Thank You, Friends

[alvino]

I want to thank you, who have taken the time and trouble to send me your

chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,

secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola, learning it can remove

toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr.Pepper, since the people who make these

products are atheists, who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be pricked

with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water

buffalo, on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls, because someone will drug me with a

perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS, or FedEx, since they are actually Al

Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target, since they are French and don't support our

American troops, or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number

for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,

and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC, because their chickens are actually horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my

free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have

their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul, because I have 363,214 angels looking out

for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward

an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl, who is

about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the

$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their

special e-mail program.

I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue

on envelopes, cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that

needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me, and I will now

return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 60

minutes, a large seagull with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00

PM(EDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur, because it

actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's

second husband's cousin's beautician!