Do's And Don'ts

[gbt71fa]

I am returning to Thailand in December and my girlfriend is taking me to see her family. We are planning to get married but I wanted to ask her grandmother first (the head of the family) for permission. I have already talked to grandma and sister and they have pretty much signed off on me but I guess I have to talk to them about engagement/wedding plans/dowry and all the rest of the stuff. My question for you more knowledeable folks is this: what can I expect when I get there (it is at Phitsanulok) and how the heck should I act? I am 6'2", 250lbs (115 kilos, I think) ex Army and so a bit on the gruff side (even though my GF thinks I'm a big teddybear, I have been know to accidentally run over Thais and not even notice until they are flat on their duff) . How should I talk to the grandmother and do I need to take gifts. I'm just hoping the local children don't run from me in fear yelling 'Godzilla!

[BambinA]

check 2 sites i put

when TH girls in TH forum wanna explian farang BF about marriage stuff.. they recommend to read from these

http://www.geocities.com/nonnygary/Index_Englishwedding.html

http://www.thailandlife.com/wedding/index.htm

goodluck

[gbt71fa]

check 2 sites i put

when  TH girls in TH forum wanna  explian farang BF  about marriage stuff.. they recommend  to read from these

http://www.geocities.com/nonnygary/Index_Englishwedding.html

http://www.thailandlife.com/wedding/index.htm

goodluck

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thank you.

[Jai Dee]

http://www.thailandlife.com/wedding/index.htm

That is an excellent link Bambi.

[kurgen]

Do take a roll of 20's and 100's

Don't take a roll of 500's and 1000's

[gbt71fa]

Do take a roll of 20's and 100's

Don't take a roll of 500's and 1000's

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ooh, that's a good one.

[daleyboy]

Make sure you take a vet with you.

Why you ask?

To check on all her buffallo and make sure none of them are going to be sick in the near future

Better take a doctor as well just to do a check up on the whole family, never know when there might be a sick grandmother, brother, sister 8 times removed great aunt

Only joking, just be yourself, i stand 6"8 and 140kgs with a skinhead and the whole village floks around me when i go to see the family.

The only thing to remember is SMILE and you will be fine

[Kringle]

Do a search on here in TV for Dowry and whatever else. There are many opinions on this subject and will not start this all over again except to say I didn't pay one.

Good luck,

[daleyboy]

Do a search on here in TV for Dowry and whatever else. There are many opinions on this subject and will not start this all over again except to say I didn't pay one.

Good luck,

Same here Kringle no dowry for me.

[Thetyim]

Same here Kringle no dowry for me.

No-one in their right mind would pay for you

[gbt71fa]

Make sure you take a vet with you.

Why you ask?

To check on all her buffallo and make sure none of them are going to be sick in the near future

Better take a doctor as well just to do a check up on the whole family, never know when there might be a sick grandmother, brother, sister 8 times removed great aunt

Only joking, just be yourself, i stand 6"8 and 140kgs with a skinhead and the whole village floks around me when i go to see the family.

The only thing to remember is SMILE and you will be fine

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no buffs but I think a few chickens, possibly. Thanks for advice.

[mrbojangles]

Do a search on here in TV for Dowry and whatever else. There are many opinions on this subject and will not start this all over again except to say I didn't pay one.

Good luck,

Same here Kringle no dowry for me.

Same here, i didn't have to pay either.

In addition to the other info, I usually take some games with me, for the kids. In the villages they don't usually have much of that sort of thing. Connect 4, Jenga and other easy to play games. It's difficult to talk to adults at first but the kids latch onto you like "your" their new toy, once you break the ice. A few simple games and you'll be Mr Popular

[DJ Pat]

take my advice:

Don't get married!

[sbk]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

[Gazza]

Same here Kringle no dowry for me.

No-one in their right mind would pay for you

I paid 40k dowry with the promise of it being returned. Got back 20k and was offered the other 20k weeks later but told the in-laws to keep it.

[gbt71fa]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that advice. I have to admit it feels incredible awkward for me to wai-I'm not sure why. But I will give it a go because they would be expected to shake hands with my family if they meet them. It is all bout respect. One more question: How far down do I wait? I don't want to look likeke a git and have my GF embarrassed.

[sbk]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

Thanks for that advice. I have to admit it feels incredible awkward for me to wai-I'm not sure why. But I will give it a go because they would be expected to shake hands with my family if they meet them. It is all bout respect. One more question: How far down do I wait? I don't want to look likeke a git and have my GF embarrassed.

This seems a bit low to me, in greeting my inlaws I would lower my head abit from this photo and raise my hands a much closer to my chin, say, about lip level.

the wai

There are different levels of respect shown in a Wai. The lower the head comes down to meet the thumbs of both hands while the palms are pressed together and the fingers are pointing upwards, the more respect is shown. There are four main positions (and many times combinations...)

1. Hands close to  the body, fingertips reaching to about neck level but not above the chin. This position is used by equals or between strangers who aren't sure what their social differences are.

2. Hands as in 1, or lower. Head straight or slightly inclined. Used by a superior returning the wai to an inferior.

3. Head lowered so that the fingertips reach above the tip of the nose. Used by an inferior to show respect for a superior.

4. Forehead lowered to the base of the thumbs and lowering of the body.

[gbt71fa]

Do learn to wai and make sure to wai grandma, mom, and dad immediately upon meeting them. A little courtesy goes a long way.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for that advice. I have to admit it feels incredible awkward for me to wai-I'm not sure why. But I will give it a go because they would be expected to shake hands with my family if they meet them. It is all bout respect. One more question: How far down do I wait? I don't want to look likeke a git and have my GF embarrassed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This seems a bit low to me, in greeting my inlaws I would lower my head abit from this photo and raise my hands a much closer to my chin, say, about lip level.

the wai

There are different levels of respect shown in a Wai. The lower the head comes down to meet the thumbs of both hands while the palms are pressed together and the fingers are pointing upwards, the more respect is shown. There are four main positions (and many times combinations...)

1. Hands close to  the body, fingertips reaching to about neck level but not above the chin. This position is used by equals or between strangers who aren't sure what their social differences are.

2. Hands as in 1, or lower. Head straight or slightly inclined. Used by a superior returning the wai to an inferior.

3. Head lowered so that the fingertips reach above the tip of the nose. Used by an inferior to show respect for a superior.

4. Forehead lowered to the base of the thumbs and lowering of the body.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So should I do #1 and that way I won't insult anybody?

[Explorer]

Do a dry run / practice of how to wai correctly with your gf before meeting her parents / uncle / auntie and the rest.

Try to find out more info of what to expect while you are there - it sort of help to eliminate the "element of surprise"

Explorer

[gbt71fa]

Do a dry run / practice of how to wai correctly with your gf before meeting her parents / uncle / auntie and the rest.

Try to find out more info of what to expect while you are there - it sort of help to eliminate the "element of surprise"

Explorer 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's good advice, plus it will help me score points with the GF. A penguin hi-five to you.

[sbk]

Nope, do number three , or half way between one and three. you are sure of your status, these are her parents. Show as much respect as possible.

[daleyboy]

When i see the in-laws i alwys wai, i put my hands so my fingertips are just below my nose, therefore showing them more respect. The higher the wai the more respect.

This is just my opinion and its probably wrong, and i have been making a tit of myself all these years.

Edit: Sorry sbk that will teach me for not reading all the posts Looks like i am not a complete tit after all

Edited November 1, 2005 by daleyboy

[mrbojangles]

When i see the in-laws i alwys wai, i put my hands so my fingertips are just below my nose, therefore showing them more respect. The higher the wai the more respect.

That's the way (no pun) that i do it, also. I think you only put your hands further up (to your forehead) for "Waiying" to a Monk.

[Gazza]

When i see the in-laws i alwys wai, i put my hands so my fingertips are just below my nose, therefore showing them more respect. The higher the wai the more respect.

That's the way (no pun) that i do it, also.

Sorry Bo, 'Wai' is pronounced and rhymes with 'why?'.

[mrbojangles]

When i see the in-laws i alwys wai, i put my hands so my fingertips are just below my nose, therefore showing them more respect. The higher the wai the more respect.

That's the way (no pun) that i do it, also.

Sorry Bo, 'Wai' is pronounced and rhymes with 'why?'.

Yep correct Gazza, i always get mixed up (still learning) but i stand by the remainder of the comment, fingers to the forehead only for a Monk.

[chownah]

My wife and I agree that the tips of the fingers about half way up the nose (not in the nose, on the outside) is about right for mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa, and anyone else who happens to be there who is the same age as them. You wai first. When you rehearse with you gf before you go you might arrange with her that she should give you a signal when she will wai and you can wai with her...you might feel more comfortable and less like everyone is staring at you alone. And, don't worry too much about this...the fact that you are making a genuine gesture of respect will almost assuredly be conveyed to them no matter how you do it and that is all that matters. Don't get too drunk....even if it seems like that is the appropriate thing to do. If you think the situation requires you being drunk then get a little bit drunk and fake the rest. But do eat alot....and find out what local dishes that might be offered that might seem strange....then you won't be surprised if you are offered raw meat laab and you will know how to gracefully decline...or insects...or????? Ask your gf about this.

[gbt71fa]

My wife and I agree that the tips of the fingers about half way up the nose (not in the nose, on the outside) is about right for mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa, and anyone else who happens to be there who is the same age as them.  You wai first.  When you rehearse with you gf before you go you might arrange with her that she should give you a signal when she will wai and you can wai with her...you might feel more comfortable and less like everyone is staring at you alone.  And, don't worry too much about this...the fact that you are making a genuine gesture of respect will almost assuredly be conveyed to them no matter how you do it and that is all that matters.  Don't get too drunk....even if it seems like that is the appropriate thing to do.  If you think the situation requires you being drunk then get a little bit drunk and fake the rest.  But do eat alot....and find out what local dishes that might be offered that might seem strange....then you won't be surprised if you are offered raw meat laab and you will know how to gracefully decline...or insects...or?????  Ask your gf about this.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

can't be worst than army food...no, I take that back...thanks for advice.

[chownah]

I want to add one more thing about the wai. When you do it remember to smile a bit....like you would smile if you were shaking hands with someone and saying "I'm very pleased to meet you." If you don't smile a bit when you wai then people will get the impression that you are not enjoying meeting them.

And...as you probably already know...never get upset about anything in public.

[tracman]

Miss Universe does a good job of waiing (sp) on her commercial, or so my gf says. I want to thank everyone here as I am meeting the parents in Feb. in Ban Pong, getting married in August.

[gbt71fa]

I want to add one more thing about the wai.  When you do it remember to smile a bit....like you would smile if you were shaking hands with someone and saying "I'm very pleased to meet you."  If you don't smile a bit when you wai then people will get the impression that you are not enjoying meeting them.

And...as you probably already know...never get upset  about anything in public.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Found out that one the hard way. But you know, you think that any KFC, even the ones in Thailand would have extra crispy chicken, dangit! Sometimes you have to take a stand...I still feel bad about that moment...my GF reached up and whacked me in the head for that one...but I made my point, or not.