The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgraful, and they would go.

By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl, Zer vil be no mor trobls or difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

Brilliant !

Ve Vin somsin at las

Bloody brilliant....Is it really true?

Pig Latin was first choice.

What is pig latin? Also, the dialect known to be proported as a Euro version of english seems to be feriting itself in to the root problem of German. I though they had the bloody spelling correct with issues like humourist and while v whilst.

Very clever on the part of the bloke to Krautize it back to square one, spot on. Mates, now if we could only get those slagheadded Swedes to get with the program. Their currency will be the dogs of commerace whom will not find shelter in the economic rain Iraqi rebuliding.

Why not some easier language such as Thai. Only 44 consonants and 32 vowels. It'd be a breeze.

and 5 intonations just to simplify things.

or

nda ivefa ntonationsia ustja implifysa hingsta

A modicum of IGPA ATINLA Roncoba

German ship captain to shore: "Ve're sinkin', ve're sinkin'."

Shore to ship captain: "Und vat ar zu sinkin' about?"

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

I see this as a popular and universally acceptable modification to the clumsy English as it's spoke. I note with interest the ultimate replacement of PH with F, and welcome this move. I am unsure as to the post change pronounciation of Phuket, and ask for general guidance in this important matter.

I think it is a trap and you want me to put it fonetical,

Phuket, replace the p with 'f' and the e with an 'I'.

No, don't buy it, Phuket is quite nice and once the taxi mafia disappeared, affordable...

I think the new pronounciation will eradicate any confusion, and be much easier to remember. Is Patong in any way affected by new pronounciation ? Jeez you are quick Axel, and it ain't your mother tongue .

New Zealand Maori pronounce WH as F and the A is pronouced as U so Whakapaka becomes <deleted>#$%^%a

I am unsure as to the post change pronounciation of  Phuket, and ask for general guidance in this important matter.

Phuket will be called "zebadoplbangaland"

is that the true phonetic pronounciation ? I don't wanna get it wrong.

hymesra ithwa ucketba ocda

Truckit ?

cant think of anything, just driven from Nakhon to Phuket - great joke/thread he he he 3 thai ......