Has Anyone Actually Made A Real Friend Here...

[james24]

Ive just really started to notice that , excluding ex girlfriends and the people who have lived in Western countries I have made no real friends of Thai nationality here.

I know plenty of people and have met alot through teaching, clubs etc but have no-one here that once I leave would keep in contact with.

Back home I'd always be talking on the phone with friends, going out to play/watch football, doing what friends do but out here I just dont have that with Thais, even the ones I know well. There seems to be a line which is never crossed and the relationship will only ever go that far.

.

I can speak Thai quite well, I eat locally, I live in a very Thai populated area and after staying in Korea and Malaysia where I didnt have any of those things why have I made more friends there in a shorter space of time...?

A Malaysian friend said to me that Thais are considered the weirdest in SeAsia. Whether this is personal opinion or truth I cannot confirm but it does feel that some unresolved issue or fear is always lurking in the background somewhere. It could be the fact that they seem so scared to be themselves.

I know that plenty of people say they do have genuine good Thai buddys and vice versa and perhaps they do but everytime I see this, both people look incredibly uncomfortable. Overcompensating for true insecurity.

The reason it seems to me is that the country is too fake and I use the word "too" as its quite incredible how deep it goes and therefore has a knock on effect with everything.

[supaprik]

I am in a very similar situation to you and I 100% agree with your post, as much as I have tried, in fact gone out of my way at times, it just seems to me that lasting, true friendships are not to be had here in LOS....

[MrsMills]

Maybe its you.

Many Farangs here look down upon Thai people, not just on this forum, but in real life too, if you're like that, don't expect too much. I see some really bad behavior towards Thai people from some Farangs, and some scathing totally over the top anti Thai posts on here, although it don't matter much here does it, just a bunch of bored old men complaining cos nothing better to do and nobody to do it with, but in real life it does matter

Personally, it's Farangs here that I am wary of, much more than Thais, I have a few Thai friends, I have some Farang friends also, but not that many as many are on the want, lost count of the money I have lent out to so called Farang friends and never got it back, funnily enough, I have lent Thai people money also and always go it back.

This is my experience in Thailand YMMV.

And before anybody chimes in with just you wait and take off those rose tinted glasses, I have been here continuous for 20 years.

[H2oDunc]

I have made several very good Thai friend here. They have helped me out on several occasions and have made my stay here better.

I have found that the Thai's give as they find. Treat them like second class, uneducated morons and they will treat you the same. The same goes for the " I rich Farang, You poor Thai " mentality !

The same goes for most people.

[MrsMills]

Maybe its you.

Many Farangs here look down upon Thai people, not just on this forum, but in real life too, if you're like that, don't expect too much. I see some really bad behavior towards Thai people from some Farangs, and some scathing totally over the top anti Thai posts on here, although it don't matter much here does it, just a bunch of bored old men complaining cos nothing better to do and nobody to do it with, but in real life it does matter

Personally, it's Farangs here that I am wary of, much more than Thais, I have a few Thai friends, I have some Farang friends also, but not that many as many are on the want, lost count of the money I have lent out to so called Farang friends and never got it back, funnily enough, I have lent Thai people money also and always go it back.

This is my experience in Thailand YMMV.

And before anybody chimes in with just you wait and take off those rose tinted glasses, I have been here continuous for 20 years.

Maybe that's it, maybe you just haven't been here long enough, many Farangs don't stay that long, most are passing through, run out of money whatever and leave. It takes time, but friends can certainly be found amongst Thai people, just try to treat them as you would anyone else.

If you stayed in Korea or Japan, you'd probably have the same thoughts, I'm sure if you went to any Farang based forum in any country the moans about the country and the people would be similar to the moans here about Thailand and Thai people.

Remember, it's you that is different in this country, not the Thais, adapt, adapt adapt.

[robblok]

I have made several very good Thai friend here. They have helped me out on several occasions and have made my stay here better.

I have found that the Thai's give as they find. Treat them like second class, uneducated morons and they will treat you the same. The same goes for the " I rich Farang, You poor Thai " mentality !

The same goes for most people.

Why the hell would you treat someone who you want to befriend as second class. I have 1 Thai friend and some people i talk with a lot and know (would not call them friends) I got some farang friends too. The thing is i don't need many friend rather have a few good ones.

But I would not treat my Thai friends any different from a a farang friend. Last time the guy paid too much when we were fishing. I normally dont drink but he insisted. So we ran up a tab but when i wanted to pay half he refused. It was for me to get him to accept me paying for him next fishing session.

Thais are quite nice just have to find someone who matches your personality.

PS Dunc i was not attacking you just adding to what you are saying.

[robblok]

Mrs Mills,

Though i complain enough about rip off and other bad things in Thailand i really don't look down on Thais. Many people fail to understand that addressing problems in a country does not make you look down on people. It does make me more careful about things.

I complained just as much about problems in my own country on a Dutch news site. And i certainly did not look down on myself. I think its time for you to take off the pink glasses. There are many good things here but loads of bad things too.

[james24]

Maybe its you.

Many Farangs here look down upon Thai people, not just on this forum, but in real life too, if you're like that, don't expect too much. I see some really bad behavior towards Thai people from some Farangs, and some scathing totally over the top anti Thai posts on here, although it don't matter much here does it, just a bunch of bored old men complaining cos nothing better to do and nobody to do it with, but in real life it does matter

Personally, it's Farangs here that I am wary of, much more than Thais, I have a few Thai friends, I have some Farang friends also, but not that many as many are on the want, lost count of the money I have lent out to so called Farang friends and never got it back, funnily enough, I have lent Thai people money also and always go it back.

This is my experience in Thailand YMMV.

And before anybody chimes in with just you wait and take off those rose tinted glasses, I have been here continuous for 20 years.

Im glad to find someone who has some peace here regarding friendships. I, by no means looks down on Thais. I do however know who you are talking about.

I have painstakingly questioned for 2 odd years if its me. Many people but not everyone end up in Thailand because they were unhappy with themselves or something else somewhere else. They, which use to include myself see this as the reason why they feel and experience certain things in Thailand, but its not. I really truly believe, with no malice its something to do with Thai culture.

Thailand is a very 'group together sort of society'. They follow each other implicitly. A great example of this is at the traffic lights. An early starter gets the whole lot going without looking at the color.

[WarpSpeed]

Maybe its you.

Many Farangs here look down upon Thai people, not just on this forum, but in real life too, if you're like that, don't expect too much. I see some really bad behavior towards Thai people from some Farangs, and some scathing totally over the top anti Thai posts on here, although it don't matter much here does it, just a bunch of bored old men complaining cos nothing better to do and nobody to do it with, but in real life it does matter

Personally, it's Farangs here that I am wary of, much more than Thais, I have a few Thai friends, I have some Farang friends also, but not that many as many are on the want, lost count of the money I have lent out to so called Farang friends and never got it back, funnily enough, I have lent Thai people money also and always go it back.

This is my experience in Thailand YMMV.

And before anybody chimes in with just you wait and take off those rose tinted glasses, I have been here continuous for 20 years.

Sounding much like a certain member of another channel and it's smelling like foul Noodles ..

Edited March 3, 2011 by WarpSpeed

[WarpSpeed]

Mrs Mills,

Though i complain enough about rip off and other bad things in Thailand i really don't look down on Thais. Many people fail to understand that addressing problems in a country does not make you look down on people. It does make me more careful about things.

I complained just as much about problems in my own country on a Dutch news site. And i certainly did not look down on myself. I think its time for you to take off the pink glasses. There are many good things here but loads of bad things too.

Don'think he's wearing them, more like he's trolling, reads extraordinarily familiar and been like this since signing on ...

[james24]

I dont mean to offend but it seems some posters are not so sure about having Thai friends aswell. A point people seem to be making is them paying back money.

Thai people,unfortunately and unjustly have a reptutation for not paying back money .

It almost seems that this is how you are basing your friendship, whether they pay you back or not. It also seems your trying to add more weight to your point by putting that in. That to me and perhaps only to me doesnt display any sort of friendship.

A friendship is so much more than that. Would you ever talk about that if I asked you about a friend back home or in a country like Japan....?

Regarding adapting, I have but Ive hit my limit, Any further is certain unhappiness.

Edited March 3, 2011 by james24

[H2oDunc]

I have made several very good Thai friend here. They have helped me out on several occasions and have made my stay here better.

I have found that the Thai's give as they find. Treat them like second class, uneducated morons and they will treat you the same. The same goes for the " I rich Farang, You poor Thai " mentality !

The same goes for most people.

Why the hell would you treat someone who you want to befriend as second class. I have 1 Thai friend and some people i talk with a lot and know (would not call them friends) I got some farang friends too. The thing is i don't need many friend rather have a few good ones.

But I would not treat my Thai friends any different from a a farang friend. Last time the guy paid too much when we were fishing. I normally dont drink but he insisted. So we ran up a tab but when i wanted to pay half he refused. It was for me to get him to accept me paying for him next fishing session.

Thais are quite nice just have to find someone who matches your personality.

PS Dunc i was not attacking you just adding to what you are saying.

I think you have read my post wrong somewhere ?

I was saying that the people who find it hard to make real friends with Thai's tend to treat them differently to how they treat Farangs.

I certainly don't treat them like second class people hence the friends

[stander]

I was reflecting on this very issue a couple of weeks ago and I realised that I don't have any farang friends here now, as they have either moved on or passed away.

My father-in- law comes from a family of eleven, so here in Hua Hin I have literally dozens of nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins and so forth, which I can rely on as friends.

As for non relatives I have at least six Thai friends, three of whom I have known for more than twenty years.

I would also say that I think coming here in the early eighties when there was not so may farang here made it easier to make friends.

[WarpSpeed]

I have made several very good Thai friend here. They have helped me out on several occasions and have made my stay here better.

I have found that the Thai's give as they find. Treat them like second class, uneducated morons and they will treat you the same. The same goes for the " I rich Farang, You poor Thai " mentality !

The same goes for most people.

Why the hell would you treat someone who you want to befriend as second class. I have 1 Thai friend and some people i talk with a lot and know (would not call them friends) I got some farang friends too. The thing is i don't need many friend rather have a few good ones.

But I would not treat my Thai friends any different from a a farang friend. Last time the guy paid too much when we were fishing. I normally dont drink but he insisted. So we ran up a tab but when i wanted to pay half he refused. It was for me to get him to accept me paying for him next fishing session.

Thais are quite nice just have to find someone who matches your personality.

PS Dunc i was not attacking you just adding to what you are saying.

Exactly!! I'm always weary of people who claim me to be their friend or expect me to do the same really early on. To me friendship is even deeper then a romantic relationship on many levels as they are the ones you may share things that you can't even share with your significant other and a good friendship can transcend numbers of those relationships which commonly come and go..

It's really hard to find a friendship that has balance and not mostly give or take.. But it's more about quality then it is quantity for me, acquaintances are often and come and go but they're not "friendships" that can last a life time or transend borders..

Edited March 3, 2011 by WarpSpeed

[robblok]

I have made several very good Thai friend here. They have helped me out on several occasions and have made my stay here better.

I have found that the Thai's give as they find. Treat them like second class, uneducated morons and they will treat you the same. The same goes for the " I rich Farang, You poor Thai " mentality !

The same goes for most people.

Why the hell would you treat someone who you want to befriend as second class. I have 1 Thai friend and some people i talk with a lot and know (would not call them friends) I got some farang friends too. The thing is i don't need many friend rather have a few good ones.

But I would not treat my Thai friends any different from a a farang friend. Last time the guy paid too much when we were fishing. I normally dont drink but he insisted. So we ran up a tab but when i wanted to pay half he refused. It was for me to get him to accept me paying for him next fishing session.

Thais are quite nice just have to find someone who matches your personality.

PS Dunc i was not attacking you just adding to what you are saying.

I think you have read my post wrong somewhere ?

I was saying that the people who find it hard to make real friends with Thai's tend to treat them differently to how they treat Farangs.

I certainly don't treat them like second class people hence the friends

Maybe you misread me I was agreeing with you and adding to your post.

[yermanee]

I've learned that real friends are not easy to come by.

I consider myself lucky to have a few, the rest are acquaintances.

Amongst the friends some of them are Thais.

Yermanee

[Ijustwannateach]

Friend-wise, I knew I had 'arrived' when I had both received and given (to someone else) that quintessential Thai gift: Essence of Chicken.

More seriously, I have connections that would go out of their way to help me, and would feel comfortable asking or expecting me to go somewhat out of my way to help them (both foreign and Thai) and whom would (and do) keep in touch with me when I am out of the country and vice-versa. That's a good benchmark for me separating my 'friendish' people from more genuine friends.

It's not the type of thing that happens overnight, though, and it's a better sign when a potential 'friend' is slow and sure about making a stronger connection than when they are part of the 'easy-come, easy-go' pattern.

[IanForbes]

I've made at least 5 good Thai friends here, and I'm not including my Thai lady lovers. I trust them with my possessions when I'm away in Canada for 7 months of a year, and everything is in good repair when I return. I've told them that if anything happens to me when I'm away then they are entitled to have everything I leave in Thailand. That includes a couple of motorbikes. Trust is not something you can buy. Neither is a good friendship.

[tim armstrong]

I've learned that real friends are not easy to come by.

I consider myself lucky to have a few, the rest are acquaintances.

Amongst the friends some of them are Thais.

Yermanee

The older I get the more I realise that life is all about friendship and not about stuff and money. I live in a rural community where Thais really do care about you. Yes they talk about money, but if you give out, they give back. If I was really sick, they would be there. So like you Yermanee I consider my self lucky to have a few good Thai and farlang friends.

[jdinasia]

I would note that Thai people tend to not have too many "new" friends. They tend to bond with friends and stay bonded, but make new friends with difficulty after growing up.

That being said, I have made some very close friends in Thailand and many many acquaintances. All but one of the friendships took years to build from casual/friendly acquaintances to deep and meaningful friendships. The other (my partner of 8 years) was pretty much an instant friendship that became a relationship in just a few months.

When the ChCh earthquake happened last week, my friends were the ones on the phone immediately asking if any of our nurses were affected, and when told yes they jumped into helping me find out any information from any source. 2 stayed up about 24 hours just trying to help (and helping me stay calm and collected so I could do what I needed to do. I lost a close friend and another friend in Christchurch ... and the sense of loss is brutal. True friends are hard to come by and the loss of even one is tough.

[craigt3365]

I've learned that real friends are not easy to come by.

I consider myself lucky to have a few, the rest are acquaintances.

Amongst the friends some of them are Thais.

Yermanee

+1

The biggest problem I have with getting more Thai friends is the language barrier....which is totally my fault as I live in their country and should learn their language. Unfortunately, learning new languages is not easy for me. Never has been.

[isanbirder]

I think part of the reason for the impressions many of you seem to have is that Thais tend to belong to a group, and have very few real friends themselves. I discussed this with a close Thai friend whom I've known very well for almost the whole 20 years I've lived here. The friend in question has a huge circle of acquaintances, but perhaps two or three real friends.

You've all heard Thais say, "He's my friend, I don't know his name,", and I think this is commoner than a Westerner can easily believe.

[sarahsbloke]

And before anybody chimes in with just you wait and take off those rose tinted glasses, I have been here continuous for 20 years.

Maybe that's it, maybe you just haven't been here long enough, many Farangs don't stay that long, most are passing through, run out of money whatever and leave. It takes time, but friends can certainly be found amongst Thai people, just try to treat them as you would anyone else.

Well I know know one Thai very well, she has been here for 35 years and has no friends.

She knows plenty of people who scrounge off her and she can scrounge from. They come and go and fall out at a moments notice.

And then she has her vast number of family members.

I have begun to think that a Thais family has completely overcome any need for them to have long term friends.

They are surrounded by family from the time they are little children.

We from the west place much less significance on family, so we feel the need for friends.

I've made several good friends while in Thailand, but all white men.

I believe you are mistaken in your thinking you have Thai friends, I would bet they don't consider you in the same way.

Many people from the west confuse lust/love/friendship.

Edited March 3, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[jdinasia]

Sarahsbloke --- you self-admittedly have no Thai friends, but think you know more about the subject than those of us that do have Thai friends? WOW!

[stander]

Sarahsbloke --- you self-admittedly have no Thai friends, but think you know more about the subject than those of us that do have Thai friends? WOW!

Yes, well said JD

[lovelomsak]

To be honest I feel I have no friends anywhere in the world. I have many people I assist and they can assist me. There are many people I can do business with. There are people I can socialize with. People I can do sports with. But not one of them fits into more than 2 of the above. So I consider everyone I know as associates.

[mahtin]

Those of you who think you have Thai friends...

[Credo]

Well, I have the best Thai friends that money can buy. And I hear from them often, usually right around pay day!

On a more serious note, I find it hard to tell a good friend here. I've had people whom I thought were good friends, but they really weren't. Some physical change like a move, and you don't hear from them again. I have one person whom I assumed had ulterior motives. After many years, that proved not to be the case. He moved far away, but calls twice a month or so. He got very seriously ill; I got such nice SMS's from him and he confided in me. He couldn't really talk to anyone and always a thanks for helping him.

I guess you never know.

Edited March 3, 2011 by Scott
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[jdinasia]

Those of you who think you have Thai friends...

please tell us ......

[mahtin]

Those of you who think you have Thai friends...

please tell us ......

echoing sarahsbloke, whose point was that things might not be what they seem