Offspring Sleeping Habits

[shartin]

Does anyone else find that here in thailand their sons or daughters dont seem to get their own room till a lot later than thy would in the Westrn world. My daughter still occasionally tries to pop into bed with me and my wife but I am trying to discourage her and convince my wife that we should convert the spareroom for her. It particularly annoys me when she puts on her DVDs in our room. I - only being her for 4 months a year- am of course not allowed to shout at her (she wouldnt understand anyway). Is this pracise normal for thailand?

[SantiSuk]

Correct. It really messes up your sex life and it's little wonder that a mia noi culture thrives .

It may be different in more modern urban families but here in the sticks of Issaan I note that my sister-in-laws kids, aged 7 and 9, still sleep on a large bed with their mum and dad! It's also a function of lack of resources of course.

Our 16 month old daughter still sleeps with us and kicks me to death every morning. It does have its charms in the child bonding stakes, but I keep (unsuccessfully) hinting it's time for her own bed (indeed there is one in our room) and I am going to have to have a serious talk sometime soon.

Edited to get rid of spurious machine code

Edited June 1, 2011 by SantiSuk

[Kilgore Trout]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

[Semper]

Correct. It really messes up your sex life and it's little wonder that a mia noi culture thrives .

It may be different in more modern urban families but here in the sticks of Issaan I note that my sister-in-laws kids, aged 7 and 9, still sleep on a large bed with their mum and dad! It's also a function of lack of resources of course.

Our 16 month old daughter still sleeps with us and kicks me to death every morning. It does have its charms in the child bonding stakes, but I keep (unsuccessfully) hinting it's time for her own bed (indeed there is one in our room) and I am going to have to have a serious talk sometime soon.

Edited to get rid of spurious machine code

Don't forget to mention the word Mia Noi.

[IanForbes]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Just one of the little joys of having to earn an income in one country while being married with children living with their mother in Thailand. There is no one size fits all answer. I often wonder how so many poor Philippines families can breed so many children.... when they all live in one room with one bed. I talked to many young women in Angeles City who lived on the street, or wherever they could find a bed. I heard some pretty crazy stories. I don't think it's a lot different than poor families in Thailand, except the Thai people usually don't have as many kids.

[BRichards]

This also happens in Big 5,000 sq ft homes where the parents do not teach or give in trying to teach their kids to sleep alone. I was a house dad for 16 years and I worked hard and it took a lot of patience to teach my kids that they are safe and mom and dad are in the next room. To teach most kids it will take about 4 nights of patiences and consistant steps. Once the kids have the trust and confidence they will maybe jump in the parents beds in a thunder storm ( in my case my kids would call me and i went over and soothed them by conversing with them about storms etc.) or on weekends when we would jump and play on the bed when we talked about what we will do on the weekends and what to eat. BR

[Semper]

Soboringtochooseaname[/b]' timestamp='1306917287' post='4462181']

These Asian people all have the same probleem, including Japanese, they all are a bit retarded because sleepong until 15 years old in parents bed !

It's incredible that even many educated rich Thai from Bkk feels like it's normal. So i used to tell tem that if they consider that being like them is normal... yes, it's normal ! But i wouldn't like my kids to be childish like them...

I hate parents who do anything because THEY think it's normal without even checking on Google and reading about the real world an real facts ! Stupid them !

So my advice is to tell your kids to sleep in their owb room or threaten to send them to sleep in dormitory in UK or Swiss, the best way not to sleep alone :-)

Not to mention typing it. Sorry, off topic.

Edit. I mean your name.

Edited June 1, 2011 by Semper

[kokesaat]

My Thai wife and I had a daughter in Taiwan...subsequently moved to California, Okinawa, Panama, and Texas. She was raised western style (our only regret...not teaching her Thai). She began summer jobs when she was 16, told us she's moving out when she turned 18....found an apartment, paid her own bills (it wasn't easy), quit school for 2 years, then went back on her own.

My wife and I moved here when the daughter was 22. Thais, almost to a ท, couldn't believe we'd leave our daughter alone in the US. She's fiercely independent, MBA grad, a director of a large international corp, and now engaged to be married at age 36.

In the 14 years we've lived here, we've had many opportunities to compare the way we raised our daughter with the way so many Thais (both upper and lower class) raise theirs. Looking back, except for teaching Thai, we wouldn't change a thing.

Oh yeah, our daughter slept in her own crib (99% of the time) from the day she came home from the hospital. Weened off the bottle at 14 months and potty trained at 15 months.

When we lived in Taiwan, it was not uncommon to see 5/6 year old kids walking around with a pacifier or a bottle. But at the top of the list of things I'd never do.....let my kids walk around while mommy/daddy/nanny chases them with a bowl of food and a spoon.

[Mirth]

Some people call it love but, it's actually the fear of letting go on the parents part. I got a neighbour's son just started school in BKK to be a doctor. 3 days there called home and ask parents to buy tickets for him to come home on weekends. Call it homesick or whatever but sheesh, imagine a guy studying to be a doctor and cries like a girl wanting to come home after 3 days.

[travelmann]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Ha yeah right thank goodness many Thai parents spend all their time with their kids and dont leave them with the grandparents for months on end

[dave111223]

Our son has been sleeping in his own room from day 1 (with a baby monitor). I think that's the best way to do it, on the occasions that he's had to sleep in our room (visitors staying or on holiday) i don't get any sleep because i'm constantly waking up to check if he's managed to fall off the mattress or every time he makes a noise.

am of course not allowed to shout at her (she wouldnt understand anyway).

You mean she's too young to understand why your annoyed? Or you literally cannot communicate with your daughter?

[Forethat]

I think that's the best way to do it, on the occasions that he's had to sleep in our room (visitors staying or on holiday) i don't get any sleep because i'm constantly waking up to check if he's managed to fall off the mattress or every time he makes a noise.

So what you're saying is that the best for YOU is that your son sleeps in his own bed, otherwise you dont sleep well due to constant awakenings..?

[WinnieTheKhwai]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Excellent, I was waiting for that. Took all the way to post #3.

Back on topic, it's pretty common to sleep in the same room / same bed, from newborn all the way up to several years of age. For this to change you need complete buy-in from the mother of course, which in my case I had.

In the end if finally changed after we got my daughter a new bed, and told her that Santa would consider her something-other-than-nice if she didn't sleep properly in her own bed. (Santa is SO useful.. It's like having an extra Jesus to push guilt plays on to children.)

Especially when you're away, her mother may actually prefer to sleep together. If that's the case then it's never gonna change. And you may also think twice on what your kid might think if she gets banned to some place when you are there.. She may consider that a negative to you being there.

[dave111223]

So what you're saying is that the best for YOU is that your son sleeps in his own bed, otherwise you dont sleep well due to constant awakenings..?

Yes.

In the long run i don't think it makes much of a difference to him; if he's only known sleeping in his own room, he's not going to feel sad that he doesn't sleep in our room.

But it does make a BIG difference to me. It's getting a good night sleep vs getting no sleep.

[Kilgore Trout]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Ha yeah right thank goodness many Thai parents spend all their time with their kids and dont leave them with the grandparents for months on end

So that makes it ok? Are you saying that westerners who are here should take parenting lessons from Thais?

Even as adults Thais still prefer to sleep in the same bed as their family, that is the end result of raising your kids this way.

And what would you expect? A little girl only sees her father 4 months of the year and then he complains that she wants to sleep in the same bed with him while he is here? Nice dad, eh?

Poor little girl, can't even speak to her father in the same language. I truly feel sorry for this child.

If you are going to have a kid be responsible and raise them right, or don't have kids at all.

Unbelievable.

[Forethat]

So what you're saying is that the best for YOU is that your son sleeps in his own bed, otherwise you dont sleep well due to constant awakenings..?

Yes.

In the long run i don't think it makes much of a difference to him; if he's only known sleeping in his own room, he's not going to feel sad that he doesn't sleep in our room.

But it does make a BIG difference to me. It's getting a good night sleep vs getting no sleep.

Just wanted to clarify that I dont have any issues with teaching kids to sleep in their own bed, there are research pointing in both directions when it comes to opting for going either way.

Me and my wife allow the kids to sleep in our bed at all times, and similar to yourself this is a selfish choice, but contrary to you I made this choice simply because I sleep better with the kids around.

I dont know whether the kids will be better or worse off long term, but considering we have never had a simple case of nightmares or occasional awakenings caused by something "scary" or similar makes me believe that the kids prefer it this way as well.

[IanForbes]

This thread just confirms one thing I've suspected for a long time. Once a child arrives and sleeps in the same bed, the parents become celibate. It becomes a habit and eventually one partner or the other strays. I see it a lot with older married couples. No wonder I see Viagra and Cialis adds on a continual basis on television.

[Forethat]

This thread just confirms one thing I've suspected for a long time. Once a child arrives and sleeps in the same bed, the parents become celibate. It becomes a habit and eventually one partner or the other strays. I see it a lot with older married couples. No wonder I see Viagra and Cialis adds on a continual basis on television.

lol, are you referring to the fact that my kids never suffer from "occasional awakenings caused by something "scary" ...?

[Lannatyne]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Agreed. Why don't you take your family to where you are?

A few years from now, you'll be posting in asking why you've got a Thai dysfunctional family. Well, it's because of what you're doing at this moment.

[saraburioz]

This thread just confirms one thing I've suspected for a long time. Once a child arrives and sleeps in the same bed, the parents become celibate. It becomes a habit and eventually one partner or the other strays. I see it a lot with older married couples. No wonder I see Viagra and Cialis adds on a continual basis on television.

Do you have any kids?

[Soboringtochooseaname]

As we are free to say everything we want on this board :-) I will just say that one of the reasons why Asian are so independant and grow up so fast might be that their nice also smart parents let them sleep in their bed until they are 15 !

What a smart attitude ! I wish I would be born Asian, and Thai especially !

:-)

[Thongkorn]

you are luck that you have Rooms, My wifes mother has one room to live in , like many Poor Thais , Some times four five people stay, sleep, wash, eat in a room that is 4mtre by4 mters and less. So how would there sleeping habits compare because they sleep on the floor on a mat not on a mattress.

Edited June 2, 2011 by Thongkorn

[Patsycat]

I always had my own room and bed. But I remember when my dad traveled alot I often slept in their room. I think my mother missed his snoring!! But they were a bit old school and had two single beds with the "TeasMade" in between!!

Dads need to travel for work, they can't all be home all the time. And I am sure it is a comfort for both the mums and kids to all cuddle up. Perhaps not when they are studying to be doctors, though.

I don't understand the comment about Swiss dormitory...

[goldenbow]

I don't have kids and i don't really know how usually is, but im sleeping in my own room since i get to 1st class, and in my own bed since iv been 1 year old. I think every parent should do the same with their kids.

[Debothai]

The other day i visited my thai friend in dubai who lives in a two bedroom apartment...I slept in the spare room, and I asked him whether his 7 year old daughter used this room when she and her mummy visited from thailand and he replied 'no the daughter sleeps with mummy and daddy'...He also said that she couldn't sleep alone, 'no way', I think that this is a normal thing in thai culture...In my case, my baby boy is being born next month, and we will be living in a one bedroom apartment with my wife, in all likelihood the little fellow will be sleeping with us...When he gets to be 3-4 years old we'll try to have a room for him probably. Besides, i don't think that doing the necessary man's duty while the baby sleeps is a problem...it only becomes a problem when the child is older..Then we would go to a rong-raem man root ...(with my mia only of course)and get a baby sitter for the night......

I think you can't tell your mia that your child has to sleep in another room, chances are that she won't accept that. Much better to tell her that you need to have sex, then she will arrange it.

Edited June 3, 2011 by Debothai

[Soboringtochooseaname]

What kind of man cannot tell to his mia what she should do ot not ? Especially when all doctors and doctors tell that it's better for the kids to sleep alone and be independant as fast as possible ? But maybe the mia is a rich educated high so person with a lot of knowledge who deserve to be listened to ? Certainly :-)

[IanForbes]

This thread just confirms one thing I've suspected for a long time. Once a child arrives and sleeps in the same bed, the parents become celibate. It becomes a habit and eventually one partner or the other strays. I see it a lot with older married couples. No wonder I see Viagra and Cialis adds on a continual basis on television.

Do you have any kids?

Yes, I had a son and a daughter and now I have 3 grandkids. I also have several Thai lady friends who have children. The kids NEVER sleep in the same bed as us. The only time that happened was several years ago when an old girl friend came for a visit with her 5 year old daughter. We all slept in my king sized bed, but there was no love making.

[GentlemanJim]

What is abnormal is for someone to be absent from their family 8 months of the year and not be able to speak the same language to them when you are here.

Advice: Be a real man and a real father and actually raise your kids rather than neglecting their needs and then coming on this forum to complain about it.

Ha yeah right thank goodness many Thai parents spend all their time with their kids and dont leave them with the grandparents for months on end

So that makes it ok? Are you saying that westerners who are here should take parenting lessons from Thais?

Even as adults Thais still prefer to sleep in the same bed as their family, that is the end result of raising your kids this way.

And what would you expect? A little girl only sees her father 4 months of the year and then he complains that she wants to sleep in the same bed with him while he is here? Nice dad, eh?

Poor little girl, can't even speak to her father in the same language. I truly feel sorry for this child.

If you are going to have a kid be responsible and raise them right, or don't have kids at all.

Unbelievable.

What I find unbelievable are the sycophantic replies on this forum. The simple truth is there is no right or wrong answer. To address 'Kilgore Trout' firstly, I am a 'real man' and when I lived in the UK I was away from home for sometimes 8-9 months per year (6 months was normal), because I was in the military. Two well balanced boys, absolutely delightful, no problems at all. They thought I was a brilliant Dad and the only one who has regrets about the situation back then is me, because I now see how fantastic it is being with my kids 24/7/365. The fact is needs must and it has nothing to do with being a 'real man'. Perhaps a real man is someone who makes the required sacrifices upon himself to ensure the family can live a good lifestyle, and not someone who bums around in the bars all day.

As for sleeping, it's each to their own. The 'sleeping in their own bed routine' to make them supposedly more independent is a legacy from Victorian times. The so called psychological bonuses of kids sleeping on there own are pure bulls**t. I have beds for my 4 year old and 18 month old, in a joint bedroom. They are free to choose where they sleep, its a big house. Thankfully they always want to cuddle up to me and Mum. Sometimes the Daughter will go and sleep with Grandma. The sleep soundly and peacefully and are incredibly happy children. It does not affect our sex lives one iota. Bed is a sanctuary for sleep for me as when the children are at either school or nursery my wife wants to go at it like a rampant bunny, a few times a day. There is nothing nicer than waking up in the morning than having the little girl cuddled up with her arm around me. They leave home soon enough, let them have whatever warmth and security they need, and if they want to be with you then think yourself lucky and change your 'routine', making love with your wife doesn't just have to be for the hours of darkness, it is that mindset that does lead to the mia noi culture.

[Travel2003]

I didnt realize being a seafarer would take away my manliness.

I better check if my kids looked at me as a less of a real man when they grew up.

[EirikJohannesen]

Our bed is for my wife and me, we have a bed in the same room for our daughter for 1 1/5 years old.

We move her into own room when we feel that she is ready for it. around 3-4 years old then she's ready for the room.

I think there are many here who allow themselves to be controlled by there wifes. If there is something you do not like then you must of course tell the wife. I could never have been able to live under my wife like a dog.