Neighbors, Sisters And Knocking

[LaoPo]

Another idea :

Monitor jows movements. Every time she comes and goes YOU call the sister

Sawaddee krup. Jow pai tham ngan laew (gone to work)

Sawaddee krup. Jow klup maa laew (is back)

Sawaddee krup. Jow aap nam yuu. (in shower)

Sawaddee krup. Jow khao hong nam (in bath room)

Sawaddee krup. Jow non yuu. (sleeping)

Don't ask me how you find out the above. She's YOUR neighbor

...you forgot: Jow is การทำรัก (making love)

LaoPo

[mca]

Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer....

Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too).

That's got to be 10 out of 10 on the joke groan-o-meter bp!

And the clever bit is when it dies he can sell it to the restaurant outside his work to make sandwiches out of. None of his staff will complain about the slowness of the service again. "Bring me a sandwich, and make it snappy!"

Let's see how your groan-o-meter responds to that. My prognosis is permanent damage.

As in a Spinal Tap amp all the way to 11.

[travelmann]

You must be joking!!

The monk comes to our moo baan to collect alms every day at 6am. He is driven around in a truck, the driver gives 3-4 long blasts of the horn every 50 metres or so.

Lazy bugger! I've never come across that before.

Ha you need to get out more by me a pick up takes them down to the village they all get out go to all the houses and then out of sight the pick up takes them back to the temple.

[mca]

So he isn't driven round in the truck then? Just dropped off?

[californiabeachboy]

First, I must admit I am a bit stumped by this one. But after a couple of sleepless nights, I have made progress. I keep coming back to the dog collar solution, in which people put a collar on their dog that gives them a slight shock every time they bark. A bit cruel, but effective (mods - please please don't move this to the pets forum). Two obstacales to this:

1. How do you get her to wear it, and

2. How do you make one that only gives a shock when she says a word that starts wit the letter "J".

The first is easy - just present her with a necklace made of pearls, with David Beckam's photo on the locket (or maybe Brad Pitt).

The second is more of a problem - engineering a necklace that only gives a shock when certain words are spoken. But we have put a man on the moon, I think we can solve that one, given some time and of course, a lot of funding.

A lot of good ideas here. Thanks everybody. And thanks, chickenslegs, for the snappy answers.

But I have decided that I don't want to take any chances that some of the suggestions might not be 100% effective.

Therefore I am going to employ californiabeachboy's advice and buy a collar and dress it up as a lovely gift. It only needs to shock her when she yells at my house, and then only when I am at home, so I will make the sacrifice and manually control the shocks from behind my window shades.

Three or four experiences should do the trick. Hopefully she will not wear it in the shower before she stops by for the first of her daily barrages.

Maybe I should include a "matching" bracelet, just to be sure.

Upon further reflection, there may be a flaw. Now you will be hearing:

JOW!.. OWWW!.........??????......JOW!..OWW!.....??????.... Jow!..OWW! etc. until one of you gives up. Which one will it be?

[Pacificperson]

You could try a remotely controlled air horn hidden close to where she normally stops.

[jackr]

In every country I've lived in there's always some douche who pulls up at 5am honking his/her horn like they're the only people in the world. It's certainly not a Thai thing.

He didn't say it was. Why this need for some on here (esp mods) to repeatedly put in counters when anyone comments on any Thai person or anything Thai?

I've never seen this type of thing anywhere else and it can be really grating if directly affected (typically women make those grating sounds). The woman is clearly a nincompoop and worthy of ridicule.

Buy a VERY vicious Rottweiler and teach it to respond to the name Jow....

More like it.

3) Come to the gate in your Bday suit (G-string, if you're the shy type) and deliver "Jom not home" message personally.

4) Stand at your window and shout "What?" for every "Jom" from her.

Also good, though I'd be inclined to tell her to 'RING THE fuc_kING DOORBELL!'.

[happyrobert]

First, I must admit I am a bit stumped by this one. But after a couple of sleepless nights, I have made progress. I keep coming back to the dog collar solution, in which people put a collar on their dog that gives them a slight shock every time they bark. A bit cruel, but effective (mods - please please don't move this to the pets forum). Two obstacales to this:

1. How do you get her to wear it, and

2. How do you make one that only gives a shock when she says a word that starts wit the letter "J".

The first is easy - just present her with a necklace made of pearls, with David Beckam's photo on the locket (or maybe Brad Pitt).

The second is more of a problem - engineering a necklace that only gives a shock when certain words are spoken. But we have put a man on the moon, I think we can solve that one, given some time and of course, a lot of funding.

A lot of good ideas here. Thanks everybody. And thanks, chickenslegs, for the snappy answers.

But I have decided that I don't want to take any chances that some of the suggestions might not be 100% effective.

Therefore I am going to employ californiabeachboy's advice and buy a collar and dress it up as a lovely gift. It only needs to shock her when she yells at my house, and then only when I am at home, so I will make the sacrifice and manually control the shocks from behind my window shades.

Three or four experiences should do the trick. Hopefully she will not wear it in the shower before she stops by for the first of her daily barrages.

Maybe I should include a "matching" bracelet, just to be sure.

Upon further reflection, there may be a flaw. Now you will be hearing:

JOW!.. OWWW!.........??????......JOW!..OWW!.....??????.... Jow!..OWW! etc. until one of you gives up. Which one will it be?

I think you know the answer to that....

[Dante99]

Robert, wake up, she is wanting to talk to you, not her sister.

[Mosha]

2 things that I find annoying. People pull up in a car or on a bike and sound the horn waiting for someone to go to the door. That's all time of the day. I don't respond and wait until they come to the door. Then there is the phone calls

"Where is Sopha?"

"I don't know"

"Where is she staying?"

"I don't know."

The last question gets repeated several times, with my response getting louder, then I'll crack and say "Changwat Ranong." They assume my Thai is that crap that I mean she has gone into town, rather than my sarchastic she is somewhere in the province.

[Estrada]

Macx option 2 certainly is a lower investment than my suggestion. But an investment that doesn't pay off is pointless

From the story one would assume a sister would know that Jow works? And what days / times she normally works? So my guess is our motorbike girl likes confirmation. Several times a day. Kinda like - oh maybe she called in sick today lemme check. Maybe she's starting a later shift today lemme check. Maybe she got home early today lemme check. Maybe she forgot something and came home during lunch hour to get it lemme check. And so on and so forth.

Walkie talkie is your answer

Yes, she works in the rubber trees a few clicks away and comes and goes.

So her name is boing then, how apt!

[anterian]

Just make a sign like the open/shut ones that shops use, hang it on your neighbour's gate and teach her how to use it. Being Thai it might take a few months but as they say, patience has its reward.

[happyrobert]

Robert, wake up, she is wanting to talk to you, not her sister.

Haa-pee! ... Hap-pee ... Hap-pee! ... Haa-pee! ... Hap-pee ... Hap-pee! ... Haa-pee! ... Hap-pee ... Hap-pee! ... Haa-pee! ... Hap-pee ... Hap-pee! ...

Bang!

[Tanaka]

In every country I've lived in there's always some douche who pulls up at 5am honking his/her horn like they're the only people in the world. It's certainly not a Thai thing.

You must be joking!!

The monk comes to our moo baan to collect alms every day at 6am. He is driven around in a truck, the driver gives 3-4 long blasts of the horn every 50 metres or so. It drives me nuts. How I'd love to hang out the window and shout "SHUT THE <deleted> UP", but I don't suppose it's the correct thing to do.

Still, at least I don't need an alarm clock.

Monks are supposed to walk! Not being chauffeured around. You could use some "footangels" thrown on the road just before the truck is expected. Yes, you have to get up earlier one morning but hopefully it could be the last time. I am sure you can have some made at a local workshop (not in your own moo ban).

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.faktoider.nu/img/fotangel.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.faktoider.nu/fotanglar.html&h=246&w=360&sz=23&tbnid=Jn910P8mYwjOgM:&tbnh=83&tbnw=121&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dspanska%2Bryttare%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=spanska+ryttare&hl=sv&usg=__It9_84vOX0ZGNiCoUhgCmIH6kDQ=&sa=X&ei=EOLQTfKLFsTJrAe81ZnCCg&sqi=2&ved=0CCwQ9QEwBA

[Tanaka]

2 things that I find annoying. People pull up in a car or on a bike and sound the horn waiting for someone to go to the door. That's all time of the day. I don't respond and wait until they come to the door. Then there is the phone calls

"Where is Sopha?"

"I don't know"

"Where is she staying?"

"I don't know."

The last question gets repeated several times, with my response getting louder, then I'll crack and say "Changwat Ranong." They assume my Thai is that crap that I mean she has gone into town, rather than my sarchastic she is somewhere in the province.

I assume you know that Thais don't like to use their feet for walking?

[bino]

[/i]If you see her today.....just walk to her calmly and inform her a pretty large King Cobra has been spotted in your Soi near the spot where she stops her bike and tell her you don't want her to get hurt...

Let's see how long it will take before she comes back (don;t forget to inform the other neighbours as well)...

LaoPo

Wouldn't work. She would be back ASAP with all of the notified neighbors, looking for the snake so that they can eat it!

A ghost story would work better. Maybe a voice activated system that plays cackling witches and Halloween sound effects when she start shouting?

[Hyponeros]

Once she is calling loud again, come out and teach her how to get her a*** off her bike, walk to the door and knock at the door.

Repeat that as often as it takes her to understand!

[bodunchar]

why dont you try talking to her

bridge the gap in understanding

bring some flowers to sweeten the confusion

get the neighbour she is calling ON YOUR SIDE FIRST

piece of cake!

good luck!

[Latindancer]

1) Have electronic counter outside gate. Every time she yells out "Jom", the counter goes up by 1 count.

2) Call her mobile, while sitting comfy in your house, to say "Jom not home!"

4) Stand at your window and shout "What?" for every "Jom" from her.

Is Jow home?

"No, she's down at the rubber plantation - but she can hear you shouting".

Is Jow home?

"Yes, but all your shouting has made her deaf".

Is Jow home?

"No, she went to work an hour ago, but if you shout louder maybe she will defy the laws of physics and suddenly materialise here".

These are actually very good ( and witty ) suggestions !

Better still, take her to a computer some time and show her this thread......and have a good translator handy.......

Edited June 10, 2011 by Latindancer

[JSixpack]

In every country I've lived in there's always some douche who pulls up at 5am honking his/her horn like they're the only people in the world. It's certainly not a Thai thing.

Who said it was a Thai thing? Defensive, aren't you?