Teenage Step Son

[Sakeopete]

I have been with my wife for ten years and watched her 4 y/o son grow to be a young man. Now he is almost 15 y/o and popular with the ladies. He has a girlfriend and has been going cuckoo like most young men that age on a hormone roller coaster(and some older farts too LOL). Now my wife and much of her family are afraid he might have sex with this girl and her parents will start demanding money. They have seen our house and know we are not poor so $$$$ may be flashing in their eyes.

Her mother seems to encourage them being alone often which is not normal in my opinion of something parents of a 14 y/o girl do.

My wife says if the girl has sex with her son her mother may get the police involved and the extortion begins. We have told our son to keep it in his pants but no teenage boy could resit that opportunity. Being that Thai men seldom support step children my wife could make it clear to the girls mother that I will not contribute anything financially and the police could not force me too as I am not the boys father.

Anyone have experience in this situation or thoughts on the matter. My wife and I do have a 5 y/o son together so this situation could turn ugly in 10 years when he grows up.

Oops forgot to mention that the girl is in my step son's class at school and last week her grandmother came to the classroom and took a photo of him.

Edited February 17, 2011 by Sakeopete

[craigt3365]

How about we move this to the Family and Children forum????

[Sakeopete]

How about we move this to the Family and Children forum????

Yes good idea so nobody reads it :-)

[craigt3365]

How about we move this to the Family and Children forum????

Yes good idea so nobody reads it :-)

You'll get much better advise here...as you should well know.

[MrMakMak]

condoms or the pill? Where have you been these past 20 years?

[mstribling]

Have your wife tell a neighbor who will pass it along, that your not going to shed a satang.

They can handle it like they have for years.

[Sakeopete]

condoms or the pill? Where have you been these past 20 years?

Obviously where you haven't Thailand. The issue isn't about the risk of pregnancy if you lived here you would know that.

[mario299]

Have your wife tell a neighbor who will pass it along, that your not going to shed a satang.

They can handle it like they have for years.

Realistically not quite that easy. If the girls mother goes to the police it will be after it is pretty certainly determined that they have "fooled around". The girl's parents will probably first approach you and wife with question about intended marriage and amount of sinsot (yes, I know he's only 15, but it will happen....) If marriage is not your step-son's intention, then they will ask for payment for "fooling around" with their daughter, probably in the area of 100,000-150,000 since you are farang. If you refuse, then they will threaten or actually go to police, when the asking price increases to include a piece for the police. Now you're talking perhaps 300,000. If you continue to refuse, there could be legal concerns for your step-son. The very best thing is for him to "keep it in his pants", because the extortion method is how "They can handle it like they have for years."

The grandmother taking pictures sure seems like the first steps toward approaching you for payment, what were your step-son and girlfriend doing when the picture was taken.?? Definitely time for a good talk with the boy.

Good luck!

mario299 :jap:

[MrMakMak]

Just make sure to take a picture of the girl with an other thai boy.

No proof of your son and her having sex will ever be found, if there's speculation. Show that picture as a "thai type" proof that she has more than 1 boyfriend.

[jimbeam1]

How about we move this to the Family and Children forum????

Yes good idea so nobody reads it :-)

You'll get much better advise here...as you should well know.

You sure he will get much better advice here?

jb1

[Sakeopete]

The step son is now living with grandma because he stole my wife's car while we were in Bangkok, that was just the last straw there was many more things he did but that's another story. Hopefully the girls mother will get the message that I will not protect him.

[mario299]

The step son is now living with grandma because he stole my wife's car while we were in Bangkok, that was just the last straw there was many more things he did but that's another story. Hopefully the girls mother will get the message that I will not protect him.

So the plot has thickened a little bit, in that your current relationship with your stepson is somewhat on the outs. That probably rules out the heart-to-heart talk, so your next best hope is that the girls mother does realize that extortion "probably" won't work. Unfortunately that still may not get your stepson off the hook, because she will still feel her daughter's "virtue" is at risk for future sin sot needs. What kind of family is the girlfriend from, have she and stepson been an "item" for awhile, has she had other boyfriends (yeah, I know, we're talking 14 year olds here), and most importantly....what does your stepson have to say about all this?

again...chok dee

mario299

[Slip]

Hoo-Definitely stinks like a set up.

I think you've a got a handle on how to deal with it though. Assuming the young spunk hasn't already done the deed, make it clear that you win't support him and if he still chooses to flush his life away so be it.

That might make marital relations a bit frosty of course.

[Sakeopete]

The step son is now living with grandma because he stole my wife's car while we were in Bangkok, that was just the last straw there was many more things he did but that's another story. Hopefully the girls mother will get the message that I will not protect him.

So the plot has thickened a little bit, in that your current relationship with your stepson is somewhat on the outs. That probably rules out the heart-to-heart talk, so your next best hope is that the girls mother does realize that extortion "probably" won't work. Unfortunately that still may not get your stepson off the hook, because she will still feel her daughter's "virtue" is at risk for future sin sot needs. What kind of family is the girlfriend from, have she and stepson been an "item" for awhile, has she had other boyfriends (yeah, I know, we're talking 14 year olds here), and most importantly....what does your stepson have to say about all this?

again...chok dee

mario299

He swears he hasn't laid a hand on the girl but he lies so much who knows. My wife believes him I hope she is right. My step son and I are close I have been his dad since he was 4 y/o but kicking him out was necessary. He needs a bit of time at grandma's shack to remind him what his life will be like without us.

[Sakeopete]

Hoo-Definitely stinks like a set up.

I think you've a got a handle on how to deal with it though. Assuming the young spunk hasn't already done the deed, make it clear that you win't support him and if he still chooses to flush his life away so be it.

That might make marital relations a bit frosty of course.

My wife has told him that we will not bail him out, I think he believes her but he tends to act without thinking.

[MrMakMak]

Also if hes at all intelligent and you leave in a clean modern house with lots of cleaning and you basically dont have your whole garden house that you'd have back home, lying on your front porch.

Bring him to one of the really dirty house where 2 families of thai live, where they collect everything on the side of the road and leave it on their front porch, where they shower in hot water together outside like burmese workers etc etc you get the deal. Dump him there, give them family 5 or 10k baht to host him for a week

After this hell week, you can tell him: You want to listen to me and have a nice life or you want to live like this? You make a choice right now, there's no compromising. 100% yes or 100% no.

if i had a relative to this to me at his age, i would glady listen to him as much as cadets listen to their major in the army.. with my tail bent up inside my ass.

[mark45y]

Friend of mine in Rayong's boy kept a 14 year old girl out over night he was 15. No pregnancy issues.

The cops got involved. It was big bucks or jail. He sent the boy to live with relatives up North. There is a warrant out for his arrest. Kid is on the run. Step father told him he was on his own.

I feel for you. My GF has two boys. One lives with the father the other with the father's mother.

The GF wonders why I won't visit her house up country which she owns and we live in my small condo instead. One big reason is what you are going through right now.

My guess is they are going to set the kid up and cops will arrest him. What are you going to tell your wife when they ask for 500,000 or hard time in jail for 5 years?

Good luck.

[Sakeopete]

Friend of mine in Rayong's boy kept a 14 year old girl out over night he was 15. No pregnancy issues.

The cops got involved. It was big bucks or jail. He sent the boy to live with relatives up North. There is a warrant out for his arrest. Kid is on the run. Step father told him he was on his own.

I feel for you. My GF has two boys. One lives with the father the other with the father's mother.

The GF wonders why I won't visit her house up country which she owns and we live in my small condo instead. One big reason is what you are going through right now.

My guess is they are going to set the kid up and cops will arrest him. What are you going to tell your wife when they ask for 500,000 or hard time in jail for 5 years?

Good luck.

Not sure what I will tell her but is there an actual law against young teenagers having sex? If he was 18 I could understand but they are the same age. Is the police really going to take a 14 y/o to court for having sex with his 14 y/o girlfriend?

[mark45y]

Friend of mine in Rayong's boy kept a 14 year old girl out over night he was 15. No pregnancy issues.

The cops got involved. It was big bucks or jail. He sent the boy to live with relatives up North. There is a warrant out for his arrest. Kid is on the run. Step father told him he was on his own.

I feel for you. My GF has two boys. One lives with the father the other with the father's mother.

The GF wonders why I won't visit her house up country which she owns and we live in my small condo instead. One big reason is what you are going through right now.

My guess is they are going to set the kid up and cops will arrest him. What are you going to tell your wife when they ask for 500,000 or hard time in jail for 5 years?

Good luck.

Not sure what I will tell her but is there an actual law against young teenagers having sex? If he was 18 I could understand but they are the same age. Is the police really going to take a 14 y/o to court for having sex with his 14 y/o girlfriend?

The short answer is yes. In the case I was talking about the girl said he kept her there against her will. It was not true but it was her word against his. The one splitting the take with the cops wins. I can't remember the name of the law but parental control or something like that.

[Mario2008]

Age of consent in Thailand is 15. But consent can also be withdrawn afterwards. Not sure how it would work in the case of 2 minors.

He would stand stronger when the girl is 15.

[Flatouthruthefog]

<br />

<br />

<br />Friend of mine in Rayong's boy kept a 14 year old girl out over night he was 15.  No pregnancy issues.  <br /><br />The cops got involved.  It was big bucks or jail.  He sent the boy to live with relatives up North.  There is a warrant out for his arrest.  Kid is on the run.  Step father told him he was on his own.  <br /><br />I feel for you.  My GF has two boys.  One lives with the father the other with the father's mother.<br /><br />The GF wonders why I won't visit her house up country which she owns and we live in my small condo instead.  One big reason is what you are going through right now.  <br /><br />My guess is they are going to set the kid up and cops will arrest him.  What are you going to tell your wife when they ask for 500,000 or hard time in jail for 5 years?  <br /><br />Good luck.<br />

<br /><br />Not sure what I will tell her but is there an actual law against young teenagers having sex? If he was 18 I could understand but they are the same age. Is the police really going to take a 14 y/o to court for having sex with his 14 y/o girlfriend?<br />

<br /><br />The short answer is yes.  In the case I was talking about the girl said he kept her there against her will.  It was not true but it was her word against his.  The one splitting the take with the cops wins.  I can't remember the name of the law but parental control or something like that.<br />

<br /><br /><br />

The law reads something like: taking a minor away from their parents without the parents consent. No need for any sex to get the boy into jail!

And "taking away" can consist of 90 minutes in the late afternoon!

There is a fine, hard working young Thai man in jail now, simply for walking his 15 year old girlfriend home from school and diverting for an hour or so to kiss and cuddle in a park. The girl confirmed that that was all that happened and a medical exam (insisted on by the outraged parents - how traumatic it must all have been!!) showed she was 'virgo intacta'.

A ridiculous sum of 'damages' was demanded by the girl's parents from the boy's (poor Thai) parents. Despite working over 100kms away, the young man attended court on all occasions during the ensuing legals, instead of more wisely doing a runner. He was convicted and sentenced to 5 YEARS, ruining his reputation and breaking his parents' hearts.

And you can imagine what sort of a time he will have inside if labelled as a child sex offender!

One of the more outrageous of many miscarriages of "justice" I've seen here.

[HerbalEd]

condoms or the pill? Where have you been these past 20 years?

Don't have much experience with teenagers, huh?

[Tom9999]

Sounds like it might be a good idea to send your Son of to an other province and school for 1 Year.

If he returns and the two re-unite she will be at least 15 Years old...that makes a difference.

[Tom9999]

Sounds like it might be a good idea to send your Son of to an other province and school for 1 Year.

If he returns and the two re-unite she will be at least 15 Years old...that makes a difference.

[coolhandjoe]

Just make sure to take a picture of the girl with an other thai boy.

No proof of your son and her having sex will ever be found, if there's speculation. Show that picture as a "thai type" proof that she has more than 1 boyfriend.

Now this would be interesting to see,

On another note why not go to the police and slip them a few baht to explain to the "future in-laws" that their honey trap is illegal and immoral.

[SGD]

.... On another note why not go to the police and slip them a few baht to explain to the "future in-laws" that their honey trap is illegal and immoral.

My guess is that this would simply start the ball rolling but with the cops in on it from the off !

It is a truly worrying topic to think about though. I'd only looked at it from the point of view of how to keep the good for nothing little Thai adolescent males away from a girl but this is another twist. From a nation where selling children into prostitution and in family child abuse is all to common and often just overlooked, coercing a young girl into having what could well be consensual sex with a young man with relatively well off parents is hardly beyond comprehension. In fact, if they have the aptitude, it has likely crossed their minds already.

[mario299]

.... On another note why not go to the police and slip them a few baht to explain to the "future in-laws" that their honey trap is illegal and immoral.

My guess is that this would simply start the ball rolling but with the cops in on it from the off !

It is a truly worrying topic to think about though. I'd only looked at it from the point of view of how to keep the good for nothing little Thai adolescent males away from a girl but this is another twist. From a nation where selling children into prostitution and in family child abuse is all to common and often just overlooked, coercing a young girl into having what could well be consensual sex with a young man with relatively well off parents is hardly beyond comprehension. In fact, if they have the aptitude, it has likely crossed their minds already.

Unfortunately, this money attitude has and does occur. The figures I mentioned in my previous post of 150,000 to 300,000 baht are actual figures being requested from friends of ours right now. In another situation, a relative in our village accepted the marriage demands of the 14 year old girlfriend of their 14 year old son, rather than face police action and more money. They paid sinsod 140,000 baht, two pigs, two baht of gold. Another time, a village chief that we know received payment for his daughter's indiscrections with a fifteen year old boyfriend. These are Thai versus Thai situations, so it could well be imagined that having a farang step-father involved could sweeten the pot.

I wish I could offer a good answer to the OP, but the best I can do is wish them luck. Involving the police from either end can only end up costing money, but perhaps being the one that initiates the offer to them might reduce the ultimate cost. Hard to say.

mario299