transam Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I'm slightly confused as to why she comes round when her sister is at work. Maybe she's looking for a dam_n good rogering Steady, steady. Oooops, What's her address. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaiyenyen Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 In every country I've lived in there's always some douche who pulls up at 5am honking his/her horn like they're the only people in the world. It's certainly not a Thai thing. You must be joking!! The monk comes to our moo baan to collect alms every day at 6am. He is driven around in a truck, the driver gives 3-4 long blasts of the horn every 50 metres or so. It drives me nuts. How I'd love to hang out the window and shout "SHUT THE <deleted> UP", but I don't suppose it's the correct thing to do. Still, at least I don't need an alarm clock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 You must be joking!! The monk comes to our moo baan to collect alms every day at 6am. He is driven around in a truck, the driver gives 3-4 long blasts of the horn every 50 metres or so. Lazy bugger! I've never come across that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macx Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Oh, just thought of some more options: 1) Have electronic counter outside gate. Every time she yells out "Jom", the counter goes up by 1 count. 2) Call her mobile, while sitting comfy in your house, to say "Jom not home!" 3) Come to the gate in your Bday suit (G-string, if you're the shy type) and deliver "Jom not home" message personally. 4) Stand at your window and shout "What?" for every "Jom" from her. 5) Turn up the music, and do a Tom Cruise "I'm so happy" dance in your undies. 6) Drag her inside and get her to wash the dishes! slow night Will check for your report in the morning. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyrobert Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 Buy a VERY vicious Rottweiler and teach it to respond to the name Jow.... Simon Actually, I've got a Rottie. 50 kilos of brown sugar who won't even bark at her. Just wags his damท tail. I taught him not to eat food unless I say the word "chow" in a command. Maybe he thinks she's talking about food? I think I'll mount a voice activated recording. Everytime she yells, "Jow"--which by the way somehow comes out with more syllables the louder she screams--it will repond with the sisters voice, "What?" at 120 decibles. Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mario299 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Actually, I've got a Rottie. 50 kilos of brown sugar who won't even bark at her. Just wags his damท tail. I taught him not to eat food unless I say the word "chow" in a command. Maybe he thinks she's talking about food? Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Happy.... It's really simple, you've already taught your dog the command "chow"...sounds like "Jow", so now add "Jow, aroy, mak mak and let him loose. See what happens next...if she (the sister, not the dog) comes back later, then my advice maybe not so good...just trying to help. If anything bad happens, I know nothing !! mario299 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mario299 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too). +1 mario299 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I had an annoying <deleted> of a neighbours kid who, as soon as he turned into the cul-de-sac on his crotch-rocket, would start beeping his horn with the beeping getting more frantic and more or less continuous as he zipped past my gate only to screech to a halt at his gate a about 20 yards further up and then lay on the horn full time until someone came out and opened the bloody gate. The thing is, like most motorbiking kids <deleted>, he would be in and out in a few minutes and hairing off somewhere else. This would happen 5, 6 or 7 times a day and even in the wee small hours. We moved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mario299 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too). +1 mario299 Just realized, your neighbor's name is Jow, not the sister's name, so quick...call off the dog. Okay, so what is the sister on the motorcycle's name and can you teach your dog quickly enough?? Sorry to mis-lead, helping is such a bitch sometimes !! Chok dee, and please don't try to call me, I'm not home. mario299 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lannarebirth Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Buy a VERY vicious Rottweiler and teach it to respond to the name Jow.... Simon But don't bring it to the North of Thailand as every other word here sounds like "Jow". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenslegs Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I think the OP was asking for snappy answers to the stupid question (as per Mad magazine) My Snappy Answers: Is Jow home? "No, she's at your house shagging your husband". Is Jow home? "No, she's down at the rubber plantation - but she can hear you shouting". Is Jow home? "Yes, but all your shouting has made her deaf". Is Jow home? "Yes. She heard you the first time, but she knows how much I love the sound of your voice". Is Jow home? "No, she went to work an hour ago, but if you shout louder maybe she will defy the laws of physics and suddenly materialise here". Is Jow home? "Why don't you shut the <deleted> up and leave me in peace". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 ^ I employ this tactic regularly Me: They didn't have any milk Mrs. Rakers: Did you look? Me: No, I kept my eyes closed. It was quite awkward actually because I kept walking into stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyL Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Don't these people have mobile phones? I thought everyone in Thailand had at least two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beetlejuice Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 This is Thailand and besides buying a bazooka canon and blasting the woman into the next Kingdom, then learn to live with it. My neighbors are screaming and shouting at each other all the time even during what they consider as being normal conversation. I can remember when we lived in the UK and hearing the constant F/ing and blinding from the loud mouthed yobs as they hung around or passed our house. I’ll settle for a few Jowls anytime. As the wise man says; there are worse troubles at sea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too). That's got to be 10 out of 10 on the joke groan-o-meter bp! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumball Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Mozart is relaxing , do you have any Pavarotti ? I have found in the past that they do not like him , when they did not respond to a pleasant " Please turn it down " , I would give them a loud blast of Luciano at his best and away would go the noise . Does not work on my wife though , she just sings along with him and gets on with what she was doing , like clanging the pots in the sink 555 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nocturn Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Depending on how generous you are feeling and how badly you want her to stop? Buy her a pair of walkie talkie - maybe she's too skimp to call and too lazy to walk to the door bell With your walkie talkie she wouldn't even have to get on her motorbike!! The fuel money she saves can be used to pay for electricity to charge the walkie talkie In case she tries to ask to have the charging done at your place. Haha yes I do think of everything im guessing she already has a mobile. chuck her some credit and tell her to call instead. better yet, next time she starts screeching answer the door with your tadger out, preferably in a state of full tumescence. repeat if necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flying Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) Depending on how generous you are feeling and how badly you want her to stop? Buy her a pair of walkie talkie - maybe she's too skimp to call and too lazy to walk to the door bell With your walkie talkie she wouldn't even have to get on her motorbike!! The fuel money she saves can be used to pay for electricity to charge the walkie talkie In case she tries to ask to have the charging done at your place. Haha yes I do think of everything Just dont let her neighbors know you bought the walkie talkie for her I just had a mental image of her yelling....jow...Jow....JOW every 15 minutes from her front porch into the walkie talkie Edited May 14, 2011 by flying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 OP: "...I am at a loss for how to deal with this." If you see her today.....just walk to her calmly and inform her a pretty large King Cobra has been spotted in your Soi near the spot where she stops her bike and tell her you don't want her to get hurt... Let's see how long it will take before she comes back (don;t forget to inform the other neighbours as well)... LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugg Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 As a slight aside my friend in England (who isn't the sharpest) called me in the middle of the night for a chat. He asked me the time to which I groggily replied 3 am. He then proceeded to ask me what I was doing. Playing bloody water polo in the local klong obviously. As I spent many years in the Middle East often I would call a friend (ex) in the States at all hours of the morning (his) . He would answer and say "Do you know it is 2:00AM in the morning ?" I would say "now I do, thanks" .Several times he would ask "Why don't you by a dam_n watch ?". I would reply " An international watch with 2 times zones would cost me much more than the international calling plan" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mugg Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Stop off at your local market and purchase a liter of pigs blood. Next time she calls for Jow splatter blood on your shirt and a borrowed shovel. Then run outside and and in your sweetest sincere voice simply state.. Jow is not here any more, we had a fight when she woke me up form my afternoon nap, please do come in for a cup of coffee or tea. Pigs Blood 10 baht Shovel borrowed Bloody shirt 30 baht Burning the rubber off a scooter tire 70 baht Look on sisters face (Priceless) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geronimo Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Buy a VERY vicious Rottweiler and teach it to respond to the name Jow.... Simon Actually, I've got a Rottie. 50 kilos of brown sugar who won't even bark at her. Just wags his damท tail. I taught him not to eat food unless I say the word "chow" in a command. Maybe he thinks she's talking about food? I think I'll mount a voice activated recording. Everytime she yells, "Jow"--which by the way somehow comes out with more syllables the louder she screams--it will repond with the sisters voice, "What?" at 120 decibles. Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Make a big sign that says Jow Yoo and put a Mai that can be flipped over to show Jow Mai Yoo then instruct Jow how to use it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
californiabeachboy Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 First, I must admit I am a bit stumped by this one. But after a couple of sleepless nights, I have made progress. I keep coming back to the dog collar solution, in which people put a collar on their dog that gives them a slight shock every time they bark. A bit cruel, but effective (mods - please please don't move this to the pets forum). Two obstacales to this: 1. How do you get her to wear it, and 2. How do you make one that only gives a shock when she says a word that starts wit the letter "J". The first is easy - just present her with a necklace made of pearls, with David Beckam's photo on the locket (or maybe Brad Pitt). The second is more of a problem - engineering a necklace that only gives a shock when certain words are spoken. But we have put a man on the moon, I think we can solve that one, given some time and of course, a lot of funding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheesey Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiG16 Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Another idea : Monitor jows movements. Every time she comes and goes YOU call the sister Sawaddee krup. Jow pai tham ngan laew (gone to work) Sawaddee krup. Jow klup maa laew (is back) Sawaddee krup. Jow aap nam yuu. (in shower) Sawaddee krup. Jow khao hong nam (in bath room) Sawaddee krup. Jow non yuu. (sleeping) Don't ask me how you find out the above. She's YOUR neighbor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ballpoint Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Great posts, everyone, but no one has given me a snappy answer.... Buy a crocodile. You can keep it in the khlong that MCA plays bloody water polo in at 3 am. (It should help keep the water bloody too). That's got to be 10 out of 10 on the joke groan-o-meter bp! And the clever bit is when it dies he can sell it to the restaurant outside his work to make sandwiches out of. None of his staff will complain about the slowness of the service again. "Bring me a sandwich, and make it snappy!" Let's see how your groan-o-meter responds to that. My prognosis is permanent damage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyrobert Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) I had an annoying <deleted> of a neighbours kid who, as soon as he turned into the cul-de-sac on his crotch-rocket, would start beeping his horn with the beeping getting more frantic and more or less continuous as he zipped past my gate only to screech to a halt at his gate a about 20 yards further up and then lay on the horn full time until someone came out and opened the bloody gate. The thing is, like most motorbiking kids <deleted>, he would be in and out in a few minutes and hairing off somewhere else. This would happen 5, 6 or 7 times a day and even in the wee small hours. We moved. 20 lb test monofilament fishing line at chest height between two power poles would have been cheaper than moving... Edited May 14, 2011 by happyrobert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyrobert Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 (edited) First, I must admit I am a bit stumped by this one. But after a couple of sleepless nights, I have made progress. I keep coming back to the dog collar solution, in which people put a collar on their dog that gives them a slight shock every time they bark. A bit cruel, but effective (mods - please please don't move this to the pets forum). Two obstacales to this: 1. How do you get her to wear it, and 2. How do you make one that only gives a shock when she says a word that starts wit the letter "J". The first is easy - just present her with a necklace made of pearls, with David Beckam's photo on the locket (or maybe Brad Pitt). The second is more of a problem - engineering a necklace that only gives a shock when certain words are spoken. But we have put a man on the moon, I think we can solve that one, given some time and of course, a lot of funding. A lot of good ideas here. Thanks everybody. And thanks, chickenslegs, for the snappy answers. But I have decided that I don't want to take any chances that some of the suggestions might not be 100% effective. Therefore I am going to employ californiabeachboy's advice and buy a collar and dress it up as a lovely gift. It only needs to shock her when she yells at my house, and then only when I am at home, so I will make the sacrifice and manually control the shocks from behind my window shades. Three or four experiences should do the trick. Hopefully she will not wear it in the shower before she stops by for the first of her daily barrages. Maybe I should include a "matching" bracelet, just to be sure. Edited May 14, 2011 by happyrobert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyrobert Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Depending on how generous you are feeling and how badly you want her to stop? Buy her a pair of walkie talkie - maybe she's too skimp to call and too lazy to walk to the door bell With your walkie talkie she wouldn't even have to get on her motorbike!! The fuel money she saves can be used to pay for electricity to charge the walkie talkie In case she tries to ask to have the charging done at your place. Haha yes I do think of everything im guessing she already has a mobile. chuck her some credit and tell her to call instead. better yet, next time she starts screeching answer the door with your tadger out, preferably in a state of full tumescence. repeat if necessary. Lets's just say that her timing was not always impeccable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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