Ex Wife Wants Too Much Money For Kids

[Mario2008]

i have in my own mind what i think is acceptable, I will always look after my kids financially but the question is can she do anything to get more money from me with her in thailand and me in the uk?

Thanks

The answer to your question is no, she cannot do more to you in Thailand. The answer to your question is yes, she can do more to you in the UK, if she can find a way to become represented there..

How would she pay for an expensive Solicitor in England , i would say if she can afford an English solicitor then you are paying to much.

Not she, but actually the child would be the plaintiff (with the mother acting on behalf of the child). Not sure about free legal aid in the UK, but I guess there are ways to recieve some help.

[sarahsbloke]

A good deal IMHO.

And I'm sure your kids in UK will be glad for you having saved so much time & inconvienence

Up to them really, if they want to recover the 600,000UKP she was given to look after them (for the next 15 years), and return it to me, they are more than welcome to come and live with me and have me look after them.

And they could be be part of a proper family, not just a meal ticket for a bitter and twisted old %$#@.

Edited May 2, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[transam]

A good deal IMHO.

And I'm sure your kids in UK will be glad for you having saved so much time & inconvienence

Up to them really, if they want to recover the 600,000UKP she was given to look after them (for the next 15 years), and return it to me, they are more than welcome to come and live with me and have me look after them.

And they could be be part of a proper family, not just a meal ticket for a bitter and twisted old %$#@.

+1

[Boo]

That bitterness must be catching.

Isn't being a good parent all about showing your kids love & interest without conditions?

Edited May 2, 2011 by Boo

[sarahsbloke]

That bitterness must be catching.

No bitterness here, I told the judge, 50:50 custody, and we both pay for when they are with us, any less and she can keep em.

He gave them to her, and my freedom to me.

Strange really that the UK courts prefer to create a woman on welfare (she never intended to work again) than people who support themselves and their children.

Of course her game was always to hurt me, no matter what the damage to our children, she was far more upset that I didn't do 'the bitter fight' thing.

Strange that the western world produces so many women who actually seem to care nothing for the welfare of their own children, and just use them as weapons.

Anyway

I'm more than happy with the outcome, a young wife (who I actually fancy) and a new set of children.

Losing the four previous kids was a bit sad for me, but in the end no biggy..

[Boo]

600K GBP for 4 kids over 15 years. yes you did get a good deal, a bargain.

as for claiming no bitterness. hmm, ok if you say so.

[Boo]

Strange that the western world produces so many women who actually seem to care nothing for the welfare of their own children, and just use them as weapons.

Just wondering....do you not comprehend irony?

[WinnieTheKhwai]

And woosh, the topic got trucked off to a sub forum that nobody reads.

Guess that's the end of it. At leas the OP got some good answers.

[cdnvic]

I think anyone referring to having their children taken from them as "freedom" shows the real truth of the matter. Perhaps the judge saw something we don't in this topic.

[transam]

I think anyone referring to having their children taken from them as "freedom" shows the real truth of the matter. Perhaps the judge saw something we don't in this topic.

Perhaps if you've been there you might look at things a bit different.

Financial settlement hearing is totally different in the eyes of a judge, l've been there and came out on top and l am a male.

[inthepink]

The price of an absent father far outweighs any financial shortfall these kids will suffer.

They almost all have absent fathers who contribute nothing.

Most money given for the children are spent on the mother.

Why should foreigners behave any differently?

I know many middle class Thais, accountants, schoolteachers, nurses, policemen.

With two educated parents working the family income is rarely over 25,000bht a month.

Some of these posts make me think the posters all live in gated communities and never go out, only hearing stories from their Thai wifes about how much everyone else is earning.

For those equating middle class with wealthy, think again, middle class is about the type of work people do, nothing to do with the wage they are paid for doing it.

Your posts make me think that you either live in an impoverished area or you like to pretend that middle class Thais only earn 10k a month so you can kid yourself that you are wealthy. I don't personally live in a gated community (not that there's anything wrong with them), nor do I rely on my partner to tell me what people earn. You say "middle class is about the type of work people do, nothing to do with the wage they are paid for it", but you were the one who started this off by claiming that 10-15k was roughly what middle class Thai people earn. Now you are trying to say that money has nothing to do with it??

I don't consider policemen as particularly well educated, in this country or any other. 2 accountants unable to earn more than 25k together? Ridiculous! Nursing and teaching are two of the lowest paying occupations you could have chosen (again not just in this country). Lets look at somebody who works in administration at the SET - 150k a month. A marketing manager for a confectionery company - 500k a month. These are very well paid jobs, I'll admit, but the people who hold them are by no means considered as extremely wealthy in Bangkok - they are middle class.

What about doctors and lawyers? Do you think that they are not middle class occupations or did you just not mention them because they would contradict your arguments?

Now you are making silly generalisations, claiming that almost all Thai children have absent fathers. Is this what you have observed from the people that live around you or something your wife tells you?

[sarahsbloke]

Now you are making silly generalisations, claiming that almost all Thai children have absent fathers. Is this what you have observed from the people that live around you or something your wife tells you?

I don't live my life secondhand, like many of the posters appear to do.

The marketing manager might well get 500k a month, but 67% of Thais are poor rural farmers, 25% are poor city dwellers.

I have found very few white people actually mix with Thais, even the English teachers working in state schools that I know rarely speak any Thai at all.

I know a doctor, paid 25,000bht a month. Should have been a marketing manager.

I'm always surprised how poorly white people integrate out here, I can really understand why the Thai government doesn't want foreigners here.

Edited May 4, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[inthepink]

Now you are making silly generalisations, claiming that almost all Thai children have absent fathers. Is this what you have observed from the people that live around you or something your wife tells you?

I don't live my life secondhand, like many of the posters appear to do.

The marketing manager might well get 500k a month, but 67% of Thais are poor rural farmers, 25% are poor city dwellers.

I have found very few white people actually mix with Thais, even the English teachers working in state schools that I know rarely speak any Thai at all.

I know a doctor, paid 25,000bht a month. Should have been a marketing manager.

I'm always surprised how poorly white people integrate out here, I can really understand why the Thai government doesn't want foreigners here.

The fact that 67% of Thai people are poor rural farmers and 25% are poor city dwellers (if those figures are correct) has nothing to do with how much middle class people earn. You seem to be changing the subject all the time.

I guess the doctor should have been a marketing manager if money is important to him. Not knowing him personally, it's difficult for me to judge why he only earns 25k, but even that is 2 and a half times what you said was normal for middle class Thais. I know a dentist who attends conventions in Europe on a regular basis and has a house in Chiang Mai and one in Bangkok (I don't know any doctors that well so it's the nearest comparison I can make) so I am sure that he earns more than 25k a month. He is only one person though, like the doctor who you know.

[Senia]

20 k a month is ridiculous, is she a full time mom ? that's not enough if she is

when was the last time he's been here to check on his kids ??

lack of developmental education here is a huge problem , is any money going towards that ???

[rgs2001uk]

20 k a month is ridiculous, is she a full time mom ? that's not enough if she is

when was the last time he's been here to check on his kids ??

lack of developmental education here is a huge problem , is any money going towards that ???

Do you actually live here, if so how many locals do you know?

Or do you live in some sort of walled gated community cut off from the rest of Thai society?

Reason for asking, I have a Thai brother in law earning 15,000 per month, he pays rent on his house, wife stays at home and looks after their two children, they seem to be doing ok by Thai standards.

Up the road from me there are factory workers being paid 8,000 baht per month, they live rent free in company provoded accomodation, most of their wifes dont work, they seem to be getting on with it.

Dont know what developmental education is, sounds like Western BS, most of the children I see in Thailand seem to manage without it, I wouldnt even want to try discuss the matter with most Thais, they tend to have rather insular views regarding themselves and their children

[Senia]

sarahsbloke is right many wives spend money on themselves rather than the kids. that's terrible but I personally know of 3 cases.

rgs2001 the focus is more on heath, not on mental development like school grades and extra ciricular activities be it some kind of musical instrument or sport

example: there are 3 toddlers living in the same building as me. all their mothers' focus on is that they get fed , bathed and clothed which is a great start , but then there are also things that they can "introduce" and encourage in their kids like music, art ( kid's art ) , outings to the zoo , aquarium, park etc. one of the kids doesn't even have toys the poor thing ( not from a poor family- middle class business owner same as me ) . AT that age they are curious, so encourage it , not just by letting them watch TV ....... that's a cop out , out of the three only 1 mother ( 2 year old gorgeous girl ) takes the time to go out with her kid, buy her age appropriate toys and take her for strolls everyday .

20 k a month should include all this , I am assuming that kids ( maybe 2 ) are older ? what school are they attending ? extra classes ? extra cirricular classes ? does she drive ? taxi fares ? rent ? does she work ( I am assuming no ) are they eating right ? are they healthy ? do their clothes fit ? are their teeth straight ?

I am a stay - at - home - mom of an infant, living in a cheaper side of Bangkok , rent alone is 5000 baht ( inc. internet, water, electricity , landline ) , weekly groceries 1000 baht , cleaners/ babysitting about 300 - 400 a week , then there are doctor's visits, laundry - 200 baht a week , baby stuff , stroller, playpen etc, food that I buy usually 25 - 80 baht per meal, it all adds up. Imagine if there are older kids , what with Wii and playstations, computers, dance/art/kickboxing/swimming whatever lessons , tuition. their own rooms, she will need a bigger apartment .

don't give me that western BS, I am not a westerner I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one

[sarahsbloke]

don't give me that western BS, I am not a westerner I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one

You have described yourself as a western person with a western outlook on life, living a western lifestyle.

The colour of your skin doesn't matter.

[sbk]

don't give me that western BS, I am not a westerner I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one

You have described yourself as a western person with a western outlook on life, living a western lifestyle.

The colour of your skin doesn't matter.

I don't see how that has a thing to do with anything at all. And in fact, seems completely off topic.

Perhaps the OP will find it useful to hear from a mother raising her child in Thailand so lets just leave it at that shall we?

[sarahsbloke]

don't give me that western BS, I am not a westerner I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one

You have described yourself as a western person with a western outlook on life, living a western lifestyle.

The colour of your skin doesn't matter.

I don't see how that has a thing to do with anything at all. And in fact, seems completely off topic.

Perhaps the OP will find it useful to hear from a mother raising her child in Thailand so lets just leave it at that shall we?

The topic was ... how much to spend on his kids

In order to judge how much he should spend, we first need to consider the sort of lifestyle he would expect them to lead.

EVERYONE in this forum will agree someone in Thailand trying to live a western lifestyle with spend a lot more money that someone in a village blending in with the locals.

So I would politely suggest my response was entirely on topic.

Edited May 7, 2011 by sarahsbloke

[Senia]

sarahsbloke ........... right again

if you read my post I did also question father's involvement with his kids.

I had assumed that they were living in the city or at least near one

I still however do not consider myself all that westernised, modern maybe, my emphasis is on the kids overall well being

if they are going to spend their lives in a village, not have any access to anything "western or modern " then yes, 20 K would be a bit much, but speaking as a mother, I choose to open my son's eyes to everything I possibly can, and let him make decisions on what he wants in life. Even if he eventually decides to live in a village lol . But I will not deprive him of options which is what being brought up in a village will do to him .

I had assumed that OP and mother of kids wanted the same ............. in that respect I could be wrong

[rotary]

Thats great advice you are giving!

Depends if she has access to the UK court system.

No right to come to the UK and she's pretty much stuffed.

A good reason to never take your Thai lady out of Thailand.

In Thailand 100bht per day per child is seen as fair.

[simon43]

I pay 5,000 baht each month for the upkeep of my young son, who lives with guardians in Bangkok. My ex-wife, (who is considerably richer than me and has full custody of my son), pays nothing. The 5,000 was the amount recommended by the amphur as being a reasonable, regular amount, and the guardians say that it is quite enough.

I also pay for his private schooling, medical insurance, extra clothes, and any other justifiable major expenses.

But it makes no sense at all to pay more money, even if I had it. That's just poor financial management and could be viewed as 'buying' my son's love.

My son is very happy and very well cared for on 5,000 baht/month plus expenses. Paying more will not make him happier.

Simon

[rgs2001uk]

I had assumed that OP and mother of kids wanted the same ............. in that respect I could be wrong

Thats the problem, we dont know, the OP hasnt given all the details, and until he does all we can do is speculate.

Too many times I have seen the children of failed marriages used as nothing more than a meal ticket or bargaining chip for greedy family members to cash in.

I dont have the time or inclanation to type all the details, but I must question why the best interests of the child are often secondary.

Senia I applaud your "I am a mother who gives a dam_n about her kid or else I wouldn't have one", if only others were of the same opinion, see above for my thoughts.

As for western BS, there are a lot of things wrong with the Thai educational system, but there are many things about it I respect, discipline being one.

When I was at school, the teachers wore suits and were referred to as sir or miss, they didnt wear jeans and earrings and you didnt call them by their first name.

The latest western BS, where everyone has an excuse or is a victim, is "learning difficulties".

I also had learning difficulties, but I found if I actually attended lessons, took an interest in the subject, asked questions, paid attention, made notes, did homework and revised for exams, the learning difficulties soon went away.

However I digress, the OP's choice of partner and her family may now well be the cause of his concerns, he knows better than we how any money would be used.

[sarahsbloke]

When I was at school, the teachers wore suits and were referred to as sir or miss, they didnt wear jeans and earrings and you didnt call them by their first name.

The latest western BS, where everyone has an excuse or is a victim, is "learning difficulties".

I was working in western state schools 2 years ago, all teachers would wear a jacket and tie (jeans and sneakers not allowed) and be referred to as 'Sir or Miss'

I'm guessing your experience of school was limited to the swinging 60s

[Senia]

I am taking the wimpy way out ........... sending my boy back to Singapore when he is 6 - 16 years. Then he can decide to be a Singaporean or a Thai national .

at the very least he has his O levels UK which is internationally recognised and cannot be bought !!!

rgs2001uk - "learning difficulties" = laziness

Thailand I find is generally backwards. Even as an Asian, I find it very difficult to relate to some of their views, and a lot of it is in child raising....... see my rant/thread . I did have a heart to heart with a Thai father recently, his son is in university and he is also concerned about what the education system is lacking. He is weathy by any standard , maybe that is what gives him the priviledge to be concerned

simon 43 - costs broken down to a monthly average ?

I have been checking out nurseries for my baby - 80 000 a year on school fees alone for a 2 year old

[nocturn]

The rate awarded by the court generally goes up slightly with age. I was assuming the kids were older. There was no information, so I simply took the maximum as a point to start. I agree with you that a village child under 5 would probably only be awarded 3000 baht.

A middle class Thai man might be earning 10,000bht a month, maybe 15,000 if he had a really good job (slightly more in BK).

Can't really see him giving away 10,000bht to support his kids every month ..... he would clear off and give them nothing.

Yes I know, there are rich Thais, but 97% aren't.

@ the OP

It seems you didn't get her a UK passport, so you can pretty much do whatever you like, including giving her nothing.

(Thai courts can't enforce payments from foreigners anyway even if she went to Thai court and was awarded 3,000bht pcm)

wow my maid /nanny is middle class. wont she be pleased.

i suggest you look around, the middle class here earns much more than you would think. you are quoting entry level wages for fresh grads or unskilled labour rates.

my kid is four, in an "afforddable" international kindergarten in BKK

fees are 100,000 per year +2400 per month bus fees (28000)

nanny/maid (i have primary custody though she stays with her mom weekends ) 120k per year.

Insurance about 30k per year.

this does not include toys, food, clothes, books, and daytrips, activities like swim lessons or dance classes etc.

it adds up.

BTW her mother contributes 50 percent of the school fees less transportation in addition to the occasional clothes purchase, though usually impractical.

her mother is one of those elusive "middle class thais"

Edited May 10, 2011 by nocturn

[sarahsbloke]

wow my maid /nanny is middle class. wont she be pleased.

i suggest you look around, the middle class here earns much more than you would think. you are quoting entry level wages for fresh grads or unskilled labour rates.

my kid is four, in an "afforddable" international kindergarten in BKK

fees are 100,000 per year +2400 per month bus fees (28000)

nanny/maid (i have primary custody though she stays with her mom weekends ) 120k per year.

Insurance about 30k per year.

this does not include toys, food, clothes, books, and daytrips, activities like swim lessons or dance classes etc.

it adds up.

BTW her mother contributes 50 percent of the school fees less transportation in addition to the occasional clothes purchase, though usually impractical.

her mother is one of those elusive "middle class thais"

Bangkok is not Thailand, it is about 5% of Thailand, like any capitol city the prices are inflated.

A Thai schoolteachers average wage is about 15kbht a month as is a nurse.

Doctors in a state hospital may get 25kbht a month, but often increase this by working 2 or 3 jobs.

A hairdresser can earn 4kbht a month.

You are living a rich western lifestyle in a 3rd world country, and judging everyone else by your limited view of the country from your palace in Bangkok.

Normal Thai children don't even have toys and leave school at age 13, ever been to a village?

[transam]

wow my maid /nanny is middle class. wont she be pleased.

i suggest you look around, the middle class here earns much more than you would think. you are quoting entry level wages for fresh grads or unskilled labour rates.

my kid is four, in an "afforddable" international kindergarten in BKK

fees are 100,000 per year +2400 per month bus fees (28000)

nanny/maid (i have primary custody though she stays with her mom weekends ) 120k per year.

Insurance about 30k per year.

this does not include toys, food, clothes, books, and daytrips, activities like swim lessons or dance classes etc.

it adds up.

BTW her mother contributes 50 percent of the school fees less transportation in addition to the occasional clothes purchase, though usually impractical.

her mother is one of those elusive "middle class thais"

Bangkok is not Thailand, it is about 5% of Thailand, like any capitol city the prices are inflated.

A Thai schoolteachers average wage is about 15kbht a month as is a nurse.

Doctors in a state hospital may get 25kbht a month, but often increase this by working 2 or 3 jobs.

A hairdresser can earn 4kbht a month.

You are living a rich western lifestyle in a 3rd world country, and judging everyone else by your limited view of the country from your palace in Bangkok.

Normal Thai children don't even have toys and leave school at age 13, ever been to a village?

Spot on.

[inthepink]

@ sarahsbloke Your view of Thailand seems to be limited by your own circumstances as well.

The official population figures for Bangkok, and Thailand as a whole, would seem to indicate that 15% of Thai people live in the capital so I am not sure how it represents only 5% of the country.

Hairdressers are not generally considered to be middle class, by anybody's definition(even your own) so I am not sure what they have to do with anything? The other "middle class" salaries that you quoted have already risen by 50% from your initial statement.

I lived in a rice farming village in Central Thailand for a year and the kids there most certainly had toys and most didn't leave school at the age of 13, although they certainly did in the past. Perhaps your information is a little out of date?

I would say that many middle class Thai people are definitely making a lot more than 10k a month. Considering that a 7/11 shop worker can earn 6k or so a month, it would be silly to believe otherwise (unless you think they are middle class too)

Edited May 11, 2011 by inthepink

[sarahsbloke]

I would say that the average middle class salary in Thailand is definitely more than 10k a month. Considering that a 7/11 shop worker can earn 6k or so a month, it would be silly to believe otherwise

And to work in a 7/11 you need to have finished high school, which few Thais do.

I believe 7/11 workers get a nation wage of 7,500bht a month.

Edited May 11, 2011 by sarahsbloke