Saloon Bar Hydrologists

[StreetCowboy]

A lot of the threads in the News forum, where people might look for news, are clogged with saloon bar hydrologists criticising the efforts of their professional colleagues, and providing them with the best advice that Arthur Guinness and Johnny Walker can provide.

I've started this thread so that we can all benefit from their wisdom without getting in the way of people looking for relevant and important information at this stressful time...

SC

[StreetCowboy]

I'll start with a couple of the more obvious ideas:

- abandon Bangkok as the Atlantis of the East, and take advantage of the submerged city as a diving attraction; relocate the capital to somewhere on higher ground in Kanchanaburi or somewhere.

- Depending on the geology, pump air into underground strata deep below Bangkok to raise it above flood level, like an enormous whoopee cushion

SC

[smokie36]

I quite like the idea of growing a handlebar moustache. Will that be enough to get me a work permit for my new gondola do you reckon?

Edit: sp

Edited November 6, 2011 by smokie36

[mca]

When this flood is over construct a giant plughole under Bangkok with a massive plug attached to a chain in it. When the flood comes simply use a fleet of helicopters to lift the plug by the chain and the water will drain away like in my bathtub.

I feel this is the best way forward speaking as an expert on all matters at the Laboratoire Garnier and mine's a double Jack Daniels with Coke if you're buying.

[StreetCowboy]

I quite like the idea of growing a handlebar moustache. Will that be enough to get me a work permit for my new gondola do you reckon?

Edit: sp

D'ye punt?

Can you pole a punt, son?

[meom]

Not sure how much water the MRT can hold but filling it might alleviate above ground flood problems.

Underground boat service could be a tourist attraction later on.

[smokie36]

I quite like the idea of growing a handlebar moustache. Will that be enough to get me a work permit for my new gondola do you reckon?

Edit: sp

D'ye punt?

Can you pole a punt, son?

I've had quite a few punts in my time and still keeping my head above water so to speak.

[bkkjames]

Better change the name of the topic SC or they won't take the bait.

I suggest something like : "Show off your PHD in watery movements here ----->"

[onionluke]

I quite like the idea of growing a handlebar moustache. Will that be enough to get me a work permit for my new gondola do you reckon?

Edit: sp

D'ye punt?

Can you pole a punt, son?

I've had quite a few punts in my time and still keeping my head above water so to speak.

Stagnant water rafting ?

[smokie36]

Stagnant water rafting ?

Nah my gondola business is thriving since I gave up the cornettos and diverged into jellied eels and squid....they are suckers all round!

[SweRob]

Actually, opening up the MRT to allow the flood water to go inside it was one of my first tought during this crisis, wouldnt it be better to flood the MRT in order to save millions of homes? They could always drain the MRT in a controlled order later...

[PattaniMan]

When this flood is over construct a giant plughole under Bangkok with a massive plug attached to a chain in it. When the flood comes simply use a fleet of helicopters to lift the plug by the chain and the water will drain away like in my bathtub.

I feel this is the best way forward speaking as an expert on all matters at the Laboratoire Garnier and mine's a double Jack Daniels with Coke if you're buying.

I did an MBA at Harvard. While there, my team and I were asked to write a report examining the potential effects of flooding in an Eastern seaboard city. Our report paid particular attention to the ways in which the effects might be exacerbated due to mismanagement at local and central government level. After finishing my MBA, I did a six-month work placement at the Hoover dam.

I feel qualified to offer input.

I suggest that the entire BKK metropolis should be encased in a giant glass dome. All canals and rivers inside the dome would be "amputated" from waterways outside of the dome, and the flooding problem would effectively be resolved.

Other advantages of my proposal include:

1. The dome would prevent pollution from nearby industrial estates entering the city. In an instant, BKK would become one of the greenest cities on Earth.

2. A UV coating could be applied to the glass dome. This would reduce skin cancer rates by as much as 34.7%.

3. Assuming the glass were of adequate thickness, it could repel incoming nuclear missiles from hostile neighbors such as Cambodia.

Obviously the perimeter of the dome would need to be tightly patrolled to keep out durian vendors and Isaan women carrying smelly bags of plaa raa. I suggest a team of Marines and ex-SAS men could be employed for this task. It would be easy to recruit such people from Nana Plaza on a Friday night.

And that's that. I'll take another Leo and perhaps a double scotch.

Edited November 9, 2011 by PattaniMan

[onionluke]

Well , has anyone at the bar considered sending out scouts in canoes to locate sink holes . These sink holes have been completley overlooked and their potential to drain away the water has been so far unutilised , to coin a phrase , so to speak .

edit I have no understanding on the subject of flood management and this quaifies the abobve statement .

Edited November 9, 2011 by onionluke

[smokie36]

Problem solved!

[onionluke]

Problem solved!

That beats pishing in the sink .

[tutsiwarrior]

why do they got them metal bog roll covers everywhere?...if one is faced with using bog roll rather than the more efficient bum sqwirter the metal flap impedes free flow of the paper...and if folks paid more attention to flood control than to goddam metal bog roll covers we might get somewhere...

mine'll be a vodka and grapefruit juice....leave the boddle on the bar, ta...

[tutsiwarrior]

why do they got them metal bog roll covers everywhere?...if one is faced with using bog roll rather than the more efficient bum sqwirter the metal flap impedes free flow of the paper...and if folks paid more attention to flood control than to goddam metal bog roll covers we might get somewhere...

mine'll be a vodka and grapefruit juice....leave the boddle on the bar, ta...

whaddaya mean you 'ain't got no grapefruit juice'???...what kinda place is this...I'm of a mind to let a raging flood in here right now and carry this whole mess away...

Edited November 9, 2011 by tutsiwarrior

[mca]

Simply invite some of the more prolific posters from the TVF new section to surround the flooded areas and spout off about the current government. All the consequential hot air formed will transform the flood water to steam causing it to harmlessly evaporate. If that doesn't work the constant repetition of the same points ad nauseum( translated into Thai and broadcast over giant loudspeakers) will cause the residents of Bangkok to move out of the capital en masse to avoid the banality of hearing another variation on the " Taksin Clone" vein thus leaving the authorities the easier task of an empty city to pump out and clean up.

[StreetCowboy]

Perhaps some dry British humour could be applied?

SC

[richard_smith237]

I'm doing my bit by combining reforestation with preventing flood waters from becoming polluted with sewage...

I'm eating plenty of seedlings and pooping in a bag, then tying it to helium filled balloons to float off to drier areas. The balloon of course deflates, the poop lands and reforests previously deforested land, thus in-effect reducing the impact of future flooding…

Wind Pollination 101…

[onionluke]

I'm doing my bit by combining reforestation with preventing flood waters from becoming polluted with sewage...

I'm eating plenty of seedlings and pooping in a bag, then tying it to helium filled balloons to float off to drier areas. The balloon of course deflates, the poop lands and reforests previously deforested land, thus in-effect reducing the impact of future flooding…

Wind Pollination 101…

Aye , but what happens if the crap balloon floats off into another thread entering some smug posters 13th floor condo window landing in his for want of a better word living room thus causing him to declare , "dam_n you woman I am not eating this native food , I want fish and chips "

A bottle of white lightning please barlord .

[Familyonthemove]

The Jet Ski Scam could relacate to Minburi. They could find more business now that their cover has been blown in Pattaya by the pesky FB crew.