How The Thai Gays Operate

[Rusty2009]

I would say try and find something to do in the evenings other than chasing or looking try finding a hobby, play some sports and maybe you will get what your looking for where you least expect it.

That's my 2 bahts worth, best of luck if we haven't lost you already

i agree, stop bitching, try learning and embrace something of the Thai culture, if you go to any capital city in the Western world, and go to gay bars or clubs, you will find young men, looking for a sugar daddy.

raise your standards just a little

[tombkk]

Of course not. The problem is that in the delusional tourist sector, many of the bars are pretty much full of mercenary types who will do their best to convince any tourist-looking types that they are interested in them. That creates a very unreal atmosphere in which quite often older, vulnerable men will be more than happy to abandon their common sense and stop asking questions like, 'is it really normal to be in a bar where 20-30 guys who are all decades younger than me are showing me this much interest?' I have the feeling that OP is mostly engaging with guys like this, when there is really no need considering his age.

But socialising takes work and skill and intuition and experience (not to mention Thai language skills). I've virtually never been to any real bar or disco anywhere in Thailand where there wasn't some kind of normal interest in me from someone- it might not be 20 or 30 people, it might not be the person who was my favourite, it might not result in anything but flirting- but the interest would be there somewhere. Far too often the 'sticky rice' delusion is used by people to excuse themselves from learning to do the work (or it is reinforced by the natural reaction of the crowd to an unfortunate habit of paying attention to hustlers).

I agree with the first paragraph. This works well for the tourist sector, and there is absolutely no difference to the girlie sector. Juggling five farang boyfriends at the same time, not an easy thing.

Interesting about the second paragraph is that you question "sticky rice" as a concept. I think most Thai people are indeed into Thais or at least Asians. And only a minority actually fancies Westerners. I don't have facts (yet), but I see that the Thai scene seems to be much larger. Do you have anything to back up your claim?

[Ijustwannateach]

There aren't any academic papers, if that's what you're looking for! I just have anecdotal data based on myself and a few others whom I know avoid tourist scenes. There's no actual dislike of gay foreigners by gay Thais out there (physically, anyway), or specific orientation by large groups of gays only towards other Thais. Thais are pretty catholic, sexually speaking. In other words, I'm not saying that there is a *large group specifically fancying foreigners*. I'm saying that there isn't any large group which would specifically reject them or rank them last, all other things being equal.

The vast majority of Thais will simply never really have any reason to come into contact with foreigners. Most of them aren't on tourist scenes and the number of foreigners on Thai scenes is vanishingly few, and not all of those are socially functional, interested in non-prostitutes, and/or able to communicate at all in Thai. Also, unsurprisingly, many Thais- just as many people all over the world- like to date close to their own age, and foreigners won't fit the bill as standard dates for those guys (we're usually older than the 20-something lot). That's a sticky-age thing, not a sticky-rice thing.

There is a certain caution about foreigners when they come onto the Thai scene, largely because they don't know how to behave and have an unfortunately well-deserved reputation for mainly hanging out with mercenaries.

'Sticky rice' is a Thaiglish concept here which is mainly used by the golddiggers and moneyboys to convince foreigners that they have no other choices- I assume this because I've only heard of this concept through foreigners. I've never heard a Thai on the normal scenes talking in Thai about Thais only being willing to date other Thais as a routine fact of the world. (though this is a well-established discrimination in part of the Japanese gay scene, for instance).

I could list many examples demonstrating the above, but it wouldn't count as academic evidence and I'm probably not going to convince anyone anyway (which is from some points of view probably a good thing!).

[yumidesign]

OP you say that 'you know how they operate' you do not, you know how some of them operate. as do all guys who do money for sex all over the world. all fingers are not equal. you are mixing in the wrong crowd. you come to Thailand expecting Thai boys to fall at your feet. get over it and try having a relationship with someone that does not involve your distorted view

Edited February 3, 2012 by yumidesign

[endure]

I am sure a lot of Thai gays do not want to meet foreigners. As simple as that. Just as many European gays would not want to meet Asians (though how could they resist them?)

[RonanTheBarbarian]

Perhaps if you try to make some friends on Gayromeo or similar, at least you could get to know them for a while before going out with them.

One tip to see how genuine a guy is would be to ask them for their Facebook page.That usually tells quite a bit more about a person than a short online chat.

I was chatting with a guy recently and we exchanged Facebook details.That meant I was able to look at his pictures, his social peers etc. Going from you can see in his pictures he does have that office job he claims (there is a pic of the office outing to Kanchanaburi and all). He seems a bit Hi-So actually, he even does that thing that a lot of middle class Thais seem to do of going out to some restaurant place and taking pictures of the meal, and the dessert. Dont see the fascination myself

So that can be an indication.

And if you go out with him and it doesnt work out, you might have the chance to be introduced to some of his friends, a link for a later night out (I know a guy who went out 18 months with a guy he met whilst out on a date with another guy he met online, the guy he ended up going out with was an old aquintance of the first guy who came up to the table in the disco where my friend and the first guy was with some friends and slipped him his number on the pretext of coming over to say hello to the internet guy. Not very nice perhaps but it shows how your chances can improve once you have your "foot in the door" as regards making contacts)

[Ijustwannateach]

Friends of friends, and friends of real people, do tend to work well.

[quattro19]

just curious, if u not into scene, where do u meet these guys?

im also looking to meet the non-scene , professionals ones.

As IJWT said. Gays mix with straight people, I think the invention of "gay bars" and "gay discotheques" and "gay restaurants" is an import from the West. Thai society is much more separated along social classes than sexual orientation.

That said, there are gay bars catering Thai people, as least in Bangkok, and the farang is the odd guy out. I recommend going there with Thai friends though, as people do come in groups. I will assume that most people there are not into money, and you will have to be good-looking if you want to meet someone!

I experienced this a few times, but most turned out to be false alarm.. maybe i look friendly. Alot of random guys at the bar would jsut start chatting me up, only their girlfriend would comes 5 min later to drag him home. Ive never really understand this.. And it actually makes me nervous about chatting random guys up at a str8 bar, since they might not be PLU..

[onthemoon]

As IJWT said. Gays mix with straight people, I think the invention of "gay bars" and "gay discotheques" and "gay restaurants" is an import from the West. Thai society is much more separated along social classes than sexual orientation.

That said, there are gay bars catering Thai people, as least in Bangkok, and the farang is the odd guy out. I recommend going there with Thai friends though, as people do come in groups. I will assume that most people there are not into money, and you will have to be good-looking if you want to meet someone!

I experienced this a few times, but most turned out to be false alarm.. maybe i look friendly. Alot of random guys at the bar would jsut start chatting me up, only their girlfriend would comes 5 min later to drag him home. Ive never really understand this.. And it actually makes me nervous about chatting random guys up at a str8 bar, since they might not be PLU..

What's PLU?

Anyway, straight guys chatting up a gay guy, very funny, hahaha! Oh I forgot: You never said you were gay.

My advice: If you are interested, just do it. Give it a try. Why not?

[endure]

PLU=People Like Us

In Thailand straight-gay is a lot more fluid than it is in the west.

[oed86]

One word for Thai Young men.. Deception. , I have seen and heard how they operate, Of course sometimes its the bleeding heart story , "money for my school" or "my family".

The best thing to do is say no and if they make any sort of threat , tell them to"go ahead" "bring it on" and <deleted> off. Dont be scared by their threats they are often lowlife and deserve nothing , If they want to go to the police let them try, they wouldnt dare. Only thing to be sure of is their age , If in any doubt check their ID card and make sure they are at least 18

If they are such a "lowlife and deserved nothing," I don't see a point why you would want to associate yourself with them in a first place. I agree that deception is a prevalent practices, but that is not limited to the thai gay scene surely. All sorts of people are trying to sponge money or some benefits out of their partners, straight or otherwise, if you have not prepared yourself to be duped somehow or another I suggest you really look into the matter of things more carefully and next time you should have more restraint before blaming it on a particular group of people. I think you've had a bad experience, but that's not a matter of luck. It's a matter of choice. You know what kind of people you're going out with and what can be expected of them and what they are expecting from you. Don't fool yourself in the matter of your expectation, it makes you unreasonably bitter.

[balo]

I think OP never been outside of SIlom . That must be Thailand for him.

[Ijustwannateach]

^Very much the same for many gay tourists and newbies in Thailand, unfortunately. They want the unreality, but only up to a point. The survivors recognise the bad signs and start looking elsewhere. The others either get completely angry and give the whole country a thumbsdown, or they embrace it and make a virtue out of the unreal.

Among my gay Thai friends, there are guys that both borrow AND lend money with me from time to time; guys who take ME out for special occasions and whom I take out, and guys who are genuinely fond of me (and vice versa, natch). Most of them speak very little English (except my oldest friends, whom I met when I didn't speak any Thai). I'm sure I don't know the whole story of their lives all the time, but the same goes for me- I have my private side, too. As long as you're not pushing too much in areas where it has been hinted you shouldn't ask, you don't get the runaround- is that really 'deception', or just discretion? But I don't think that's exactly what OP is talking about (and it doesn't seem he's stuck around, anyway).

[duuchkan]

so how do i find a nice honest guy. im 53 looking for some one help my age 

 

been three times all i ever got was the guys looking for cash

 

dare not sleep with any one 

 

any one over there now a nice honest single guy willing to meet just for meal and drinks

[duuchkan]

forget to ask how do the guys now i've arrived and arrived in private jet/.?

[steven100]

On 7/2/2019 at 8:23 AM, duuchkan said:

so how do i find a nice honest guy. im 53 looking for some one help my age 

 

been three times all i ever got was the guys looking for cash

 

dare not sleep with any one 

 

any one over there now a nice honest single guy willing to meet just for meal and drinks

your 53 and you think a thai gay guy of 25 is going to love you for your good looks  ?  

dream on  !  ….  call it money boy, call it ' can you help me ' … call it what you like but if you want a young sexy boy then don't think he's free for you because your handsome to mut. He want's to support his family so you have to give him money …  simple really  !!

Otherwise, go find a 50 yr old to play with.

[RJRS1301]

On 9/4/2019 at 1:45 PM, steven100 said:

your 53 and you think a thai gay guy of 25 is going to love you for your good looks  ?  

dream on  !  ….  call it money boy, call it ' can you help me ' … call it what you like but if you want a young sexy boy then don't think he's free for you because your handsome to mut. He want's to support his family so you have to give him money …  simple really  !!

Otherwise, go find a 50 yr old to play with.

I think the first line indicated the person is looking for someone around his age group, not younger. Unless I am reading the post incorrectly 

[steven100]

2 hours ago, RJRS1301 said:

I think the first line indicated the person is looking for someone around his age group, not younger. Unless I am reading the post incorrectly 

sorry RJ, you are correct …. don't know what happened to me when I wrote my post but it looks like I was referring to the OP and somehow got the 53 yr old ( duuchkans ) age in my mind. I've gotta slow down on the beers … lol

 

but as I did say, a young thai guy will likely not be interested in an older western unless he is willing to support him …. same in any country.

[FruitPudding]

On 4/2/2012 at 6:14 PM, balo said:

I think OP never been outside of SIlom . That must be Thailand for him.

 

I am sorry to say, Silom is everywhere. Just when you think you have found "the real Thailand" something Silomy happens.

 

You could marry a teacher or a waitress. In my experience there is no difference. Just my experience.

 

Though I tip my hat to those trying to find "the real Thailand."

 

The irony is: if I had just been a barfly instead of venturing out, I probably wouldn't have had any problems! haha