When You Marry A Thai Man

[nadinefaye]

Hi ladies, i am new to this forum. not a farang girl but a malaysian chinese girl who recently dated a thai for 6 months.

i am not rich by farang standard, but being a professional working in an office i do earn stable wages and higher salaries of course compared to him. (he's from isaan and the lower strata but with college grad, i don't see him as the lower status)

we communicate mostly in english although his english vocab is probably about 200 words; i also put in effort to learn thai so we can communicate better.

currently we are in a "long distance relationship", him working in bangkok me in malaysia, will meet each other once in 1 or 2 months. communicate mostly via phone or sms.

he already brought me to meet with his family and introduce me to them.

read a lot of bad stereotypes about thai men everywhere on the thai forums and internet, i would like to believe still there are good and bad thai men (just the same as everyone else) everywhere. I do understand Thai culture, as with any other asian culture, stresses importance in family relationships. It is an admirable trait of them.

i know our relationship is going to face lots of odds in terms of our background, but i am happy to be able to share with those ladies in this forum with thai husbands/boyfriends so that i will know more how to sustain my relationship. i really love him a lot, want to know more about thai men and family culture and want to make this work.

Edited July 17, 2011 by nadinefaye

[MiG16]

Nadine - come have a chat in the ladies forum

There are far fewer female members on the forum, but the few that are around frequent the ladies section more than other areas. Come say hello

[Semper]

As many posters have pointed out, where you met your significant other probably has a lot to do with your marriage experience. Many guys (and some women) come to Thailand on vacation as sex tourists and then become sex-patriates. Getting married to a person who is a "pro" either full-time or part-time certainly increases your chances of getting a partner who is in it primarily for the money.

Hence so many sad tales of falongs who got tooken.

For any Thai/falong relationship to work, the falong has to understand Thai culture. I say this because I have been married to a wonderful Thai lady for over 36 years. We lived in Thailand for one year, Italy for 3 years, and have lived in the USA for the remaining 32+ years.

When we got married in Thailand, her father gave me one of his most valuable possessions, a very old and rare Buddha. I then took his daughter away and it was over 20 years before my wife was able to return to Thailand. During that time frame she never sent a penny home, nor did I contribute any money to their family.

As my wife and I became more afluent (it took 20 years), she started sending a small amount of money home (less than 150 dollars a month) to help her mother and oldest sister (whose husband had left her with two small kids).

Her father has passed away, but my wife and I have returned to Thailand many times in the last 12 years to visit and stay with her family. On one trip I tried to give her brother (a senior police officer) the Buddha that her father had given to me. It was on a 2-baht gold chain. I offered him the Buddha and the chain and he refused both, saying that his father had given the Buddha to me and it should stay with me.

It took me a long time to truly understand the Thai cutlure in regards to helping family members, but the fact is that is that Thais generally help out their close relatiives as best they can. Even one of my SILs, who is a teacher, but doesn't have a lot of money, regularly gives money to a poorer sister who lives in Bangkok. It is just expected.

One nephew, who is kind of stingy, is thought poorly of by all the other family members because he doesn't help his mother out.

My in-laws never ask me for anything, but I have learned to help, just as a good Thai son-in-law should, my wive's family.

So for the people who have had bad experiences with their Thai significant others (male or female), I suggest you really observe and emulate the Thais, if you want to find peace and happiness in Thailand.

Respect to All,

RickThai

So after 1 year in Thailand, you are an expert on Thai culture?

[MiG16]

I don't think the amount of time one spends in a country is the only determinant of understanding a culture. Sure it helps, but I have seen foreigners who live here for 8 to 10 years and still are either clueless, or just don't care to pay attention.

RickThais are mostly based on his experience and from being married to and interacting with a Thai for many years. And have to say, they are quite spot on.

If one is not prejudiced and looks around, we will find numerous cases of Thais that help out their families. In fact in my world, it's the norm rather than the exception. With or without a farang partner as a variable.

[23423981]

As many posters have pointed out, where you met your significant other probably has a lot to do with your marriage experience. Many guys (and some women) come to Thailand on vacation as sex tourists and then become sex-patriates. Getting married to a person who is a "pro" either full-time or part-time certainly increases your chances of getting a partner who is in it primarily for the money.

Hence so many sad tales of falongs who got tooken.

For any Thai/falong relationship to work, the falong has to understand Thai culture. I say this because I have been married to a wonderful Thai lady for over 36 years. We lived in Thailand for one year, Italy for 3 years, and have lived in the USA for the remaining 32+ years.

When we got married in Thailand, her father gave me one of his most valuable possessions, a very old and rare Buddha. I then took his daughter away and it was over 20 years before my wife was able to return to Thailand. During that time frame she never sent a penny home, nor did I contribute any money to their family.

As my wife and I became more afluent (it took 20 years), she started sending a small amount of money home (less than 150 dollars a month) to help her mother and oldest sister (whose husband had left her with two small kids).

Her father has passed away, but my wife and I have returned to Thailand many times in the last 12 years to visit and stay with her family. On one trip I tried to give her brother (a senior police officer) the Buddha that her father had given to me. It was on a 2-baht gold chain. I offered him the Buddha and the chain and he refused both, saying that his father had given the Buddha to me and it should stay with me.

It took me a long time to truly understand the Thai cutlure in regards to helping family members, but the fact is that is that Thais generally help out their close relatiives as best they can. Even one of my SILs, who is a teacher, but doesn't have a lot of money, regularly gives money to a poorer sister who lives in Bangkok. It is just expected.

One nephew, who is kind of stingy, is thought poorly of by all the other family members because he doesn't help his mother out.

My in-laws never ask me for anything, but I have learned to help, just as a good Thai son-in-law should, my wive's family.

So for the people who have had bad experiences with their Thai significant others (male or female), I suggest you really observe and emulate the Thais, if you want to find peace and happiness in Thailand.

Respect to All,

RickThai

So after 1 year in Thailand, you are an expert on Thai culture?

RickThai never claimed to be an expert on Thai culture.

He only gave his opinion based on the knowledge and experience he ammased for being married to a Thai lady for over 36 years.

[RickThai]

MiG16 and 23423981:

Thank you both for responding to Semper's critique of my post. You both expressed my thoughts very clearly.

Semper:

I actually lived in Thailand for 1 and a half years, but I was only spent the last year of that being married.

For the last 12 years, my wife and I have spent at least 2 weeks in Thailand. At least one week of that time, (and sometimes more) we have spent staying with her sister or her brother and their families.

Over that period of time, I really got to observe the interactions of a close-knit Thai family, including their extended family of aunts and uncles. I also spent time with my BILs and nephews as they went about their daily business.

From that, I learned of the sincere hospitality and generosity of the Thai people and their culture. Last November my BIL and I visited a Thai lady who was going to give him some banana trees. On our arrival, she greeted us with a silver bowl of water, and then proceeded to slice and serve a fresh papaya. She showed me around her house (she was a fairly well-off lady by Thai standards), and was as gracious a hostess as I have ever experienced.

Living in crowded conditions (out-of-town SILs and other relatives would always come to see my wife when she was visiting),I learned how to discretely look away, when my nieces and SIL's came out of the shower dressed in nothing but a towel and started putting on their underwear, as they conversed with other family members.

My BIL patiently showed my how to eat out of communal dishes as the role of the senior male (Thais are conscious of age and gender in family settings) and one of my SILs taught me the things, that I, as a male, should not do (i.e. women's work).

I have become very close to my Thai in-laws, including their extended familly, and I would like to think, that on both sides, we are all the richer for it.

That side of Thai life, is very different from the side of Thai life a tourist, or an even an expatriate who has lived for decades in Thailand would see, if they never spent a lot of time living with a Thai family.

I'm sure many of the TV members who have lived in villages, and have a good personal relationship with their Thai in-laws know exactly what I am saying.

As Aways, Look to the Good within Yourself.

Rick

Edited July 18, 2011 by RickThai

[nocturn]

"We all know when a foreign man marries a Thai women

it will be expected that he is expected to make contributions

to her family. "

Somewhat of a sweeping generalisation:

How about this correction: 'We all know when a foreign man marries a poor Thai women of questionable intention it will be expected that he is expected to make contributions

to her family.'

I would very much imagine that if a Western woman marries a poorer Thai male of questionable intention very similar requests may be made.

IMO: This topic is more related to demographics than it is the sexes...

heartily agree

[rgs2001uk]

[

Is it or is it among man - bar girl, mail order bride, girl from poor family marrying for money relationships ?

It's certainly not with the farangs married/ dating Thai women of their own age I know.

Mail Order Bride? I have never met one,or have ever heard of anyone who has met one,have you?

Lots of Countries Visa systems,and stipulations for Thai wives and Girl friend applying to go back to their Countries,need evidence of a relationship etc, which can take 2 years for them to be able to join their partner.and they must have met each other,.......Hardly instant Mail Order,is it ?

More like another Myth and figment of Media Hype,that sells Newspapers. (sorry for drifting off Topic)

Not only have I met them, I have also met the saps who married them.

Years ago I knew a Thai women married to a farang, the woman had an A4 ring binder full of photos and personal details of all the girls.

She was making a tidy sum from the introduction fees she was charging the girls and the gullible farangs, most of these so called fairytale marriages ended in disaster.

So no, not an urban myth, pm if you want the names and nationalty of the husband as well as the company he worked for.

This was pre internet days.

[fletchsmile]

Yes we send his parents money- it's something he did long before he met me. His siblings send the in-laws the same amount, so my hubby is not being singled out to send more because he has a farang spouse. I did get a sin-sot but as the in-laws are very poor and could not afford it, they used our money and returned it to us later.

A close friend of mine is married to a Thai guy whose background is very similar to my husband's. We talked about this just recently - that we are with our hubbies for a myriad of reasons, none of which are based on money. For me they include hub's kindness, big smile, gentle nature, the fact he cares deeply and openly for his family and is great with kids. He is a hard worker even when being paid a pittance and treated like rubbish by his employers and despite his difficult life has very strong moral values: he does not gamble, drink excessively or beat me. He is inquisitive, loves learning new things and is excited about us having a life together. He doesn't need a university education or a lot of money to be a nice, normal man in a happy, strong marriage.

Nice post

As you highlight, Thai people often send money to their parents, even when there is no foreigner involved. I believe it is more a reflection of the foreigners in Thailand and their lack of understanding, that they frequently interpret this as a custom to rip off foreigners.

Our approach is similar to yours Goinghomesoon, that we do similar to what people in our Thai extended family do. In the same way, my wife is happy to go along with our traditions such as buying Xmas presents for the western side of our family.

[fletchsmile]

...

If one is not prejudiced and looks around, we will find numerous cases of Thais that help out their families. In fact in my world, it's the norm rather than the exception. With or without a farang partner as a variable.

Happy to know we live in the same world MIG

[soomak]

Well, I have read (almost) all answers here, and I still don't know what is the answer to the OPs question.

Seems there are very few women who married Thai men, at least on this forum.

My educated guess is this:

- Since in traditional Thai society men have the role of providing for the family, women are not expected to support their husbands families.

- If the women offers money to her husband's (poor) family, it will be happily accepted.

- If the husband family is well off, then offering money could even be considered an insult.

If some Thais could enlighten us on this issue it would be very helpful.

Edited July 21, 2011 by soomak

[carmine]

I know two women who are married to Thai men. Both of the couples are bilingual and both of the men have graduate degrees from western Universities.

In both of these cases, the Thai men treat their wives just like western men do.

Like crap ?

Another day of happy trolling for you i see mrs mills....change the record luv....

[MiG16]

...

If one is not prejudiced and looks around, we will find numerous cases of Thais that help out their families. In fact in my world, it's the norm rather than the exception. With or without a farang partner as a variable.

Happy to know we live in the same world MIG

Been meaning to ask for years: do you happen to have a brother per chance?

He can be only half as cute as you as long as he is also at least half as nice

[swisstouristpattaya]

I date a serious real working thai lady since 2 years now. She send money to her family every month 2000 baths when she can.Sometimes 1000 only.

I pay her room when I live with her, so she is not worry too much.I got the best time in my life with her.

she works hard, in fact she makes more money than me. The money I make is from investment and I can live in thailand with my interests only .

As we share food, it 's alright.

I bought us a bigger motobyke, she shared maybe 20%, and in return I ask she send her motobike to her family instead to sell it second hand.They were all very happy to get a good looking scooter.

She ask me for a house for her parents, the house is in a horrible shape(I saw her poor parents and her sister who has a 5000 bats job if lucky ), it s not a house for me, some old wood, and a sheet metal for roof!

so I am thinking to give some money every year from my interests, and in 3 years, they could build a new house. 200'000 bats, they just need material.They know how to build but I want be sure they build a house and not spend the money around.

what do you think? i think it' s time i stop to think about my western ego, and start to help people around.

help just to help and not looking for another way to satisfy my ego, or to show off how generous I am, because I am not a generous man and I don't offer gifts usually. she says I am good and happy , I don't think I am good.Happy, yes!

Generaly I think I am a smart ass and it' s hard to become somebody good for others! but when I see Thai people and their misery, I ask myself what kind of people we have become? we are selfish and not happy. Are Thai more happy than us? I can not really answer, but are we happy in europe?

what is happyness?I think it' s different for everybody and each family see happyness a different way.

did I learn something in Thailand?I have no clue, or did I get only a cultural schock, but I know I see things differently now and I have big problems to come back to a western life.

Edited August 9, 2011 by swisstouristpattaya

[TigerWan]

I really have no idea but am I wrong thinking it is the eldest daughter who bears most of the taking care of family social expectations?

[Trembly]

In theory the eldest sibling is expected to assume the mantle of leadership when the parents get old. In practice is falls on those most able / willing.

Same as anywhere else really.

[kerryk]

I really have no idea but am I wrong thinking it is the eldest daughter who bears most of the taking care of family social expectations?

That has been my experience and is my current experience. The girls take care of mom and dad and the brothers. I would think a majority of men on TV have this same impression. I of course could be wrong. It has also been my experience that the women in the family control the money. Most Thais I have asked say about 60% female dominated as far as money goes.

[swisstouristpattaya]

I don't mind if thai ladies controll money than spending it...

nothing better than a thai lady telling you to not buy this or that, we don't need it for now. wait, maybe we can wait or look somewhere else.

nothing better than a lady who save for the futur unlike western ladies who spend wisely money like if there was no tomorrow.

I like a woman who deal with people to try to get cheaper.

several times, i heared something like "ah, you are with a farang, so for both of you it will be 3 times more", and we run away.

[teflonjon]

I really have no idea but am I wrong thinking it is the eldest daughter who bears most of the taking care of family social expectations?

In most Asian cultures, the eldest sibling takes care of the children if the parents die, but it is the youngest daughters responsibility to take care of the parents in their later years. In previous times, the youngest daughter would remain unmarried to fulfill this duty.

[redfish44]

Yes we send his parents money- it's something he did long before he met me. His siblings send the in-laws the same amount, so my hubby is not being singled out to send more because he has a farang spouse. I did get a sin-sot but as the in-laws are very poor and could not afford it, they used our money and returned it to us later.

A close friend of mine is married to a Thai guy whose background is very similar to my husband's. We talked about this just recently - that we are with our hubbies for a myriad of reasons, none of which are based on money. For me they include hub's kindness, big smile, gentle nature, the fact he cares deeply and openly for his family and is great with kids. He is a hard worker even when being paid a pittance and treated like rubbish by his employers and despite his difficult life has very strong moral values: he does not gamble, drink excessively or beat me. He is inquisitive, loves learning new things and is excited about us having a life together. He doesn't need a university education or a lot of money to be a nice, normal man in a happy, strong marriage.

- very similar situation to us (he always sent money home before me), and sounds a lot like my hubby also.

Also, like sbk, we didn't have a formal wedding, no ceremony, so no sin-sod (we got married at the amphur where we live, not where his family lives). We had to register the marriage again for cultural reasons in his province, but was just us in an office behind a desk, and they wanted to write down how much dowry he was gving me personally (they made me promise I would get him to give it to me). His parents never asked about that, and we never told them. His father actually passed away before we went back to the village (next time we went back was for the funeral), so no wedding celebration was ever held. All they wanted was a photo to put on the cupbaord, and to see the fancy wedding certificate, and how my name looked in local script.

When our baby was born my husbands mother suprised me my coming all the way to Bangkok (for the first time in her life) to see the baby, and then presented our 6 week old baby with very expensive solid gold jewellery (that was way too big and a bit of a choking hazard if you ask me).

During her visit to Bangkok she wanted to buy an electrical appliance for making some kind of local snack (as apparently the lady who used to run this business in the village had passed on and she thought it would be a good idea to fill the gap in the market). There were three kinds of machine, all rather inexpensive, and she insisted she had the money for one herself. I insisted on buying her a second one, as I knew all the money she made would be going on her neices and nephews.

To address the original OP question:

I was wondering if western women married to a Thai feel the same

expectations of having to provide financial assistance to her husband's family?

It is hard not to feel as though you want to help when you see how basic the living conditions are compared to what we are used to in the west. His parents have never made me feel obliged though.

I did take a teenage nephew of my hubby to Bangkok for a consult and then operation at Rutnin, as we found out he had gone blind in one eye during a visit to the village a few years back. It kept me awake at night until I contacted a surgeon (via ThaiVisa recomendations) that agreed to see him. That was for my own personal reasons of wanting to help the kid see again if he could, as the family thought they had exhausted the medical options available already. I just could not have lived peacefully without having tried all the options I knew of to help him, and it being Thailand, it was not financially excessive to do so for me. I was never asked to help, in fact it was all my idea.

I also gave his sister a sum of money once to get a small business going so she could be financially independant of her husband, but again it was not a lot of money and it made a big difference to her life. I refused to loan her the money, but insisted she take it as a gift. She would no doubt help support our baby if we needed her help, even if we hadn't given her money, so am glad we did.

I like to get mulit-lingal books for the youngest niece who has started school also. But that is because I think she is really smart and like to give her things she has no access to in her village that I think would be good for her education, and apparently she loves them. The cost here is negligable and the smile on her face is priceless as she is so cute. Education is the key to a better life after all.

A coconut tree fell on his mums house last week during the big storm, and his sisters house also (next door to each other), knocking a big section of one house down, and a small part of the other. His mum called to tell him about the damage and ask if he could come home to help fix things as not many family members in town at present. She insisted she had the money to pay for repairs herself though.

Do I feel as though it is expected of me to contribute financially? Definitely not since we were married, and absolutely doesn't feel that way since our baby was born.

So do I still feel obliged? Only when my feelings and insticts tell me it is the right thing to do, if I have the funds available to give, and an opportunity presents itself to do something tactfully.

[Beetlejuice]

Well, seems the men have all the answers about western women here so no real reason to post. You know it all!

That said, some of the comments on this thread are really quite demeaning of women so I think a reminder of forum rules is necessary before any further demeaning comments are made.

7) Not to post slurs or degrading comments directed towards any group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

and just for good measure:

8) Not to post extremely negative views of Thailand or derogatory comments directed towards all Thais.

http://www.thaivisa....tion=boardrules

sbk the reason we ask you these following questions is we understand you are married to a Thai. Your experience could be quite helpful in this thread. Some of us wonder sometimes if women like yourself got sin sot . We also wonder approximately how much does the husband give your family each month. All you assistance in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Yes, agreed.

This is an extremely interesting thread and to be honest, something I've always wanted to know but been afraid to ask. I cannot see anything negative or derogatory to anyone in this thread.

We always hear about the praises and the gripes farang men have about Thai women, now we are giving farang women a chance to have their say.

Or are the relationships between farang women and Thai men a closely guarded secret or a taboo subject?

Edited December 2, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[natchainuk]

If a western woman marries a Thai man the chances are high that he has wealth, your run of the mill Thai man with normal low paying job has nothing to offer nor has the access or skills to socialize with western woman.

JH

Told like it is. Which is why you never see such relationships.

But but but! I thought women married for lub!

[natchainuk]

posted edited by woman with brain but married to thai man..

[bina]

nasty comment removed. next time and the poster will be removed.

***

usually it is me thinking we should send some shekels to his mom and dad since they are old and not very good at hunting/fishing and no longer grow much of their own rice. sis in laws help out; bro in law doesnt manage to help financially but doesnt sponge off, and helps physically... we get calls occasionally for help with buying pickup or paying of bank payments (we dont- if u buy it, u better afford it)... and we just bought our own second hand car so can not manage other people's payments or we wont manage ours...

my original background is obviously different than hubby's, present background is even more so (kibbutznik); but soon, his background may be better then mine in helping us survive (we are considering leaving the kibbutz so his fix-it man skills and ability to make do with no money personality will be better for both of us... he refuses to take my money (if and when we leavef kibbutz) saying that he will always think that my father(!) would think badly of him for not supporting his daughter (im almost 50 yrs old for god sake!)and it is obvious that his salary (as i dont have one)supports us first.

bina

[travelmann]

NO woman is going to marry any man of any nationality unless he has money. Certainly no woman would PAY a man!

News to you. Men have to pay because women aren't "into it" like men. Heard the expression "No money no honey"?

tripe, my wife pays for me all the time im a house husband she pulls in over 200k a month, maybe im the exception but i doubt it.

Edited December 3, 2011 by travelmann

[travelmann]

I date a serious real working thai lady since 2 years now. She send money to her family every month 2000 baths when she can.Sometimes 1000 only.

I pay her room when I live with her, so she is not worry too much.I got the best time in my life with her.

she works hard, in fact she makes more money than me. The money I make is from investment and I can live in thailand with my interests only .

As we share food, it 's alright.

I bought us a bigger motobyke, she shared maybe 20%, and in return I ask she send her motobike to her family instead to sell it second hand.They were all very happy to get a good looking scooter.

She ask me for a house for her parents, the house is in a horrible shape(I saw her poor parents and her sister who has a 5000 bats job if lucky ), it s not a house for me, some old wood, and a sheet metal for roof!

so I am thinking to give some money every year from my interests, and in 3 years, they could build a new house. 200'000 bats, they just need material.They know how to build but I want be sure they build a house and not spend the money around.

what do you think? i think it' s time i stop to think about my western ego, and start to help people around.

help just to help and not looking for another way to satisfy my ego, or to show off how generous I am, because I am not a generous man and I don't offer gifts usually. she says I am good and happy , I don't think I am good.Happy, yes!

Generaly I think I am a smart ass and it' s hard to become somebody good for others! but when I see Thai people and their misery, I ask myself what kind of people we have become? we are selfish and not happy. Are Thai more happy than us? I can not really answer, but are we happy in europe?

what is happyness?I think it' s different for everybody and each family see happyness a different way.

did I learn something in Thailand?I have no clue, or did I get only a cultural schock, but I know I see things differently now and I have big problems to come back to a western life.

WHY? are you married??

[Berkshire]

NO woman is going to marry any man of any nationality unless he has money. Certainly no woman would PAY a man!

News to you. Men have to pay because women aren't "into it" like men. Heard the expression "No money no honey"?

tripe, my wife pays for me all the time im a house husband she pulls in over 200k a month, maybe im the exception but i doubt it.

I'm sure your comment was to make a point, rather than boasting, which is cool. But I'm rather certain that your wife is an older woman with average looks. Since I have my own money, I'd much prefer a young hottie regardless of how much money she has (i.e., dirt poor would be just fine). I've yet to meet a young attractive female in Thailand that makes that kind of scratch. Unless of course, she's a celebrity or heir to the Singha fortune. Doubt very much your wife is any of those. Rock on.

[xthAi76s]

To offer an alternative angle on this:

Thais who lack international experience often are not very educated in the ways of foreign countries and foreigners (same pretty much as our families and friends back home - I got tired of explaining I don't live in 'Taiwan'.) There are a number of myths about foreigners and what to expect from us which are pretty common currency as a result of media images, stereotyping, and unfortunately also the behaviour of a number of us foreigners here.

What MOST Of these stereotypes underline is that MOST of us are quite wealthy and 'generous'. I am pleased to report that in at least one or two recent Thai comedies, some foreigners were portrayed as poor and unable to go home, which is more or less the case in reality as well. And of course there are all sorts in between.

If you were a wealthier member of a real Thai community, you would have some obligations- feudal as they may be- to support your relatives, employees and their families, and other locals who had a claim on presence in the area. No matter what kind of rural, less-than-middle-class Thai you engage with, there will be some of this feeling.

I think what most often happens in dating REAL Thais- men or women- from less-than-middle-class backgrounds- is that poor communication screws things up. The foreigner doesn't give an accurate enough picture of his potentially not-infinite wealth in a suitably indirect way. By this, I don't mean that you let your partner examine your bank books and tax records. I mean that when you feel that your financial boundaries are being stepped on, you react tactfully in a way your partner recognises. Maybe the first time he/she asks you to take all 10 of the local family out to a Japanese restaurant, you agree on the basis of 'getting to know them', but after the fact you make it look as though the cost was a worry and you suggest next time 'just the two of us somewhere romantic.' Similarly, it might help to include those important people on your own initiative once in a while by suggesting you all go to such-and-such a place. It's really only good manners, and if you were dating in an English speaking country socialising with relatives and friends would also be expected.

These things send a signal (to a socially functional person) that you're willing to play ball on reasonable terms but there are limits and it would be uncomfortable- i.e., risking confrontation, which is the number one social boo-boo- to push those limits too far. At this point if the Thai partner is still pushing or doesn't seem to notice, then yes, they're probably mercenary, greedy, dysfunctional, etc. But if they're genuine, setting those boundaries clearly should set a good tone for that side of the give-and-take, and talking about the issue should be less risky for both partners.

At least, these are things that have worked for me, in cases where I was already pretty sure that the relationship itself was real. If you're dealing with people who were only after you for money from the start, then you have other problems and this advice won't help.....

Thank you.

I agree with this, a commenter to who later wrote that there is a generational aspect to all this, and I also agree with a commenter to subsequently wrote that there is a socio-economic variable to all this as well. I don't qualify as I am Western and my wife Thai, but ...

AGE: we are only just in our very early 30's (and so are really quite different from our parents holding onto none of their silly, outdated traditions)

EDUCATION: and we are both well-educated -- my wife went to undergrad and grad in the US --

FINANCIALS/CAREER: and we are both working and supporting each other equally over the course of our relationship. At times, she has been the major breadwinner, and, at other times, it has been me.

SHARED AMBITIONS: We plan to have no children and rather to follow simple lifestyles with our careers to provide us distraction until we die.

COMMUNICATION/LANGUAGE/CULTURE: Also, of course communication is crucially important in any intimate relationship. When my wife and I first met, her ability to communicate in English was not that great. We had all sorts of issues because of this. We actually broke up for a number of years in school, and then several years after the breakup got back together. Her ability to communicate in English had improved markedly. You can't properly navigate the complexity of intimate and other communication and trying to understand subtleties of cultural differences without both partners being able to communicate effectively in at least one shared language.

The point I'm making is is that it's really not so simple to answer the OP's question because it's asked in absolute terms.

EDIT REASON: added the "communication/language/culture" bit.

Edited December 3, 2011 by ThailandMan

[TingTawng]

If a western woman marries a Thai man the chances are high that he has wealth, your run of the mill Thai man with normal low paying job has nothing to offer nor has the access or skills to socialize with western woman.

JH

Told like it is. Which is why you never see such relationships.

But but but! I thought women married for lub!

True - it's EXACTLY why you don't see a lot of western woman / Thai man relationships - essentially the woman is following her instincts of wanting to be protected. People like to speak nobley about dating primarily for character and personality reasons, but just look at reality - men are geared toward sex/procreation, women to protection/security. All the social engineering and ivory-tower musings in the world won't change that fact.

Edited December 3, 2011 by TingTawng

[TingTawng]

NO woman is going to marry any man of any nationality unless he has money. Certainly no woman would PAY a man!

News to you. Men have to pay because women aren't "into it" like men. Heard the expression "No money no honey"?

tripe, my wife pays for me all the time im a house husband she pulls in over 200k a month, maybe im the exception but i doubt it.

So you're saying your situation is the norm in Thailand? I know that's not the case.