

What happens if you're younger, although hold a higher social status than the person you are meeting, who would initiate the wai?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well u mean im younger , or older? (if im younger for sure i start to wai)

well if i met someone who is younger than me(not much) , but if he has more seniority in other stuff i might start to Wai them (but they'd not have too much differnt age from me)

It was a hypothetical situation, for example: If I am 25 and have a lot of social status, but greet a person who is 50, but has a lower social status ...who would initiate the wai?

I'm a little confused

[AmeriThai]

It was a hypothetical situation, for example: If I am 25 and have a lot of social status, but greet a person who is 50, but has a lower social status ...who would initiate the wai?

I'm a little confused 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It depends on who the individual is. If it's a 50-year-old taxi driver or village drunk, you won't wai him. It takes a little time to get the feel of who and who not to wai. Foreigners aren't always expected to get it right all the time.

[Nam Kao]

Does social status mean how much money one has or is it they have a powerful

position say in the government or something like that?

[BambinA]

It was a hypothetical situation, for example: If I am 25 and have a lot of social status, but greet a person who is 50, but has a lower social status ...who would initiate the wai?

I'm a little confused 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if i was you i'd be an initiate ...

[Davey]

It was a hypothetical situation, for example: If I am 25 and have a lot of social status, but greet a person who is 50, but has a lower social status ...who would initiate the wai?

I'm a little confused 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if i was you i'd be an initiate ...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Haha, thanks ...I think

[BambinA]

right time, right person ...nothing to lose

[loong]

I always return a wai, no matter who gives it

When returning a wai to a child, my fingertips will never be higher than my chin, to older people, fingertips just below my nose

With people more than about 10 years older than me as well as monks, doctors, teachers etc, I will initiate the wai. But usually only the first time I meet them.

With my lady's parents, older aunts/uncles etc I initiate wai every time I see them.

I may be getting it wrong, but I have never felt ridiculed. I am fairly sure it is appreciated.

[BambinA]

How to: Wai properly

The wai is the Thai greeting and show of respect, indicated by pressing your palms together near your chest and bowing. Why wai? As a foreigner, you will show and receive respect by following this customary greeting, although many Thais will also (somewhat reluctantly) accept a handshake from you.

The wai is a unique, graceful action practiced throughout Thailand. It plays a very important part in showing respect and is central to Thai etiquette. For the most part Thais do not want to touch your sweaty, grubby little hands, so it's a good idea to learn how to wai. The European kiss-on-each-cheek-greeting will certainly alarm a Thai, especially if you are a man doing this to a woman who isn't your wife or girlfriend!

The wai can be very confusing, especially at large gatherings when you feel like you have been waiing, bowing and smiling a hundred times. However, the plus side is, when being wai-ed to by others you do start to feel quite important!

When being wai-ed to, you would be considered impolite if you didn't return or at least acknowledge the wai - something especially difficult to do when you are carrying a lot of bags or in the middle of stuffing your face when someone sneaks up on you. At the very least, you can grunt and nod. Only monks and royalty do not need to return a wai.

As well as being a greeting, a wai is a show of respect. It can be difficult to determine when you should wai or when someone should wai you. As a foreigner, it's just easiest to wai important people as soon as possible. If someone is going to wai you first, they probably already beat you to it.

However, if you really want to know when to wai, this depends on your relationship to the other person. The person of higher social status will be wai-ed to. You have only a few seconds to size up someone you meet and determine this, but it's best to err on the side of waiing first if you are unsure.

One easy determination is age. If someone is older than you, then you should wai them unless they are someone whom you employ, such as a housekeeper. Additionally, you should never wai to anyone who you are paying for service, such as waiters, tailors, vendors, shopkeepers or taxi drivers. You also wouldn't wai your peers and friends. Alternatively, when leaving a party or other such gathering, you should wai everyone, as this is the polite way to excuse yourself from the festivities.

You will also wai when receiving a gift from a superior, as a sign of thanks. Make your wai before you reach to take the object. While listening to a Buddhist sermon, it is also customary to hold a wai during the entire programme. You may even notice that as drivers of vehicles pass a sacred monument, they will wai - even taking their hands off the wheel!

If all that wasn't confusing enough, there are different kinds of wais! The normal wai is with your hands pressed together at about chest level, presenting a slight bow with your body. The wai to a superior is with the tips of your fingers at nose level, still bowing your body. To convey the most respect and gratitude, you will wai with your fingertips at mouth level and present a deeper and longer bow.

The wai is a delicate, graceful gesture when performed by Thais. It may look somewhat more awkward and downright funny when you do it, but the attempt will still be most appreciated. It might take you some time to perfect your technique, but this charming greeting will become second-nature in no time at all!

(google)

[sriracha john]

How to: Wai properly

there are different kinds of wais! The normal wai is with your hands pressed together at about chest level, presenting a slight bow with your body. The wai to a superior is with the tips of your fingers at nose level, still bowing your body. To convey the most respect and gratitude, you will wai with your fingertips at mouth level and present a deeper and longer bow.

To me, the most awesome-appearing wai was the exaggerated wai while kneeling that was given to the Royalty in the past.

It's an incredibly inspiring sight... even though it's replicated only in the movies.

[pnustedt]

Mostly I give a small nod with my hands in the proximity of a wai as a greeting or "hello" to Thais that I meet. I give a formal wai to older Thais (and monks, etc.) to whom I am being introduced or when I first go to my mum-in-law's house.

Sometimes I forget but I am reminded by my wife!

[SiamOne]

What happens if you're younger, although hold a higher social status than the person you are meeting, who would initiate the wai?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

well u mean im younger , or older? (if im younger for sure i start to wai)

well if i met someone who is younger than me(not much) , but if he has more seniority in other stuff i might start to Wai them (but they'd not have too much differnt age from me)

It was a hypothetical situation, for example: If I am 25 and have a lot of social status, but greet a person who is 50, but has a lower social status ...who would initiate the wai?

I'm a little confused

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't worry, be happy

it is not important, Thai people understand farang cannot get things right!!

[tuky]

I had a very strange thing happen to me the other day, it was actually quite touching.

I work overseas regularly, so whenever I return or leave I wai my mum and dad in law and they reply with a "chok dee" and "don't drink too much".

However the last time I left I wai-ed mum in law and was just about to wai dad in law when he stuck his hand out and gave me a departing handshake.

It was really touching that he has tried to show his acceptance of me by using my cultures custom.

[Jai Dee]

However the last time I left I wai-ed mum in law and was just about to wai dad in law when he stuck his hand out and gave me a departing handshake.

It was really touching that he has tried to show his acceptance of me by using my cultures custom.

Nice one tukyleith.

It is touching to be given the western equivalent of a wai (the handshake) for the first time by a Thai elder.

Another time when it is appropriate to wai someone is when meeting friends that you haven't seen for a while... such as when me and my missus catch up with you and your missus again.

Edited August 17, 2005 by Jai Dee

[chownah]

Perhaps waiing customs vary in different regions. I live in the north and in my village you don't see people waiing much in thier daily lives. It seems that here people don't wai the people that they see most everyday. It is a rare event when I see my wife waii anyone while in our village. Here it seems that people follow the same rules of waiing that the other posts explain but it is done mostly if you haven't seen the person for some time. For instance if I haven't seen mom for a week I'll wai her on arrival....my wife sees mom every day so she never wais her except for special events like songkhran. Children initiate wais the most....but, for instance, children do not wai the family members they live with upon returning from school but if someone is at their home who does not live there, either a family member or not, the children often will wai the visitor.

Some posters have said to not wai children. I've been taught that it is always polite to return anyone's wai but it is not impolite to not return a childs wai. I return wai to children unless preoccupied with something else.....also, very young children who are learning how to wai..I ALWAYS return their wai as this helps them to learn and I also usually reply with 'gehn gehn gehn' which means something like 'clever clever clever' which is praise that all children love to hear. When a parent is teaching their very young child to wai to me and the child is not cooperating I will often iniate the wai myself so as to help the child to see what is expected...this seems to be appreciated by the parent.

[tuky]

Another time when it is appropriate to wai someone is when meeting friends that you haven't seen for a while... such as when me and my missus catch up with you and your missus again.

Is that a hint mate?

If lampshade was to be believed you would be wai'ing me

However, I do believe some wai's will be coming my way soon...

tukyleith, wai can you hit the golf ball further than me?

tukyleith, wai can you drink more beer than me?

tukyleith, wai are you younger and better looking than me?

tukyleith..................

[Jai Dee]

Another time when it is appropriate to wai someone is when meeting friends that you haven't seen for a while... such as when me and my missus catch up with you and your missus again.

Is that a hint mate?

If lampshade was to be believed you would be wai'ing me

However, I do believe some wai's will be coming my way soon...

tukyleith, wai can you hit the golf ball further than me?

tukyleith, wai can you drink more beer than me?

tukyleith, wai are you younger and better looking than me?

tukyleith..................

I've got a special wai for you tukyleith...