Dazed And Confused

[Millard]

Let's all hope that she is indeed a good girl (and that she didn't steal your wallet and use your money to support you).

I'm not sure whether you're being sarcastic or not, but that thought did cross my mind. Savvy people know how to use money to make money, especially when the original funds are not their own.

[losworld]

You should not have given her 20k and see if she was still interested in you. I'd say she is or was a bar girl at this time. Not that this is the end of the world but think when her money runs out and it will who will she ask for money from so get ready plus you should not get near anyone who tries to settle something by fighting with you and this is even more dangerous with alcohol. I once traveled with a Thai woman who had her own business, etc. and I discovered she spent time with foreigners on the side for money. Plus she would drink and get argumentative and once slapped me. I told her to never do it again. She started slapping herself and repeated "you can slap me". I declined. This relationship ended fairly quickly thereafter. I suggest you do the same. Plenty of good women in Thailand but you'll have to do a bit of looking before you tie yourself down. Good luck.

[jackr]

Move on, op. She has a kid with a foreigner, lives in Hua Hin, and frequents bars. She could be meeting guys like you any and every night.

[trisailer]

Still Dazed and confused should be the tittle.

[mogoso]

Chalk it up to experience, mostly a rather pleasant one, but move on. Your too young,(no offense meant) and she has too much baggage.

Don't give up on Thai women, there are many great ones, seek and ye shall find, but fish in bigger pools than bars.

[WAYNEandAEI]

I am an educated man and while I may love this woman, time heals a broken heart and I can deal with it.

I have met some really stupid educated people. Education doesn't teach you common sense.

[cdnvic]

Flame and reply removed.

[tartempion]

Thank you to those of you that posted meaningful advice. I'm aware of the money scams and love trickery. I am an educated man and while I may love this woman, time heals a broken heart and I can deal with it.

I will continue to love her from afar and take my karma as it comes, without becoming broke.

Thank you again.

Seems to me you forgot to bring your brain on the plane to Thailand, as thousands do once they set foot here.

I wonder if women from other counties are able to make such a killing with men as Thai women do.

P.S.: I fell in love with over 115 Thai women, but still have my sanity, a rare thing amongst farangs

[IanForbes]

As far as I can read into it the OP has not done anything wrong except possibly have a good time and get slightly smitten with a pretty lady. Nothing wrong with that and neither is there anything wrong with a bit of charity...such as the 20,000 baht he gave her. My only advice is JUST DON'T GET TOTALLY INVOLVED and don't plan anything long term.! Keep it simple and keep it separate. Never spend what you expect or hope to get back. The best kind of relationships are the ones where you BOTH have separate lives and are both totally independent. That way either party can walk away at any time. And, there is nothing wrong with charity, either. Give away anything you can afford if it makes you feel better, but don't expect anything in return.

[Hydegar]

Thank you.

Some good advice there if on the whole negative. I only hope this experience, which ever way it goes, does not leave me so jaded.

I will continue contact with this woman. She has not asked me for money, she wants me to learn Thai ( from what I've read, most scammers don't want you to know Thai as it hinders their plans) and she also wants me to come see her when I can but understands I am fa rang.

She did not use any of my funds from my wallet and was invaluable in helping me with police. I GAVE her 20000 baht for 2 months stay with her, where is the sense of decency in some of the reply posts?

Weather or not she has other boyfriends? Well she is a woman and she does have needs, I cannot be there for those full time. The same goes in any country in a new relationship.

I am privy to far more personal information about this woman and our relationship than any of you. Despite what some of you may think from my post, I am intelligent and will not be scammed.

However I think this is more of a case of two people with feelings for each other trying to make something work through all the Thai/fa rang/scammer/distance bullshit.

In hindsight, I should have kept this issue to myself and dealt with it as I have other issues in my life.

Thank you to those of you who took the time to post genuine advice. The others that posted jaded, negative comments, I have nothing to say.

[Hydegar]

As far as I can read into it the OP has not done anything wrong except possibly have a good time and get slightly smitten with a pretty lady. Nothing wrong with that and neither is there anything wrong with a bit of charity...such as the 20,000 baht he gave her. My only advice is JUST DON'T GET TOTALLY INVOLVED and don't plan anything long term.! Keep it simple and keep it separate. Never spend what you expect or hope to get back. The best kind of relationships are the ones where you BOTH have separate lives and are both totally independent. That way either party can walk away at any time. And, there is nothing wrong with charity, either. Give away anything you can afford if it makes you feel better, but don't expect anything in return.

Great advice, I was thinking a similar train of thought.

Cheers IanForbes

[mrtoad]

Despite walking into the park, and being told the lions have escaped from the enclosure the OP is still going to check it out, to see if it's true.

[luckizuchinni]

Don't pay attention to those who seem to think age is an issue or even getting drunk together (you are getting drunk, too, so obviously that is part of your lifestyle. The hitting part, though, gives me concern. Violence is a bad, bad sign, and it usually only escalates.

But so far, take things as they are and see what happens. See if the flames keep burning brightly while you are apart, or see if they fade.

[rocketmanbkk]

To the OP, you start your post by stating that you are an educated man.

enough said.

[Soutpeel]

I am intelligent and will not be scammed.

Time will tell...

[F1fanatic]

The OP has already made up his mind - he was looking for supportive posts (cos he recognised the signs) or is a troll.

BUT, to be fair, there are older ex b/gs out there that know they have pretty much no chance of finding another farang.

Realising this they may well do their best to give the farang what he wants to ensure a better life for themselves.

Its a lucky farang that finds one of these old ex b/gs.

[mrtoad]

I am intelligent and will not be scammed.

Time will tell...

Many an "educated Man" have said the same

[StreetCowboy]

Go for it mate; I would.

SC

[MaiChai]

Time is always the test of these relationships. Just don't financially commit and have an exit door available (good one here is having your own room/apartment and never letting her move in).

However, the slapping each other about thing never gets better; quite the opposite. Thus on that basis I would say watch out, and in reality the relationship is doomed. Peoples real personalities come out when they are drunk and the Thai polite facade might be let down a little, so this is the time to work out if they are violent or what their real intentions are.

Some Thai ladies are very promiscuous. They have learned from Thai men, like the life and move on from man to man as they enjoy it. Not saying she is like that; its just something to bear in mind.

IMHO you need to be much more wary about friendly Thai women that any others.

[sarahsbloke]

Some Thai ladies are very promiscuous. They have learned from Thai men, like the life and move on from man to man as they enjoy it. Not saying she is like that; its just something to bear in mind.

I don't believe that to be true.

My personal theory about Thai sexuality is that the differences between Thai men and Thai women are much smaller than the differences between western men and western women. Hence you will often get effeminate Thai men, manly Thai women and of course ladyboys. Many Thai women act as sexual predators, much like the behaviour in western men. The promiscuity is not learned, they just like sex and there is nothing to stop them going out and getting what they want. I'm not entirely sure if this difference in behaviour is genetic drift or a difference in upbringing and religious ethics.

But in the end you get a country where the people are generally far more sexually adventurous than people from the western world.

[DavidSL]

Thank you.

Some good advice there if on the whole negative. I only hope this experience, which ever way it goes, does not leave me so jaded.

I will continue contact with this woman. She has not asked me for money, she wants me to learn Thai ( from what I've read, most scammers don't want you to know Thai as it hinders their plans) and she also wants me to come see her when I can but understands I am fa rang.

She did not use any of my funds from my wallet and was invaluable in helping me with police. I GAVE her 20000 baht for 2 months stay with her, where is the sense of decency in some of the reply posts?

Weather or not she has other boyfriends? Well she is a woman and she does have needs, I cannot be there for those full time. The same goes in any country in a new relationship.

I am privy to far more personal information about this woman and our relationship than any of you. Despite what some of you may think from my post, I am intelligent and will not be scammed.

However I think this is more of a case of two people with feelings for each other trying to make something work through all the Thai/fa rang/scammer/distance bullshit.

In hindsight, I should have kept this issue to myself and dealt with it as I have other issues in my life.

Thank you to those of you who took the time to post genuine advice. The others that posted jaded, negative comments, I have nothing to say.

It sounds to me like you didn't come here for advice at all, but rather to read what you wanted said. Those here that come across as jaded are mainly speaking from experience. I have no experience with Thai girls bar one, who I'm with now - but I didn't meet her in a bar and she was a nice family girl I met through a friend of a friend.

This situation you're in, to me, sounds 50/50. As in, it could be great, it could be another Thai horror story for you. Only time will tell that, but those that have given you negative comments shouldn't be ignored, as they have much more experience than you or I.

I genuinely hope for you that it is real, but just be careful. The only thing that nags at me is this comment:

Weather or not she has other boyfriends? Well she is a woman and she does have needs, I cannot be there for those full time. The same goes in any country in a new relationship.

Do you really feel this way? That's pretty sad. You shouldn't settle for someone who can't wait for her needs to be met by you. It sounds like you are already compromising on your feelings for this woman, and that is a worrying sign, and definitely a little naive. I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm only a couple of years older than you, but I feel that maybe you are letting your heart rule over common sense.

Anyway, I'm a romantic - and truly, honestly, I really do hope this is a genuine love story and it works out for you. There's nothing better than the holiday of a lifetime and a romance coming out of it!

[SteeleJoe]

Thank you.

Some good advice there if on the whole negative. I only hope this experience, which ever way it goes, does not leave me so jaded.

I will continue contact with this woman. She has not asked me for money, she wants me to learn Thai ( from what I've read, most scammers don't want you to know Thai as it hinders their plans) and she also wants me to come see her when I can but understands I am fa rang.

She did not use any of my funds from my wallet and was invaluable in helping me with police. I GAVE her 20000 baht for 2 months stay with her, where is the sense of decency in some of the reply posts?

Weather or not she has other boyfriends? Well she is a woman and she does have needs, I cannot be there for those full time. The same goes in any country in a new relationship.

I am privy to far more personal information about this woman and our relationship than any of you. Despite what some of you may think from my post, I am intelligent and will not be scammed.

However I think this is more of a case of two people with feelings for each other trying to make something work through all the Thai/fa rang/scammer/distance bullshit.

In hindsight, I should have kept this issue to myself and dealt with it as I have other issues in my life.

Thank you to those of you who took the time to post genuine advice. The others that posted jaded, negative comments, I have nothing to say.

It sounds to me like you didn't come here for advice at all, but rather to read what you wanted said. Those here that come across as jaded are mainly speaking from experience. I have no experience with Thai girls bar one, who I'm with now - but I didn't meet her in a bar and she was a nice family girl I met through a friend of a friend.

This situation you're in, to me, sounds 50/50. As in, it could be great, it could be another Thai horror story for you. Only time will tell that, but those that have given you negative comments shouldn't be ignored, as they have much more experience than you or I.

I genuinely hope for you that it is real, but just be careful. The only thing that nags at me is this comment:

Weather or not she has other boyfriends? Well she is a woman and she does have needs, I cannot be there for those full time. The same goes in any country in a new relationship.

Do you really feel this way? That's pretty sad. You shouldn't settle for someone who can't wait for her needs to be met by you. It sounds like you are already compromising on your feelings for this woman, and that is a worrying sign, and definitely a little naive. I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm only a couple of years older than you, but I feel that maybe you are letting your heart rule over common sense.

Anyway, I'm a romantic - and truly, honestly, I really do hope this is a genuine love story and it works out for you. There's nothing better than the holiday of a lifetime and a romance coming out of it!

I'm in about 100% agreement with the above.

Well except that I'm a lot older than the OP...

[letitbe]

I apologise. I realise I have posted this in the wrong forum. Sorry.

I don't think there is a "Sucker Forum". So General is probably the right place.

go with your gut feel and ignore all others advice. Sometimes it works often it does not. No point asking advice youll get a lot of twisted bitter people who hate Thai women because they did not go with their gut. You need to understand that here even amongst Thais it is normal for male to pay for everything. If she says she loves you for you alone ask her what about security and the future. If she says dont worry i just want you for you unless she's very rich then all women west or east yearn for security and if as usual here they are poor then love is never enough. That does not mean the girl who wants a house and security is a gold digger. Ive seen stupid forang so scared that their girlfriends are gold diggers and will cheat them that they never trust anyone. Its only money dont worry.

[SteeleJoe]

I apologise. I realise I have posted this in the wrong forum. Sorry.

I don't think there is a "Sucker Forum". So General is probably the right place.

go with your gut feel and ignore all others advice. Sometimes it works often it does not. No point asking advice youll get a lot of twisted bitter people who hate Thai women because they did not go with their gut. You need to understand that here even amongst Thais it is normal for male to pay for everything. If she says she loves you for you alone ask her what about security and the future. If she says dont worry i just want you for you unless she's very rich then all women west or east yearn for security and if as usual here they are poor then love is never enough. That does not mean the girl who wants a house and security is a gold digger. Ive seen stupid forang so scared that their girlfriends are gold diggers and will cheat them that they never trust anyone. Its only money dont worry.

I'm not twisted. No reason to be bitter. Certainly don't hate Thai women (have a generally favorable opinion of them as a whole, like very much dozens of them that I know or have known and dearly love with all my heart a few -- including the one I've been with for 19 years).

And the reason why many guys are bitter is because they DID go with their gut but nothing else (their brain, real knowledge of the person, a solid foundation to the relationship etc). And it wound up being a horrible mistake (for which I rarely blame the Thai woman much, if at all).

[letitbe]

I apologise. I realise I have posted this in the wrong forum. Sorry.

I don't think there is a "Sucker Forum". So General is probably the right place.

go with your gut feel and ignore all others advice. Sometimes it works often it does not. No point asking advice youll get a lot of twisted bitter people who hate Thai women because they did not go with their gut. You need to understand that here even amongst Thais it is normal for male to pay for everything. If she says she loves you for you alone ask her what about security and the future. If she says dont worry i just want you for you unless she's very rich then all women west or east yearn for security and if as usual here they are poor then love is never enough. That does not mean the girl who wants a house and security is a gold digger. Ive seen stupid forang so scared that their girlfriends are gold diggers and will cheat them that they never trust anyone. Its only money dont worry.

I'm not twisted. No reason to be bitter. Certainly don't hate Thai women (have a generally favorable opinion of them as a whole, like very much dozens of them that I know or have known and dearly love with all my heart a few -- including the one I've been with for 19 years).

And the reason why many guys are bitter is because they DID go with their gut but nothing else (their brain, real knowledge of the person, a solid foundation to the relationship etc). And it wound up being a horrible mistake (for which I rarely blame the Thai woman much, if at all).

i was of course assuming people are not stupid but then thats a silly assumption. The point i was making is ive seen a lot of what would have been successful happy relationships go sour because forang are scared their GF will cheat them or they are being taken for a ride. By gut i dont mean go with your little brain down below but use your judgement and by no means do not be unaware but dont be afraid of shadows and so miss out on what may be exactly right for you. If id listened to everyone 15 years ago when I met my wife I would not now be happily married with 2 great kids and a life most could only dream of. Of course no one sensible rushes into a long term relationship so my advice stands dont listen to all bitter twisted people. The I admit few very successful marriages between east and west are not news. But i generally agree the op is not mature enough to make a proper judgement and the chances of success with him being away and her here are almost nil. Age does not seem to be a large factor in weather it works or not so in this case age might well be against him. On other hand how horrible a mistake is it likely to be if the op treads carefully and sees over next few years how things develop the worst is likely to be at worst case by western terms a small amount of money.

All in all i agree walk aways but not from fear of being done out of some money but because practicalities of it working are to stacked against.

[manarak]

As far as I can read into it the OP has not done anything wrong except possibly have a good time and get slightly smitten with a pretty lady. Nothing wrong with that and neither is there anything wrong with a bit of charity...such as the 20,000 baht he gave her. My only advice is JUST DON'T GET TOTALLY INVOLVED and don't plan anything long term.! Keep it simple and keep it separate. Never spend what you expect or hope to get back. The best kind of relationships are the ones where you BOTH have separate lives and are both totally independent. That way either party can walk away at any time. And, there is nothing wrong with charity, either. Give away anything you can afford if it makes you feel better, but don't expect anything in return.

Great advice, I was thinking a similar train of thought.

Cheers IanForbes

Yes, Ian's post is good advice.

You must just know that the odds are stacked against you. heavily against you... make that even very heavily stacked.

The second thing you must know is that your actions cannot change these odds. Don't think that because you are such a nice fellow and looking so good, the odds of 99% will change. Nothing you can do will change that.

Good luck!

[manarak]

As far as I can read into it the OP has not done anything wrong except possibly have a good time and get slightly smitten with a pretty lady. Nothing wrong with that and neither is there anything wrong with a bit of charity...such as the 20,000 baht he gave her. My only advice is JUST DON'T GET TOTALLY INVOLVED and don't plan anything long term.! Keep it simple and keep it separate. Never spend what you expect or hope to get back. The best kind of relationships are the ones where you BOTH have separate lives and are both totally independent. That way either party can walk away at any time. And, there is nothing wrong with charity, either. Give away anything you can afford if it makes you feel better, but don't expect anything in return.

Great advice, I was thinking a similar train of thought.

Cheers IanForbes

Yes, Ian's post is good advice.

You must just know that the odds are stacked against you. heavily against you... make that even very heavily stacked.

The second thing you must know is that your actions cannot change these odds. Don't think that because you are such a nice fellow and looking so good, the odds of 99% will change. Nothing you can do will change that.

Good luck!

[nocturn]

You've already given her the contents of your wallet and 20,000 baht. What do you think?

This is a woman who is well past her "use-by" date. I suspect she's working on multiple options for her retirement plan.

In America, there's a name for what you feel -- it's called the "white knight syndrome", Google it and see if you want to join the club.

re the "use-by" date, I am sure f1fanatic would disagree.

look, you are 26. you have had your fun, and now you find yourself with questions. unless you were entirely socially inept previous to your stays in the kingdom, you should also already have the answers too.

Are you settling down with many middle-aged divorcees back home?

you won't find help here -- you will find negativity, bitterness, misplaced recrimination and angst all seasoned with denial of one sort or another.

understand one thing -- all your vaunted education will serve you not at all, unless the two of you hit a quiz night, and then only if the questions fall your way.

there are good and bad women everywhere, protect your assets, nobody can take what you don't give.

[nocturn]

A Keep it simple and keep it separate. The best kind of relationships are the ones where you BOTH have separate lives and are both totally independent.

while i shudder to agree with an edited Ian, i would have to say this advice is universal.

a similar philosophy has served me well through two long term relationships in Thailand with both a Thai and a "western" woman. while both relationships have "ended" in one sense, we still remain socially connected to this day.

i also would like to point out, that i have never successfully dated a thai "girl" , nor have i ever successfully dated a woman that did not have her own life, group of friends, job and ambitions.

Edited May 19, 2011 by nocturn

[moe666]

Do you like this woman then go for it. All it can cost you is some money and emotional pain. No big deal really.