Getting Back Sinsod After Divorce

[bermondburi]

Why does every topic have to be about a friend?

Why are you asking? Don't you have any friends?

For the OP, the time to get the sin sot back is shortly after the wedding. It's 'show money' after all. Don't tell me your friend actually let the in-laws hold on to the lot?

Doesn't ANYONE read these endless sin sot posts???!!!!

I've seem many Thai / Thai marriages where it is not returned.

[JurgenG]

Dear JurgenG

A month has now past.

Did he ask for the money back?

If yes, what was the reaction?

Btw, who are "we" in your OP?

"we" : group of drinking buddies who act like a "support group" ... Actually we drink a lot and support a little. The return of the sin sod was the result of one of our brain storming session.

As far as I know they haven't talked to each other for about a month. I don't think they really want to divorce but he doesn't want to have any relation with his in-laws anymore and that creates a big drama in the family.

Regarding the sindsod ... I don't think it's really a money problem, more the fact that the guy is pissed off with his in-laws and try to find a way to get back at them. Not very successfully so far.

[Travel2003]

Dear JurgenG

A month has now past.

Did he ask for the money back?

If yes, what was the reaction?

Btw, who are "we" in your OP?

"we" : group of drinking buddies who act like a "support group" ... Actually we drink a lot and support a little. The return of the sin sod was the result of one of our brain storming session.

As far as I know they haven't talked to each other for about a month. I don't think they really want to divorce but he doesn't want to have any relation with his in-laws anymore and that creates a big drama in the family.

Regarding the sindsod ... I don't think it's really a money problem, more the fact that the guy is pissed off with his in-laws and try to find a way to get back at them. Not very successfully so far.

Ok, thnx.

Im sure most of us here on TV believe the money will NOT be returned.

However, would love to see the facial expression or reaction to inlaws if this was demanded.

[KunMatt]

Here is one of the more bizarre stories I've witnessed in Thailand:

My girlfriend's younger sister's husband cheated on her and left her for another girl that he worked with. They'd been married for about 18 months and she found out when she came home early from work one day to find his gik alone actually in their apartment with her own key. The gik argued with her and blamed her for everything and the husband later bashed her when he got home.

His family then start doing some damage control by talking crap about my girlfriend's family, just slandering them so the guy and his family didn't look like the bad players in this ridiculous play. They demanded the SinSot back that they had paid for my gf's sister. And my gf's family gave it back to them.

About a few months later they got back together again and re-married. That's not the unbelievable part, the unbelievable part of the story is that after cheating on his wife and talking bad about her family and being forgiven with a chance to get his life back, the guy said he would only pay a much reduced SinSot this time because my gf's sister was not a virgin, even though he was the only guy she'd ever been with.

He acts like he cannot understand why things are kinda tense when he is around this family now!

There is not one part of this story which is not solely down to Thai's saving face and trying to make themselves look like the good guy in the story . All of this would seem like a soap opera if it happened back in farangland, but it's apparently perfectly normal here.

[robkey69]

A little known fact is that Sin-Sot in Thai means "dumb-ass foreigner"! Bottom line if you dumb enough to marry a Thai women with little or no education be prepared to be fleeced by the family. It will last as long as the family thinks you have money and they will attempt to drain every baht possible until you put your foot down.

For what its worth!

[JPPR2]

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<br />I've always had the understanding this was exactly what the sinsod is for - a kind of replacement for the alimony wives would get in the west that they don't get here - so of course it won't be returned.<br />

<br /><br />Not sure what the sinsod exactly is for...<br /><br />GF older sister (poor rice farmers) married to a farmer boy, sinsod was 30K.<br />I overheard mother saying &quot;hardly enough to pay for the wedding&quot; (a tent was set up and food/alcohol distributed to village folks, some donated 20 baht...total collected end of day around 5k baht)<br />I don't know where the money went, besides rent tent/food alcohol, did not see any improvement in life style or new furniture, but the 30k surely did not make them rich.<br />

<br /><br />My sinsod was more than that...and well worth it.  What a party.  Absolutely fantastic.  The sinsod paid for the party....as well as a western toilet for me when I visit!  <img src='http://static.thaivisa.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='<img src='http://static.thaivisa.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />' /> <br /><br />But a huge chunk was returned the next week....<br />

<br /><br />Craig, that is how a sin sod should be, not a way to cheat money out of a guy. Just to cover the expenses of the wedding and some money for show later to be returned. I would not have any problems with a sin sod like that.<br /><br />I have not paid a dime in sin sod and the inlaws did see me as a kwai with some money to start with but that all changed when i stayed firm in my beliefs and did not loan them any money. Now we respect each other and i have told my wife on a few occasions that i wanted to bail one of her brothers out. She told me not too as it would only encourage them to get more into trouble. <br /><br />We take her family out for moo kataa a few times )(sizzler was no success). The wife makes her own money and works hard so if she wants to donate to her family its up to her. But she has learned that loans will not be returned and stopped giving them to the persons that wont return them. <br /><br />If the wife works for her own money and pays part of the bills then she somehow is more careful of her money (and mine). I can imagine if a wife does not work or put an effort into getting money then its easier to spend the husbands money on the family. <br /><br />I am of the understanding that the more you help the more they will rely on you and get into trouble more. All kinds of foolish schemes were asked in the beginning, but not anymore so it does help not to spend money on the in laws. (if there was real need i would help of course)<br />

<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I agree 100% above and my GF works and has her own money. We split costs on things we do and she is quite adamant about her not being after my  money. She has never asked me for anything nor has her family. I will pay for dinner sometimes when we all get together but they usually start to reach for money and I say "I got it, mai pen rai.  <br /><br />Although I am not married and only dating, I think we all know there are many varying factors. One not discussed is the age of the woman/girl you are marrying. The younger the girl the more "perceived" contribution loss to the family if she marries and moves away, thus demanding a higher sin sod. It is also my understanding from my Thai friends that geography plays a huge roll as well (Isaan Vs Bangkok). I have also heard that the families financial status of the woman/girl you intend on marrying will also have an impact. I have attended 3 Thai weddings(all Thai/Thai)and in all cases the remaining balance, after wedding fees were paid, was returned to the bride and groom. I will say this, I like the no material gift at the ceremony. No toasters, No plates, no blenders etc. Attendees drop an envelope with their money contribution to bride and groom in a box. In one case after the count was done, the newlyweds received a little over Bt250k.<br /><br />In the end it should not be about money but always is. It is no different anywhere in the world. Funny how love or happiness is seldom mentioned in any posts. Shows a bit of shallowness IMHO. Regardless for each person reason for marriage, the idea is to marry not plan in advance for a divorce. Be smart on how you set the financial expectation with the family. Typically foreigners walk here waving money around and lighting cigarettes with 1000 baht bills. That behavior sets the bar. Live modest and be happy.

As to OP, When I asked my GF this questions, she said No. It is done and part of the ceremony. If negotiated up front then yes. But after the fact not going to happen

Edited June 10, 2011 by JPPR2

[wolfmanjack]

Thai wives don't come with a money-back guarantee, as far as I am aware.

Not even if they are defective ? 555555555555

[JurgenG]

A little known fact is that Sin-Sot in Thai means "dumb-ass foreigner"! Bottom line if you dumb enough to marry a Thai women with little or no education be prepared to be fleeced by the family. It will last as long as the family thinks you have money and they will attempt to drain every baht possible until you put your foot down.

For what its worth!

Not so simple. The person you meet can be nice, smart and educated, it doesn't mean her parents are. That's actually what happent to my friend. His wife is nice, educated, spent a couple of years studying in Australia but her parents are uneducated greedy people. They were expecting her to marry some local rich guy and were not too happy to see her coming back with a foreigner.

Or you can have other weirder case like me. My gf's dad is a wealthy educated person who didn't like me in the beginning. Now than me know each other better, we have very good relation. On the other hand, her mother now keeps on creating problems all the time even if she was the one supporting our relation at the beginning ... The world is weird ...

[Travel2003]

Who paid for the years spent in Australia.

This can not be cheap, even from a western point.

[JurgenG]

Good question.

I had to ask. It's her aunt who paid for everything. Her aunt has a restaurant that is doing very well. She has no kids so she sponsored her niece and her brother to study abroad.

It's actually very common in Thailand for successful people to help other less fortunate family members. I think I already told the story of a classmate of my gf in university. The family couldn't afford to send their kids to study so the eldest daughter dropped from school and start working so she can pay for her little sister education. Now the younger sister, who completed university and has now a very good job, is paying for her eldest sister's kids' education.