Thai Nephew "Borrowing" My Stuff Without Permission

[OlafStapleton]

The whole family have tried everything, he's had slaps, stern talking to, nice talking to, his other auntie has been to the internet shop to ask that he not be allowed in (that didn't work, the guy just smiled ans said 'no') he's had a right good beating off his mum, no-one knows what to do with him. I'm thinking 'off to the temple with the little shit-bag' but, in these matters, my opinion isn't highly valued.

Why dont you bung the BiB a few bob to scare the sh*t out him, come and pick him up and put him in the cells for a day, sure they would be pleased to help out for a contribution to the policemans ball....

Good shout, I might even give them a regular 'stipend' to keep the little prick!

Seriously, I've chipped in with lots of suggestions, one of which was what you just mentioned, there's much wringing of hands and 'oooei ja tam arai?' and the thieving bastard just carries on. He's one of those who 'shuts down' when being spoken to, or punished. Either way, he's worked out that the talking or punishment only lasts for so long.

I think he does it on the spur of the moment, probably gets a buzz out of it and it's not that he's unaware of the consequences, he just accepts them. I can see him ending up in jail, I've known similar people here in the UK, they're just thieves, nothing stops them from doing it.

I will try again with the police idea but I reckon, in all honesty, he'll just suffer it and come out thinking 'well that wasn't so bad'!

1) stop letting him in your home

2) not your home, move somewhere else, then 1)

[bifftastic]

The whole family have tried everything, he's had slaps, stern talking to, nice talking to, his other auntie has been to the internet shop to ask that he not be allowed in (that didn't work, the guy just smiled ans said 'no') he's had a right good beating off his mum, no-one knows what to do with him. I'm thinking 'off to the temple with the little shit-bag' but, in these matters, my opinion isn't highly valued.

Why dont you bung the BiB a few bob to scare the sh*t out him, come and pick him up and put him in the cells for a day, sure they would be pleased to help out for a contribution to the policemans ball....

Good shout, I might even give them a regular 'stipend' to keep the little prick!

Seriously, I've chipped in with lots of suggestions, one of which was what you just mentioned, there's much wringing of hands and 'oooei ja tam arai?' and the thieving bastard just carries on. He's one of those who 'shuts down' when being spoken to, or punished. Either way, he's worked out that the talking or punishment only lasts for so long.

I think he does it on the spur of the moment, probably gets a buzz out of it and it's not that he's unaware of the consequences, he just accepts them. I can see him ending up in jail, I've known similar people here in the UK, they're just thieves, nothing stops them from doing it.

I will try again with the police idea but I reckon, in all honesty, he'll just suffer it and come out thinking 'well that wasn't so bad'!

1) stop letting him in your home

2) not your home, move somewhere else, then 1)

That was discussed, but as his mum works until after school finishes, he needs somewhere to go, otherwise he'd be roaming the village on his own, probably stealing off other people. He might be a thieving little bastard but he's still family.

As for your second 'suggestion' hardly worth mentioning really, I'm not going to move my family away from the rest of their family just because a 10 year old boy occasionally helps himself to 100 baht. Nor am I willing to make it a 'relationship issue' with my wife. That would just be stupid.

[OlafStapleton]

1) stop letting him in your home

2) not your home, move somewhere else, then 1)

That was discussed, but as his mum works until after school finishes, he needs somewhere to go, otherwise he'd be roaming the village on his own, probably stealing off other people. He might be a thieving little bastard but he's still family.

As for your second 'suggestion' hardly worth mentioning really, I'm not going to move my family away from the rest of their family just because a 10 year old boy occasionally helps himself to 100 baht. Nor am I willing to make it a 'relationship issue' with my wife. That would just be stupid.

3) Fit & Padlock your bedroom door, keep your stuff in locked room

[surayu]

a 10 year old boy

That might bring up a totally different scenario, for a moment i thought your nephew was in his 20's-30's, if he's still so young, then don't lose the occasion to put him on some extra curricular activities, anything you can find from teachers giving him extensive looooong private lessons after school, to learning a sport, surely it wouldn't hurt him.

[Trembly]

I doubt that you could put ever put him through enough activities to render him too tired to thieve . . .

If he hasn't already got the internal discipline or disinclination then it would be about making him realise that thieving is just not worth it, one way or another. To my mind would require an environment where the consequences of being a thieving little prick are as undesirable as they are unavoidable, but also with consistent and tangible incentives for good constructive behaviour, such as a highly disciplined environment like a military school or one of those boarding Muay Thai schools.

Unfortunately for bifftastic the lad is 8 years away from voluntary enlistment and 10 years away from conscription. if he's still a nuisance and not in jail by that time then a bung to the recruiting sergeant to make sure that his name is picked out of the hat would be in order I think!

[Semper]

Does this also include land or countries?

Arai wah?

Yes it does. And the same advice applies - if it is yours, get it back.

Why don't you tell the native Americans this? I'll bet they would be thrilled by this.

[dave111223]

Strange how many replies there are considering we have no idea what "Stuff" he borrowed.

For all we know the "stuff" was a first aid kit, and the poor nephew was bleeding to death and had to "borrow" a bandage out of it.

[Geekfreaklover]

Does this also include land or countries?

Arai wah?

Yes it does. And the same advice applies - if it is yours, get it back.

Why don't you tell the native Americans this? I'll bet they would be thrilled by this.

How?

[bifftastic]

a 10 year old boy

That might bring up a totally different scenario, for a moment i thought your nephew was in his 20's-30's, if he's still so young, then don't lose the occasion to put him on some extra curricular activities, anything you can find from teachers giving him extensive looooong private lessons after school, to learning a sport, surely it wouldn't hurt him.

Nah, if he was in his 20's I would've broken his fingers with a bat by now and he would have been barred from the house with everyone's approval. I don't want to turn the house into a 'secure zone' full of padlocks, in that way, the thief will have made us change our lifestyle.

We just keep an eye on him and don't leave money lying around. But this is a difficult thing to combat, it's every parents nightmare really, a child who, despite good examples, discipline etc. just will not respond. Going back to the OP, as this seems to have been hi-jacked by my tale (not my intention at all!).

The open nature of Thai family life does, when things like this happen, involve people in these issues. When it's ok for people to wander into other people's homes, which is something I like by the way, boundaries of what's right and what's not are often hard to establish.

For the most part, people have a sense of right and wrong, there are others in whom these values just don't seem to take hold. Then what do you do?

I'm not particularly asking for solutions here, all the family members are quite capable of, and have tried, most of the usual 'remedies' for this sort of behaviour, so it's not a question of bad parenting, although it may seem on the surface to be so.

What is also a worry is the effect behaviour like this has on the other children around, who are learning that stealing is wrong, but then have a living example of how to 'not care' about the consequences. Hopefully they will decide for themselves that they do not wish to emulate this behaviour, after all, everyone chooses their own lifestyle, you cannot make someone behave in a certain way, you only guide them by discipline and example. If, in their own mind, this does not 'stick' then they will ignore it. Most people do not ignore it as they wish for approval of their peer group, they want to fit in and be accepted. Others, it seems, wish for the opposite.

More generally speaking, rather than focussing on the case I have reported, what can be done with people who insist on 'swimming against the tide' like this? They have had everything explained to them, been punished, been rewarded for good behaviour etc. etc. Don't suffer from any other signs of inability to learn, reasonable education standards, no obvious lack of social skills (other than stealing of course!)

Your thoughts...

[astral]

I used to insist that my Thai step children wai'ed me when they received money or any gift.

This often brought approving smiles from Thais...............

Mind you the boys would remind me that a Wai deserves at least a nod of acknowledgement........

Good Manners are a two way path.

[mallyrd]

As a Thai with upcountry family, I can tell you categorically that this behaviour goes on among wholly Thai families too and it is quite simply a boundary-exploring pisstake.

Or he is a thieving little b*stard...

According to the OP the items were lying about in plain view so probably not theft as such.

Where does the OP say the "borrowed items" were left lying around?

[endure]

As a Thai with upcountry family, I can tell you categorically that this behaviour goes on among wholly Thai families too and it is quite simply a boundary-exploring pisstake.

Or he is a thieving little b*stard...

According to the OP the items were lying about in plain view so probably not theft as such.

Where does the OP say the "borrowed items" were left lying around?

"Just moved to the village, only to find the wife's nephew has "borrowed" a number of items of mine from the stuff sent ahead. Didn't try to hide them, so I guess not stealing."

In the OP's second sentence.

[GM1955]

Read many threads on ThaiVisa Forum and you will think that ALL Thais hate ALL Farangs.and you should feel lucky that he will even soil his hands with stuff you have bought, most of ThaiVisa members Families would have stolen the stuff and if they couldn't sell it to pay for drugs they would have burnt it in a sacrificial pyre with other Farang hating Thais dancing around chanting anti Farang chants, burning effigies of white men.

That seems to be unique to Thai Visa members, no wonder they're so miserable and hateful.

And then we have the normal people, uninfluenced by the ThaiVisa hate society who find it perfectly acceptable to borrow and lend amongst Family members, just as you would in any other country.

Choose your group and act accordingly.

Edited July 2, 2011 by GM1955

[surayu]

Read many threads on ThaiVisa Forum and you will think that ALL Thais hate ALL Farangs.and you should feel lucky that he will even soil his hands with stuff you have bought, most of ThaiVisa members Families would have stolen the stuff and if they couldn't sell it to pay for drugs they would have burnt it in a sacrificial pyre with other Farang hating Thais dancing around chanting anti Farang chants, burning effigies of white men.

That seems to be unique to Thai Visa members, no wonder they're so miserable and hateful.

And then we have the normal people, uninfluenced by the ThaiVisa hate society who find it perfectly acceptable to borrow and lend amongst Family members, just as you would in any other country.

Choose your group and act accordingly.

Methinks you forgot one of the most influential of them all, the "third category", those that whatever happen to them, will always find a positive reason for it....just a few examples here...

Being stabbed from behind your back = Somebody did it because he wanted me to reincarnate into a superior entity and enjoy a better life

Stolen car = I could have been victim of an accident with it, they did it for my own sake and wellbeing

Find wife in bed with thai bf= She care so much for me and knows too much sex could give me an hearth attack, she's so lovely and caring!

Confiscated land = You deserve better than that, so we will help you to get rid of it

Being runned over from a road's pirate which didn't stop = He knews i was going to die after that impact, so he showed utmost respect in not disturbing my last minutes alive

...should i carry on?

[thaibeachlovers]

As a Thai with upcountry family, I can tell you categorically that this behaviour goes on among wholly Thai families too and it is quite simply a boundary-exploring pisstake.

Or he is a thieving little b*stard...

According to the OP the items were lying about in plain view so probably not theft as such.

Actually I didn't say that. He went into some boxes that had been sent ahead. He had to open them and furkle through all the stuff in them to find the items he took. However, he made no attempt to hide them, so I was somewhat surprised to find myself using my own keyboard when I went to use the family computer last night.

[bifftastic]

As a Thai with upcountry family, I can tell you categorically that this behaviour goes on among wholly Thai families too and it is quite simply a boundary-exploring pisstake.

Or he is a thieving little b*stard...

According to the OP the items were lying about in plain view so probably not theft as such.

Actually I didn't say that. He went into some boxes that had been sent ahead. He had to open them and furkle through all the stuff in them to find the items he took. However, he made no attempt to hide them, so I was somewhat surprised to find myself using my own keyboard when I went to use the family computer last night.

Does he do that kind of thing all the time? (Nice use of the word 'furkle' by the way, I'll be using that if you don't mind!)

Maybe he just thought it was a box of 'stuff' meant for everyone?

[thaibeachlovers]

"Just moved to the village, only to find the wife's nephew has "borrowed" a number of items of mine from the stuff sent ahead. Didn't try to hide them, so I guess not stealing."

In the OP's second sentence.

HE didn't try to hide the items he took from inside a box, so I assume HE didn't think he was "stealing".

[Geekfreaklover]

We still don't know what he stole, if anything.

I wouldn't want to see the little mite go to boot camp and get buggered senseless for stealing one or two of the original posters porn DVDs,

.

Edited July 2, 2011 by Geekfreaklover

[GM1955]

...should i carry on?

No need to carry on, your experiences are your experiences, you made mistakes and bad decisions and choose to blame Thailand and Thai people, that's your problem.

Blame yourself mate, you're the problem., you made wrong choices .

I've lived here for over 20 years and don't have any horror stories to tell, apart from lending so called Farang friends money and never getting it back.

Edited July 2, 2011 by GM1955

[thaibeachlovers]

Or he is a thieving little b*stard...

According to the OP the items were lying about in plain view so probably not theft as such.

Actually I didn't say that. He went into some boxes that had been sent ahead. He had to open them and furkle through all the stuff in them to find the items he took. However, he made no attempt to hide them, so I was somewhat surprised to find myself using my own keyboard when I went to use the family computer last night.

Does he do that kind of thing all the time? (Nice use of the word 'furkle' by the way, I'll be using that if you don't mind!)

Maybe he just thought it was a box of 'stuff' meant for everyone?

Furkle is a Blaster Bates word, if you remember him. dam_n, he made me laugh!

I don't know if he does it all the time. Only just moved there. Pretty sure he would have known it wasn't for anyone. My wife wouldn't let the family use anything till I opened the boxes, not even a cooker I brought up.

[thaibeachlovers]

May don't have much real respect for their fellow Thais, nevermind some (in their eyes) foolish and gullible westerner. You are a ripe fruit, waiting to be picked unless you exert some initial authority and borrowing will turn into blatant theft, wherr your partner, though outwardly backing your case, may potentially see at least part of the thief's excuse as palatable.

I would get whoever took anything to return them immediately and in order to head off any future issues, make sure they understood that they cannot just help themselves though future requests to borrow certain items will be considered.

I would raise you objections with your wife and get her to sort it out once and for all, its her nephew, at the same time, tell the wife to tell the nephew, that if he ever pulls a stunt like that again, you are going to kick the cr*p out of him......worked for me, never had a problem again...

I did indeed raise the subject with my wife, she spoke to him, he has apologised ( through her ) and says he won't do it again. However, we decided that we will keep all my stuff locked away do as not to allow temptation.

Won't try the threats- he could easily kick the cr*p out of me!

Edited July 2, 2011 by thaibeachlovers

[thaibeachlovers]

Kind of depends how old he is I guess. If he's younger than you at least it's your decision, if he's older than you he should have known better..

The kids/nephews/whatever always has to ask me before borrowing computer/tablet/phone etc. The rest of my stuff they generally aren't interested in.. You have toys they want to play with? Sharing stuff is rather common, but expensive stuff that can break you can keep to yourself without causing any resentment at all. If you want to keep your football to yourself some people might look weird at you

The phrase 'mai dtawng leeuy' might be good to learn sooner rather than later

http://thai-language.../id/131326#def3

http://thai-language.com/id/131454

Uh, yeah, and make sure they return stuff after they are finished with it..

He's just a schoolkid.

[thaibeachlovers]

This is my take on it.

The problem is usually caused by bad parenting.Or bad grandparenting. Not much you can do about now. More often than not the father has done a runner, the mother has also done a runner to some bar to pay for an illiterate grandparent to run the show. Often this grandparent loves this son of a bitch but sets no boundaries, he learns to steal and lie from a young age. He has no good example to follow so follows the bad ones he sees in the village.

I may be wrong in this instance, but probably not.

I recall iIn the village where I used to live there was one youth who was a real pain. Stealing, violence, sexual harresment. He came up to a farang bar and for no apparent reason brandished a gun at the crowd drinking outside.

The owner of the bar called the boys in brown. For a charge of 500 baht they went to his home and bundled his misbehaving ass into the back of a pick-up. They drove hin out to a remote paddy. Gave him a shovel and made him dig his grave. The youth in question waied the police, begged to live and promised to change his ways. They let him go and he did. The grandparents thanked all concerned.

That was the last they heard from him misbehaving at the bar. Not saying that the kid taking your stuff is anywhere near this bad, but you know, his disrespect was obvious. Farangs bad, stupid, can take what you want from them and there will be no consequence. My sisters got a house and a pick-up, what have I got?

Not saying that this is right, but the problem lies, I think, in parenting. A short sharp shock can and does work.

No kids are born bad.

Wrong about the parents ( both work "proper jobs ), but right about him being left with grandmother ( grandad dead ). Yes, I'd say that's the cause, but it's what to do about it now that is the problem.

[bifftastic]

I reckon he'll be ok, just a moment of temptation furkling through a box of stuff, bit strange it wasn't all put back in the box though. Anyway, I don't think it's too much to worry about, but I'd keep my eye on him.

My wife hides her phone cos the kids keep playing with it, they still find it sometimes but they get told off and they know they shouldn't do it, they're just being kids!

Cameras and more expensive gadgets get put in our room when we're not using them and that's usually enough. But I don't really mind everyone having the use or enjoyment out of things, it's just that kids need to be supervised with cameras and phones, or they'll accidentally initiate some kind of factory reset that will <deleted> everything up!

I think if you just set some ground rules, I don't know how good your Thai language skills are, have a word with the boy so he's not scared but still respectful of your stuff.

I'm sure he'll be fine, just a mistake on his part really.

How big is he by the way? You say he'd be more than a match for you?

I hope it all works out for you, good luck in your new home!

Biff

[thaibeachlovers]

What 'items" is the kid borrowing, exactly? If it's sports equipment, like a football or baseball glove, no big deal. If it's a toothbrush or one of your soiled underwears, the kid may need help of the medical kind.

Computer items. Had he asked, I'd have lent him the CD burner, but he also took a keyboard that I need for my computer- can't have that. I would have bought him a new one if he'd said his was broken, but not now!

[surayu]

No need to carry on, your experiences are your experiences, you made mistakes and bad decisions and choose to blame Thailand and Thai people, that's your problem.

Blame yourself mate, you're the problem., you made wrong choices .

I've lived here for over 20 years and don't have any horror stories to tell, apart from lending so called Farang friends money and never getting it back.

Good one

So let me add those points here

1) If anything bad happen to a foreigner, the foreigner is always the only person to blame for it.

2) If it didn't happen to me, than it cannot be a real thing.

Now it should be complete

[thaibeachlovers]

I reckon he'll be ok, just a moment of temptation furkling through a box of stuff, bit strange it wasn't all put back in the box though. Anyway, I don't think it's too much to worry about, but I'd keep my eye on him.

My wife hides her phone cos the kids keep playing with it, they still find it sometimes but they get told off and they know they shouldn't do it, they're just being kids!

Cameras and more expensive gadgets get put in our room when we're not using them and that's usually enough. But I don't really mind everyone having the use or enjoyment out of things, it's just that kids need to be supervised with cameras and phones, or they'll accidentally initiate some kind of factory reset that will <deleted> everything up!

I think if you just set some ground rules, I don't know how good your Thai language skills are, have a word with the boy so he's not scared but still respectful of your stuff.

I'm sure he'll be fine, just a mistake on his part really.

How big is he by the way? You say he'd be more than a match for you?

I hope it all works out for you, good luck in your new home!

Biff

It's not that he's big, but that I'm so decrepit!

Life has not been kind to me physically, and while I used to be able to carry the blacksmith anvil across the workshop floor, a little girl could probably beat me up now.

Luckily I have a genuine treasure in my wife and she takes care of me.

[thaibeachlovers]

Thanks for all the great replies. Too many for individual responses.

My wife has spoken to him, and he says he won't do it again.

We will lock my good stuff away, so hopefully he won't be breaking the door down.

The pity of it is that had he asked, he would have been able to borrow the things he took, or I'd have bought him a new one, but not so favourably inclined now.

I hope he doesn't end up like that really bad boy in someone's post.

[Geekfreaklover]

I reckon he'll be ok, just a moment of temptation furkling through a box of stuff, bit strange it wasn't all put back in the box though. Anyway, I don't think it's too much to worry about, but I'd keep my eye on him.

My wife hides her phone cos the kids keep playing with it, they still find it sometimes but they get told off and they know they shouldn't do it, they're just being kids!

Cameras and more expensive gadgets get put in our room when we're not using them and that's usually enough. But I don't really mind everyone having the use or enjoyment out of things, it's just that kids need to be supervised with cameras and phones, or they'll accidentally initiate some kind of factory reset that will <deleted> everything up!

I think if you just set some ground rules, I don't know how good your Thai language skills are, have a word with the boy so he's not scared but still respectful of your stuff.

I'm sure he'll be fine, just a mistake on his part really.

How big is he by the way? You say he'd be more than a match for you?

I hope it all works out for you, good luck in your new home!

Biff

It's not that he's big, but that I'm so decrepit!

Life has not been kind to me physically, and while I used to be able to carry the blacksmith anvil across the workshop floor, a little girl could probably beat me up now.

Luckily I have a genuine treasure in my wife and she takes care of me.

Good for you!.

Best of luck with the move. :jap:

[GM1955]

No need to carry on, your experiences are your experiences, you made mistakes and bad decisions and choose to blame Thailand and Thai people, that's your problem.

Blame yourself mate, you're the problem., you made wrong choices .

I've lived here for over 20 years and don't have any horror stories to tell, apart from lending so called Farang friends money and never getting it back.

Good one

So let me add those points here

1) If anything bad happen to a foreigner, the foreigner is always the only person to blame for it.

2) If it didn't happen to me, than it cannot be a real thing.

Now it should be complete

Not at all, but don't blame your own stupidity on Thai people or Thailand, it was your call, your stupidity , your lack of planning and knowledge, and in the end, your fuc_kin idiocy

Really pisses me off when Farangs blame Thai people or Thailand for their own failings, on this Forum maybe they will find kindred spirits, like minded people who are also stupid, I would say that you're the one with a poblem, not any Thai person !!

Accept it mate, many Farangs are as dumb as a box of rocks, then ask for pity when they fawk up and then blame Thailand.

Edited July 2, 2011 by GM1955