theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I haven't seen this specific issue addressed before so apologies if it has been done to death. I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship. I can see a logic in that however I have also heard of stories where doing just that has badly disrupted and destroyed some relationships that have gone well. What's been your experience on this issue? Would you agree that people doing this have a greater chance of a long term relationship? Or does it just open a new set of problems? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses G. Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) The problem with that if ones moves to a Western country she is going to meet a lot of handsome, young, successful guys and might decide that she can do better in life with very little effort on her part. Maybe bring her to the Phillipines where there are enough seedy Western losers hanging around to make an average fellow seem a little more attractive and it might even be cheaper to live than here. Edited February 12, 2012 by Ulysses G. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Riley'sLife Posted February 12, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted February 12, 2012 There are arguments for both approaches. From what I know of others' relationships, where the Thai partner has been taken to the west, it can pose problems when the Thai partner gets involved with other Thais also living in the farang's country. They will network and your partner can be exposed to a more hardened type of Thai hell bent on financial gain, which, depending upon your partner's ethics, could be of detriment to your relationship However, as each relationship is different it is impossible to obtain a definitive answer to your question without generalising. Personally, I prefer not to live in my country of origin so the option has never arisen. Also, my wife is not easily led and has already been shocked by having been given "advice" from other Thai females that we have met socially about how best to exploit our relationship. As for my generalisation, I speculate that the genuine strength and depth of feeling and commitment, or otherwise, that each party bring to the relationship will have a greater affect upon the relationship than the geographical location in which the relationship is conducted. Thus, one's initial selection of the most suitable partner would seem to be the way forward. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 If one cannot take the bar out of the bargirl can one expect to take the Thailand out of the Thai? Just from reading TV, Stickman and various reports it would seem moving abroad comes with its own set of problems. That said if you have a "wrong un" the wheels are going to come off regardless of location? At a guess, his/her personality and motive will be the determining factors with a percentage doing a 180 on their good or bad intentions. If your partner has never traveled you owe it to them to fully explain the pros and cons which means understanding them yourself and doing a thorough suitability interview as you would for hiring from abroad. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Thus, one's initial selection of the most suitable partner would seem to be the way forward. I agree completely however doesn't nearly everyone believe they have chosen most wisely? Some relationships just don't survive relocation, we've seen it in both directions. If we look at those that fail coming this way we would assume both western man and western woman went through a list of pros and cons as equals yet those factors that they could not legislate for put pressure on the relationship. A friend left his western wife because she hated him going out to watch football over here whereas didn't mind in the UK, the difference, football at 10pm in Gullivers. Simplistic but I can't be bothered to type out the various nuances on a tab Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inzman Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Up to this point I have taken my GF on holiday to Singapore, Malaysia and Bali, obviously all Asian countries. I've noticed her absorbing these places like a sponge eg The first time in her life she had a communication problem was in Geylang, Singapore ( real Chinatown ) she commented it was the first time that had ever felt like a foreigner. She was shocked at how harassed and oppressed she felt by men in Kuala Lumpur, and she got a fright by the latent racism at Bali airport when she was quite rudely picked out by customs and searched while all we Westerners went sailing past. These experiences can't be compared to living in my home country for any length of time but it did make her think that all was not what she thought. By the way there were other very positive experiences for her too.....not all doom and gloom. edit for spelling Edited February 12, 2012 by theblether Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkCyr Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Interesting that some posters seemed to assume it was a girl from a bar. lol Regardless, I have a truckload of friends married to or in long-term relationships with Thai women (from all walks of life). It seems that if the match is good, the relationship can work anywhere, just as it does in the rest of the planet. But Thais in general LOVE their country (as do we non Thais). And when you remove a woman from that social and cultural network, she can get lonely and unhappy. And that doesn't bode well for a couple. Having said that, a woman will get just as unhappy if she is with a guy who begins to spend all of his time away from home. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Interesting that some posters seemed to assume it was a girl from a bar. lol That assumption in of itself can bring big problems with it ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris2004 Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad. Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terryq Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The answer to the op's question is the same as "will my marriage (to any nationality) end in divorce" and that is yes, no, or maybe. I do not think any one can be more specific for a general case. However, imho, the first thing that has to be sorted, if there is to be a chance of a successful relationship, is that the location, whether country or town, has to be agreed between the both of you. If not there will always be tension. Also always live in a place for at least a few months before finally committing to a long term move, just my tuppence worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Up to this point I have taken my GF on holiday to Singapore, Malaysia and Bali, obviously all Asian countries. I've noticed her absorbing these places like a sponge eg The first time in her life she had a communication problem was in Geylang, Singapore ( real Chinatown ) she commented it was the first time that had ever felt like a foreigner. She was shocked at how harassed and oppressed she felt by men in Kuala Lumpur, and she got a fright by the latent racism at Bali airport when she was quite rudely picked out by customs and searched while all we Westerners went sailing past.These experiences can't be compared to living in my home country for any length of time but it did make her think that all was not what she thought. By the way there were other very positive experiences for her too.....not all doom and gloom. edit for spelling As you've pointed out a holiday can't compare to long/permanent stay, things you disliked or problems you had on a short stay can be overcome through long stay knowledge but the flipside is they can become exponentially more oppressive. My wife has visited family in America, France and Australia often and now really wants to go to London (where I now feel like a tourist) which scares me as I think she would like it for her and our kid. Maybe we can do a country swap because I think it would break our relationship from my side if I was "forced" to live there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Interesting that some posters seemed to assume it was a girl from a bar. lol That assumption in of itself can bring big problems with it ............. If my initial post be included: Please note my post said "if" and was begging the question of the adage not the relationship... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad. Excuse me, we Scots have ways of keeping ladies warm. Kilts, whisky and Haggis? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 No relationship is worth leaving Thailand for anything more than a two week holiday. 'nuff said. And together for over 10 years. Without leaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The answer to the op's question is the same as "will my marriage (to any nationality) end in divorce" and that is yes, no, or maybe. I do not think any one can be more specific for a general case. Yup :-) However, imho, the first thing that has to be sorted, if there is to be a chance of a successful relationship, is that the location, whether country or town, has to be agreed between the both of you. If not there will always be tension. Also always live in a place for at least a few months before finally committing to a long term move, just my tuppence worth. Not everyone can afford to do that if their job isn't in that country so have to commit whole heartedly unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Very interesting mix of replies already....... The answer to the Scottish conundrum is..........central heating. Do you remember that? and other such calumnies such as having to light coal fires on winter morns? If you say that to kids in the UK now they look at you as if you have horns growing out of your head....... Anyway, back on topic.......it seems to be the case that oif the relationship is fragile from the get go then it doesn't matter where you live............why am I hearing that getting your partner out of the country = a better chance of a successful relationship then?...... . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you. Without prying too much into your personal circumstances what was the major cause?......the new country or meeting with Westernised Thais? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terryq Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The answer to the op's question is the same as "will my marriage (to any nationality) end in divorce" and that is yes, no, or maybe. I do not think any one can be more specific for a general case. Yup :-) However, imho, the first thing that has to be sorted, if there is to be a chance of a successful relationship, is that the location, whether country or town, has to be agreed between the both of you. If not there will always be tension. Also always live in a place for at least a few months before finally committing to a long term move, just my tuppence worth. Not everyone can afford to do that if their job isn't in that country so have to commit whole heartedly unfortunately. It still comes down to agreement. Be honest as to why you have to move ie job , how long you expect to be there, whats happens in the long term. Was working in Japan many moons ago married a Thai, lived together there for 2 years then retired (early) and moved to Thailand. Just celebrated 25 years of marriage (most of them happy!!) Was not easy for her with language etc . and not looking for a medal). We have never resided in UK so cannot comment, only visits. Sorry cant be of more help, everyone's circumstances are different. If the relationships dodgy to start with it will probably fail, if you both want it to work it probably will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theblether Posted February 12, 2012 Author Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) The answer to the op's question is the same as "will my marriage (to any nationality) end in divorce" and that is yes, no, or maybe. I do not think any one can be more specific for a general case. Yup :-) However, imho, the first thing that has to be sorted, if there is to be a chance of a successful relationship, is that the location, whether country or town, has to be agreed between the both of you. If not there will always be tension. Also always live in a place for at least a few months before finally committing to a long term move, just my tuppence worth. Not everyone can afford to do that if their job isn't in that country so have to commit whole heartedly unfortunately. It still comes down to agreement. Be honest as to why you have to move ie job , how long you expect to be there, whats happens in the long term. Was working in Japan many moons ago married a Thai, lived together there for 2 years then retired (early) and moved to Thailand. Just celebrated 25 years of marriage (most of them happy!!) Was not easy for her with language etc . and not looking for a medal). We have never resided in UK so cannot comment, only visits. Sorry cant be of more help, everyone's circumstances are different. If the relationships dodgy to start with it will probably fail, if you both want it to work it probably will. I totally agree that you both should be in agreement as to where you live and why you live there..........I think managing expectations would be a major factor too..... edit for spelling Edited February 12, 2012 by theblether Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad. I would guess that Chris put it in a nutshell, and Ulysses also made a good point. But, there ARE no hard and fast rules when it comes to love and marriage. Statistics in the western world show marriage failures of over 50%. If you are a gambling man then go for it. Just don't bet the farm on a wish and a prayer. Don't gamble with what you can't afford to lose and happily walk away from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berkshire Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 The problem with that if ones moves to a Western country she is going to meet a lot of handsome, young, successful guys and might decide that she can do better in life with very little effort on her part. Maybe bring her to the Phillipines where there are enough seedy Western losers hanging around to make an average fellow seem a little more attractive and it might even be cheaper to live than here. Good points, UG, especially the crack about farangs in the PI. I think you're 100% correct if the girl is in her 20's and has expressed a "farang fetish." She'll find out in a hurry that her catch wasn't much of a catch at all. And this is regardless of the guy's age. If she's north of 40 and hasn't mentioned her preference for farangs, then the odds are better. I'd say as a general rule that if you're already having problems and think that relocating to the west will solve those problems, think again. Once she has citizenship and figures out the legal system (re divorce), you're toast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary A Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 I am of the opinion that taking your wife out of Thailand will likely have disastrous results. One of two things will likely happen. The first is that she could hate where you took her, miss Thailand and be miserable. The second and far worse thing is that she may like it and soon become westernized. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExpatJ Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2unique Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Very interesting mix of replies already....... The answer to the Scottish conundrum is..........central heating. Do you remember that? and other such calumnies such as having to light coal fires on winter morns? If you say that to kids in the UK now they look at you as if you have horns growing out of your head....... Anyway, back on topic.......it seems to be the case that oif the relationship is fragile from the get go then it doesn't matter where you live............why am I hearing that getting your partner out of the country = a better chance of a successful relationship then?...... . maybe its the whole 7 brides for 7 brothers thing where they're taken to controlled seclusion - and let's face it there are a lot of control freaks out there that will tell you it was all in her best interests that it was my way or the highway. A female friend of mine found UK life completely different to expected - essentially kept barefoot and pregnant she realised from uk television she wasn't living the dream she'd imagined and moved on. He will tell all and sundry she scammed him into bringing her over, she will say he went out getting drunk every night, she was only allowed to meet his equally drunk friends and live his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaimate Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 (edited) Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you. What a load of tosh ,this might have happened to you ,but i know many guys who have loving ,long lasting relationships in Britain with their Thai wives . For my part we lived in the UK for seven years very happilly ,we now have been back in Thailand for 6 years and are still happy . It all depends on the girl you marry and you. please dont take this the wrong way but just because you couldnt make it work ,does not mean others cant , to add a ps to this ,as my wife has lived in the west ,when i say i despair at Thai drivers ,she quite understands Edited February 12, 2012 by thaimate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orac Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 It is a difficult question to answer since it depends very much on the person involved. To expose someone to a different culture for more than just a holiday can be very beneficial for some, especially Thais who seem to live in a bubble with little knowledge of much outside it but the same could be said of some westerners. From a personal perspective I think my wife greatly benefited from the year she spent in the UK though I think we made the right decision to move to Thailand when she was pregnant as family support is vastly superior in Thailand for a baby. Also she will be much more comfortable in the future if we decide to move back to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terryq Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 ...I think managing expectations would be a major factor too..... Yes, agreed, but that's really a subject for discussion before getting married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaimate Posted February 12, 2012 Share Posted February 12, 2012 Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often) Well my wife is 22 years younger than me and in the long time we have been together if she is having an affair its in the garden or with the gardener(although i dont think he could manage it) we are hardly ever apart and when i have my once a week forey to the bar for a few drinks i think our son would cramp her style as he is home with her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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