I came to Thailand two years ago with my Thai bf, we stayed together for 6 yrs already,4 yrs in my homecountry and 2 yrs here, everything was ok until 8 months ago i found out that he is seeing a thai girl that works in a karoke bar, i stayed with his family until 4 months ago when his family had to move back to their hometown, i talked to him already about this and he told me that i wait for him to sort out this problem but for now he have to stay with her, his family are very supportive and loving they treated me like their own daughter,I cannot ask for more. So I compromise, I go to work everyday trying hard to be normal again and smile smile smile even its killing me to smile, since we are staying in a small province here in Issan, everybody knew everybody so people starts to talk and ask questions and its really driving me crazy, i just answer all questions with a smile and mai pen rai. his thai girl is really a nightmare, there are times when she would called me 50x day and night, sometimes she would used his mobile just to call me regardless of the time. I had change my mobile around 5x or more, I lost count already but she would just get his mobile and call me again, i realized that even I keep on changing my number it would be useless and pointless so I stopped, when I talked to him about this he would tell me that he talked to her to stopped bothering me, but its never happend she just keeps on doing it that sometimes I felt that I will explode already. I am in a very tiring and depressing situation right now, and I am trying so hard to pull myself together.

Maybe it's time to live for yourself. You can be loyal to his family only up to a point. There's no call to sacrifice yourself to accomplish that.

I'm really sorry things have come apart for you. Dreams of what might have been are powerful things, but we have to overcome them if we're ever going to feel better and move on. The feeling you get when you shed the weight of all thats been getting you down can be just as powerful though.

Never settle for second best. When you do you usually wind up with alot worse.

Hope it works out for you. Welcome to Thaivisa.

cv

Cdnvic is right.

Take control of your life, don't let someone else dictate it for you.

If you accept this situation, later it will be something else (i.e. pregnancy) what will you do then?

why are u still with this man, he has no respect for you & obviously has no care for your feeling. Go back to your own country or else move to another part of thailand & forget him. 6 years is a long time but do you really want to be a doormat for this man for the rest of your life?

Welcome to the ladies forum!

On to the issue at hand:

If you want to regain your self-respect and self-worth it is time to move on. Clearly he has no plans on dropping this girl and she obviously can't understand why you are still around. I had a friend who went through this same thing for 5 years (one gf after another for her husband) and stuck around for the sake of their two children. She finally realized that seeing their father treat their mother like dirt was more harmful than being fatherless would.

You say you have a job so clearly you are not dependent on him for your visa or your income. Get out while the getting is good.

why are u still with this man, he has no respect for you & obviously has no care for your feeling. Go back to your own country or else move to another part of thailand & forget him. 6 years is a long time but do you really want to be a doormat for this man for the rest of your life?

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im really sorry about all story you get ..

i agree with Boo..

and sod that sick biatch of.. your re not deserve to be in this situation ,

lets a creepy corpse stays with an old dirt coffin..

go and have your life..

Bambi

nothing much more to be said here... looks like he has moved on and so should you, before you find yourself in a bad situation (ie. with the thai girl!)... if i were you i would look at it as a good thing! he was not right for you and now you are free! i would say a nice, diplomatic goodbye to his family, ignore him and his girl, and get out asap. come to koh phangan (thong nai pan noi) and relax for a bit, collect your thoughts before you take your next step! there are plenty of young travellers here who will help you get over him. you might find someone new that you can travel with, or get some ideas of where you might want to go if not home! don't worry though, you are not alone. this happens to many girls in thailand.

I came to Thailand two years ago with my Thai bf, we stayed together for 6 yrs already,4 yrs in my homecountry and 2 yrs here, everything was ok until 8 months ago i found out that he is seeing a thai girl that works in a karoke bar, i stayed with his family until 4 months ago when his family had to move back to their hometown, i talked to him already about this and he told me that i wait for him to sort out this problem but for now he have to stay with her, his family are very supportive and loving they treated me like their own daughter,I cannot ask for more. So I compromise,

Agree with everyone else -- it's time to move on. Even if he drops the other woman -- which he may eventually -- sooner or later the story will repeat itself. You are in for a life time of heartbreak if you stay with this guy. I'm in no position to say whether or not he loves you, but if he does his concept of love clearly doesn't include monogamy for him nor concern for how his infidelity hurts you.

If you have a meaningful relationship with his family there is no need to totally lose that - tell them you wish to remain friends with them forever, you just can't stay with an unfaithful man. They'll understand -- especially the women!

Time to focus on your future without him. You came to Thailand for him, but without him -what do you want? Do you like the country enough to stay here for its own sake? Ditto your job? As manyin this forum can attest, it ispossible to live here as a single woman. Whether or not it is advantageous for you, only you can decide.

If you're really feelingdown, there are Western counsellors available in Bangkok to talk to. Not unusual to need some help pulling through a breakup especially after a relationship has alsted so long. Good luck

come to koh phangan (thong nai pan noi) and relax for a bit, collect your thoughts before you take your next step! there are plenty of young travellers here who will help you get over him. you might find someone new that you can travel with, or get some ideas of where you might want to go if not home! don't worry though, you are not alone. this happens to many girls in thailand.

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Hallelujah .... interesting .. i 'd jump there asap

Thankfully, there are no kids involved.

Pack your bags and get on a bus to Bangkok or Chang Mai or any reasonable sized city. It's hiring season so you could have a job in less than two weeks, easily. Maybe I am biased being a city person but it's much easier to get a support network of women in cities, and the women I have met here are great.

You are in serious danger where you are. Who knows what this woman is capable of and life can be cheap here; think about it. Tell the folks in Issan you have a "family emergency", tell them you have cancer, tell them whatever you need to. Just get out fast and have them think you are no longer in Thailand.

I know leaving the family is not easy, but you don't mention if they have tried to intervene (I know, it would be very un-Thai to get involved, but still...) A real man who loves a woman would have put his foot down about this girl's behavior a long time ago.

You can start again here if you don't want to go home.

Not much left to be said but after 8 months maybe he thinks he can have the best of both worlds. If you think its worth pursuing, tell him to choose between the 2 of you. It's either or, can't have both, he needs an ultimatum . Choose a good moment to put it to him, ie. when he seems to be thinking rationally.

If he chooses her obviously nothing worth salvaging, so just move on. He can live "happily ever after" with the karaoke singer.

If you think its worth pursuing, tell him to choose between the 2 of you. It's either or, can't have both, he needs an ultimatum .

to be honest, it looks like he has already chosen her, and even if he did decide to come back to you, could you forgive him for this? i made this decision with my thai boyfriend years ago... he chose me and not the other girl, and even though he has been good since i still despise him to this very day for it. long term, because of that issue, we have no real prospects of a lasting relationship, and live now pretty much as friends who have decided to learn what we can from each other while it is convenient and i am living in this country. but i don't really recommend it- i say cut your losses and find a man who really cares about you enough not to put you through this.

Time to move on. Choice is obvious. Don't need this sort of grief. There are plenty of lads out there that will treat you right, so need to put up with this rubbish.

his thai girl is really a nightmare, there are times when she would called me 50x day and night, sometimes she would used his mobile just to call me regardless of the time. I had change my mobile around 5x or more, I lost count already but she would just get his mobile and call me again, i realized that even I keep on changing my number it would be useless and pointless so I stopped, when I talked to him about this he would tell me that he talked to her to stopped bothering me, but its never happend she just keeps on doing it that sometimes I felt that I will explode already.

Unfortunately, I think this is standard operating procedure with many upcountry Thai males. Once they make the other relationship glaringly obvious, it's a message to the wife that she's been dumped and should depart gracefully. If she doesn't get the message, the other woman will be happy to help deliver it. I'm sure this woman has his approval for what she's doing, whether he admits it or not.

Time to move on.

Camerata is spot on..its' the Thai way of telling you to move on, without having to confront you....He has delegated the job to his new girlfriend as to avoid loss of face. Maybe you should have a fling in the village...and move out of Dodge!! The one who laughs last laughs best....

Thanks for all your encouragements guys, haven't slept since last night.... thinking....but i guess that the answer is in front of my face, i should exit gracefully and with dignity. Its time to move on.

best of luck with everything & don't forget we are here if you need to vent.

Thank you so much for everything....it makes me feel that im so alone anymore.

Edited October 18, 200520 yr by nongsau genie

Just to remind you, leave without a sign. Do it secretly and just disappear one day. Don't let him know where you are going. A man as selfish as that is not going to let you leave easily if you let him know. He might think this is a loss of face. He might stick to you like a leech and drain your blood dry.

It IS difficult considering all the love you have given out and the good memories. But once you have moved on, looking back you are going to realize how trivial a thing it was. And you are going to become one person wiser.

Come up here anytime you need support. The ladies here are excellent!

My best wishes to you.

Thank you for all your support, all of this meant a lot to me.

Thank you for all your support, all of this meant a lot to me.

It's the cute puppy avatar. We can't help but feel protective.

Seriously, keep us advised, and let us know if you need further advice.

cv

Hi guys,

I finally done it! my EX bf came here yesterday, telling me that i have to move to his hometown to stay with his family because he will have to go bkk for his new job, i told him NO, i will stay here on my own because i decided that the time has come for us to seperate, and its time for me to move on with my life. i told him that he chosen her so be with her. he was so shocked! maybe he doesnt expected me to say it, and i told him that next time people asked him "mia khun ngarn tham aray?" dont say that "mia pom pen khru, just say that mia pom pen nakrong u karaoke bar"....just out of spite!

So here I am starting a new life ...

Hi guys,

I finally done it! my EX bf came here yesterday, telling me that i have to move to his hometown to stay with his family because he will have to go bkk for his new job, i told him NO, i will stay here on my own because i decided that the time has come for us to seperate, and its time for me to move on with my life. i told him that he chosen her so be with her. he was so shocked! maybe he doesnt expected me to say it, and i told him that next time people asked him "mia khun ngarn tham aray?" dont say that "mia pom pen khru, just say that mia pom pen nakrong u karaoke bar"....just out of spite!

>>>somebody  need to have a  lesson

So here I am starting a new life ...   

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congrats !!

go girl go

Who pays for your accomodation ?

Who pays for your accomodation ?

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Before he used to pay for everything, house rent, bills etc. but now i will have to do it by myself.

Hi guys,

I finally done it! my EX bf came here yesterday, telling me that i have to move to his hometown to stay with his family because he will have to go bkk for his new job, i told him NO, i will stay here on my own because i decided that the time has come for us to seperate, and its time for me to move on with my life. i told him that he chosen her so be with her. he was so shocked! maybe he doesnt expected me to say it, and i told him that next time people asked him "mia khun ngarn tham aray?" dont say that "mia pom pen khru, just say that mia pom pen nakrong u karaoke bar"....just out of spite!

So here I am starting a new life ... 

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Welcome to the rest of your life!!!! I am a farang male and have a beautiful Issan wife and will always be cometed to her and only her.That is why I married her.I have seen many Thai males do the exacte same thing that yours has done.DUMP HIM.To many good people in the world for you to stay and put up with the abuse from him AND his friend.Good luck and enjoy YOUR life

You're on your way girl!

Keep in touch, and don't look back.

(And don't listen to the bullsh1t he bound to be throwing at you now)

cv

... and if you find that you can't handle staying where you are, leave! the world is huge and there are plenty of places you can go have adventures, even within thailand. what is it you plan to do for work?

congratulations! It was a good move, welcome to your new life

i told him that he chosen her so be with her. he was so shocked! maybe he doesnt expected me to say it

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I am always perplexed when guys can't understand why we would want to break up with them, even when it is so glaringly obvious!

Congratulations!!

I'm glad that you are moving on with your life without that toe rag. I am sure you are worth much more than that.

I myself was in an abusive marriage for a few years and finally plucked up the courage to leave. I was terrified he would find me and kill me. People often ask why i never left earlier - I was scared, alone, depending on him financially etc.

But i did it!! It takes time but one day you will look back on this and just put it down to one of those unfortunate things that happen in one's life.

Good luck!!!