Thanks guys

... and if you find that you can't handle staying where you are, leave! the world is huge and there are plenty of places you can go have adventures, even within thailand. what is it you plan to do for work?

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I been working ever since i came here so im not dependent on him financially although he still paid for all the bills before.

Edited October 23, 200520 yr by nongsau genie

Post his GF's mobile number here and we can all give her a call and annoy the &lt;deleted&gt; out of her.

Edited October 23, 200520 yr by Eric Davis

Post his GF's mobile number here and we can all give her a call and annoy the &lt;deleted&gt; out of her.

Naughty naughty. Now, we can't condone that kind of harassment here at TV

Post his GF's mobile number here and we can all give her a call and annoy the &lt;deleted&gt; out of her.

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Thanks for the offer anyway, but as Bambina said "lets a creepy corpse stays with an old dirt coffin.. "

Edited October 23, 200520 yr by nongsau genie

Post his GF's mobile number here and we can all give her a call and annoy the &lt;deleted&gt; out of her.

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Naughty naughty. Now, we can't condone that kind of harassment here at TV

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Got to admit that would be - funny as hel_l - all sorts of numbers from everywhere in the world.

Seriously........... move on!!!! Life is short. You need to be true to YOURSELF!!

Good luck and just know there are people out there that you will never meet who do care about you.

  Seriously........... move on!!!!  Life is short. You need to be true to YOURSELF!!

Good luck and just know there are people out there that you will never meet who do care about you.

 

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All advice and congratulations have been posted and the offer of support is obvious in many posts - this aspect is important there are genuine people about so dont be alone and to reiterate what khall64au said - Good luck and just know there are people out here that you may never need to meet - but dont be backward in coming forward if you need to meet - Remember that song "everybody needs somebody sometime".

About 5 years ago my wife’s cozen was/is married to one woman. Then he started seeing another woman regularly. It went on for quite some time and obviously this made his wife very upset. We all told his wife to leave him. But she didn't. A year later he got his girlfriend pregnant. Then his wife finally did leave him. She went back to stay with her family in another town. He followed her there a week later, beat her up and took her home (the girls family turned a blind eye). Now I think that she is just doomed to share her a$$hole husband with another woman and their child for the rest of her life.

Your story reminded me of this story. I'm just so pleased that you made the right decision.

Edited October 24, 200520 yr by Sunshine

his thai girl is really a nightmare, there are times when she would called me 50x day and night, sometimes she would used his mobile just to call me regardless of the time. I had change my mobile around 5x or more, I lost count already but she would just get his mobile and call me again,

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I know what you mean. This muct be some type of sickness and it is not uncommon. I call it Thai Badgering, which is basically abuse.

Just remember when she has to call you, she is the desperate one not you. You are in charge so you can control the situation. Thai culture has many mind games.

Hello Guys !!!

Everythings in the right path now. Im moving to Koh Samui this March, just thinking of it makes me so excited !!! new place new life !!! Wish me luck !

Genie

Hey Genie,

Like I said to one other woman tonight who had real problems with her Thai boyfriend/husband, please PM me for a chat. I have been through the mill with this stuff. I have ideas and a small bit of advice.

Beware any farang females out there thinking that meeting a Thai guy on the beach or at a bar is going to mean marital bliss. Ok, I know it's stereotyping SBK and Boo, but I feel totally gutted after seeing the amount of 'abuse' threads from Thai males on the forum.

Like the others said Genie, I am here if you need to talk about this. And so many others too on this forum. They are generally good people.

Boo and SBK taught me a 'formula' I can't explain it here and it won't work unless real love is involved. But I worked it from there. It has to be real love though, otherwise forget it.

Seonai

sorry meant to say about Thai males not from Thai males

True, I get very tired of the "All Thai men are lazy, greedy, abusive idiots" that spews out of some people. There are many lovely ones out there but they are not noticed because of course, they are happily married and working.

And although I did meet my husband on the island he is far from a "beach boy" but comes from quite a well-to-do family. As someone pointed out, the most successful Thai man/ Farang woman relationships are between equals. Usually, the man is successful in his own right without support from his wife.

It was Gisele, now that I think about it.

Edited October 29, 200520 yr by sbk

Hi SBK,

Yes, I agree. A lot of the probs with myself and my husband were status related. But we have now sorted that out. A big part of that was you and Boo explaining certain things. And I have now been on this island for more than two years and I understand the people and the men and the women. It's a matter of understanding and getting used to each other. Since I posted my panic threads a while ago... life is much better and I had to learn something as well as my husband. We are both better people for it.

Seonai

Yeah, men can be funny that way. Personally, I think it doesn't matter what culture they come from, most men have difficulty sustaining a relationship with a woman they feel dependent on. My parents had the most difficulties in their marriage when dad quit working and went back to school and we survived on mom's salary.

SBK,

Agreed. What you doing up so late????

Seonai

glad to hear you got things sorted out seonai

Hey Boo, for me its only an explosive thing and I have learned how not to push the buttons. It doesn't require much effort from me and it works. Traditional Thai male and liberated Western female... you know the score. Not saying it will never happen again but I now understand my role and it's easy for me to have freedom within this role. Boo, you are a star and so is SBK.

Seonai

Hi Genie,

Well I never meant to insinuate that your Thai man was a beach boy... I was just being general.

Anyway, your situation is very different from mine. In your situation I would tell him an ultimatum. He can't do this to you. Hurtful that it may be I guess you will have to leave. He may try to follow you. Go to Samui and get yourself back but beware there are many Thai guys on Samui who are just waiting to grab a farang woman like yourself. I say, allow your self time. Give yourself time to readjust and think straight. Think about who YOU are. Then fine, if you want another relationship go for it. Issan relationships are generally HARD.

My first husband is from Issan and I have never gotten rid of him. He follows me to this day. We have one son aged 10 years.

I wish you the best of luck and please email me if you need a chat.

Seonai

Hi Seonai.

Thanks for the offer, on contrary he is not the "beach boy" type, we met while was studying MBA in my homecountry and he came from good and well to do family unfortunately the outcome is still the same, right now i am doing my best to recover from this ordeal, there are times im quite normal but there are times im not. as for him he still calls and come to see me everyday, maybe guilty feeling i also dont know. I am interested in your "formula" though  . Hope to hear from you soon.

Genie

I came to Thailand two years ago with my Thai bf, we stayed together for 6 yrs already,4 yrs in my homecountry and 2 yrs here, everything was ok until 8 months ago i found out that he is seeing a thai girl that works in a karoke bar, i stayed with his family until 4 months ago when his family had to move back to their hometown, i talked to him already about this and he told me that i wait for him to sort out this problem but for now he have to stay with her, his family are very supportive and loving they treated me like their own daughter,I cannot ask for more. So I compromise, I go to work everyday trying hard to be normal again and smile smile smile even its killing me to smile, since we are staying in a small province here in Issan, everybody knew everybody so people starts to talk and ask questions and its really driving me crazy, i just answer all questions with a smile and mai pen rai. his thai girl is really a nightmare, there are times when she would called me 50x day and night, sometimes she would used his mobile just to call me regardless of the time. I had change my mobile around 5x or more, I lost count already but she would just get his mobile and call me again, i realized that even I keep on changing my number it would be useless and pointless so I stopped, when I talked to him about this he would tell me that he talked to her to stopped bothering me, but its never happend she just keeps on doing it that sometimes I felt that I will explode already. I am in a very tiring and depressing situation right now, and I am trying so hard to pull myself together.

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Sounds like the Thai girlfriend is a real psycho and a stalker. Don't walk, run. Shitty situation. He is not going to leave her. TG can be very persuasive.

The way I see it...

1 - you stick with him and bear the burden of becoming - either a mia noi; OR if you're "lucky", be the mia luang and live and accept the thought of your hubby having a mia noi. either way, live unhappily ever after in the land of smiles. worst case scenario, and this is NOT uncommon, the mia luang and mia noi/s (take note of the 's') live together in the same house, it boosts his rep. TIT :winking:

2 - you dump him. stop being a doormat, take your pride/self-respect (whatever's left of it) and pick yourself up. this would be kinda difficult, if you're financially dependent on him. but, bottomline is - you need to get rid of him if you want to have your life back and be happy.

The ball actually is in your hands. Remember, we make our own destinies. Your move.

PS: if I were you, i'd bitchslap your BF's sorry arse, cut his cute, tiny li'l Thai dick of his and feed it to the ducks.

I remember discussing with a mia noi her loyalty to the person supporting her. I asked her if she felt any hostilities towards the man in this case for making her a minor wife.

her reply was quote, "anybody who would be willing to support me in my time of need is someone who deserves my complete loyalty."

this was a person who had no financial means and as she put it would starve without outside assistance.

in the past, I, like many, thought it would be degrading to be in a relationship where there were more than one man and woman together.

but I have since become more understanding of the choices that people have to make in this world to just survive.

many of us in this world are so spoiled that we cannot see pass our individual egos - myself included.

but I am trying to be more open minded. especially with all the new scenarios I have thrust myself into in my life here overseas.

hmmm. who really cares how the mia noi feels? what about the mia luang? if someone has to sell themselves to survive, ok, but why take over another person's husband? the thai women i know whose husbands have mia nois are absolutely broken hearted over it. i think mia nois and the men who have them are scum. but then, i am still trying to understand better the thai reasoning behind polygamy in general. it's too bad that both sides are not free to choose other people, only the man. poor thai women, sigh...

  it's too bad that both sides are not free to choose other people, only the man. poor thai women, sigh...

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I agree.

However a cuture where polygamy is not unsual are less hypocritical in my opinion. Sometimes in monogamy cutures you can find relationships where one of person involve is seeing other people( and even having a proper relationship with this 3rd person) without his/her partner knowing it. That´s cheating and in my opinion this is worst .

Some of my relationships end because my partner was seeing someone elso without me knowing it. Being cheated by someone you love generates horrible feelings such us insecurity, untrusfulness... So I´ll rather have a polygomous husband that a cheater one

In Thailand slavery was not abolished until 1905. In the slavery days it was legal to sell one’s wives and children.

When they could be sold legally by their husbands or fathers, women had virtually no bargaining power, and it is only natural that they had to put up with the men's selfishness. It is not surprising that Thai children show great respect to their parents and older people. If your parents can sell you into slavery, won’t you do just anything to please them?

Slavery is not (legally) practiced anymore in Thailand, but it may take a long time, if ever, to erase the male chauvinistic attitude in Thailand.

Nowadays some Thai women are free to choose. Education is an answer, although education is not accessible to all. A Thai woman who has enough education to get a job and financially support herself no longer has to put up with a self-centered, polygamous man. Regrettably, there are still obstacles such as gender discrimination and sexual harassment in workplace. Thailand’s justice system (or the lack thereof) does not protect women in workplace, but there are still some women who beat the odds.

Needless to say, for Thai women, the higher their level of education, the more likely they will be an old maid. I know quite a few single Thai women in their 40s who are successful professionals and very sweet and happy. (Must be because they don’t have to put up with the mia luang-mia noi headache. )

Being alone may suck, but it also sucks to be with a selfish person (polygamous, overtly as well as covertly). Which option would you prefer? One is free to choose.

Not much left to be said but after 8 months maybe he thinks he can have the best of both worlds. If you think its worth pursuing, tell him to choose between the 2 of you. It's either or, can't have both, he needs an ultimatum . Choose a good moment to put it to him, ie. when he seems to be thinking rationally.

If he chooses her obviously nothing worth salvaging, so just move on. He can live "happily ever after" with the karaoke singer.

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i disagree. You should have left this guy after the first night you found out he was with another. Have some respect for yourself because he has none for you. If he did he would not let the other Girl have his phone to call you. He must be enjoying the pain they are putting you through as much as the girl is. Take the other posters advice and move to BKK. Don't let anyone know where you went or the bitch will continue causing problems for you.

In Thailand slavery was not abolished until 1905.  In the slavery days it was legal to sell one’s wives and children.

When they could be sold legally by their husbands or fathers, women had virtually no bargaining power, and it is only natural that they had to put up with the men's selfishness.  It is not surprising that Thai children show great respect to their parents and older people.  If your parents can sell you into slavery, won’t you do just anything to please them?

Slavery is not (legally) practiced anymore in Thailand, but it may take a long time, if ever, to erase the male chauvinistic attitude in Thailand.Nowadays some Thai women are free to choose.  Education is an answer, although education is not accessible to all.  A Thai woman who has enough education to get a job and financially support herself no longer has to put up with a self-centered, polygamous man.  Regrettably, there are still obstacles such as gender discrimination and sexual harassment in workplace.  Thailand’s justice system (or the lack thereof) does not protect women in workplace, but there are still some women who beat the odds.

Needless to say, for Thai women, the higher their level of education, the more likely they will be an old maid.  I know quite a few single Thai women in their 40s who are successful professionals and very sweet and happy.  (Must be because they don’t have to put up with the mia luang-mia noi headache.  )

Being alone may suck, but it also sucks to be with a selfish person (polygamous, overtly as well as covertly).  Which option would you prefer?  One is free to choose.

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Do you think men chauvinistic attitude is only happening in thailand? Do you think is only derived form their history?

Quite high percentage of the male population in my country is chauvinist. Men rule the world since they knew that they had their part in creating new life (b4 it was though that only woman could do it that´s why there are so many goddess in ancient cultures). In my country some men treat their women very badly using the violence to the extreme point and the justice do nothing. In Europe even though you are educated that does not mean that you will be save from a selfish, covertly polygamous person- I do not mean that polygamy is the solution and I am not going to generalize thinking that all the polygamouse men are also violent and unrespecful people. But to critizase a culture that I do not understand very well when my own culture also sucks in so many points does not seem the correct thing for me.

Women have many problems in many cultures and many things have to change before women are treated as equal in some social aspects . the problem is global not local.

I think I am now out of the topic .

In Thailand slavery was not abolished until 1905.  In the slavery days it was legal to sell one’s wives and children.

When they could be sold legally by their husbands or fathers, women had virtually no bargaining power, and it is only natural that they had to put up with the men's selfishness.  It is not surprising that Thai children show great respect to their parents and older people.  If your parents can sell you into slavery, won’t you do just anything to please them?

Slavery is not (legally) practiced anymore in Thailand, but it may take a long time, if ever, to erase the male chauvinistic attitude in Thailand.Nowadays some Thai women are free to choose.  Education is an answer, although education is not accessible to all.  A Thai woman who has enough education to get a job and financially support herself no longer has to put up with a self-centered, polygamous man.  Regrettably, there are still obstacles such as gender discrimination and sexual harassment in workplace.  Thailand’s justice system (or the lack thereof) does not protect women in workplace, but there are still some women who beat the odds.

Needless to say, for Thai women, the higher their level of education, the more likely they will be an old maid.  I know quite a few single Thai women in their 40s who are successful professionals and very sweet and happy.  (Must be because they don’t have to put up with the mia luang-mia noi headache.  )

Being alone may suck, but it also sucks to be with a selfish person (polygamous, overtly as well as covertly).  Which option would you prefer?  One is free to choose.

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Do you think men chauvinistic attitude is only happening in thailand? Do you think is only derived form their history?

Quite high percentage of the male population in my country is chauvinist. Men rule the world since they knew that they had their part in creating new life (b4 it was though that only woman could do it that´s why there are so many goddess in ancient cultures). In my country some men treat their women very badly using the violence to the extreme point and the justice do nothing. In Europe even though you are educated that does not mean that you will be save from a selfish, covertly polygamous person- I do not mean that polygamy is the solution and I am not going to generalize thinking that all the polygamouse men are also violent and unrespecful people. But to critizase a culture that I do not understand very well when my own culture also sucks in so many points does not seem the correct thing for me.

Women have many problems in many cultures and many things have to change before women are treated as equal in some social aspects . the problem is global not local.

I think I am now out of the topic .

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Slightly out of the topic, but i agree with you

It's OK to feel the way you do right now. No one can take away the hurt you are feeling right now, but they can make you feel better Once you realize it is time to move on and you make that decision you will realize that every day that goes on is another day of being further away from him and these problems. Then you will also be living every day another new day living in your freedom being able to meet who ever you like, and you will be a much happier person.

Keep your chin up! It does get better

As said, you had an experience, learn from it.

Do not blame anybody, this just happens.

There is no way you can be sure you find the right one for you, for that to find out you have to be with all 6 Billion people living on this planet.

So if you are with someone always be prepared to let go and have another live experience. Life is a lesson, learn from it.

Just enjoy/remember the good things that happened and seperate in peace.

And go on with the next step that is learning the meaning of life.

Take care,

Alex