European Alert Levels -

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings. The

official warning level has just been raised from "miffed" to "peeved."

Soon, though, the levels may be raised yet again to "irritated" or even

"a bit cross." Londoners have not been at "a bit cross" since the Blitz

in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been

re-categorized from "tiresome" to "a bloody nuisance." The last time a

"bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was during the Great Fire in

1666.

Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has

raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two

higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." The rise

was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag

factory, effectively paralyzing their military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. The

Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and

excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing." Two more levels remain,

"ineffective combat operations" and "change sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful

arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have

two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose."

Seeing this reaction in Continental Europe, the Americans have gone

from "isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the Middle East

ripe for regime change." Their remaining higher alert states are

"attack the world" and "beg the British for help."

I was at the Londoner Quiz last night and one of the questions was

What is the French Equivelant of the Poppy for Remembrence Day....some wag shouted "A White Flag"

Giggles all round