Wife Telling Fibs

[frankpelagic]

I have been married for two years, love my wife to bits, best thing ever happened to me. She has lied about trivial things since day 1, now it is accelerating and she lies to get out of awkward situations. For example, I had to return to Aus for a couple of weeks, it was my birthday, and I waited for her to call me. she didn;t. I called her in the afternoon, and just before the end of the call, I asked her if she had forgotten something. After a moment, she remembered, and said that the phones in Korat where down because of the rain. I don't care at all about the birthday thing, but I can't abide liars.

Does anyone think it is a good idea to find a counsellor or similar who speaks bettter English than my wife does, and better Thai than I do, to have a chat with her? I am not pedantic, but I just don't see the need to lie to me all the time, about trivia.

I feel that if I sat down with a Thai lady who speaks English and explained my concerns, then she sat down and relayed them to my wife, it might jolt her into stopping this Thai habit.

Any ideas?

[Ulysses G.]

Get used to white lies or break up and go home. Nothing you do will stop it.

[NancyL]

I've been here for several years and still don't understand why western men enter into marriage with someone they can't communicate with. Oh yeah, I understand that most of the early "communication" is in a universal language, but after a while you have to get out of bed. OK, here's my view -- maybe it's just easier for your wife to tell little short lies than to actually attempt the language to explain what's going on. It's time for you to learn Thai!

[gotlost]

Your pissing into the wind on this.

[GM1955]

I feel that if I sat down with a Thai lady who speaks English and explained my concerns, then she sat down and relayed them to my wife, it might jolt her into stopping this Thai habit.

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You mean, your wifes habit.

Edited March 9, 2011 by GM1955

[cardholder]

Live with it and understand that things like your birthday (and many other Falang things) do not register on her scale of importance.

The 'white lies' are a way of avoiding confrontation.

Read "Thailand Fever" together - or move on.

[Semper]

OP, welcome to Thailand. And U.G is spot on.

[mark45y]

Information is only valuable if you are the only one who has it. You know she is not truthful. That is a valuable piece of information. If she knows you know she is not truthful that is a worthless piece of information. I realize this is a deep thought but think about it for a while.

The men who think their significant others are truthful have less information than you do. Consider yourself lucky and keep it to yourself.

[Moonrakers]

It's a by product of the face thing.

The lie is never challenged and so it goes on. There are occasions when the truth is actually the best option for the person telling it, but still a lie is told. At times it is an involuntary reaction that happens sub-consciously, or at least that's how it seems.

Try asking a question and get a response. Then a couple of days later ask the same question again but in a different way, you rarely get the same answer. When challenged, instead of holding their hands up, they dig their heels in and refuse to concede.

You're not going to change it. You have to like it, or lump it.

I think gotlost put it better.

[TheWalkingMan]

No call on your birthday? The phones in Korat were down? She doesn't have a cellphone and couldn't send an SMS?

The lies will get bigger and bigger as time progresses. This may sound harsh, but it might be time to get rid of her. If you have a joint bank account with a large balance, open an account in your name and move the money.

TheWalkingMan

[cardholder]

Information is only valuable if you are the only one who has it. You know she is not truthful. That is a valuable piece of information. If she knows you know she is not truthful that is a worthless piece of information. I realize this is a deep thought but think about it for a while.

The men who think their significant others are truthful have less information than you do. Consider yourself lucky and keep it to yourself.

mark, I think you think too much.

[2long]

A western woman will look you in the eye and tell you the truth... for example. "I'm taking the house and kids and you have to support us!"

Enjoy what you have and learn to adapt. Under NO circumstances get some stranger involved to explain your wife's habits!

[Moonrakers]

Information is only valuable if you are the only one who has it. You know she is not truthful. That is a valuable piece of information. If she knows you know she is not truthful that is a worthless piece of information. I realize this is a deep thought but think about it for a while.

The men who think their significant others are truthful have less information than you do. Consider yourself lucky and keep it to yourself.

mark, I think you think too much.

It would seem as though Mark has had experiences where the women in his life have had little or no respect for him. He seems to justify this by thinking that it must be the same for everybody else. Treat a woman in anything other than a chauvinistic manner and he'll call you a fool!

[BuckarooBanzai]

Control the money and give her some degree of freedom. As long as you are happy with your life live with it. You are experiencing the pains of living with a wife that has been brought up with a different culture. If you can not live with the pain that comes from lack of trust do not attach yourself to a woman born in Thailand. The lack of truth is accepted here.

[Beetlejuice]

I speak from experience with these kinds of women.

She is frequently lying because the woman has no respect for you and probably has hidden agendas. Her lack of English language skills is only an excuse.

My advice is: do not trust anything she says or does and keep a well trained eye on her. Especially her phone and Internet contacts and where she goes.

Edited March 9, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[Scully]

I have been with my Thai girlfriend for over 3 years and have spent every day and night with her for this time (apart from a month trying to get her in the sack). I have recently had to travel back to the UK due to my fathers death and we keep in touch through skype.

Every day for at least an hour we talk and god forbid if I am late to get in touch as she will be straight on the phone asking where I am. I do not mean to sound harsh but if your wife truly loved you she would never miss a day wanting to talk to you never mind a birthday and to then lie about it would have me doubting her intentions.

[lannarebirth]

I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year.

[tonititan]

Some people are just compulsive liars, regardless of whether they are men or women, Thai or western, etc. My ex (a western man) sounds a lot like the OP's wife....occasional little white lies evolving into constant lying - about things he had no reason to lie about. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I figured, if he's going to like about stupid things, how can I expect him to be honest about things that actually matter?

[thaimate]

Wow , sorry but lying to you is a no ,no, how can you have trust in a relationship if you or your wife constantly lies ,we all do the occasional fib ,but lying ,sorry but in all the years my wife and i have been married she has never forgotten my b/day and even when i told her i wantede nothing for xmas , she got her familly to deliver a suprise prezy for me . If there is no trust then by by.

by the way its not a Thai trait ,anyway not the Thais i have known and there have been very many.

[Semper]

I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year.

Ditto

[simon43]

I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year.

I haven't got a birthday this year - makes things much easier...

Simon

[Moonrakers]

I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year.

I forget my age sometimes, have to ask the Mrs.

[MSingh]

I have been with my Thai girlfriend for over 3 years and have spent every day and night with her for this time (apart from a month trying to get her in the sack). I have recently had to travel back to the UK due to my fathers death and we keep in touch through skype.

Every day for at least an hour we talk and god forbid if I am late to get in touch as she will be straight on the phone asking where I am. I do not mean to sound harsh but if your wife truly loved you she would never miss a day wanting to talk to you never mind a birthday and to then lie about it would have me doubting her intentions.

Why do you reckon she does that then, because she loves you ??

Honest question.

[mstribling]

Are you wanting to trade up?

Call her a liar, give her a tune up, and be rid of her.

If you want to keep her then I wouldn't pay it any mind.

[SlyAnimal]

Maybe it was raining and so she turned her mobile off, hence why she couldn't call you (at the time when she did remember to call you), in which case she wouldn't be lying.

I know some people who live in the countryside have a belief that when it rains, you should turn off your mobile phone (A miscommunication about the effect of power surges from lightning I assume)

[Semper]

I have been with my Thai girlfriend for over 3 years and have spent every day and night with her for this time (apart from a month trying to get her in the sack). I have recently had to travel back to the UK due to my fathers death and we keep in touch through skype.

Every day for at least an hour we talk and god forbid if I am late to get in touch as she will be straight on the phone asking where I am. I do not mean to sound harsh but if your wife truly loved you she would never miss a day wanting to talk to you never mind a birthday and to then lie about it would have me doubting her intentions.

Why do you reckon she does that then, because she loves you ??

Honest question.

You will not get one.

[MSingh]

I have been with my Thai girlfriend for over 3 years and have spent every day and night with her for this time (apart from a month trying to get her in the sack). I have recently had to travel back to the UK due to my fathers death and we keep in touch through skype.

Every day for at least an hour we talk and god forbid if I am late to get in touch as she will be straight on the phone asking where I am. I do not mean to sound harsh but if your wife truly loved you she would never miss a day wanting to talk to you never mind a birthday and to then lie about it would have me doubting her intentions.

Why do you reckon she does that then, because she loves you ??

Honest question.

You will not get one.

[ozzieovaseas]

"I feel that if I sat down with a Thai lady who speaks English and explained my concerns, then she sat down and relayed them to my wife, it might jolt her into stopping this Thai habit."

You could try that, but the Thai lady would only lie to your wife...then both of them will lie to you and tell you everything is understood and fixed.

Seriously though, as other posters have mentioned, this habit is SO imbedded into some people they dont even know they're doing it, and they certainly DON'T think they are doing anything wrong.

Your bringing up the issue and harping on it will only make you out to be the bad guy in the end.

As long as she sticks to lieing about somewhat silly and unimportant things, its either you let it slip, or get a new wife..but chances are the new wife will lie just as much.

Oh, the stories i could tell you about some of the whoppers ive encountered

[TheLaughingMan]

The op is obviously trolling, because no one is that stupid in real life.

[Semper]

The op is obviously trolling, because no one is that stupid in real life.

I hope you are right. But looking at some of the questions posted on the Motor Forum, I'm not shure.