girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 this is for those of you who have had more than one relationship here. my thai boyfriend has become a drain on my energy and patience. he is a good guy, but not a good boyfriend. we don't think alike at all, and i just don't feel anything for him anymore. i am moving to a new house and i don't want him to come along. he has already left in a fit, but he will come back playing sweet and i don't want to fall for it this time. the thing is, i basically support him. should i- 1- let him stay with me until he finds a new place and a job (i already know this one should be NO because he simply never will) 2- buy him a bus ticket home and tell him don't let the door hit his ass on the way out 3- or because he wants to stay in the same village, give him one month's rent to move out, and tell him we can be friends. maybe pay him once in awhile to run me to market until he gets on his feet. whaddaya think? the hard part is not the telling him to leave, it's the making him stay gone. and there might be cultural things i should take into account- advice appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 p.s. i have never broken up with anyone before! they always break up with me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 should i-1- let him stay with me until he finds a new place and a job (i already know this one should be NO because he simply never will) - i dont think its a good idea ...it will make u split him harder 2- buy him a bus ticket home and tell him don't let the door hit his ass on the way out - this one is nearly good .. but what is the nature of your guy? is he upset too easy? it might make more prob if he get mad..he he feel like lost his face and dignity 3- or because he wants to stay in the same village, give him one month's rent to move out, and tell him we can be friends. maybe pay him once in awhile to run me to market until he gets on his feet. - same reason with the 1 whaddaya think? well i agree with you the hard part is not the telling him to leave .. well if i was you, i would tell him what happend .. and tell him, about us it 's just parallel ..and the best way .. we'd quit our lover relationship for the sake of us and no need to waste each other time .. coz it does not work..better be friend .. and tell him, its not good idea to stay in same place..coz it will make thing get harder .. just tell him straight way and if he is a good nice guy indeed , methinks he will understand the point and move out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 thanks bambina. he gets hurt very easily but he bites back (he can be very mean). i feel like his mother (and who wants that in a relationship?). i don't think he will leave unless i withdraw all support but i wonder if it possible to keep a friendship? honestly, thus far it hasn't worked, he always comes back pleading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 (edited) p.s. i have never broken up with anyone before! they always break up with me! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> when i break guy up, i always make myself b1tchy (not good idea).. by i always get upset with him / talk less / no smile (and pretend that he is just air ) ..sometime just try to make a problem ..as jealous with no reason(with everybody he involve with) , always complain with silly thing and make he feel like he always wrong .. no one can't stand so long lol but u'd not do that ps .. what i told you it just my past when i was 20's ...for 30's i try to be sweet ... getting older make me catch fish harder /edit just see your post thanks bambina. he gets hurt very easily but he bites back (he can be very mean). i feel like his mother (and who wants that in a relationship?). i don't think he will leave unless i withdraw all support but i wonder if it possible to keep a friendship? honestly, thus far it hasn't worked, he always comes back pleading. well in TH , actaully it hard to be a friend with ex .. but it just the good word to say like "we'd be friend" (even we dont mean that) Edited October 28, 2005 by BambinA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Is this in Thong Nai Pan? Frankly, he would have a hard time living there. It is very tightly knit and he will not be accepted. They don't even really accept people from other parts of the island, much less from an entirely different part of the country. I suggest offering him a ticket to Bangkok or something, perhaps a bit of cash to get himself started but do not get involved in his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 yeah but we both lived in thong nai pan together before, for several months, and both have many friends there (which is why i am moving there and he wants to as well). thong nai pan people are not too bad by the way! i find them lovely! anyway that's the dilemma, i don't mind helping him get on his feet but it might be awkward to be in the same village. i guess i'll feel it out. hasn't anyone here ever broken up with a thai guy? (oh except you bambina, and by the way i think every girl gets a little bitchy when she is around someone annoying ) thx! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 bambina why is it hard to be friends with an ex in thailand? other people have told me this too. is it just all or nothing, even though it's obvious that all doesn't work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 (edited) bambina why is it hard to be friends with an ex in thailand? other people have told me this too. is it just all or nothing, even though it's obvious that all doesn't work? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> well how can i tell you ... (obviously some TH can be friend with ex) but maybe jealous stuff (just my opinion ) .. make some of us dont want to know about whats going on with ex ..better delete from life maybe im wrong Edited October 28, 2005 by BambinA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I have broke up with a few girlx but don't ever recall having any problems bar one, most was just a run it's course type of thing. I did have one try to worm his way back once & I told him to sling it. I don't beleive in ripping open old wounds My advice? Be honest, blunt, not nasty but determined, he's going to be losing some face by being dumped but tell him in no uncertain terms that you are finished & that he will have to find alternative accomodation. If he relies on you completly for money then you may have to make a severence pay so he can get on his feet but I presume this is a grown man so he can therefore get a job & start paying his own way? If he doesn't want to stick around then be nice & pay for his bus ticket to his home town but what ever you do, don't keep in contact with him by mobile, email etc as it just prolongs the break up & will give him cause to think you are still a bit interested. Good luck with it. From what you've said of your relationship it wasn't going anywhere anyway & a break will give you both a change to move forwards in your lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 thanks boo! sound advice and pretty much what i was thinking myself. and bambina you are right, when you have an ex you pretty much want to leave him in the past don't you. i am friends with all my exes but we don't live in the same city! this will be a first for me in many ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 and bambina you are right, when you have an ex you pretty much want to leave him in the past don't you. i am friends with all my exes but we don't live in the same city! this will be a first for me in many ways. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> i contact my TH ex , from time to time ... but i just dont want to bother him much .. he has GF right now .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SDH Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 this is for those of you who have had more than one relationship here. my thai boyfriend has become a drain on my energy and patience. he is a good guy, but not a good boyfriend. we don't think alike at all, and i just don't feel anything for him anymore. i am moving to a new house and i don't want him to come along. he has already left in a fit, but he will come back playing sweet and i don't want to fall for it this time. the thing is, i basically support him. should i-1- let him stay with me until he finds a new place and a job (i already know this one should be NO because he simply never will) 2- buy him a bus ticket home and tell him don't let the door hit his ass on the way out 3- or because he wants to stay in the same village, give him one month's rent to move out, and tell him we can be friends. maybe pay him once in awhile to run me to market until he gets on his feet. whaddaya think? I think you should select option # 2 with the exception of buying the bus ticket...Instead invite a few of his buddies over and spend the bus ticket money on Lao Cao and through him a little getting his ass kicked out the door party! the hard part is not the telling him to leave, it's the making him stay gone. and there might be cultural things i should take into account- advice appreciated! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Croc Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 this is for those of you who have had more than one relationship here. my thai boyfriend has become a drain on my energy and patience. he is a good guy, but not a good boyfriend. we don't think alike at all, and i just don't feel anything for him anymore. i am moving to a new house and i don't want him to come along. he has already left in a fit, but he will come back playing sweet and i don't want to fall for it this time. the thing is, i basically support him. should i-1- let him stay with me until he finds a new place and a job (i already know this one should be NO because he simply never will) 2- buy him a bus ticket home and tell him don't let the door hit his ass on the way out 3- or because he wants to stay in the same village, give him one month's rent to move out, and tell him we can be friends. maybe pay him once in awhile to run me to market until he gets on his feet. whaddaya think? the hard part is not the telling him to leave, it's the making him stay gone. and there might be cultural things i should take into account- advice appreciated! No 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 wow i can't believe i am in this same position again a couple years later. this boyfriend has a good job and can support himself, and he is already out of my house, but i can't get him to leave me alone unless i actually pick up and leave completely! he bluntly refuses to go away. am i too nice/soft? do i need to cut off all communication? i actually might just have to leave again. thais are persistent when they want something eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikethevigoman Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 this is for those of you who have had more than one relationship here. my thai boyfriend has become a drain on my energy and patience. he is a good guy, but not a good boyfriend. we don't think alike at all, and i just don't feel anything for him anymore. i am moving to a new house and i don't want him to come along. he has already left in a fit, but he will come back playing sweet and i don't want to fall for it this time. the thing is, i basically support him. should i-1- let him stay with me until he finds a new place and a job (i already know this one should be NO because he simply never will) 2- buy him a bus ticket home and tell him don't let the door hit his ass on the way out 3- or because he wants to stay in the same village, give him one month's rent to move out, and tell him we can be friends. maybe pay him once in awhile to run me to market until he gets on his feet. whaddaya think? the hard part is not the telling him to leave, it's the making him stay gone. and there might be cultural things i should take into account- advice appreciated! I know this is the girlies topic,however i know what you lot would be screaming at a man that has asked for the same advice, im sure its a money matter that he wants to come back, its no different to a man in the same situation and my advice would be the same, be strong and get him gone ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 yeah in that case (the first boyfriend) i locked him out, he finally gave up and went home. this boyfriend has his own home here in the same village and that makes it even more difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Whats he doing when you say he wont go away? if he has already moved out & presumably goes to work everyday then is is coming round after work & wont leave type of thing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) yup. it turns into a fight every night. luckily so far i have gotten him to go home, but it is after hours of his pleading and my explaining again that i do really care about him but i don't think he is right for me and i want to move on. p.s. if we weren't in the same village, it wouldn't be an issue at all. but he isn't leaving, and though i am thinking of moving to the other side of the island, i am doubting that that is far enough away. Edited February 5, 2008 by girlx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 difficult one that. IMO best thing is when he turns up to just go out for a while, visit a friend or even better get people round to yours, that should keep him away, also don't engage him in a fight or a discussion, just tell him you have given your reasons & shut the door on him (if you can). By arguing with him your giving him attention & he thinks that you still have feelings because of it. Gawd girlx you really do pick em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 yeah i do get the obsessive ones! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 On a side note, IME (of which I have had a few) phillipine bf's make a much easier option Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 god i met a couple hot filipino guys too.... i just can't take the neediness here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 I had 2 really great pi bf's after a couple of thai bf's & before hubby & the ease of langauge & more westernised nature regarding relationship was refreshing to say the least. Somethign about that accent too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 hey not to get off topic because i would love to hear more advice, but where did you go in the philippines that you liked? i went to angeles city and had a great time but it isn't exactly a place for girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 never been, these were all guys I met in thailand which made their similarities even more obvious & appealing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Yeah, I have to agree that flips are hot. I had a couple of boyfriends who were flips in the States. However, it may be a completely different experience in the Philippines. Wife beating and other abuses are rampant, and there have been some very gory news items of wife abuse (driving nails through their hands and feet, etc). So, I would be very cautious about assuming that it is going to be so much better from a cultural or societal standpoint. This is not to say that it will necessarily be like this, or that everyone will be like this, but only to say that the Philippines is not without serious gender issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 yikes! well any guy i would hook up with right now would be a rebound guy anyway, so i don't really care too much how his personality is long term. anyway how does anyone who lives in a small village/town ever manage to break up with someone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 (edited) hmm, I've always moved. Except when I lived in a squatter/artist community in Amsterdam. They just had to deal with it, as we lived, worked and played in the same community, with the same people. We maybe weren't friends though, and ignored each other for awhile. *within SEA culture, however, this can be very different. I had a Thai boyfriend who left me alone but was a little pissed off for awhile, and I had a Burmese boyfriend who kept calling and bothering me for more than a year. Edited February 5, 2008 by kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Lawrence Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Hi Girlx Just read this thread. When I started I thought the begining was more recent. I agreed with what you did eventually, lock the ex out. In some ways your situation now sounds as though u need to do the same thing. Be doing something different, not be available, change your pattern so partner cannot hook up with u. Don't know where u live so don't know what other alternatives are in the area. Go to a gym, go to someone' house just do something different so your routine changes. Very hard to stay friends early in a break up; too much emotion either from one or the other. May take sometime to settle down. I was told it takes 2 years to enter a long term relationship and 5 years to get over one. For me I always challenge these types of opinion or advice, I am one that would rather be in a relationship than not in one. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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