Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife

for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does.

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish

fight so often among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent.

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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever

you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?

"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?

Answer - So the English can understand them.

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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman

came out and announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep

the money?"

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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in

the window?"

Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a

wife?

A. A bachelor.

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Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til

two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home.

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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!"

He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"

"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.

"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

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"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you

improve your wife's appearance?"

"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all

night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving

up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

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